Work Text:
Lena watched her from across the room, unable to keep a smile from creeping onto her face. Kara was talking animatedly with her sister, tipping her head back to laugh. It exposed the graceful line of her neck leading down to her broad shoulders and thick, strong arms, which were immediately apparent, even under the sleeves of her button up shirt. Kara had such a solid, steadfast presence. She took up space. There was something so comforting about Kara’s physicality, her strength, her tactile nature, that Lena had begun to crave it like she craved the air.
But now that she was experiencing Kara in her element, in a room full of the family and friends who loved her, it was almost too much. Lena had never felt this much warmth, this much love, concentrated in one place before. The decorations served only to magnify the feeling, the candles and hanging lights casting a warm glow over Kara’s apartment and everyone inside it.
It was something special, truly. A rarity in her life.
She was lucky just to be invited, even if it was too much, because really, it was not nearly enough. She didn’t know she was starving until she saw what could be. She never realized just how much she’d missed out on until she met Kara and her family and felt their warmth directed at her.
She was still an outsider, of course, but at least she could watch from the sidelines, soak up what she could while she had the chance. She knew everything would go back to normal at the end of the evening. Her carriage would turn back into a pumpkin and she would be relegated back to her office at the top of the tower again.
Cold and alone, just like she was used to. Except it was getting harder and harder for her to stay cold and alone and numb like she’d been trained to over many years of neglect.
“So, when are you going to tell her how you really feel about her?”
Lena startled and looked up from her drink. It was Alex’s girlfriend, Kelly. “I don’t...” she started, but she didn’t have the heart to even try to deny it. Not after two glasses of scotch. “Is it that obvious?”
Kelly smiled sympathetically, putting a hand gently on her arm. “To anyone who’s really looking.”
Lena felt her face growing hot. She really thought she was hiding it well. She looked back across the room at Kara, who was hovering above the ground, arm extended, so Winn could hang from it like a child hanging from monkey bars.
He was laughing in that carefree way Kara did so often. They all laughed like that when they were together like this. Like they didn’t care what they looked like or what they sounded like, like they’d forgotten themselves altogether almost. Like they were free.
Lena desperately wanted to know what that was like.
She glanced over at Kelly, who was watching her closely. “Does she know?”
Kelly chuckled, turning her attention to Kara, still floating with Winn dangling from her arm. “Of course not. She’s about as clueless as you.”
“What?”
“Lena, you’re an intelligent woman. Surely you can read between the lines.”
“I—”
“Oh shoot, Alex is beckoning. I’ll talk to you later.”
“But...”
Kelly was already halfway across the room. She turned back to Lena, tapping the side of her temple with her index finger before tipping her head in Kara’s direction.
Lena sighed, turning back to watch Kara finally put Winn back on the ground.
She knew what Kelly meant. She wasn’t stupid. She just absolutely could not believe it. There was no way. Kelly had to be mistaken. Lena was hardly even on Kara’s radar. There were so many people in Kara’s life. Not just her family, all of National City, the planet, even.
Lena was just one face in the crowd. And Kara was so bright, the only thing in the sky, shining love down on all of them indiscriminately, because that’s who she was.
Lena was no one special.
Sometimes, when they were together, just the two of them, she felt like maybe she was. But that feeling never lasted long. Kara would invariably be called away, and Lena would be back in the shadows again, just another lonely person like all the others, waiting for the sun to come out.
Kara finally looked in her direction, smiling warmly and waving, and oh, there was that sun. For a moment it even seemed like she was going to come over and talk to her, but someone else drew her attention, as they always did.
It wore off quickly, that warmth, that feeling, even here, even with all of Kara’s loved ones present, little suns in their own right, soaking up Kara’s energy and casting it off themselves, just like she imagined she herself did after spending enough time in Kara’s presence.
They all knew what it was like, then. But they held a special place in her heart. That’s why they were all here. Everyone, save her. She still didn’t quite understand how she’d managed to find herself perched at Kara’s kitchen bar, nursing a bottle of scotch and watching everyone in Kara’s orbit.
Kara did have her own gravity. Lena certainly felt the pull of it, but it was only enough to veer her off course temporarily, wasn’t it? She was on a path, Lena Luthor, CEO of L-Corp, last scion and only living Luthor heir. Inheritor of fortune, infamy, and all sorts of other atrocities that were tied to her name.
That was the black hole in her life, something so immense it sucked up all the light around it. It was something she could never escape, something that was bound to swallow her up like it did all the rest of the Luthors. But that was her lot in life, she had resigned herself to that.
