Chapter Text
1 — push and pull
It was freezing.
Iroh has taught Zuko again and again that the breath of fire is the most important technique there is to firebending. It gives one perfect control over their element - including keeping oneself warm in freezing temperatures like today's storm. After the confrontation with Yon Rha, Katara climbed quietly on the saddle and lay down without saying a word. Zuko immediately took control of Appa's reins to navigate the storm.
The silence that enveloped them was the silence that Zuko knew all too well and he best knew that Katara would talk to him if she needed to, and he'd be there to listen. As the storm continued its heavy downpour, Zuko let go of Appa's reins and patted his head. "You can slow down for a while, buddy. Just keep heading north."
At the bison's affirmative groan, Zuko climbed up the saddle.
She was lying on her side, legs pressed to her chest. She wasn't asleep as Zuko had initially thought. Katara's eyes were blank and unshifting even as Zuko made his way inside. He knew that people from poles are used to the extreme cold being surrounded by blocks of ice and endless snow, but now Katara was trembling. Words were caught inside his throat. He still wasn't sure if Katara would let him offer her warmth much less break her much needed silence. Zuko instead opted to sit beside her back, concentrating on radiating a comfortable warmth for the both of them.
Katara's trembling subsided and she finally relaxed. She slightly leaned backwards and allowed her back to touch Zuko's squatted leg. He looked down at her and saw how her gaze was still unshifting, and silence stretched on for a while.
"Did I do the right thing?" Her voice finally cracked the silence. Zuko has been honestly expecting that this question would eventually surface. It was a question that he was also too familiar with. And unfortunately, he was afraid that he might not have the right answers as well. "You think I should've killed him, right?" Katara pressed.
Spite was definitely evident in her voice; only that Zuko wasn't exactly sure to whom it was directed - to him? Likely. To herself? Perhaps.
"That was the whole point of this mission, right? Revenge?" Her voice was escalating, trembling. Rage always came after the silent storm.
Katara finally jerked to sit up and looked at Zuko directly in the eyes. He was prepared to take in all her anger and frustrations. He was ready to be shouted at, be told that this was a stupid mission to begin with, that he was a horrible person for putting her through this, but instead he was met with pleading watery eyes. They were silently screaming at him, begging him to tell her that what she did was the right thing.
He was hesitant and all kinds of nervous, but he reached out to put his palm on top of her cold hands. Zuko radiated enough warmth on hers hoping that she would take this gesture as comfort, as understanding her pain and anger.
"All my life I've been asking the same question," he finally spoke, looking at their hands. "And you know I've made wrong, horrible choices along the way. Those were the times when my moral compass was clouded by a false sense of righteousness." He looked up to meet her eyes; it was calmer now. "The turmoil I felt after having my father's acceptance back already told me that I made the wrong choice when I thought it was the right one. But when your group had finally accepted me, I've been at my most peaceful state since."
Katara tried to hide her surprise at his confession but to no avail. Her eyes slightly twitched and was visibly taken aback. Zuko noticed this and caught on that there was still mistrust on her part. He only offered her a small smile and continued. "Uncle once told me that he knew I would always find a way to choose good. Perhaps trying to understand my turmoils helped me in determining whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. Maybe it would be the same for you," he paused. "How do you feel now after what happened?"
It was now Katara's turn to look at their hands. Long ago, she would have laughed terribly if someone had told her that the Fire Prince who once grabbed her grandmother would one day hold her hands comfortingly, helping her sort out her issues on morals. Destiny, she noted, was indeed a funny thing.
"I...I feel relieved that I didn't kill him." The sobs that followed soon became an outburst. Even though the rain was still pouring, Zuko could still make out what were her tears and what weren't. He wanted to bring her in to lean onto him if she needed to, but she definitely didn't trust him completely yet and he knew better than to cross such boundaries. Katara cried in her place, but still held on to Zuko's hands as she let her emotions out.
As the storm calmed down, so did she.
"If it helps, I know you're also the kind of person who chooses good even if causes you hurt," Zuko's words had never sounded so genuine even compared to what had happened in Ba Sing Se. Katara knew that his praise of her weren't empty words of comfort, but were ultimately from a place of experience.
Zuko brought his hands back to himself and Katara immediately realized how much of the warmth he offered her was the source of her calm. He steadied himself as he began to steam the water off his body and his clothes before heading towards Appa's head.
"Could you bend some clouds around Appa so we could land?" He raised his voice a bit as he took over Appa's reins.
Katara was sure that there was still a few hours left before they reached the campsite. Even the kinds of trees below them told her that they were still in the Fire Nation. "Where are we heading?"
"I know a place where we could hide in plain sight," he looked back at her and offered her a reassuring smile.
Katara took her stance to bend the clouds. It was at that moment when she realized that she began to trust Zuko with no reservations.
Barely a year ago, Katara had already resigned at the thought that she would be stuck in the South Pole waiting endless days for her father's return and for the war to end. And now, she was a fully realized waterbender actively taking part in ending this war. Change is the only constant thing in this world, she noted, and if she has changed then surely he has as well.