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The bell jingled.
“Welcome to—” Roma began, and then she gasped. The plates she was holding tumbled out of her grip and shattered onto the ground. “It’s! It’s...!”
Touka swerved around.
A dove?!
She gasped.
Kaneki.
“It’s you!!!” Roma cheered and giggled happily. She skipped over to Kaneki and circled him. “The one eyed—!”
“Roma!” Touka snapped. There were human customers here.
“Sorry! I just got excited...” Roma apologized. She looked up at Kaneki and said, “I’ve wanted to meet you for a while now, Eyepatch!”
Touka growled under her breath as she went back to making coffee. Although calling a person with an eyepatch “Eyepatch” wasn’t too strange, Touka still thought Roma was being too risky. Human customers might not make the connection, but ghoul customers may.
“Um...” Kaneki struggled, uncertain how to respond to Roma. “Thanks, I guess? But I can’t talk right now.”
Kaneki ignored Roma, walking past her as she pouted. Kaneki walked up to the counter — right up to Touka. Touka found herself unable to move. She had been waiting for his return for so long.
“I need to talk to the Manager.” Kaneki told her. It was so serious, and without any emotion.
What, no hello? Touka asked bitterly in her head. You haven’t seen me in months and you don’t even greet me when you finally see me again?
---
Touka led Kaneki to Yoshimura, who had agreed to talk to him in the apartment above Anteiku. Neither of the men mentioned anything about wanting to have a private conversation, so Touka stayed and she plopped down on the couch to listen in to whatever they discussed.
“Which of you at Anteiku keep track of who owns what territory?” Kaneki asked.
“Everyone who’s worked here long enough do. So it’s me, Yomo-san, Kaya-san, Koma-san, and Touka-chan.”
“I need to own this territory.” Kaneki said firmly, handing Yoshimura a small slip of paper with a street name written on it.
Yoshimura examined the name. “Someone already owns this. I’m sorry.”
“I need this territory.” Kaneki demanded, aggravation slowly appearing in his voice.
Touka blinked. She’d never heard that tone from Kaneki before, and she certainly didn’t expect it to be directed at Yoshimura of all people.
“I’m sorry, but that’s not how the rules work.” Yoshimura said, keeping his cool as he always did.
“Then what can I do to get it?”
“You could try negotiating for it. I’ll give you a way to contact the ghoul.” Yoshimura walked away.
Once Yoshimura had left, Touka snapped at Kaneki, “What are you doing?!”
“That’s where Hide lives.” Kaneki explained. “I can’t have a ghoul targeting and eating him while I’m away. This won’t guarantee anything, I know that, but it’ll be a lot safer if I own where he lives.”
“Kaneki, we give out territories for hunting.”
“So?” Kaneki snapped at her.
“You don’t hunt!” Touka cried, throwing her hands up for emphasis. “Anteiku will need to take it away from you and give it to another ghoul if you don’t hunt there.”
“And what about you? You once said you own where Yoriko-chan lives, don’t you?”
Touka looked down in shame. “I’ve… hunted before...”
All anger vanished from Kaneki’s face. “...Oh.”
Now he’ll see me as a monster again.
“I don’t do it often.” Touka added, voice small. “Just when I need to.”
But why should he believe me?
“I need that territory, Touka-chan.” Kaneki begged. “But I can’t hurt people.”
He seemed to be saying, Please understand. Please help me.
“Since I don’t hunt often, I make sure I spend a lot of time there as Rabbit. So that other ghouls can see that the territory is owned and stay away from it. You could theoretically do that too, but not so long as you’re staying in another Ward.”
“I can work it out...”
“But you need to own the territory first. You can only get it through negotiations or requesting it if the ghoul gives it up. Those are the only two ways. Rize tried to take territories through brute strength, and Anteiku stepped in and stripped them away from her.”
Kaneki didn’t reply.
“I’m sorry.” Touka added in a whisper.
I want to help him, but it’s not up to me. And so long as that ghoul still owns it, it’s out of both mine and Anteiku’s hands. I can’t do anything about it without getting into trouble. I understand he wants to protect his friend, but it’s like I told him before. That guy is Kaneki’s responsibility, not Anteiku’s or mine.
Another part of Touka pointed out:
But Kaneki would help you if you were in this situation.
Yoshimura stepped back into the room, and handed a slip of paper with numbers written on it to Kaneki.
“Here’s his number. You can try to contact him.”
“Thank you.” Kaneki bowed and then left.
---
“Thank you for meeting me here.” Kaneki began. He was wearing his mask, and he was facing a ghoul in an alleyway in that ghoul’s territory.
“What’s this about? You said you wanted to negotiate territory?” The ghoul asked.
Kaneki nodded. “I want your territory. Or at least, this street of it.”
“Hmm...” The ghoul replied. “I’m open to negotiations...”
Thank you.
“What do you have to offer? Where’s your territory?” The ghoul asked.
My territory? I don’t own any... But I can’t tell him that!
“I can’t accept that trade offer.” Kaneki covered, doing his best to keep his cool. “What else would you be willing to trade?”