At least she knew what was ahead of her.
It was a mistake then, to come here, to think that she actually ever had a choice in the matter, like she hadn’t already passed the event horizon, like she wasn’t tethered to her fate by something much more powerful than gravity, much more powerful than Kara herself even.
She was suddenly too warm, too comfortable sitting there in Kara’s apartment. She got up from the bar, scotch in hand, and abruptly fled to the balcony. She leaned onto the railing, expelling a heavy sigh she realized she’d been holding in as long as she’d been at the party. She breathed in the cold night air, relishing the shock it gave to her lungs. It was sharp, distilled, clear. A comfort when everything else was so amorphous and ill-defined.
She looked out at the city, shivering against the cold. It felt good, and normal, on the balcony in the wind, by herself. As much as she wished she could ever exist in the warmth of Kara’s love, she was not meant for it, nor it for her.
Someone far more deserving than Lena was bound to be the recipient of that. Because Kara had so much love, and even the smallest amount made her feel alive in a way she was not allowed to feel. She had a purpose, a destiny to fulfill, now that she was the only one left.
She had several lifetimes worth of sins to atone for, and billions of dollars of blood money with which to do it. She’d never finish. She would die with guilt in her heart because she could never make up for what her family did.
She’d already prepared for this. She’d been in mortal danger so many times she had no illusions about her longevity. Anything could happen at any moment and nothing was guaranteed. Upon her death L-Corp would be liquidated, the Luthor estate would be sold, and all assets would go to a handful of local charities and underfunded government departments. At least in death maybe, she could leave National City a better place than she found it.
The balcony door opened and for one weak moment Lena hoped it was Kara. When she heard the scuff of Alex’s boots on the cement she was both disappointed and relieved.
“Mind if I join you?” Alex asked, stepping up to the railing with a beer in her hand.
“Sure.”
Alex stood for a while, arms crossed, just staring out into the grey evening. She didn’t speak for such a long time that Lena began to wonder if she just wasn’t going to say anything. That seemed like something Alex might do. She took a swig of her beer. “She talks about you all the time.”
“Hmmm?”
Alex just gave her a pointed look before turning back and staring out into the dark.
Oh. Lena shivered, and not because of the cold. “Does she really?”
“Yeah. She’s like a teenager with a crush.”
“Kara’s not—”
“I’ve never seen her happier than when she got your text saying you were coming to the party,” Alex said to the night sky. “She’s been a nervous wreck about it, because she wants to impress you. You’re all she cares about, Lena. Don’t you realize that?”
“I find that very hard to believe.”
“Then you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
Before Lena could respond she was gone, back inside, back into that pesky magnetic warmth Lena was trying so hard to steel herself against. She laughed bitterly. What was she even doing here? Why had she accepted the invitation in the first place?
This was not her world. She was never going to fit here, as much as she desperately wanted to. It was time for her to make a hasty exit and go back to her office to drown her sorrows in liquor and lab reports.
She startled when the door slid open again, wondering which of Kara’s loved ones was here to give her a well-meaning but misguided pep talk.
“You’ve been out here an awful long time.”
Lena’s breath hitched in her throat. It was Kara.
“Aren’t you cold?” She stepped up behind Lena, draping a jacket over her shoulders before taking a place beside her at the railing.
“I needed some air.”
“Ok. Do you want to come inside now? They’re all gone.”
“What?” Lena looked down at her watch and then whipped around to find Kara’s apartment empty. “Where did everyone go? It’s only 8:30.”
“They all went home.”
“Why? Is it because of me? Did I scare everyone off?”
“No, Lena, of course not. They just wanted to give us some privacy.”
“Privacy?”
“Alex said we need to talk. And then they all just... left. So... do you want to come inside and, um, talk?”
“But the party...”
Kara shrugged. “We’ll see each other next week.” She moved her hand closer to Lena’s until their pinkies were just brushing. “You’re shivering. Let me take you inside and warm you up.”
Lena didn’t look over at Kara, just nodded and swallowed thickly.
Kara picked Lena’s hand up off the railing, intertwining their fingers. “Come on,” she said, leading Lena back inside to the couch, where she sat, leaning back into the cushions and giving Lena’s arm a gentle tug. “Sit with me?”
Lena sank down onto the couch next to Kara, reflexively moving into her, like she always did when they were alone together.
“You’re so cold.” Kara pulled a throw blanket over both of them and pulled Lena closer.
