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It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.
They had made it out of Hell alive, scratched and bloody, but alive. The time loop was over, no more restarting.
Sam wasn’t supposed to be dying, not while Gabriel’s grace was still too low to save him.
An infection, if Gabriel had to guess, from one of the deeper gashes Sam had earned protecting Gabriel on their way out of Hell.
This was Gabriel’s fault. Sam was dying because of him and he couldn’t stop it.
The day wasn’t going to reset this time, he’d be gone.
“Gabriel,” Sam whispered.
Gabriel couldn’t respond. He couldn’t force his mouth open. It felt like the wires that had kept him silent in that cell were back holding his lips together.
“It’s going to be okay.”
No, it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t be okay. Not without Sam. Gabriel could feel the tears running down his face. He was helpless. Broken. Useless. Worthless. He couldn’t even save his hunter.
“Gabriel, it’s alright.”
No, it wasn’t! What was so hard for him to understand? He needed Sam. Nothing was real unless he was there. How was he supposed to be sure that his freedom wasn’t just another elaborate torture set up by Hell? Sam kept him grounded, kept him sane. He needed Sam alive.
But he wasn’t.
Every one of the ninety-three days had ended with Sam in Gabriel’s arms. Gabriel hated that they were back in the same position, knowing that when the life left Sam’s body, he wouldn’t suddenly find himself back in his cell.
There were no more do-overs and Sam was dying.
Sam was dead.
Sam was dead.
Gabriel held his body closer and sobbed.
Sam was gone.
Sam was gone.
Sam was gone.
Sam was gone.
And there was nothing he could do.
This was his fault. This was Gabriel’s fault. If his Grace wasn’t so drained, or if he hadn’t insisted on hanging off of Sam’s arm during their escape, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
Dean was going to kill him.
Cassie was going to kill him.
Gabriel would let them.
This was his fault, after all. Sam had left him, and it was all his fault.
“It’s okay, Gabriel. It’s just a dream.”
"It’s okay, Gabriel. It’s just a dream." Sam wasn't entirely sure if the archangel was hearing him, but the lights weren't going crazy anymore and his eyes were open. He was clutching onto Sam's arm like a lifeline and mouthing something. "Gabriel, can you hear me?"
"He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. Oh, Dad, he’s dead and it’s all my fault. I killed him. He’s dead.”
Sam inhaled sharply, fairly positive he knew what Gabriel had been dreaming about. “Gabriel, can you look at me?”
“It’s all my fault,” Gabriel insisted. “I didn’t mean to start the loop. He shouldn’t have been there in the first place. He shouldn’t have been coming for me. I couldn’t let him die. But I did. I couldn’t save him. He’s dead.
“Days and days of it. Of watching it over and over. I made sure it always ended with him in my arms. I hummed that song. That stupid song. He didn’t know. He didn’t understand that it was supposed to be an apology.”
His grip on the archangel’s wrist tightened. “Gabriel,” Sam repeated, “I need you to look at me.”
“And now he’s gone. He’s gone because of me. What am I supposed to do without him? He was keeping me sane. He was keeping me present. He’s gone. I’m the one who should be dead, not him.”
“Gabe, look at my face,” Sam said forcefully, laying down so he was face to face with the angel. Gabriel’s eyes snapped to meet Sam’s. “I am right here. I am alive.”
The haze of the nightmare seemed to fall away as Gabriel focused on his face. “Sam?”
“I’m here,” he promised. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Gabriel buried his face in Sam’s shoulder, not letting go of his wrist. His whole body was physically shaking. “Sam.”
“I’m right here. I’m alive. I’m okay, Gabe, I promise.” Sam wrapped his free arm around the Archangel and held him close, whispering assurances.
Gabriel’s tears started to soak through Sam’s flannel. “You were dead. You were dead and I couldn’t save you. It should’ve been me, it was my fault.”
Sam pulled back slightly so he could look at Gabriel. “It’s not your fault.”
“But it was. I killed you, Sam. I killed you.”
“Gabe, you saved me,” the hunter insisted.”If you hadn’t started the loop, I’d be dead for good. It’s over. It’s all over and we’re both alive thanks to you.” Sam maneuvered his wrist out of Gabriel’s grip so he could pull him closer.
Gabriel let out another choked sob into Sam’s shoulder.
“We’re all alive thanks to you.”
“How can you care?”
The question was so quiet, Sam almost missed it. He tightened his arms around the Archangel. “How could I not?” He responded, hoping that his meaning would be understood
Gabriel didn’t seem to like that answer. He pulled away. “I killed your brother. Hundreds of times.”
Sam flinched. “But you brought him back.”
“I trapped you in TV land.”
“I’ve forgiven you for that.”
“I tricked you at the hotel,” Gabriel snarled, curling into a ball and shifting away from Sam. “I was always going to disappear. I didn’t even try to fight, I just threw an illusion into the room and ran.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “You shouldn’t care. You would’ve been better off if I had let Lucifer kill me.”
“Why do you want me to hate you?” He didn’t answer. Sam sighed. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. However you ended up down there, no one asks for that.”
“I trusted the wrong people,” Gabriel said quietly. “I broke promises. That’s on me.”
“Gabe,” Sam said and waited until the Archangel was looking back at him. “It’s not your fault.”
“You don’t—”
“It isn’t your fault.”
“You can’t—”
“It is not your fault.”
“But how do you know?” Gabriel demanded.
“You wouldn’t have trusted the people if you didn’t think they deserved it. They broke that trust, that’s on them. Not you. ”
Gabriel blinked up at Sam. The room was silent for a few moments as the two just studied at each other. Then Gabriel extracted himself from Sam’s arms. “You don't understand. You don’t know them,” he said darkly.
“Maybe I don’t, but I know you.”
Gabriel scoffed.
“Please don't leave,” Sam said softly. “I know it seems like it would be easier to just run away but I… I don’t want to lose you again. I need you, Gabriel.”
The silence that permeated the room was deafening and Sam watched the archangel process his words. He didn’t respond, he simply laid his head back on Sam’s shoulder and started to cry again.
“We’re going to be okay. I promise.”
Stop every clock
Stars are in shock
The river won’t run to the sea
I won’t let you fly
I won’t say goodbye
I won’t let you slip away from me
Can you hear heaven cry
Tears of an angel
Tears of an angel
Tears of an angel
Tears of an angel