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Sylvain managed to catch Felix before he hit the ground. His knees collapsed underneath his weight as he saw the blade sticking out of his father. Mercedes had that look on her face that meant that everything was bad . He did his best not to tear up himself but damn was it hard.
Felix’s face didn’t change as hot tears streaked down his face, he just stared at Rodrigue’s body and cried. He wanted to say something to help him but there weren’t words, so Sylvain just held him tightly and let him cry. They stayed there for a while, until Mercedes and Anette shielded Felix’s view as a few soldiers covered the body in a sheet and carried him off to be buried.
Felix mumbled something unintelligible to Dimitri, who just responded with a look of absolute anguish. “This is all your fucking fault.” he clarified. Dimitri didn’t react, he just left with his head hanging lower than it already had been.
“Come on, ‘lix.” Sylvain said gently as he helped him to his feet, “Let’s go to your room.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Let’s go to your room, my room sucks. Everything sucks.” Felix cursed, “Do you know how hard it is to be right all the time?” he asked and Sylvain didn’t answer. “Because it’s really fucking hard. I always knew he would die some shitty death he would consider honorable .” he spat, “But he’s just another casualty to this ridiculous fucking war, what a waste of time and energy this all has been!” he shouted.
“Felix…”
“Well, it’s true.” he huffed and they walked towards the dorms, “I always knew he’d die like this, Sylvain, so why am I even upset over it? It’s not a surprise, it’s nothing new. It happened to Glen, of course it would happen to him.”
“He was still your father.”
“Yeah, and look how great he was at being one.” he kicked a rock as they walked, “A real father stays alive, you know?” Sylvian frowned but let him talk, there would be no reasoning with him and he didn’t care to try. It would only upset Felix more, he decided. When they arrived back to Sylvain’s room Felix collapsed into the bed, pulling the blankets securely around him and not even bothering to take his boots off.
Sylvain locked the door and dressed in his sleep clothes, bringing Felix’s spare pair next to the bed in case he wanted to change later. He laid in bed next to Felix and just let there be silence for a while. Felix spent a long time just staring at the ceiling, not really thinking about anything in particular.
“Why can’t I stop crying?” he asked aloud, tears still streaming down his face. “I’m not even sad anymore, why won’t it just fucking stop ?”
“I don’t know, Fe.” Sylvain said softly.
“I wish it would stop, I wish everything would stop.” he started breathing faster, “That Boar has to end this fucking war. No more fucking around, we have to storm Enbar and get it over with already. We’re either going to win or we’re going to die; why waste time when the result is inevitable?”
“There are certain locations we need to secure before we can storm the capital.” Sylvain reminded him.
“To hell with those.” Felix snapped, “We just need to fucking do something already.”
“We will.”
“Okay.”
“You know, it’s okay to cry, Felix.” Sylvian’s voice was gentle, something Felix desperately needed.
“Whatever.”
“Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” Sylvain offered, brushing his fingers through Felix’s tear-soaked bangs. “I’m not going anywhere.”