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Ellie tucked the worn folded piece of notebook paper into her back pocket for probably the hundredth time that night. The perpetual smile on her face remained firmly in place ever since Dr. Grace had handed her the note.
She’d been gossiping with Jack over in the corner about Gibbs’ shopping spree as Dr. Grace continued to work with the hypnotized Nick. When Dr. Grace walked over to Ellie and placed a small folded piece of paper in her hand, Ellie gave her a questioning look, raising her eyebrows wordlessly.
Dr, Grace shrugged in returned and replied, “I suggested he write down something he’s been wrestling with recently.” Ellie’s look morphed into a confused one. “It’s for you,” Dr. Grace explained.
Ellie finally looked at the note in her hand, she immediately recognized Nick’s loopy handwriting, the words “To Ellie” emblazoned across the top. Her heart stuttered, this could be it. Finally, the answer to all her questions. Why he’d been distant. And yet—she couldn’t open it.
Jack pressed, “Well...aren’t you gonna read it?” Clearly very interested in this mysterious note herself.
“I-, I’m- I’m not sure,” Ellie responded. She looked down at the note in her hands as if it was a ticking time bomb. As if it could explode into tiny little pieces of a figment of her imagination at any point. “I’m not sure,” she repeated.
Staring at the note, she missed Dr. Grace’s knowing grin accompanied by an understanding nod.
Jack on the other hand, too curious for her own good—probably because of the hard time they had just given her for Gibbs—continued to push, “What? Why not? It’s for you, he said so right there.” She pointed to the front of the note like Ellie hadn’t already had the words imprinted on the back of her eyelids.
“I- I can’t.” She stated it more firmly that before. “If this is something he’s been wrestling with,” she gestured with the note, “then I want him to tell me on his terms, not under hypnosis. That’s only fair to him.”
Ellie, almost more to herself, gave one firm nod as if to bring closure to this discussion. She’d made up her mind—she would not read Nick’s note, unless he told her to. Now, she may not read it, but...that didn’t mean she couldn’t give him shit for this. Yeah, she was going to milk this little hypnosis stunt for a long while, I mean...Nick would do the same to me, she thought with a wicked smirk.
Dr. Grace and Jack’s eyes both widened as they took in the shift of Ellie’s features, but neither mentioned it. Ellie figured it was best to leave the waking up part to them, she had teasing to think of— ahem, work to do . “Thanks for this demonstration Dr. Grace! It’s been very...eye-opening, to say the least,” she called out as she headed to leave with a wave and a wink. “I’m going to go catch up on some leads, send Nick down to the bullpen when he’s awake!”
———
She let McGee in on some of the secrets she discovered during the demonstration, and teased Nick on a few others. But, she kept the note for last. Tucked in her back pocket all day, it was burning a hole in her jeans. She’d shove her hand in the pocket, trying to act casual, but in reality Ellie was tracing the lettering on the front that she’d memorized. She was dying to know what it said, yet she held strong.
———
With the case wrapped and Nick talking about writing... it seemed like the perfect segue to finally bring up the note. Naturally she couldn’t not tease him a bit. Maybe he’d even spill what he wrote and she wouldn’t need to pry into his inner thoughts.
The second she pulled it out of her back pocket and Nick’s eyes locked on his handwriting she knew she was done for. For the brief moment that Nick spent freaking out, she knew—whatever could be written in there, well it was big. Especially when she saw his mask slip back into place and he tried to act all nonchalant and flirty about it. It was his defense mechanism to- a- tee. This note had to have something important in here, or at least, Nick was sure concerned it did.
She stayed silent in hopes that Nick would let something slip. Plus, it was too much fun to see him squirm. Walking back to grab their stuff to go home, she didn’t expect his next words—
“Ok, fine. Keep it...read it everyday, think about me.” His smirk intermingled with an almost relieved smile about did her in. Was he finally owning whatever was budding between them?
She couldn’t help but smile back, hers growing as she realized what his passing words meant: read it . She did tell herself she wouldn’t actually read the note till he told her to, and well...he told her to, right?
He waited barely a beat before he couldn’t keep up the charade, “Tell me what I said,” he said almost impatiently, but she knew there was no heat behind his words.
Making a noise of disagreement, Ellie’s smile remained intact as they finished up at headquarters and headed their separate ways home.