Lena held her breath when she felt Kara’s warm, strong hands on her back. She could feel the heat of them even through her dress, but when Kara’s fingertips finally made contact with her skin, she couldn’t contain a whimper.
Kara immediately released her, sliding down the couch and out of Lena’s space. “I’m sorry Lena, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, please don’t. I need you, Kara.” she reached out, catching Kara’s fingertips. “I know it’s selfish of me, but...” she sniffled, dropping Kara’s hand. She shook her head vigorously, as if she might be able to shake off her desire for Kara, the pure and undiluted yearning that was like a hole in her chest. Being this close to her was only making everything worse. “I’m so sorry, Kara.”
“Why are you sorry?” She asked, voice soft and sweet, as she gathered Lena into her arms.
“My fate has already been decided. The least I can do is not drag you down with me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m a Luthor. I have accepted that. But you’re a hero, Kara. You have a family and an entire city that loves you. You belong with them. And I belong to the Luthors. I’ll never escape their shadow.”
Kara affected a grave frown, taking Lena gently by the shoulders. “Lena, you don’t belong to anyone but yourself. And as far as where you belong? You belong here, with me. With us. You’re a hero too.”
Lena slipped out of her grasp and retreated to the window, looking out over the city again. “I’m really not.” She wrapped her arms around herself. She was so cold. She felt the chill from the night air in her bones. Maybe she’d never be warm again. Maybe that’s what she needed, to be frozen over, her mind quiet and still for once.
Except there Kara was, walking over to join her. She stepped up behind Lena, hands hovering at her waist but not touching her. “Can I hold you?”
Lena nodded and Kara’s arms encircled her. She leaned back into Kara’s touch, unable to keep a sigh from escaping her lips.
“Is this ok?” Kara asked, tucking her chin over Lena’s shoulder.
“Yes.” Lena sniffled, placing her hands over Kara’s where they were clasped together. After a long moment she asked, “Are you sure they didn’t leave because of me?”
“Well, it was because of us, really.”
“Us? Why?”
“They think we’re in love with each other.”
“Oh.” Lena turned in Kara’s arms so she was facing her, her hands coming to rest at Kara’s elbows.
“Yeah,” Kara said, voice sounding uncharacteristically small.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No. It’s not,” Kara replied with a soft smile, cupping the side of Lena’s face with her hand. “But the more important question is, is it true?”
“Are we in love with each other?” Lena asked, more to herself than to Kara. Could it possibly be true? It seemed like too much to hope for but as she looked into Kara’s eyes, saw them shining and glassy with unshed tears, she thought, maybe it actually was the truth.
“I guess it all depends,” Kara said, leaning in closer.
“On what?”
“On whether you love me back.”
“Whether I... love you back? Does that mean...”
“Lena, I’ve been in love with you for a long time. I think since the first day I met you.” Kara brushed her fingertips over the apple of Lena’s cheek and back to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “What do you think about that?”
Lena burst into tears. She couldn’t help it. All those walls she’d built up to protect herself came tumbling down under Kara’s touch. She was left in the rubble, completely overwhelmed. “I think that if you don’t kiss me right now I might die.”
“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” Kara said, so cocky for someone who was also crying.
Lena laughed as Kara pulled her closer and finally, finally kissed her.
Warm.
Kara was warm. Her tongue, her skin, her hands, all radiated gentle heat and it seeped through all the cracks in Lena’s armor. She lost herself to it, let herself float in a gentle sea of it, Kara all around her, within her, flooding her senses, suffusing her with warmth. It emanated from every point of contact, flowed from her scalp to her fingertips down to her toes.
It wasn’t searing or explosive, there was no jolt or shock, there was just warm, and wet, and sweet. Kara tasted like tears and the flavored lip gloss she was wearing. She kissed like a saint, so earnest and reverent. She was not demanding, just plaintive, coaxing Lena’s mouth open, pressing gently inside, every move an entreaty.
When they finally broke apart Kara was practically glowing, her smile sunshine bright, her eyes sparkling. She held Lena’s chin in her hand, swiping at what was surely hopelessly smudged lipstick with her thumb.
“You have a little, um... yeah.”
“You do too.” Lena put two fingers to Kara’s lips and then held them up to show the red smeared there.
Kara blushed. “I’m sorry it took an intervention for me to tell you how I really feel about you.”
“Is that what this was?”
“Yeah, I think so. They all left at the same time, except for Alex and Kelly, and when I asked them why Alex just said, ‘Don’t be an idiot, Kara. We’ve all had enough of your lovesick puppy bullshit. Lena deserves better.’ And then Kelly told me she believed in me and she gave me a hug and after that they left.”
