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It’s been five whole months since Waverly was taken into that fucking garden and Doc followed behind.
I am a weapon . The words feel like they’re spoken directly into Wynonna’s ear every time she flashes back to that moment. It’s only a bit of a stretch to say that that’s every moment of every day. Not this time, love. The events rarely unfold as they happened.
Wynonna sees them differently every time. She makes a million different choices that prevent Waverly from being taken and Doc from leaving her. She makes a million different choices and sometimes she ends up dead. Sometimes they all end up dead. Sometimes Doc gets there a little bit earlier and he ends up dead so that she and Waverly can live. Wynonna finds herself growing more and more fond of the one where she ends up dead. At least then, she wouldn’t have to see that disappointed, completely wrecked look on Nicole’s face every damn day.
It took them a month to find each other. All her friends had been taken by Valdez - that stupid, cool, annoying, super secret, 1000? year old Mayan Warrior Princess. Or something. They didn’t seem too keen on being called princess so Wynonna didn’t call them much of anything. Wynonna didn’t like Valdez at all. Despite finding her family intact… Wynonna couldn’t trust someone who took them away from her.
But you’ll come get me?
DON’T YOU DARE!
Wynonna! Please don’t leave me alone in there with that thing!
As Wynonna charges the barrier in her memory, she’s jolted silently back to the reality of five months later.
Music plays softly, some random station Nicole has saved on her phone. She calls it her “Paperwork Station” because it keeps her sane when she has hours of paperwork to go through. It’s become her “Research Station” now, too, for when she and Wynonna are trying to figure out how to get Doc and Waverly out of the Garden.
Wynonna stares down at the pile of books on the table. She isn’t reading anymore. The words all started to blend together into static an hour or so back, she’s not sure when exactly. Nicole walks back into the room, two mugs in hand. The sheriff immediately notices the glazed look over Wynonna’s eyes and smiles sadly. Hope is running low these days, but the determination is still there for the both of them. Even if all hope is lost, Nicole knows they’ll both still be trying to get them out of there forever.
A new song plays, a beat and soft humming reaches Nicole’s ears in a way the songs before hadn’t. Research can wait for a few minutes. They both need this break. Nicole places the mug down beside Wynonna’s book to break the heir out of her daze.
“Wh- Oh, thanks, Nicole.” Wynonna’s voice is tired. It sounds like this more times than not, these days. Every once in a while when Wynonna thinks she’s found something, her old guns-a-blazing voice shines through for a second, giving Nicole a temporary burst of hope, before going away when it ends up not checking out exactly.
“C’mon, Wyn,” Nicole holds her hands out to her.
Say you love me to my face
I'm needing more than your embrace
“Huh? Haught, no offense but I don’t wanna hold your hand.”
“Wynonna, please just humor me. Take a break. Let’s dance.”
Just say you want me, that's all it takes
“Dance? Oh fu-”
Heart's getting torn from your mistakes
Nicole groans and grabs Wynonna’s hand, pulling her out of her seated position and to her feet. Wynonna doesn’t give as much of a fight as her mouth does. Truth is, she welcomes the break. For some reason, this does feel like it’ll help. They’re both starving for the comfort their counterparts in the garden bring them. But all they have is each other. And surprisingly, it’s more than either of them ever thought it would be.
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
“This is stupid,” Wynonna offers weakly. No bite to her bark.
"Yeah, yeah.” Nicole smiles, keeping one of Wynonna’s hands in her own and sliding the other around Wynonna’s waist to rest on the small of her back.
“Who says you get to lead?” Wynonna huffs, but slides her hand up to Nicole’s shoulder near her neck anyway.
“I say, because I’m taller.”
“Ooooh, compelling argument, Tater Haught.”
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you might
Babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
They dance for a while without words through the chorus of the song. Only a couple seconds in, Wynonna relents in her sarcastic assault on Nicole’s attempt to ease their heartaches. Wynonna moves in closer and lays her head against Nicole’s shoulder. Nicole leans the side of her chin against Wynonna’s forehead and closes her eyes.
“What if we never get them back?” Wynonna whispers, defeated.
“That’s not even a possibility, Wynonna.” Nicole answers, steady and unwavering. “We’re going to get them back. Together. Nothing can stop us.”
A strange warmth spreads into each and every cell of Wynonna’s body, starting from the tips of her toes to the top of her head before it settles and lingers in her chest. She wouldn’t have made it this far with this much sanity without Nicole, stalwart even in the hardest times.
Had they gotten into their fair share of arguments? Obviously. Wynonna feels a phantom ache in her throat as she recalls the day after one of their biggest fights yet. Nicole had only been trying to help. That’s all Nicole ever did, really. Wynonna hadn’t wanted her damn help. She had wanted to be angry and defeated. She had wanted to yell from the top her lungs about how unfair this stupid lot they’d been dealt was. She just wanted to get lost in her emotions.
