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It wasn’t until Uncle Bobby had left the room that the realisation sunk in. Dean wasn’t here. It was just her and Sammy in the guest room. All alone, with the two of them. The little girl hugged a pillow, pressing it close to help her aching tummy. This wasn’t right.
Dean was with Daddy, Milly knew. She didn’t like that they weren’t here. Daddy leaving was bad enough, but taking Dean along and not her and Sammy? That was a million times worse. Still, her big brother had been so excited... But she wanted him here. Milly wanted to cry and yell and stomp her feet. Not that she would. Noise was bad. And attention. She wasn’t quite sure why, just that it was.
With a huff the five-year-old sat up in bed, wrapping her arms around her knees as tight as she could.
It was no secret that Mildred was no bedtime enthusiast. Every evening she would get ready and climb into bed just like she was told, but laying down and closing her eyes? At the very thought, she found she suddenly felt a desperate need for a drink, knowing with all the certainty in the world that she could not possibly fall asleep with a parched throat like this. Then, of course, she would need to use the bathroom. And refold her clothes. And tidy up her toys. And, and… there was always something more. Milly was good at being quiet, and luckily, Daddy didn’t seem to care a lot. Or notice, as long as she made no noise and stayed out of his way. But eventually, she would run out of things to try, and there would be nothing to do but to lay there, in the dark, listening to her brothers’ breathing beside her as she stayed awake for as long as she could. At least she wasn’t alone.
Tonight, though, was not at all like the usual. Milly hadn’t snuck out once. She couldn’t possibly, because tonight? Tonight was bad. She had known it the moment her Uncle Bobby pulled the door almost closed behind him, leaving only a narrow slit of light coming from the hall. Just enough to see her baby brother’s bed on the other side of the room. Only Sammy and her. The last time that happened…
Milly’s throat felt like it was closing off, no more breath going in or out. All of a sudden, the dark seemed so much darker, the distance between the beds so much greater. Her tummy ached and the child curled up even tighter. Her mind was being silly. All fuzzy and achy, and there were these shadows all around her. It was hot too, and there were whispers… Milly couldn’t make out what they were saying, but she knew something bad was about to happen, and her baby brother was right there. All alone, a sea of darkness between them.
Bottom lip stuck between her teeth, the little girl squeezed her eyes closed as tight as she could, but it didn’t help. The moment her baby brother was out of her sight, everything only got worse and worse. There was only one thing to do, but it required the Scariest Thing Of All.
She had to move.
Ever so slowly, she started with one foot, sliding her knee out from under her arms as her toes reached down. One, two, three… She felt the cool wooden floor and the slightest creak escaped. In the quiet room, it seemed as loud as a firework set off. Milly froze, listening intently, but no new noises came. Then, taking the deepest breath, she leapt. On tiptoes from one foot onto the other, in as few hops as she possibly could, the little girl crossed the floor.
Finally, she felt the soft fabric of Sammy’s blankets between her fingers, and soon she was nestled in beside her little brother. Safe and sound. Though her heart was still pounding so loud that she was certain Uncle Bobby could hear it from the other side of the house, it did feel the tiniest bit lighter. Sammy was here, right next to her. She might not be able to sleep, but at least, she wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. The slightest sigh escaped her lips before her chest froze up again. A small hand had wrapped itself around her wrist. It was just as clammy as her own, and before she knew it, Mildred had her arms full with a sobbing little brother.
Sam clung to her as if his life depended on it, taking Milly by surprise. She froze, unwanted sensations bouncing through her mind like it was a pinball machine playing with a thousand balls at once, but one thought cut through all of that. Sammy was crying. Without further hesitation, the little girl returned the hug, wrapping her arms around him as she started rubbing his back. Slow, firm circles, just like Daddy used to. “Dean?” The sound of Sammy’s tearful voice seemed to echo through the darkness. The ache in her tummy came back in full force. She felt the urge to put a hand over Sammy’s mouth and also her ears, but that was more hands than she had and besides, she had her arms full with her little brother. But then what was she supposed to do? She couldn’t shush him, couldn’t reassure him. Should she get Uncle Bobby? No! It was like someone had reached inside her chest and was pinching her heart. The very thought of involving an adult was so wrong, so big and bad and scary. Without realising, her hands shifted, one finding its way to her own mouth now, where she bit down on her fingers with force.