“What else?” The ghoul asked. “Nothing else. Either a territory trade or nothing. Where do you have to offer?”
“I can offer you information.” Kaneki tried.
“I refuse. No deal.”
“W-wait! Please! I need this territory!”
“Too bad, kid!” The ghoul started to walk away.
Kaneki growled in anger.
I need this territory! I need to protect him!
Kaneki released his kagune and pounced. At the last second, the ghoul dodged and Kaneki had to stop himself from crashing into the alley wall.
“And here I thought the 20th Ward was full of level-headed ghouls...” The ghoul said. He cracked his neck. “But I guess a peaceful ward can’t change everyone.”
Kaneki ran at him, and they started fighting. Most ghouls he encountered were weak, but this ghoul seemed like a good fighter. He hadn’t even released his kagune yet, but he was dodging all of Kaneki’s attacks.
Calm down and focus. You’re being too predictable. You can beat him.
Kaneki swung his kagune again, this time successfully grazing the ghoul’s side.
“One last offer.” The ghoul said through clenched teeth. The veins surrounding his eyes grew longer and his kakugan blazed more intensely. “Leave now and I won’t hold this against you.”
I can’t walk away. I need this territory. One way or another.
Kaneki charged again.
“That’s it. You’re dead, kid.”
---
Why does that ghoul want my territory so badly?
It had been bothering Tozaki since the encounter a few days ago. Eyepatch had been so persistent over it. Tozaki knew that fight wasn’t going to be the last he saw of Eyepatch. He didn’t want to keep fighting him; they were pretty evenly matched. They’d just end up killing each other eventually.
What is it that’s here that he wants so badly?
He stopped when something caught his eye. Hanging on the wall was a missing poster of a kid with an eyepatch on. Tozaki grabbed it to get a better look at it.
This kid on the poster had black hair with a white eyepatch, while the ghoul he faced had white hair with a black eyepatch. It couldn’t be the same person, could it?
He snickered, shaking his head in bewilderment. “Ghouls today are such idiots.”
“Oh, shit!” A human nearby muttered. Only a ghoul’s hearing would have been able to pick it up. Said human ran over, and tore the poster out of Tozaki’s grip.
“Man, if you want something done right, do it yourself!” The young human male said, folding the poster up. “He was found, so don’t worry about it. We were supposed to have all posters taken down, but they forgot about a lot of them. We’ve had so many concerned people call us wanting to help!”
It sounded convincing, but Tozaki could hear the man’s heart rate. He was nervous. He was lying.
This man is covering up the real story. Hmm... He’s definitely a human. Maybe this human managed to find out Eyepatch’s secret…?
Tozaki decided to play along. “I’m glad he’s found. Is he okay? He seems pretty young.”
That explains why he’s taking down the posters. He doesn’t want anyone to get killed if they run into Eyepatch thinking he’s a harmless human kid.
“Thankfully he’s okay.” The human nodded.
“You look familiar. Do you live around here?” Tozaki asked.
“Yeah, I do. You too?”
It all makes sense now.
“I do!” Tozaki smiled and extended a hand. “Nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you around?”
“It’s a big city, but you never know!” The young man shook his hand, and then walked off with a wave. Once he was out of sight, Tozaki sniffed his hand.
Nothing too special, but not unappetizing either. I think this is the reason why... Eyepatch must be hunting this man to keep his secret. So if I take this man out, then Eyepatch won’t have a reason to take my territory anymore.
---
Kaneki spent as much time in the Ghoul’s territory as he could, but he made sure to keep out of sight. He was wracking his brain trying to come up with a peaceful resolution. But the ghoul wouldn’t listen to reason before, and why would he now that they only pissed each other off?
And then Kaneki saw it. The ghoul talking to Hide. Kaneki growled and cracked his finger.
After they parted ways, Kaneki leapt across the buildings, following Hide and making sure that the ghoul wasn’t going to attack him. Once Hide made it home safely, Kaneki headed back to the 6th Ward.
He had to hurry and come up with a plan.
---
Kaneki woke up bright and early the next day and headed back over to the 20th Ward, perching on Hide’s apartment’s roof and waiting. He knew he was paranoid, but he couldn’t help it. He knew that the ghoul was targeting Hide — there was no way he wasn’t — and Kaneki couldn’t take any chances.
He continued this for a week, while continuing to try to come up with a solution. So far, only one idea seemed like it would be a success for sure.
After a week of keeping an eye on Hide, Kaneki finally caught sight of the ghoul again. This time he was walking far behind Hide. To anyone else there wouldn’t be anything strange about it, but Kaneki knew that the ghoul was planning to follow him and attack him.
So Kaneki stalked the ghoul who was stalking his friend, and at the perfect moment he leaped off the building, using his kagune to swing, and kicked the ghoul into the alley. Kaneki kept swinging, and landed a few feet in front of the ghoul.
“Don’t touch him.” Kaneki growled as he landed.
The ghoul chuckled as he stood back up. “Looks like I was right, then. He is the reason you wanted this territory.”
Was it that obvious?
“Why do you care?” Kaneki asked.
“If he’s gone, I’m sure you’ll move onto other prey.”