“Alex really said that?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t think she liked me very much.”
“Alex loves you. She’s just not always the best at showing it. But, I’m not really, either, I guess. Or else I would have told you the truth a long time ago.”
“It’s ok, Kara. I didn’t tell you either. I was scared.”
“I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. If I had been more open and honest about my feelings, you probably would have been more comfortable talking to me about yours. It’s just...” Kara cast her gaze downward, her cheeks reddening. “I was scared too.”
“Even superheroes are allowed to be scared of things, Kara.”
“It doesn’t feel that way. Everyone thinks I’m invincible, but I’m really not. I can be hurt too.”
“Kara it’s just the two of us here. You don’t have to be strong with me. You can just be you, whatever you are today.”
“Even if what I am is weak?” Kara asked, wiping a tear from under her eye.
“Kara, you’re not weak, you’re human.” Lena framed Kara’s face with her hands, using her thumbs to swipe away the tears that kept falling.
“Well, technically I’m Kryptonian...” Kara said with a sniffle.
Lena chuckled and swatted at her arm. “You know what I mean. You take care of so many people. All of National City, really. Who’s taking care of you?”
“You are, Lena. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You would be fine without me. There are so many people who love you.”
“That may be true, but none of them are you.”
“Kara... I’m no one special.”
“You’re wrong about that, Lena,” Kara said, pulling her closer. “They say I get my strength from Earth’s yellow sun, but that’s only part of the story. Solar radiation may give me my superpowers, but you, Lena, are the real sun in my life. You’re the reason I get up every morning. You’re what keeps me going, even when things are hard, when everything hurts and the world seems like it’s just too much. It’s always been you, Lena, since the day I met you.” Kara pressed her forehead to Lena’s gently. “You make me strong.”
“Do you really mean that?” Lena asked, placing her hand on Kara’s chest, envisioning her crest sitting there beneath her fingertips. She traced the phantom S curve before looking back up at Kara.
“Of course I do.” She picked up Lena’s hand, bringing it to her mouth to kiss her knuckles. “You’re everything to me, Lena.”
Hearing that was just a little too much for Lena to handle, and she hid her face against Kara’s shirt, crying, fingers clutching at Kara’s sleeves. The whole night had been too much for her. She had finally reached the limit of what her brain could process. She was a genius, sure, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t prone to becoming emotionally overwhelmed.
“Come on, baby. Let me take you to bed.”
Lena nodded against Kara’s chest and Kara lifted her easily into a bridal carry. She brought Lena into the bedroom, stripped down to an a-shirt and boxer briefs, and helped Lena change into a pair of cotton shorts and her old National City U t-shirt. The t-shirt was so soft and it smelled like Kara, just like the bed they both crawled into. Being surrounded by Kara’s scent helped calm her nerves just a little.
Still, a wave of insecurity washed over Lena, fortunately dissipating as soon as Kara reached out for her, asking softly if she could hold her. All the tension that had settled in Lena’s chest broke, and she moved fully into Kara’s embrace, letting out a sigh.
Kara was so warm, and she held her so firmly. She felt secure and safe, maybe for the first time in her life. It was such a tremendous relief that she started crying again.
“Lena, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so used to being alone. Being here with you, like this, it’s a lot.”
“Lena, you never have to be alone again.” Kara slowly, tenderly kissed the tears from Lena’s face. “I will be here to protect you. Always.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” She kissed Lena softly, her hand moving to Lena’s cheek.
Lena whimpered, turning to kiss Kara’s palm.
“Thank you.” She threaded her fingers into Lena’s hair.
“For what?”
“For being the sun. For letting me love you.”
“If I’m the sun, then what does that make you?”
“Happy,” Kara said with a lopsided grin.
Lena couldn’t help but laugh a little. “No, really. I want to know. What are you?”
“I’m the moon.”
“Why are you the moon?”
“Because all my light is just a reflection of you.”
Lena had never heard anything quite so romantic, and it sent and electric shiver down her spine. “Kiss me,” she said, much more needily than she intended.
“Or you’ll die?”
“Yes. I absolutely will.”
Kara leaned forward, but stopped just short, her breath hot against Lena’s face. “Well,” she said, barely above a whisper, “we can’t—”
Lena didn’t let her finish, opting instead to silence her with a kiss. She opened her mouth, opened herself, to the warmth and love that Kara exuded, and as she felt it flowing into her, felt Kara’s hands, hot and firm on her bare skin, she thought maybe, just maybe, she actually was meant for this.