Pain seemed to make the dark recede at least a little, and the whispering sound in her ears wasn’t so very loud. Her attention returned to the squirming toddler clinging to her. He was babbling on about Dean still, though thankfully in a quieter voice now. Mildred couldn’t really fault him for that. She wanted their big brother too.
Eventually, Sammy’s whispers got closer to mumbling, and little by little, Mildred could see her baby brother falling asleep. That was good at least. As gentle as she could, she nudged Sammy to get him to lie down, still safely wrapped in her embrace. Just as she was certain that Sam was well on his way to dreamland, his whisper cut through the silence once again.“Reddy?” Milly stroked his back, hoping that would soothe him and make her brother shush. “Tell a story, Reddy?” She stiffened.
A single word got latched into her mind, echoing from side to side, making her want to scream. Don’t tell! DON’T TELL! D O N ‘ T… She shoved a fist into her mouth and bit down to keep a cry from escaping. Her heart was beating so loud, and she was so hot all of a sudden. Sweat dripped down her nose, or was that tears that had secretly squeezed passed while she wasn’t looking? It was bad. She was bad. She had to get away!
But then two tiny arms snuck their way right back around her waist, squeezing so tight Mildred thought she might just break in two. And there were other whispers, cutting through the noise. Well, they were a little louder than whispers now. Questions and comforting mumblings right into her ear. Sammy. She was supposed to be keeping him safe! What a horrible sister she was! She squeezed him back in a gesture of thanks and reassurance. She was here for him. She would protect him.
Little by little, her brain settled down again. Her breathing slowed, her heart rate quieted, and ever so slowly, Milly started to relax a little. She felt exhausted from the fear, and though it wasn’t near gone yet (it never was) at least it wasn’t quite so overwhelming anymore. “Reddy?” Her little brother whispered in her ear once more. “Are you scared?” As usual, Mildred could only reply with solemn silence, but that didn’t seem to deter Sammy. So soft it was just barely audible, the toddler started to hum. Star light, star bright… The song was halting, and Sammy didn’t quite know all the words, but his intent was clear enough. Milly stiffened, shifting in discomfort and turning around slightly to check that the room was still quiet, though her eyes studiously avoided the ceiling. Nothing moved in the dark.
Then, though her movements were still tentative, careful as though slightest mistake might cause that quiet darkness to be torn apart by fire and screams, the little girl reached for her brother’s hand. Tap tap. Tap tap. She played along, tapping out the slow melody against Sammy’s skin. The toddler smiled and stopped trying to sing along, but Milly kept going. A moment later, her little brother was reaching for her face, and mimicking her movement as he tapped her cheek. Though more random than rhythmic, movement was light and gentle, a little bit like rain, Milly thought. It almost felt safe.
Little by little, Sammy’s breathing started to even out as the tapping became less and less pronounced, and before long, the toddler was fast asleep. Still, Milly kept tapping, although the song they had started with had long since turned into simply a slow and steady rhythm belonging to no melody in particular. Kind of like a heartbeat. Realising that her own eyes were starting to droop as well, a new wave of anxiety rolled over the little girl, but she was so very tired by now, it was hard to fight off the roiling sea of feelings that wanted to pull her under. She clung to the rhythm of her taps, the sensation of her brother’s warm skin beneath her fingers until finally, the fear subsided. It didn’t go away completely. It never did. Still the slight relief felt like a break, and after all that energy she had poured into fighting off the anxiety, Milly had nothing left to struggle against the sleep. But even once her eyes had drifted closed and she could no longer lift her fingers, the rhythm kept going in her mind. A steady reminder of something she did not know how to describe. At least she wasn’t alone.