“You don’t think I’d want revenge on you?” Kaneki retorted.
“Over prey?” The ghoul asked incredulously. “That Gourmet guy’s the only ghoul who acts like that. That’s why we have territories — to avoid those kinds of conflicts!”
“I’m not going to let you touch that human. And he’s not prey.”
“Aww, got attached, did’ya?” The ghoul asked. “More reason to kill him then. If you’ll excuse me...” The ghoul dramatically bowed, and nonchalantly began to walk past Kaneki.
Before he could leave, Kaneki shot his kagune at him. The ghoul stopped it by grabbing it with his hands. He was still just as strong as the last time Kaneki fought him.
You’ve got an ace up your sleeve, Kaneki. Just wait for the right time to use it.
The ghoul pulled on his kagune, yanking Kaneki toward him. Kaneki took advantage of the situation. He allowed himself to be pulled – waiting until he was close enough and at the perfect angle. And then Kaneki released his kakuja, and shot those limbs forward. One impaled the ghoul, and the other snapped his arm off.
The ghoul let go of Kaneki’s kagune and stumbled backwards.
“Another... kakuhou?!” He cried out. He sounded terrified and furious. “You’re a... Kakuja?!”
Kaneki just smirked at him.
---
“Ugh!” Hide groaned. “I forgot something!”
He turned on his heel and started heading back to his apartment.
It was strange. When he first left, he was on alert. He felt like he was being stalked. But then that feeling suddenly faded, and he felt safe again.
He’s felt that feeling of being stalked before, and it had always meant that it was a ghoul. Somehow he always got lucky and was able to survive his past ghoul attacks.
First, it was because an Investigator happened to be nearby. The second time was Kaneki saving him from Nishio, then Touka saving him from Kaneki. And the most recent one was when he managed to hold off Cain until investigators came because, again, they happened to nearby. But this time... the feeling of being stalked was gone without any explanation, or any confirmation that anyone was even following him in the first place.
With another step, Hide froze. He heard something. Any other person would likely pass it off as a stray animal, but with being stalked on his mind, Hide jumped to a different conclusion.
A ghoul.
Both terrified and curious, Hide had to know for sure. So he snuck down the alley where the sound originated, making sure to walk quietly and keep his guard up.
Further down the alley, there was a hooded ghoul dressed in all-black, his back facing Hide, hunched over a dead person. The corpse was laying stomach down, and from here Hide could see it was missing at least its left arm. The ghoul was digging into its back and eating.
Hide covered his mouth, trying not to throw up. But he couldn’t take his eyes off the gruesome sight.
The ghoul was crouched over the corpse like an animal. Then he pulled his head back as he swallowed, and his hood came off, allowing the back of his head to be visible.
White hair.
The ghoul suddenly stopped eating and froze. Hide quickly jumped behind the dumpster to hide, but it made a loud noise when his back hit it.
Crap!
He squeezed his eyes shut as he could hear the ghoul moving.
Kaneki, it’s just me, please don’t hurt me.
Then the movement sounds stopped, and after a few seconds Hide took a chance and peeked back out. All he saw was the corpse lying there. He waited a few more seconds while holding his breath, waiting to see if Kaneki would pop up anywhere.
After a moment, Hide got up, and was about to leave the alley, but he needed to know something for sure.
That... That can’t be a human, right?
Hide knew that Kaneki had to have been eating humans if he was still alive, but Hide still had hoped Kaneki found another way. He couldn’t imagine that Kaneki was going around hunting people. Covering his mouth and nose, he walked around the corpse to be able to see its face. And then he saw the eyes — red and black.
Hide sighed in relief.
A ghoul. He killed a ghoul, not a human. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Kaneki.
Hide glanced around. He wondered if Kaneki was still nearby. If Kaneki was still there and watching him.
“Hey!” Hide called out. “If you’re still there, it’s okay! I’m not afraid of you, Kaneki, and I just wanna talk!”
He waited. There was no answer and no sounds of movement either.
I was so close...
Hide headed back to his apartment.
I think I’ll take the day off today...
---
“I found something concerning last night. A ghoul corpse with evidence of cannibalism.” Yomo said.
“Huh... It’s been a while since Tsukiyama went after someone...” Touka commented.
“It wasn’t an attack from a koukaku.” Yomo said.
“It wasn’t?” Touka asked, and then groaned in annoyance. “Like we needed another cannibal around here.”
“It was a rinkaku ghoul.”
“...” Touka narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you implying...?”
“Tozaki was the victim.”
Touka tensed. No... Kaneki wouldn’t do this... He doesn’t hunt.
Touka remembered how much Kaneki changed after Aogiri. He became a lot darker, more isolated, more tense and prone to anger.
“I thought it was strange...” Yoshimura began. “Yesterday Kaneki came by here. He said that if Tozaki’s territory ever became available, he wanted to request it.”
You idiot. Touka thought.
“What are you going to do about Ken?” Yomo asked.
“Nothing. This is the first time he’s done something like this, and I take it there were no witnesses?”
“None that I’ve heard of.” Yomo said. “I’ve already cleaned up the scene.”
