Work Text:
Mickey ran as fast as he could, his lungs burned, cold wind bit his face, just one word in his head
Ian
Ian was taken away by the MPs weeks ago and then, when finally released from military prison, ran off. No word, no calls, no answer - nothing - for weeks.
Mickey was devastated, even tried to fuck a woman... after Ian didn't answer for the 500th time he finally snapped and fucked a guy. He wasn't proud - but he wouldn't consider it cheating, was it cheating?
Now Ian called back, finally called him, asked him to come over.
He finally arrived at the Gallagher house. He stopped abruptly- there sat the Gallagher.
Read hair burning against pale skin, he looked tired. It worried Mickey, but he was also angry.
"The fuck have you been?", he asked.
"With my mom."
Stupid Monica! Mickey never met her, just heard stories about her, about her bipolar.
Her disorder and how she acted for the past years made the Gallaghers worry even more about Ian, it's what drives Ian insane. He was afraid to turn out to be just like his mom, everyone was afraid that he would turn out to be like his mom, that's why Mickey couldn't understand why her. Out of all people, why would he run away with her?
Mickey knew Ian would never be like his mom, would never be as irresponsible, he wouldn't want that, it couldn't happen.
"You okay?"
"I hate the meds. You gonna make me take ‘em?"
Mickey sighed, that fight again. How come, that Ian doesn't understand, that it takes time to adjust to the meds? That it had to be bad before it could be better? That it will be just worse if he didn't take them?
"You go fucking nuts if you don't."
"You gonna be with me even if I don't?"
Mickey only stared at him. Of course, he would be with him. He loved him. He will always love him. There is no other option, there is just him, just Ian. There will never be anyone else than Ian. He came out for him, he lived with him, he stayed with him, through the depression through the manic through the suitcases and the kidnapping. How could Ian even ask this?
"You used to love me." Ian spoke again, "Now you don't even know who I am. Shit I don't know who I am half the time." Mickey didn't understand, what was happening, what was he saying, what was he talking about? Why would he think, Mickey didn't love him anymore? Ian turned around, walking up the first few stairs, then stopped and turned around, "You don't owe me anything."
"I love you." It was the only thing Mickey could think of saying right now. To reassure him of his feelings for him.
"What does that even mean?"
Mickey swallowed, he didn't like how defeated the redhead sounded.
"It means we take care of each other." Was the only explanation Mickey could think of.
"I don't want you sitting around, worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit" Ian explained. Mickey didn't want to hear it, Ian was so much more than the disorder, Mickey saw so much more in him, how could he not know?
"It means thick and thin. Good times, bad, sickness, health, all that Shit!"
"You gonna marry me?" The sentence lingered in the air and for a split second Mickey thought he was serious, "take me down to the courthouse in some tuxes like a couple of old queens?"
So not serious then, Mickey didn't even know if he was upset about that.
But he was upset about Ian's tone, why would he make fun of Mickey spilling his feelings like that? Wasn't it what Ian always wanted? Mickey to be honest and open about what he felt?
"Fuck you!"
"No thanks, already done that" he huffed, almost smiling, turning around again.
He made fun of him again. Running away and then joking around like that.
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Too much!" His voice was louder now, he faced him again, raised his arms "That's the problem isn't it? Too much is wrong with me. And you can't do anything about that you can't change it! You can't fix me because I'm not broken, I don't need to be fixed okay, I'm me!"
Mickey started at him in shock. All of a sudden, he got what was going on. He understood what was happening. He felt sick.
Ian was breaking up with him.
Right now.
Right here.
"I love you”, he repeated, "Do you?"
Ian's look changed, he stared at Mickey with an open mouth. Speechless.
"Do you? Because I don't... I don't think you do anymore to be honest. I think you stopped when I married Svet. That's why you left. Isn't it? You got over me then. And the rest was what? Pity?"
Ian stared widely at him.
"How can you say that? How can you think, I didn't love you? How can you think that I don't? I always Did. From pretty much the first time we hooked up with each other."
"Is that so? You never even told me. You didn't have to, I knew... I thought I knew that you did. But the things you did? The things I did? I came out for you! I put my life at risk just so you wouldn't go, and you knew... you knew what my dad did, and you wanted me to come out to my whole family though, even though you knew what happened, you were There! You... saw. Ian. And I did it anyway because I didn't want you to go because I loved you. And the Bipolar? You stand there and say, you don't want me sitting around and worrying? Then take your pills. I'm not your family Ian. I don't see your damn mom in you, I don't see just the Bipolar, I know that's what you're thinking, about you're wrong!"
Mickey took a deep breath. He didn't want to get too emotional. Didn't want to crack, break down in front of Ian. Not now, when he is on the verge of being broken up with.
"When you were depressed and lay in bed for days? The others wanted to send you away! Put you in a psych ward, I took care of you! Had you stay with me so I could take care of you. You fucking... stole thousand suitcases you kidnapped the damn baby - I saw you in that hospital and it scared the crap out of me. I stayed though. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave you, I love you, never wanted to be without you. You won't even take the meds?"
Ian was emotional, let his emotion show more than Mickey, stood there, couldn't look Mickey in the eyes, close to tears. Why wouldn't Mickey understand, that it was just better if they broke up?
"You don't think I appreciate that? Don't think I know that? Isn't that the point? I pulled so much shit, you want more of that? I think not. It's... it's better that way."
"Better- fuck... Ian, you cheated on me!" Now Mickey was angry, "You cheated on me. I don't blame you for it. I don't... I don't blame you for any of that shit. I know it's not your fault. It's the disorder. But those are... small things... it's not your fault so I can just... it's okay. I would keep up with more shit if it would mean that I don't lose you. Won't you understand that? Ian look at me." Mickey couldn't take Ian not looking at him anymore, "Fucking look at me Ian!"
Ian looked him in the eyes, those intense, blue eyes. He loved them, fell in love with them back then all those years ago.
"I did everything for you, and I would do more. Everything. Can't you get that into your thick skull? So, what, you wanna break up with me? Because it's better - for who? You? Me? No! The only reason for a break-up would be that you don't love me anymore." Mickey stepped back, put distance between them, just in case Ian would now, finally, break his heart, shatter it
"I love you. Do you?"
Ian just stared wordlessly, Mickey sighed and nodded, turned around - now that Ian couldn't see his face anymore, he finally allowed himself to show some emotion, he felt tears approaching, he rubbed his eyes.
Ian knew he had to make a decision now.
Let this man, his boyfriend, the person he loved most in the world, go forever. Or stop him.
He didn't even control his own movements, just stepped forward automatically, wrapping his arms around the other boy.
Somewhere in his head he reminded himself that Mickey hated showing affection in public.
"Of course, I love you."
Mickey took a deep breath.
"You gonna take the meds?", he asked, voice shaking, "You gonna stay?"
The later question was more important to him personally. But this wasn't just about him "You take them to stay healthy and fine? So, you can see Yev again?"
"Ye-yeah, to stay healthy. Will do it" his voice shaking as well.
"For Yevgeny?" Mickey knew how much Ian loved the Baby and how it broke his heart that Svet kept him away from him.
"And for you" Ian whispered.
"For yourself" Mickey corrected whispering as well, "For me? Just don't run away again ... please."
"Yeah, Okay."
Mickey finally allowed himself to relax and leaned into the Gallagher’s arms. "You’re not gonna break up with me?"
"No. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, for everything. For running away and ... just.... everything. I'll never do it again... I promise..."
Mickey turned around in his arms sighed into Ian's shirt, wrapping his arms around his Gallagher.
"You wanna go home now?"