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Jimmy is more perceptive than people give him credit for. He notices things.
Specifically, he notices things about Pete.
Gary might be long gone, but his stink is still all over the school, not to leave for a long time. There are still soot stains in the gym; the library still smells like dead rats.
But more than anything, Jimmy notices how Pete is affected in the aftermath.
There are so many instances where Jimmy or someone else near Pete will make a sweeping gesture or move too fast or talk too loud in a specific tone, and Pete will flinch or duck or simply go silent. There are too many of those to count.
But there are a few specific events that stick out in Jimmy's mind.
His new duties as Head Boy mean they now have less time to hang out, but they do get the occasional moment to themselves. Jimmy walks in on Pete watching the televised Bullworth swim team meet one Saturday morning.
"Watching this again?" It doesn't really mean anything. That's Jimmy kidding around with his best bud; good-natured ribbing between friends.
Pete flinches anyway. "I finally got the time, you know? It's quiet and no one else is fighting me for the remote."
Jimmy frowns. It's one of many things about Pete he's noticed; he always seems ready to defend whatever it is he's doing or whatever he's interested in.
No points for guessing the cause of that, Jimmy thinks with a scowl. "Hey, I'm not judgin'. It's not the olympics, but it's better than nothing." He flops down next to Pete and drapes an arm across his shoulders. "You like swimming, Pete?" he asks. He wonders if there's some other reason why his friend likes to watch their stupid high school's stupid team swim.
Absently he remembers Gary's incessant prodding over a year ago, making jokes about Pete ogling the swimmers. He quickly puts the thought aside; he now knows that Gary's full of shit. Even if Gary was right about this one thing and Pete does notice how good people look in their bathing suits, he's a sixteen-year-old boy. He's allowed to look. Jimmy isn't going to judge.
"Yeah, actually. I do." Pete has a small, surprised smile on his face. "I used to be pretty good; I'm pretty fast in the water."
"Really?" That's news to Jimmy. Now that he thinks about it, he realizes just how little he knows about Pete. What else is he interested in? "You ever think about trying out for the swim team?"
"Oh, you know," Pete laughs. "I don't think I'm that good. Besides, I'm Head Boy now, I--I don't think I'd have the time."
Jimmy lets it go, though he can't help but wonder if he isn't the first person Pete might have discussed this with.
Another time Jimmy narrowly escapes the prefects and makes it safely to the boys' dorm after curfew. He expects the building to be quiet; it usually is around this time.
But there's a pale light coming from the common room. Jimmy realizes that the television's on and goes to investigate.
There's Pete sitting on the couch, watching an old black-and-white horror movie. "Pete?" he asks.
He expects his friend to flinch, but this is the one time he doesn't. "Hey, Jimmy. What're you doing out so late?"
It had seemed important before, but now Jimmy's interest is on his friend. "Eh, you know. Errands; odd jobs. That sorta thing." He leaps over the back of the couch and makes himself comfortable. "Why're you up so late? Doesn't seem like the sort of thing a prefect should be doing."
"Head boy," Pete absently corrects. The walking dead on screen swarm a woman in shock. "Had a nightmare."
"Oh." Jimmy moves closer to Pete and risks slinging his arm over the back of the couch. It's like he's giving his friend a one-armed hug, but not quite. "This the best thing to watch after that?"
Pete shrugs. "It's just a movie. Real life is way scarier."
Jimmy frowns. It's then that he lets his arm drop over Pete's shoulders. "You wanna, like...talk about it, or...?"
"Gary was there. Talking about how he hated me but still owned me." Pete shrugged. "Seems pretty stupid now that I say it out loud."
Clearly it isn't, if it's affecting Pete's dreams. "He doesn't own you, Pete. You're yours." Also, anyone who hated Pete Kowalski would be an idiot, but Jimmy keeps that thought to himself.
"I know." Pete doesn't sound like he believes it, but he's at least said the words out loud.
Pete winds up falling asleep on Jimmy's shoulder, and it's quiet and comfortable and natural. It feels right in a way Jimmy has never felt before. Even after the movie's ended, he leaves the television on. It's a good white noise for the dead of night, and anyway, it's not like he's the one paying Bullworth's electricity bills.
It's a little awkward when they both wake up, but at least no one else is there to see them.
From there on out, Jimmy can't help himself. He becomes a bit more physical with Peter Kowalski. More often than not he'll find one of his hands on his shoulder or one of his arms wrapped around him as they walk to the same destination. At one point, Pete says something so dumb, so awkward, so endearingly dorky in such a Pete-ey way, Jimmy grabs him in a headlock and musses his dark curls with his other hand. That's probably the first time he ever hears Pete laugh, and he decides that he'll do anything to hear him do it again.
He specifically remembers that, because it's only a few days later when Jimmy opens the door to Pete's dorm room and forgets to knock.
There's Pete, curled up on his side beneath his covers, shaking with quiet sobs.
Jimmy doesn't consider himself a very tender guy, and suspects he'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who would disagree. But seeing Pete cry is kind of like seeing a puppy get kicked. "Pete?" he tries.
"What? Hey! Get out! Go away!" Pete's voice is thick and shaky and, really, not the slightest bit intimidating. Honestly, the sound of it only makes Jimmy's heart ache more.
Without thinking, he turns and shuts Pete's door, locking it behind him. This is a private moment and he's the only one who wants to be here for it.
At the sound of the door closing, Pete lets himself get louder. Jimmy can actually hear the sobs now.
Jimmy moves quietly. Pete only realizes he's still in the room when he sits on the bed and the mattress sinks under his weight.
"Hey!" Pete sniffles. "I-I just said--"
"I know, Pete. Nothin' doin'." Jimmy puts a hand on the trembling Pete-shaped lump. "What's wrong, Pete? Someone hurt you? Come on; whose ass do I have to kick?" Jimmy will hurt the whole school if he discovers that they all had a hand in making his friend cry.