“Keep this between us, then. I believe that Kaneki did it for good reasons. He’s still new to the ghoul world. We’ll let him keep this territory.”
Touka gaped at him as Yoshimura left the room.
How could Yoshimura let him off the hook like that?! Kaneki killed a ghoul! He cannibalized a ghoul!
What is that idiot up to? He’s going to get himself into trouble...
---
“What were you thinking, you idiot?” Touka yelled.
Kaneki had once again shown up at Anteiku, probably to claim that territory after the “mysterious” death of Tozaki.
“I didn’t come here to get yelled at, Touka-chan.” Kaneki responded flatly.
Touka slammed her hands against the counter. “Too bad! Answer me.”
I’m not letting you off the hook that easily.
“You already know what I was thinking. I need to protect Hide. The same way you’re protecting Yoriko-chan.”
“We know what happened, Kaneki. What you did. You’re a kakuja now, aren’t you?”
“Yes. I am.” Kaneki replied, and there seemed to be pride in his voice. Touka wanted to punch him.
“You’ve changed...” Touka whispered. Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat.
Don’t show weakness.
Then she got an idea, and she smirked. “You’ve got a reputation in the 6th Ward, I’ve bet. Probably just a matter of time before we hear about it here.”
“What are you getting at, Touka-chan?”
Touka crossed her arms. “20th Ward ghouls aren’t used to cannibalistic ghouls. I’m sure everyone will be afraid of you.”
“I don’t care about that. It’s better if they stay away.”
“You don’t care if you can’t come back to Anteiku? I don’t think our customers will welcome you here anymore.”
She gestured around the café, where the ghoul customers were either avoiding eye contact or hiding themselves behind menus or whispering amongst each other.
“I don’t care about that either.” Kaneki said.
That hurt. That really hurt her. All that time they spent in Anteiku together, all this time waiting and hoping for him to return, and he didn’t care?
I’ll hurt him then. Show him what it feels like.
“And what about Hide, huh? All that time starving yourself to keep your humanity, to keep being human—”
“Touka-chan...” Kaneki warned.
“—and look at you now! Hunting and cannibalizing ghouls. Imagine what your friend would think.”
“Touka— “
“I bet he’d be terrified of you.”
Kaneki froze, all tension vanishing.
He looked so much like the old him in that moment.
I broke him. Touka thought. But the result wasn’t satisfying like she thought it would be.
Touka held her breath. Was Kaneki going to scream back at her? Start crying?
Then Kaneki turned around and left without a word, slamming Anteiku’s door shut behind him.
---
Every night since he claimed this as his territory, Kaneki stood on alert. He would go onto the roof of one of the buildings, dressed in dark clothes and his mask, and keep watch. He saw many ghouls pass through, and he made sure they all knew this was his territory and his hunting grounds. He would confront them and let them know what would happen to them if they were seen loitering here again.
Right now, Kaneki was sitting on the edge of the roof, looking down at the streets, searching for anyone who appeared to be a ghoul.
“You never planned to come see me, did you?”
Kaneki spun around to look at who had spoken.
No! It can’t be! He couldn’t have found me!
And yet there he stood. Hideyoshi Nagachika.
He was in sweatpants and slippers and had a coat zipped up. His hair was a lot longer than Kaneki had seen last.
“I...!” Kaneki gripped the side of the building.
I’m a ghoul. Kaneki realized. My mask is on. My battle-suit is on. My eye is activated. Hide is talking to a ghoul; he has to know that! What is he thinking?!
Kaneki was freaking out.
He doesn’t know its me! My hair is white! My kakugan is the only eye that’s visible! He can’t see my face! He can’t possibly know that its me! How could he know?!
“Surprised?” Hide asked, smirking. He didn’t move from where he stood, probably figuring that if he moved even an inch, Kaneki would make a run for it.
“Who do you think I am…?” Kaneki asked cautiously.
I need to know for sure.
“I know that it’s you, Kaneki.” Hide said, and his smirk turned into a soft smile.
Kaneki wanted to run. Run before he could unintentionally scare Hide. Or before it turned out that Hide secretly called the CCG on him.
But Hide’s casualness made him feel comfortable and safe, and made him want to stay.
“Can I sit with you?” Hide asked.
“...” Kaneki pulled his mask off so that it hung around his neck. He hesitated before answering. “...Yeah.” Kaneki said, against his better judgement.
Hide’s smile widened, and he ran over and plopped down beside Kaneki. He swung his feet, like they weren’t sitting on the edge a building several stories tall.
“Hide, please be careful.”
“You’re the one that picked this spot, not me.”
“So it’ll be my fault if you fall?”
“Yup! But don’t worry, I’ll forgive you if you save me.”
Kaneki stared at him in bewilderment as Hide took in the sights.
Does he not know I’m a ghoul? Maybe my kakugan isn’t activated after all. I can’t tell if it is. Why isn’t he questioning anything?
Hide locked eyes with him. “It’s really pretty.”
“Yeah, the view is nice.” Kaneki whispered.
“I meant...” Hide trailed off, and tapped below his own eye.
Kaneki quickly turned away, deactivating his kakugan.