That smile was still there when she finally got home and hurriedly pulled the note out from her pocket. Taking in a deep, cleansing breath, she decided she should sit for this. Delicately she perched on the arm of her couch. Another deep breath. Here goes nothing .
Careful to not rip the already too familiar paper, she unfolded Nick’s note.
Someone once told me to be who you are and that would be enough.
Enough for whoever you were meant to be with.
They said, “You can’t give more than yourself.”
And for the right person, yourself is enough.
I never believed it.
I never thought I’d be enough, I knew I’d have to give more than myself. But, that’s impossible.
Then I met you.
With the right person, it’s not that you can’t give more, it’s that you don’t need to.
You showed me I don’t need to give more than me.
So for that, thank you.
Thank you for accepting me for me, it means more to me than you could ever know.
Goodnight, sweet dreams
I love you, Eleanor Bishop.
If she hadn’t been sitting, her knees would’ve given out. The room spun and landed tilted on its axis. Her world had shifted, Nick loved her .
She opened the note several, several times after that. It didn’t seem real. Ellie’d read his words again, following his writing with the tip of her index finger, just to make sure it was real. Each time she folded it back and placed it in her pocket. She never wanted to be far from his words. His words...that she wanted to hear.
Writing under hypnosis was one thing, owning it in real life was another.
Checking the time, Ellie quickly grabbed her keys and ran to her truck on the street. She made it halfway down the block she was parked on, when she abruptly came to a stop.
Nick was there, leaning on the hood of her truck, ankles crossed staring at something in his hand. It was small, and she couldn’t quite make it out from her distance, but it didn’t matter— he was here.
She slowly closed the remaining pavement separating them, approaching with her hands clasped in front of her. He hadn’t noticed her yet, still staring at his hands that housed some sort of container, so she let out a soft, “Hey.”
He startled only a bit to his credit. Eyes flying up to her face, “Oh! ..hey,” Nick replied almost shyly.
“Wh- what are you doing?” Ellie asked, not wanting to run him away, but she needed to know.
Nick pushed off from the hood of the truck, “I needed to see you. To tell you something.”
Ellie paused, did he know what he wrote ?
Nick sensed the question in her eyes without her even speaking, “I don’t know what I wrote, Ellie. But I decided to tell you what I hope it says.”
She gave just a simple nod in reply, she couldn’t form words around the lump in her throat.
“Ellie, with you- with you I can just be. I can be me. I can dance like no one is watching. I can tell you my most vulnerable fears. I can joke with you and get it right back. I can celebrate the wins, and I can mourn the lows with you.” He paused to collect himself, she gulped from the emotion thick in her throat. “I don’t need to give you more than myself. You see me for me and ask for nothing more, you don’t expect more.”
“Nick, I—“ she tried to interrupt.
“Wait, let me finish.” He held up his free hand, the other still holding some glass decoration. “Ellie, I’ve never thought I’d be enough. And you- you showed me that wasn’t true. Then,” his voice turned rough, “then one day I almost lost you. And I hadn’t told you, yet. I couldn’t—“ his voice cracked, the emotion evident in his tone, “I couldn’t do that again. I-, with Reeves-. I just knew I couldn’t take you for granted.”
He held out the mysterious object in his hand, and finally she recognized the jar Kasie had gotten him a while back. She cocked her head and raised a brow when she noticed it was filled with slightly dirty water.
Nick let out a low chuckle following her gaze. “It’s lake water. According to Kasie, something I don’t want to lose . Ellie—“ he waited until she made eye contact with him, “I don’t want to lose you . I love you, Ellie. I love you for you. And I hope you love me for me.”
The glimmer of hope and raw vulnerability in his eyes made Ellie’s eyes wet. She started nodding shakily, “Oh Nick, yes. Yes. I will always love you for you.”
Throwing her arms around his neck, she hung on tight as she lost herself in him. What started out as a desperate hug, clinging to one another, quickly changed to something much more passionate. The pent-up longing they’d both repressed finally breaking free.
Breaking free for fresh air in her lungs, Ellie touched her forehead to his, “Nick, you can’t give more than yourself. But you’re not just enough,” she echoed the words in his note, and based on the spark in his eye, it rang a bell, “You are so much more than enough. And I know you won’t believe me, but I will show you. I will never stop showing you, you are more.”