But, Nicole hadn’t wanted her to get too lost. Too far away from her. Nicole had kept and continues to keep her grounded - planted firmly right here.
“Where the fuck did you get all this optimism?” Wynonna implores timidly, leaning more into Nicole’s warmth.
Just say you love me, just for today
And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same
“The other hundred times I’ve watched you pull the impossible out of your ass.” Nicole pauses and pulls back to look down at Wynonna. She waits for Wynonna to mimic her and meet her gaze. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Wynonna.”
Wynonna. That’s when the heir knew the sheriff was being completely sincere. “She begged me to come get her, Nicole.”
“I know.”
“They’ve almost been gone half a year.”
“Not gone.”
Want to feel burning flames when you say my name
Want to feel passion flow into my bones
Like blood through my veins
Wynonna doesn’t argue. She really doesn’t want to convince anyone that Doc and Waverly are gone gone. She really doesn’t believe it. Maybe there are moments…
“It’s okay to be weak sometimes.” Nicole assures the older woman. They’ve both become pretty damn attuned with the other’s emotions. Sometimes they don’t have to talk. Sometimes Nicole talks too much. Sometimes Wynonna doesn’t talk enough.
“Weak isn’t going to get them back.”
“Neither is worn out and delirious. Now, hush.” Nicole commands softly.
Nicole asked her to dance to stop thinking about all of this, not to go into a full conversation, repeating the things they’ve already discussed ten trillion times. They both need a break. A non-alcoholic break that wouldn’t lead to Wynonna facedown on the couch, sobbing quietly while Nicole pretends to be asleep in a chair close by so Wynonna will keep crying and letting it out.
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you might
And, babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
Finally, the song penetrates them and the words ring loudly.
Wynonna pushes in closer to the taller woman and squeezes her eyes shut. Her head is back against a strong shoulder once more. Her mind creates another world and she allows herself to succumb to it. The sudden musk of firewood, gunpowder, and cigarellos floods her senses.
Doc.
Won't you stay?
Won't you stay?
Slowly, slowly you unfold me
Nicole is walking down her own path within her head. Her body feels soft, warm, and light. Nicole wraps her arms more securely around the woman in her arms. She takes in a deep breath, inhaling and tasting white raspberry, daisies, and sugar all at once.
Waverly.
Wynonna dances with Doc. Nicole dances with Waverly. They forget about them being lost in the garden. They’re right there. It feels so real, so clear. It is real.
But do you know me at all?
Someone told me love controls everything,
But only if you know
Wynonna tips her head up and looks at Doc. He grins down at her. She hears him say “I miss you” in that low register he reserves for her and she can only smile up at him. The dimples in her cheek formed under piercing blue eyes. “Kiss me, please,” she manages.
He obliges.
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try
Nicole looks down at the woman she loves and declares, “I miss you.” Her voice is just above a whisper and her brown eyes are penetrating the hazel ones that feel like home. Waverly smiles the smile that makes her eyes look like crescent moons. “Kiss me, please,” she whispers back.
Nicole leans down, pressing her lips firmly and lovingly against hers. Every cell in her body explodes at the sensation of kissing this woman. When a slender hand tangles into the short strands of her red hair, she hums happily.
Just try sometimes
But all that I've been thinking of
I just think
Is maybe that you might
You might
Wynonna allows herself to surrender completely, almost going limp within the arms holding her so tightly. She’s safe. Her lips move naturally in this kiss, promising herself she’s not going to let this moment go. She’s just going to live in it forever.
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try
Nicole will not break the spell. It’s too precious, too therapeutic and perfect. They’re safe. They’re here.
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you might
When the short breaths Wynonna’s taking as her lips part and come back together fail to provide her with enough oxygen, her ribs force her to pull away - but not far. Her eyes remained closed and she presses her forehead up against another. As she inhales deeply for the first time, she smells vanilla dipped donuts.
Nicole.
And, babe, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
The sheriff’s chest aches when the kiss finally ends. She couldn’t be the one to pause this kiss, but her body demanded otherwise. Pressing firmly down into the one who had just brought her back to life, she allows her lungs to fill fully. The scent of whiskey and gardenias reaches her.
Wynonna.
And love's floating away
They both come back to reality in the same moment. Blue eyes meeting brown, both tearing up as their minds stop playing tricks. Wynonna’s hands fall to Nicole’s shoulders and grasp fistfuls of fabric in her hands as she tries to figure out what she can do. Nicole’s hands slowly slide down Wynonna’s back and stop in the middle, still holding her in her arms.
“Wynonna-”
“Don’t.” Wynonna doesn’t want to hear whatever Nicole’s going to say. The spell is already broken and she feels shattered all over again.
“Can we just go to sleep?” The Earp heir begs, desperately.
“Of course.”
They’ll talk about it.
Or not.
Later.
Won't you stay?
Won't you stay?