Wait. Pretty...?
He turned back around. “Hide...”
“Hm?”
“Are you afraid of me?”
Hide laughed. “Of course n— ”
“Be honest.” Kaneki interrupted, narrowing his eyes. He could tell Hide was hiding something.
Hide blinked. He hadn’t expected Kaneki to be quite this serious and so straightforward.
“Honestly?” Hide asked. “...I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?” Kaneki asked, in a tone that demanded answers. He regretted the way it came out. It sounded too serious, too harsh.
“Should I be afraid?” Hide mused as he went back to looking at the view in front of them. “You’re a ghoul and I’m a human. I guess it’d just be natural to be afraid. But you’re also my best friend, and both of us know you wouldn’t hurt me.”
Kaneki didn’t understand what point he was trying to make. It was a yes or no question.
“Emotions and fear aren’t always logical. I’m just asking what you’re feeling. Are you afraid of me or not?”
“I’m both, Kaneki.” Hide said seriously, turning back and looking into Kaneki’s eyes again.
“I don’t unders—”
“I’m curious and excited, and intrigued and happy, but also worried, and scared and I just... feel so small and weak and meaningless now...”
Kaneki looked down, beginning to understand. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want an apology, Kaneki. I want an explanation.”
“...” Kaneki didn’t say anything.
I can’t.
But he couldn’t get even those words out.
There was silence. After a while, Kaneki discreetly glanced at Hide. Hide was giving him a sympathetic look. Hide sighed deeply once he noticed Kaneki was looking at him, and then he looked back out at the view once again.
“Tell me about it.” Hide said.
“About what?”
“About being a ghoul. Come on, man! What else! You’re the only person who’s been both a human and a ghoul! How different is it? Do you feel any different? Do you have any, like, superpowers?”
Kaneki blinked. “I... I eat people, Hide!” He had to make sure Hide realized that. He was half-human, yes, but that barely meant much.
Hide gave him a look, and Kaneki knew that he was thinking, “Going straight to the awful part, huh? How just like you.”
But I eat ghouls now. Not humans. That craving is always going to be there, but I found another way to survive.
“I know. I’m not gonna downplay that part. I’m sure it sucks and it’s awful.” Hide said, choosing his words carefully. “But humans and ghouls aren’t that different from each other. I’m sure of it. Touka-chan and Nishio-senpai are proof of that. Who would have thought that they were ghouls, right?”
Humans and ghouls aren’t different? That’s what you believe? Kaneki thought. Guilt and fear pooled in his stomach. Touka-chan was right. I thought that this made me better. But if you think humans and ghouls are the same...
“Look, I know how you are.” Hide continued. “You wouldn’t hurt anyone. I’m sure you found some other way to eat.”
If humans and ghouls are the same... then...
Kaneki swallowed. He remembered how he killed those ghouls. How he tortured some of them before he killed them.
Then I’m still just as much of a monster. To you, I’m even worse now than back when I was getting meat from Anteiku.
Kaneki didn’t know what to think anymore. There was no easy solution to his hunger.
“...Kaneki?”
Kaneki pulled his legs up and ducked his head down. He wanted Hide and the entire word to go away.
“...You do?” Hide asked.
“I don’t—” Kaneki cut himself off. He was going to say he didn’t hunt humans, but then Kaneki remembered the investigators he hurt. It might not have been hunting, but he still attacked and hurt and ate from people.
“Please tell me.” Hide whispered. “I want to know the truth.”
“Why aren’t you running?” Kaneki asked, avoiding the question. He turned his head to look at Hide. Part of him wanted Hide to run. It would be so much easier, even if it would hurt.
“Because you haven’t given me any reason to yet.” Hide said simply.
Kaneki chuckled darkly, repeating that last word. “Yet.”
Kaneki closed his eyes. He’s right. He deserves to know.
“I...” Where do I even start? “Right now, for the past few months, I’ve only been eating other ghouls.”
Hide blinked. He didn’t seem to have even known that was an option.
“I... I found groups of ghouls that do messed up things. Run cruel ghoul restaurants, or are human trafficking, stuff like that. And I take them down, and...” He trailed off. He was sure Hide got the point.
“And before that?”
“I used to get...” He really didn’t wanna say it out loud. “...the other option... from Anteiku.” Touka-chan would kill me if she knew I was telling this to a human. “They collect it from people who commit suicide, so they don’t need to hurt anyone.”
“Oh.” Hide said. “That explains why you started working there and hanging out there on all your days off.”
“But...” Kaneki said. “I’ve... attacked people. I guess. I mean, I didn’t mean to. Not that that justifies it...”
I’ve almost attacked you. Kaneki remembered. It felt like so long ago now.
“I know you almost went after me.” Hide said.
Kaneki’s eyes widened and he stared at his friend. He waited for Hide to take off running.
“Yeah, I wasn’t unconscious then.” Hide added. “I was just faking. Kinda surprised it worked so well.”
“You knew about that? All this time? Yet you’re still here? You’re still willing to talk to me and be near me?” Kaneki asked.
“It’s not like you meant to do it. I’m not saying its okay, but you seemed pretty in control all other times. And right now.”
