Chapter Text
“It’s fine, really. It’s no big deal.” That’s what Penny told Leonard after finding out he’d kissed another woman and then kept it a secret from her for two years. She was trying very hard to make herself believe it, but the problem was, they were on their way to Vegas to elope. He wasn’t “clearing the air”; he was trying to sabotage their relationship while making himself look like the good guy. The fact that he’d chosen that particular time to confess was starting to make her see red. She knew she was a catch, and Leonard - well, she always thought he was pathetically grateful for her, but now she wasn’t so sure. She thought she could trust him: enough to say she loved him, enough to propose to him, and enough to marry him. This unwelcome news was like a bomb dropped in her lap.
“Turn the car around,” she said abruptly.
Leonard squinted at her from behind his thick glasses. “I’m sorry?”
“Turn the car around! I can’t do this,” she snapped. “What’s wrong with you? How could you cheat on me? I thought you loved me!”
“I do, I swear. That’s why I had to tell you about Mandy before we got married, so there wouldn’t be any secrets between us,” he whined.
Oh, now it’s Mandy, is it? Penny thought. Now that the tramp’s name had been mentioned, she was even angrier at Leonard for speaking it aloud. Did she want him to lie about the fact that he kissed someone else? Of course not. She wanted him to be honest with her, and keeping something like this a secret for two years was not what she considered honest. Come to think of it, there were multiple times when Leonard had done something underhanded, just because he thought he could get away with it. He was still driving towards Vegas. Penny gripped the handle of the car door.
“I mean it, Leonard,” she hissed. “This eloping was a stupid idea anyway, and now you’ve ruined it. Take me home.”
With a noisy sigh, he pulled off to the side of the road. After twenty more minutes of arguing, he finally gave up and headed back to Pasadena. That was when he got the phone call. Penny didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he was sitting less than two feet away from her. It sounded like Sheldon was calling with some bad news, and she had an inkling what that news might be. A few days ago, Bernie had told her that after thinking it over for weeks, Amy had decided to dump Sheldon. Penny had hurt for him when she heard that. Sheldon had his flaws, but in his own oddball way, he was devoted to Amy. It was too bad she refused to give him credit for how much he’d changed since he met her. But Amy, like Leonard, having been deprived of love and affection most of her life, constantly demanded more from Sheldon than he was willing to give.
Crap, Penny thought, I really do have a lot in common with Sheldon. We’ve both been trying to hold our significant others at arm’s length without making them leave. We both just want things to stay the same in our relationships.
The next morning, Penny snuck into apartment 4A, having spent the night alone at her own place. She was still mad at Leonard, but she needed to talk to Sheldon. To her shock, he wasn’t there. He was such a creature of habit that at first, she couldn’t comprehend why he wasn’t sitting in his spot, dressed in his flannel pajamas and robe and eating cold cereal like he did every Saturday morning. His bed was neatly made, but that wasn’t anything unusual. As she looked around his room, Penny spied a corner of something sticking out of the closet. Pulling the doors open, she discovered it was the edge of a shirt which had fallen to the floor. The rest of the closet had been cleaned out. His suitcases were also missing. She knew he must have decided to run away again after Amy had dumped him. Penny bit her lip as tears threatened to well up in her eyes. It’s not fair, she thought. He deserves someone who loves him as he really is, not someone who wants to remake him into her idea of the perfect boyfriend.
That thought hit a little too close to home. To please Leonard, she had tried to take college classes, gave up on her dreams of acting, and starting working an office job which bored her silly. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. Looking down at her left hand, Penny yanked off the modest diamond solitaire. She hurried out to the living room, where she grabbed a pen and piece of paper from Sheldon’s desk. “I’m sorry,” was all she wrote, in big block letters. Then she left the paper on the kitchen counter with the ring resting squarely on top.
About an hour later, she heard Leonard start playing emo music full blast. She sighed. He must have found her note. She felt bad about hurting his feelings, but mostly, she was furious at both him and herself for believing his “nice guy” act.
Penny spent most of the weekend alone, not wanting to have to explain her actions several times over to her friends. Raj especially was going to read her the riot act next time he saw her. He was such a hopeless romantic that he had pressured her to tell Leonard she loved him before she was ready. In retrospect, she wished she hadn't caved; it wasn't too long after that Leonard had cheated on her.
