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Hyungwon felt the familiar chill of loneliness creep up his spine, hands idly tapping at the table in front of him. His stomach churned while his mind raced, his anxiety high for no apparent reason. It was already late, nearing almost 12am, but he couldn't stop his trembling hands from reaching for his phone and opening a message thread. "Come over" was the simple text he sent, the read icon popping up only a moment later. "Already out my door" the reply read, four words that had already allowed Hyungwon's mind to fall into an unsettling ease. His fingers danced against his thigh as he sat on the couch, eyes focused on nothing as he waited for the telling knock on his door, Jooheon's innocent dumpling face dropping down to look through the glass, lips parted and brows furrowed. That was a given, something Jooheon did no matter what - a simple action to check on Hyungwon's mental state, a way to gauge how to approach him, how to make him feel the most comfortable. Their other friends had their own ways on checking up on him, letting him know that he was loved and important and he had five others to text at any time, five others who would drop everything to bring him down when he was up too high.
The doorbell rang, drawing him from his thoughts. His heart had entered his throat, his pulse running wild - he had let his thoughts slip somewhere darker for the briefest moment. "Hyungwon!" Jooheon called out, voice muffled from the other side of the door. Hyungwon couldn't get up fast enough to open the door, a smile biting at the corners of his lips at seeing the black haired man exactly as he'd pictured him. As soon as the door was opened, Jooheon wrapped his arms around the taller, lankier boy, and hummed quietly. "It's cold, shut the door," he mumbled into his chest, a soft smile playing on his lips. Hyungwon did as he'd asked after the younger detached himself, already slipping by and into the kitchen.
It wasn't long before Hyungwon was settled on the couch, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a controller in hand. "Hyung, if you beat me, I'm gonna be mad. Changkyun already beat me last week, and I haven't been able to win since. Go easy on me?" Jooheon's words were accompanied by big puppy eyes, his lips puckered in a pout. Hyungwon gave a playful sigh before agreeing, though he'd never planned on winning anyway.
"I did not just lose to Toadette!" Jooheon whined as soon as the match was over, slumping back against the couch from his place in the floor. "I was a second behind her! I feel cheated." He began to sulk, shoulders slouched in defeat. Hyungwon couldn't help the soft laugh that escaped his lips, leaning forward to drape his arms over Jooheon's shoulders and plant a light kiss to his cheek. "You came in second. I came in sixth. I was in first until the last lap before I got blue shelled from victory. Don't talk about feeling cheated to me," he pointed out, a brief exhale through his nose signaling the laugh he held back. "Oh. That was you?" Jooheon questioned sheepishly, a grin spreading over his lips. "Sorry about that, I'm gonna run before I get choked out!" He stood as quickly as possible, leaving Hyungwon shell-shocked. "Hold on, you stole the race from me and you have the audacity to sulk?" Hyungwon called out after the retreating boy.
Jooheon finished placing the final blanket in front of the couch well after 3am, giving a playful groan as he straightened up. "Your bed is ready, sir," he teased, a hand held out to gesture toward the organized mess they'd created. Hyungwon rolled his eyes as he settled down first, watching as Jooheon followed suit, slipping beneath one of the blankets before throwing a leg over to lace with Hyungwon's. "Goodnight, Wonnie," he called out softly once they'd finally fallen silent, now comfortable and ready for sleep to take them. "Goodnight, honey," he replied softly, the smallest smile tugging at his lips.
He heard Jooheon's soft snores soon after, could feel the way the boy breathed beside him in steady deep breaths. He found himself pulling the blanket closer to his chest, arms wrapped around the outside to keep it as close as possible. It was when night hit and he was alone with his thoughts that scared him. It was when no one could fill the silence that his thoughts ran rampant, painting scenarios that he knew wouldn't happen but the tiniest corner of his mind always brought the question: what if? What if his friends grew tired of him and his insecurities and decided to leave him? He knew it would never happen, but what if? What if Jooheon believed Hyungwon was getting to be too much, and the instant replies and the late night video chats and the soft kisses they shared all stopped? He knew it would never happen - Jooheon was naturally affectionate, and he always showed how he felt, if not through words, it was actions - but what if? The more he thought, the harder it was to breathe, the more his heart pounded, the more his skin itched and his mind raced and his body shook and-
A hand rested against his before traveling to wrap around his waist, slow and deliberate. A body pressed firmly against his own and fingers began to dance along the small expanse of skin revealed by his tousled shirt. "Hyungwon," Jooheon murmured simply, voice heavy with sleep yet it was still tender, "I'm right here. You're okay. You're safe. I'm not going anywhere." His words were simple, curt, but filled with honesty, certainty. The rhythm he drummed against Hyungwon's side with his fingertips was steady, soothing, grounding. "Breathe with me."
Hyungwon didn't hesitate to obey, taking in a deep breath and holding it as long as Jooheon did before exhaling. They did this for some time, merely breathing together, a simple exercise Jooheon had learned to help Hyungwon, the younger counting off in his head with each inhalation. He waited until Hyungwon's heartbeat finally fell into a slow rhythm before speaking. "I'm right here," he repeated, his arms finally moving to wrap tightly around Hyungwon and hold him as close as he possibly could, "I'm gonna be here when you fall asleep, when you wake up, whenever you need me. I'm right here." He continued to murmur promises into Hyungwon's ear, lips pressing against his temple with every few words, fingers brushing through his hair every few moments. "Go to sleep, Wonnie. I'm not going anywhere. I'll hold you until you don't wanna be held anymore," he cooed, his lips pressed firmly to Hyungwon's forehead. "No matter how lost you get in your head, I'll find you."
"I love you," Hyungwon murmured, his eyelids finally heavy. He didn't know how long Jooheon laid there comforting him, bringing him back down and into his arms, an anchor keeping him from getting lost at sea. In his head, he counted slowly. 1, 2, 3, inhale. Jooheon is here. 1, 2, 3, exhale. Jooheon isn't leaving. He continued this until his mind grew muddled, thoughts fuzzy and indistinguishable. He could hear Jooheon's quiet breathing, could feel Jooheon's arms around him, could feel Jooheon's lips against his skin. Just before he fell asleep, he heard the hushed reply from the boy. "I love you too."
Distantly, in the back of his mind, six voices seemed to call out to him, hushed yet crystal clear. We all love you. We'll be okay. We are here.