Kaneki looked away. “I... I can’t guarantee it won’t happen again.”
“What causes it? What was so different about then?”
“Hunger.” Kaneki said. “I was starving myself back then and Nishio-senpai attacking me didn’t help my condition.”
“Just hunger?”
Kaneki nodded. “I can’t explain it. It’s nothing like the hunger of a human. It’s so painful. It feels like... your stomach is eating itself, as well as the most excruciating headache you could ever have. And the combination of it is hell and you want it to stop and its maddening.”
“Seems like you explained it pretty well.” Hide said.
Kaneki let out a forced chuckle.
Hide let his tone drop again to sound low and serious. “You said you hurt other people? Who? What did you do?”
“I was fighting an investigator once. I needed to hold him off, and I didn’t know how to release my kagune. And the only way I knew how to activate it, was on instinct if I… ate. So I bit him and I used my kagune to destroy his weapon.”
“How bad did you bite him?”
Kaneki shrugged. “He was fine. I mean, not fine, but not... severely wounded? I mean... um. I bit him on the shoulder? I don’t think I took too much but I’m sure it scarred.”
“So, other than me, he’s the only human you’ve gone after?”
Kaneki shook his head, frowning. “One more. This one I don’t remember as clearly. I was... going out of my mind. Apparently cannibalizing ghouls affects your mental state. Investigator weapons are made of ghouls, so I was trying to eat that. But... it was armor, not a weapon. And...” Kaneki grimaced. “I don’t know. I was out of it from everything going on, so I don’t remember exactly what I did or what happened, but... I think I bit him a few times. I didn’t kill him either, but I’m not sure how bad the damage ended up being...”
“Thanks for telling me. I’m sure it was hard.”
“You can leave, y’know.” Kaneki muttered.
“Hm?”
“I’m not gonna stop you. Even though you know about me and everything I’ve told you.” Kaneki looked Hide in the eyes. “I don’t expect you to remain friends with me. I know that I’m fucked up. You don’t even need to say anything. You can leave and I’ll leave you alone and you’ll never see me again.”
“No!” Hide cried. “No, Kaneki, that’s not what I want.”
“But—”
“I… I miss you.” Hide admitted. “You’re my best friend, and I’ve been so worried and lonely. I don’t care if you’re human or ghoul or a mix of both. I just want my friend back.”
Kaneki looked down and sighed.
It didn’t make sense. This was going too well. Who would accept him after everything he’s done?
“It’s getting cold out now. What do you say we go back to my apartment and finish our talk?”
It’s going too well.
“…Kaneki?”
Hide wanted him to go to his apartment. Who would invite a dangerous SS-rate ghoul there? Hide must have called the CCG after all. They must be waiting there.
“Is that okay, Kaneki?”
Kaneki turned and looked at his friend. Hide had his arms wrapped around himself. He truly did look cold.
Kaneki swore internally and looked back down. He was awful, thinking Hide would do that to him.
“Oh.” Hide said. “I guess that’s kinda suspicious, huh? You can pick. Where do you wanna go? Your apartment, maybe? I’m seriously freezing, though.”
Kaneki looked back up and stared at him. He really trusts me? He’d blindly follow me like that?
“N-no, it’s okay. Your apartment’s fine.” Kaneki said. He stood up and headed over to the door to enter the building.
“...You sure? We don’t have to.” Hide called out as he followed.
---
As soon as Hide got his door unlocked, he ran inside and ran into his bedroom. Kaneki closed and locked his door for him, and when he turned around he saw Hide walking back out of his room with a blanket curled around him.
“How are you not freezing cold?!” Hide cried.
Kaneki shrugged innocently. He didn’t really want to say that it was because he’d been working up a sweat running across rooftops all night.
“I’ll make some coffee.” Kaneki said, walking into Hide’s kitchen.
“Okay. Thanks.”
Hide took a seat at his dining table, bundled up in his blanket as Kaneki worked on the coffee. Neither one of them said anything. After several minutes, Kaneki walked over with two mugs of coffee.
Hide used his foot to kick out the chair beside him. He wanted Kaneki right beside him.
Kaneki smiled a bit, setting down the mug for Hide and then taking a seat in the chair.
Hide put his hands around the mug, and hummed contently. It was warm. Then he took a sip. “Wow, this is really good!”
It’d been a while since he had good coffee. He hadn’t gone to Anteiku in 6 months, and everywhere else the coffee was either outright bad or just decent.
“You’ve gotta teach me to make coffee!” Hide added.
Kaneki hummed noncommittally.
“Or…” Hide added with a smirk, “stick around so you can make me some anytime.”
“You really want me around?” Kaneki whispered.
“Of course I do!” Hide cried. “I missed you!”
“I missed you too.” Kaneki whispered, with no hesitation for once. It made Hide smile, and also want to cry.
“Then, why did you leave? Why didn’t you come back? Visit? Write? Anything?”
“I’m sorry.” Was all Kaneki said.
“But… You will stay, right?”
“…”
“Right?” Hide pressed.
Kaneki just continued to stare into his coffee cup.
“Kaneki.”