The only person she really wanted to talk to was Sheldon. He wasn't around, but surely he would turn up eventually. His usual pattern when dealing with upsetting news was to “run away” until he got himself in some kind of mess that made his troubles at home seem less awful. But by Monday, he still wasn't back. Penny had sent several texts and emails and tried calling, but he wasn't responding to any of them. By Wednesday, she was truly worried. She got Bernie to persuade Howard to hack Sheldon’s phone, but even that told them very little. Sheldon had apparently turned off his phone. He hadn’t used his credit cards or made any new posts on Facebook. There wasn’t a clue as to where he had gone. Even his mother had no idea where he went, although she blistered Penny’s ear with a ten-minute rant about how terribly “that ungrateful hussy” Amy had treated her son. Penny kept worrying, imagining all the awful things that might have befallen him. Finally, she approached Amy and asked her to go with her to the police. Amy sneered at her and claimed Sheldon was just trying to get people to feel sorry for him. She’d been using a new dating app and was so flattered by all the attention she was getting that she had totally written Sheldon off. In the end, Penny went down to the police station by herself and filled out a missing person report. Unfortunately, since this wasn’t the first time he’d taken off without notice, the police officer didn’t seem too concerned. He told her to just “wait and see” if Sheldon would come back on his own. But this time was different; she could just feel it. After several more days spent wrestling with her conscience, she decided to hire a private investigator. To hell with Sheldon’s need for privacy: he’d been gone for far too long. Raj had been covering for him at work, but if he didn't turn up soon, he would lose his job.
For six weeks, the investigator found nothing. Penny could hardly eat or sleep, she was so wracked with guilt. She cursed her stupid impulsiveness that led her to turn her back on her friend when he needed her the most. She also hated her friends’ seeming indifference to Sheldon’s absence. She wondered how she’d overlooked how callous and self-centered all their friends really were. They always looked down on Sheldon for speaking his mind, but at least he had some kind of integrity. Penny was starting to think that dumping Leonard was just the start of a long list of changes she needed to make in her life. She’d only spoken to him once since the break-up. When he found out that she came over just to find out if he knew anything about Sheldon, he’d been hurt. He turned that “kicked puppy dog” look on her, and for a moment, her resolve had wavered. Then he tried to hug her, and she realized his false sympathy was all just a ploy to get back into her good graces. She made a rude gesture at him and walked out.
“He’s in Seattle.”
“You found him?” Penny clutched her phone tightly in order to still her trembling fingers. This was the call she’d been waiting for from the private investigator.
“Yeah. He wasn't an easy one to find - not too shabby for an amateur. He’s going by another name and living completely off the grid.”
“Where is he? Is he all right? Give me an address,” Penny demanded, fumbling for a pen and something to write on.
“Can’t. He moves around, doesn’t have an address. I can tell ya where he’ll be for the next three nights though. He's playing at the Pike Brewery.”
There was such a long silence that the P.I. finally asked, “Ya still there, miss?”
“What do you mean, he's playing?” she asked, finally finding her voice. “Is there some kind of video game tournament?”
“Naw. You’re all worried about him while he’s out there livin’ his dreams. He’s playing keyboard with a local band. They're pretty good, from all accounts. Got a decent fanbase.”
“A band? Sheldon would never do anything like that,” protested Penny numbly.
“Mebbe Sheldon wouldn't, but I guess Cooper Smith would. That's what he's calling himself nowadays.”
Penny couldn't begin to wrap her mind around the idea of Sheldon in a band, even though she had been impressed by his talent the one time she heard him play. As soon as she got off the phone, she started throwing things haphazardly into a travel bag. She’d just let her boss know she was taking a few days off and drive up. Maybe the solitary road trip would give her some distance from this whole awful situation with Leonard.
Penny took the scenic route up the coastline, driving along miles of rocky cliffs and narrow beaches. She felt something start to uncoil inside her stomach and knew she had been carrying around a lot of tension. For now, she was grateful to get away from her tedious job, her lackluster friendships, and her boring life. She sighed. How long had she been hating the life she was leading? Thinking back, she realized her dissatisfaction must have started years ago, probably around the time she took Leonard back.
She made it to Seattle on the second day, fighting through the tail end of the metropolitan rush hour. After checking into her hotel, she treated herself to a long, hot soak in the jacuzzi and room service. At that particular moment, Penny didn't much care if she ever went back home, although she knew at some point, real life would have to intrude.
She arrived early at Pike Brewery, paid the cover charge, and found a fairly clean table where she could wait. She was beginning to understand why Sheldon tried to run away from his problems. If only that really could solve everything, she’d be tempted to try it herself.