Chapter Text
I was in no right way of saying that I wasn't famous. I must admit I was quite frankly well aware of my status here on the campus of university, yet it never even crossed my mind what kind of impact it would have if I were to just disappear.
Sometimes I just wanted to.
Especially in times where my mind wasn't able to see a single word before me, which was exactly what was happening right now.
You could see your mind as a garden, it has the potential to be something so beautiful that it can even feel alienating. One thing you need is the right circumstances and some maintenance. Both were lacking.
At this point in time my brain was a wasteland that had just been bombarded. It felt like the poppy fields during the first world war. There was nothing beautiful left to be seen and the thoughts that surrounded the area were tangled in a black veil. Nothing more depressing than blood and death. The mere thought had send a shiver down my spine.
I had decided to take a walk outside when the rain started pouring, and it was also the same time I met the first stranger that turned out to be the salvation of my writers block.
The dude I encountered on campus late that night was carefully walking towards the garden, a place I used to sit at a lot when I first attended this college. His footsteps were feather light and he seemed somewhat majestic. He moved with grace while his canary pink hair stuck on top of his head. He was moving excitingly along the pathways. Even through the heavy downpour.
I encountered him exactly when he tripped in a puddle, but my body was quick to catch him. Before I even realised what happened I had the boy smiling up at me before he muttered a 'thank you'.
I lifted his body upright and noticed how light he was. It almost felt like I had barely any weight in my arms.
“Again, thank you Vante.”
Oh yeah.
“It was no problem. But what are you doing out so late?” The puny boy stiffened slightly. He tried to fix his composure but my eyes kept boring into his.
“I was taking a stroll to keep my mind out of the gutter.” He answered honestly.
“It’s just sometimes really hard to even begin to explain why I do this. It’s as if I’m doing it on autopilot.”
Then it had dawned on me, I had seen this boy walking around late at night when I would still be up writing, probably why his stance looked so familiar to me.
“Your steps seemed rather happy though, might I ask why?” I mumbled, my shyness taking over my brain. I have never handled it well.
“I-” The pink haired lad hesitated slightly, I saw his eyes also shift to the ground. Another introvert, there aren't many on this campus .
“I will be having a solo in the next dance showcase. Which gives me an opportunity to be scouted or be seen by bigger audience.”
The only sound that left my mouth was a breathy acknowledgement. A moment of silence followed.
“Would you mind taking a stroll with me?”
In the moment it wasn't clear why I chose these words to be the next. Neither was it why I didn't think it over. It had never occurred to me that I had been attracted to more feminine males around me. The pink haired boy, which I later found out was called Jimin, held me captivated. The look in his eyes showed his emotions but also shielded them away. There was some sort of warning not to get too close, but there was also a form of softness and warmness held within. They seemed to come out as he opened up and started to get comfortable. His eyes formed little moons when he laughed and when his eyes got back to their normal form there was this mischievous twinkle. His eyes fitted his personality. They were in balance with each other.
When we eventually really started talking that night I recall one thing very well. The tiny man had big dreams that led him to almost destroying himself. He told me about his struggles, something he had never dared to do so before. He had told me about his fears and about the comfort he was seeking.
Apparently I, more or less, was his way out of his mind. Vante, my pseudonym, had a certain resemblance towards him. He told me how my writing had helped him and it was the first time someone told me something alike. I had never heard the words before. They felt strange to my ears, almost as if it was just a whisper of the wind. At first I thought my own ego had deceived me into thinking I was actually known and that my work did as I intended it too, but then realisation crashed on me.
I, as Kim Taehyung wasn't who the people knew, people knew Vante. Taehyung and Vante were technically speaking interchangeable, they are one and the same person, me. Yet at this moment it felt like they were too far apart to be living inside of the same shell.
I told Jimin to call me Tae. At first he was surprised, his jaw hanging open, but I strangely trusted him with who I was. It felt like I didn't have to hide behind Vante, that I could be Taehyung around him.
Eventually we got into easy conversation after the heavy subjects of the unconscious mind and the last thing we did before splitting ways was exchanging phone numbers.
I had made a friend of sorts, something I had barely ever experienced in my life of solitude and isolation.
Weirdly enough I had also trusted him with my own struggles. For once I talked about the difference I saw between Vante and Taehyung. Jimin told me that difference was only a figment of imagination.
At the time I yet again didn't understand what he meant. But as time went on everything around me seemed to change. Eventually maybe even put together.