Kaneki took a long sip to avoid answering him.
Hide sighed. “Please? I mean, I know. There’s no reason for you to leave.”
“Yes there is.”
“Then what is that reason?”
“You might know about me, and you might accept me, but you don’t know everything.”
Hide folded his arms. “Try me.”
“Hide…” Kaneki sighed in exasperation. “There’s bad ghouls out there.”
“Aogiri Tree.” Hide nodded slowly. “I know about them too. I know that they broke in, and I know that they kidnapped you.”
Kaneki looked at him in horror.
“I know a lot of things, Kaneki.” Hide whispered. “Once I realized you were a ghoul, everything just clicked into place. I know that a lot of bad stuff has happened, and I’m sorry about all that, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t do anything to help. But I really think we should stick together.”
“You don’t understand.” Kaneki whispered hopelessly. “You’re missing the most important thing. The reason why.” He shook his head. “They’re trying to hurt everyone. All the people I care about.”
“Who is?”
“Everyone!” Kaneki cried out. “Random ghouls like Nishio-senpai, organizations like Aogiri, everyone! Everyone is after me and the people I associate with!”
“I doubt you’re that popular, Kaneki.” Hide joked, but the meaning was serious. Why would everyone be after Kaneki of all ghouls?
“I think now I am…” Kaneki muttered.
Hide frowned. That was true. He was an SS-rate ghoul. Eyepatch. Centipede. He had a record now.
“Maybe.” Hide began. “But I still don’t think it’s that serious.”
“Touka-chan almost died when I got kidnapped.” Kaneki whispered. “And again when Anteiku tried to rescue me.”
“Tried?” Hide asked. “But… they succeeded, didn’t they?”
Kaneki looked away. “Not exactly.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kaneki whispered.
“Are you okay?” Hide asked. From Jason’s files he had a pretty good idea of what Kaneki went through, and he didn’t want to force Kaneki to talk about it, but he wanted an idea of just how traumatic it was for him and if he was okay.
Kaneki sighed. He cracked a finger. Hide grimaced at the sound.
“Who knows.” Kaneki muttered.
“I’m sorry.” Hide whispered.
“I’m okay enough. I mean, I’m still here. Still alive.”
Hide nodded. That’s all that matters right now.
There was silence between them. Hide knew the basics of what Kaneki had gone through — almost getting eaten, having ghouls close to him attacked and killed, being kidnapped, tortured — yet, he had no idea what it was actually like. He knew he could never imagine what it was actually like to go through any of that.
“I…” Hide began. “I know I can’t do much, but… I want to be here for you. For anything. Through anything.”
“…Thanks.”
“And if there’s anything I can do — for you or for your ghouls friends — then please, please tell me. Because I’ll do it.”
Kaneki nodded slowly.
“I, uh.” Hide began awkwardly. “I joined the CCG.”
Kaneki glanced up, horror on his face.
“Not to hurt anyone!” Hide cried out, realizing that Kaneki may have gotten the wrong idea. “Nothing like that! Just to use their resources! And get information! Like—Like, a spy! Y’know?”
“W-Why?” Kaneki whispered. “Why would you…? That’s so risky. You realize just being here with me is illegal, right?”
Hide rolled his eyes. “The law is stupid.”
“Maybe, but its still the law. You could still get into trouble.”
“No one will find out. Don’t worry.”
Kaneki huffed. He rested his elbow on the table, and used it to hold his head up. “So, what do you do for the CCG?”
“Not much. Nothing dangerous. I’m just a delivery boy. But I do manage to overhear some info, and get some opportunities to talk to and gossip with investigators.”
“How long?”
“How long have I been working there? I applied after you left.”
“Oh, huh. I just assumed you had been there longer. You were pretty interested in the Daughter Ghoul case.”
“I’m sorry if what I said back then freaked you out.”
“It did a little.”
“I didn’t mean it. I just—That was my only way to get information back then. And I was trying to push you to see how you’d react, or if you’d tell me everything.”
Kaneki nodded slowly in understanding.
“You knew her, didn’t you?”
“I know her.” Kaneki corrected. “Her name’s Hinami-chan. She’s the brunette girl who was staying at Anteiku. We were caring for her when the CCG—” Kaneki didn’t finish that thought.
“That’s nice of you for helping her. I remember you mentioning her name.”
“She’s sweet.” Kaneki smiled.
“I’d love to meet her someday.” Hide said. “And the rest of the ghouls you know, too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! Hinami-chan seems nice, and I’d love to get to know Touka-chan better, and it’d be cool to meet everyone else you consider friends.”
Kaneki folded his arm and laid his head on it on the table. “Maybe.”
Kaneki closed his eyes. He looked pretty tired. Hide didn’t comment on his exhaustion, fearing that Kaneki would just take it as an excuse to leave.
“…Hide?”
“Yeah?”
“I… I love you.”
Hide reached out and gently ruffled his hair. “I love you too.”
Kaneki sighed, leaning into his touch. After a few mere minutes, he was asleep.
Hide gave it a few more minutes to make sure Kaneki was actually fast asleep and wouldn’t wake up. And then, he untangled Kaneki’s fingers from the handle of his coffee mug, and carefully picked up his friend.