"It's not that, it's...it's stupid."
Jimmy frowns before he kicks his shoes off and lies down on his side. He drapes an arm over what he thinks is Pete's waist. "Doubt it. Even if it is, tell me anyway." Talking things out can help, from what he understands. Jimmy, personally, doesn't go by that; he's always been the sort to do the talking with his fists. Which is why he wound up at Bullworth, in the first place.
Of course, not everyone is him. Thank God; he's grateful for Pete just the way he is.
"I saw the date today. This time last year, my mom was in the hospital. She was really sick."
Jimmy grimaces. "Oh, shit...is she okay? Did she get sick again?" Pete thinks that's stupid?
He hears fabric shift. He thinks Pete just shook his head. "No, she's fine. But Gary knew something was wrong. He was being his usual self, so I snapped at him."
Jimmy frowns. "Couldn't have been happy about that." What does Gary have to do with this?
"I told him what was bothering me. Just to get it over with, you know? But then he..." Jimmy gives him a squeeze. "He said 'Jeez, Petey, give me some slack. I'm not a complete monster!' Then he hugged me. Actually hugged me!"
Jimmy's eyes widen. "Whoa." That explains why this is such a notable event; if he didn't know better, he'd think Pete was lying.
"He said that it sucked and that he was sorry." Pete breaks into a fresh wave of sobs. Jimmy's never been good at the whole 'comforting,' thing; all he can think to do is rub what he thinks is Pete's shoulder.
"I miss that Gary. The one who could show compassion when he wanted. He just...didn't usually want to."
"That's just it, though, Pete. It's all the same Gary." Jimmy wonders if there's a polite way of saying 'That guy really screwed you up; stop wasting your time on him when he clearly doesn't deserve it.' What is that gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach? Why does he want to say 'I care about you; think about me instead'?
"I know." Pete sniffs wetly and Jimmy gives him a squeeze. "Logically I know you're right. It's fucked up, isn't it? I mean...isn't it stupid? That I miss him at all?"
Then Jimmy feels guilty. He frowns, thinking carefully before speaking. "My mom's been married five times now. Some of my stepdads weren't so bad, but plenty were. Stepdad Number Two was the worst; he hit her when he got angry."
"Jesus..." Pete breathes.
"Yeah. She only decided to leave his sorry ass when I got in between them one time and he decked me instead."
Pete shifts under the covers. Jimmy suspects they're facing each other now. "That's so horrible. I'm sorry, Jimmy."
Jimmy can't help but smile a little. Here Pete is, crying his eyes out, and he still finds a way to be nice to him. "She missed him afterwards. I didn't get it back then, but I do now. She married him because she loved him. Wasn't her fault he took that and used it to treat her like garbage." He lacks subtlety; he always has. And Pete's a pretty smart guy; he can only hope he understands what Jimmy's trying to get across.
"He was my only friend for years. I guess...I guess I'm still getting used to living without him."
"I gotcha. You're going through a tough time." Taking the plunge, Jimmy grips Pete's blanket and pulls it down. Pete is red-nosed and bleary-eyed, and yep; it's exactly like seeing a kicked puppy. "Just remember...we're friends now. And I'm here for you."
Pete gazes up at him, full lips slightly open, large eyes dark and soft. Jimmy's never been one for overthinking things; he does what feels is right. He lets his fingers graze Pete's cheek. He almost feels wrong about it; his hands are so rough and Pete's skin is so soft.
Pete doesn't seem to agree, because almost immediately afterwards, his lips are on Jimmy's.
Jimmy blinks and freezes, but once the surprise passes, he finds himself kissing right back. His hand moves back so his fingertips graze the curls at the base of Pete's skull. The movement draws a soft noise from deep inside Pete's throat, and the noise drives Jimmy to try moving closer. He moves his head around a bit to get the angle right; in the process he moves away for a second. In that second, Pete pushes up, clearly not wanting Jimmy to leave. He moves his hand, sliding it down Pete's shoulder and side until it rests on the curve of his waist. Despite the layers of clothing and blankets beneath Jimmy's hand, it feels almost too intimate.
When they finally do pull away, Jimmy realizes that Pete's tears have stopped. That hadn't been his intention, but it's certainly a welcome side effect. "Thanks, Jimmy," he whispers. He's managed a small smile, and Jimmy smiles back.
"You still want me to leave?"
Pete shakes his head. "Please don't."
"Okay. Hold tight; I'm coming under." With that, Jimmy climbs under the covers, where he drapes an arm over Pete. They fall asleep like that, with Pete's head tucked neatly under Jimmy's chin and his hands on his chest. Logically Jimmy had known that Pete is shorter than him, but it's only in this moment that he truly realizes it.
Something shifts in their relationship after that day. Pete asks about it during one weekend when they're out in town. "What are we, exactly?"
It takes Jimmy longer to answer than it should, because Pete is dressed in snug black jeans and an over sized red hoodie. His hair has gotten longer and his eyelashes are long and dark, and the autumn air has made his cheeks and lips pink. It's flat-out distracting, Jimmy thinks as he pulls Pete close enough to kiss.
"What do you want us to be?" Jimmy knows what he'd like the answer to be, but he's pretty sure this is the last thing he should be pushing Pete into.
Pete's blushing so prettily. He trips over his words, but eventually gives Jimmy an answer. "I, um...I dunno. Boy...friends?" Pete clears his throat and looks anywhere but at Jimmy, and he's pretty sure he's never seen something so damned cute before. "I-I'd like to be your boyfriend. If, uh...if you'll have me."
Jimmy kisses him again and his lips taste like the cold air. "'Boyfriends.' Yeah; I like the sound of that."