He’s heavy...
Hide maneuvered over to his bedroom, and then his arms gave out and he dropped Kaneki on the bed a bit more roughly than he had intended to. Kaneki stirred a little, repositioning himself and curling up in the fetal position, but didn’t wake.
Hide draped a blanket over Kaneki and smiled. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep.
Hide straightened up. And then he called out, “It’s pretty cold out there, huh?”
There was no response.
He continued, “I know you’re there. You can come inside if you want.”
He gave it a moment, and then slowly turned peeked out of his bedroom to look out the window in his main apartment. He waited for movement. And then he saw a blur jump by.
Huh… Being stalked by two ghoul friends in one night.
But hey, if it meant that he could finally stop tiptoeing around the secret of them being ghouls and they could all finally be friends, then Hide was okay with it.
Hide walked over to his apartment door, and opened it to see Touka standing there, who was shivering a bit. Hide gestured for her to come in, and she did.
“How did you know?” She asked.
“I saw you watching us a while back. I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to mention it with Kaneki here though. I’m sure he would have freaked out.”
Hide grabbed one of his extra blankets, and tossed it to her. She wrapped it around herself.
“So what are you doing here?” Hide asked.
“I came here to find Kaneki.”
Hide smiled. “You were protecting him, weren’t you?”
“Huh?” Touka asked, starting to blush.
“You wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to betray him. That’s why you were watching us.”
Touka was silent, but Hide knew he was right.
“You didn’t overhear our conversations, did you?” Hide asked.
“I’m not that much of a creep!” She cried. “I just was looking out for the CCG or a quinque or something.”
Hide smiled. “Thanks for looking out for him.”
Touka walked past him, peeking into his bedroom. After a moment, she walked inside, taking a seat beside Kaneki. She was silent, just watching as he slept.
“It’s been a while since you’ve seen him too, huh?” Hide asked from the doorway.
“Yes.” Touka whispered. She reached out a hand, hesitated, and then ran it through Kaneki’s hair.
“He really told you nothing?” Hide asked. He knew that she didn’t know much, but he had just assumed that she knew more since both her and Kaneki were ghouls.
“Nope. Nothing.” Touka confirmed.
“How cruel, Kaneki.” Hide whispered half-heartedly. He knew Kaneki had his reasons. He knew that was simply the way Kaneki’s mind worked. He knew that Kaneki meant no harm, he was doing it to protect them, but it still hurt. It was still unfair.
Hide walked over, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the bed. “I hope he stays. Do you think he’ll stay?”
Touka didn’t say anything. Hide wondered if it was because she truly didn’t know, or if she knew he wouldn’t like her answer.
“So how much do you know?” Hide asked.
“How much do you know?”
“Um. That Aogiri kidnapped him, that Jason was a nasty ghoul, and somehow Kaneki escaped after about a week. Then he just left.”
“That’s basically all I know.” Touka sighed, swinging her legs to the foot of the bed and laying back to stare at the ceiling. “We tried to save him, but we were too late. He broke out himself, and he was the one to save me when I got in too deep. And then he said he told me was leaving. I saw nothing of him until a few weeks ago.”
Hide hummed. He had hoped he’d be able to get some details from Touka, no matter how small. But apparently she really didn’t know much more than he did.
“He didn’t tell you, did he?” Touka asked.
“Tell me what? That he’s a ghoul?”
“No. That he was leaving.”
“Nope. He just… didn’t come back.”
Touka sat up to look at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I would have told you. Something. Anything. That he was safe. That he was alive.”
“I knew.” Hide shrugged. “I knew that if he had died, you and Anteiku would have been much more depressed.”
“You haven’t come there in months.” Touka commented.
“It reminded me of him.” Hide whispered. “It wasn’t the same without him. Plus, I didn’t know if I was welcome.”
“Of course you’re welcome.”
“Well, I know that it’s a ghoul organization, so I just thought—”
“No.” Touka cut him off, shaking her head. “We’re a coffee shop. We help our fellow ghouls, but there’s nothing against humans. You’re fine. You’re safe. You’re welcome there.”
“Okay.” Hide whispered. “Thanks.”
Touka laid back down. “If Kaneki does leave us again...”
She trailed off. Hide was silent, waiting for her to finish.
“...Then, you should come in and talk.”
“I’d like that.”
Hide turned around so that he was leaning against his bed. Above him, he could hear the calm breathing of Kaneki. He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.
After several minutes of silence, Hide called out in a whisper, “Hey, Touka-chan?”
There was no reply.
Hide got up to his feet, to see that Touka had fallen asleep. Hide just stood there for a moment, watching the two ghouls sleeping side by side on his bed. Hide’s heart felt warm, having them both here. For so long, he had wanted Kaneki back. For even longer, he had wanted to befriend Touka.
Quietly and slowly, Hide laid in the empty space in front of Kaneki, and let himself drift off to sleep.
There were so many months of no communication. Fear that Kaneki wouldn’t be coming back. Misunderstandings that were just brewing and waiting to happen.
But in the end... they all just missed each other.