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It’s another lovely morning at Garreg Mach. The war is over and Fodlan is being rebuilt. This has no meaning to you because you are a goose.
Instead of a monastery or a training ground, your goose eyes see nothing but a canvas for your acts of destruction. People to harass, shiny objects to steal… your goose heart beats fast with anticipation.
Already, your first victim approaches.
A dark-haired swordsman comes out of the training grounds. He does not notice you are there, walking with a steely-eyed determination that you empathize with. You notice a box all but falling out of his pocket, and out of the box, a sliver of something beautiful shines through.
Your tiny goose heart beats faster. Jackpot.
Letting out a honk of challenge, you rush to grab the box and taunt the swordsman, who quickly draws his sword to fight you. It glitters in the sun, but this is a harmful shiny, not a pretty shiny. You know you must escape with what you have.
“Give that back, you foolish goose!” he shouts. You don’t care for humans so you just honk back at him. You escape his clumsy hands and race for the pond, your goose feet pattering on the stone terrain. You hear him running behind you, cursing in his strange human voice, but you still don’t care.
All curses sound the same after your 100th.
You run to the pond. He cannot bother you here. Only fish and their dead belong here.
You knock the girl with green hair into the pond as you jump, but you do not care, as you are a goose. The splash is but background music to your magnificent chase scene.
A green-haired man chooses to run after you too, yelling something about his sister. You honk again and almost drop the box, but you’re quick enough to catch it again. Ah, the skills you possess!
Another loud man laughs. He is too loud. You do not like him. You can’t honk at him because there is something more important in your mouth, but you glare. Oh, do you glare, your mighty wings raising in an impressive show of dominance. Annoyed, as he does not stop laughing, you decide to leave the pond to fight this loud man.
But alas, you make a grave mistake. You glare too long at the loud man while running and you find yourself head-first into a cobblestone wall. The loud man laughs harder, followed by the green-haired man shouting. In the distance, you can make out the swordsman and what appears to be the green-haired girl, sopping wet.
You feel satisfaction blooming in your little goose heart. What a joy it is to be so chaotic!
“Capture it!”
“Out of my way!”
“Should we call for the guards?”
“Hurry-”
“Don’t let it escape!”
You disregard the rest of what those foolish humans are saying. A mighty goose such as yourself has no need for such trivial information. Trying to find balance, you quickly look for the nearest escape before those buffoons trample you.
Spreading your wings, you fly away from the chaos, looking for a quieter place away from these loud people.
A sweet smell hits you, drawing you into the kitchen, where a blonde woman works on some baked goods. A very tall man with hair white as snow stands next to her, and they are chatting about something you don’t care enough to listen to. You honk at them, causing the blonde woman to yelp and drop a plate. You don’t eat the food - you have your box to worry about. This doesn’t stop you from happily scattering the contents around, however, honking a few more times in triumph before heading out the back door.
You need to practice honking with your mouth full. These humans do not know their place. You add this to your mental checklist.
What might they have against a goose anyways? Even though, yes, you technically are smaller (and crazier) than the rest of them, you keep your head held high. They have no place lecturing such a magnificent creature like yourself. Imbeciles. Disgusted by them, you decide to find some fresh air.
You move into a gardened area with many tables and chairs. There, a red-headed man is speaking to a woman. She seems quite irritated. You decide to help and move behind the man, flapping your wings and hitting him with all your goose strength. The woman runs away and the man falls to the ground. As the tiny humans say, vibe checked.
They are not worthy of your time so you continue walking, reveling in the hard ownage you just walked away from.
You continue to walk and hear something. You are mesmerized by it and almost walk into a door. You choke and accidentally spit out your treasure. You watch in horror as it bounces across the cobbled tiles until it’s stopped by a pair of tiny heeled boots.
“Don’t step on my treasure!” you honk, but what all that’s heard is pure… honking. You lament the missed opportunity in which every living species understood each other.
The daintiest little hands you have ever seen dares to pick up your prized possession. You try to shout again, but you quickly realize it would be of no use. Quickly scurrying towards your treasure, you look up to see a ginger-haired young woman studying the box. Flapping your wings furiously, you expect for her to scream and quickly run away like the others, however, to your surprise, she bends down to meet your height.
You want to try and scare her again, but a part of you wanted to see how this would play out. The next thing the girl with marmalade hair does is pat your head gently. She flinches a bit, unsure of how you will react. You feel your heartbeat slowing, almost forgetting about the…
“Aww, what’s your name, little fella?” She asks, patting down your slightly ruffled feathers.
Again, you lament the missed opportunity in which every living species understood each other. You would give this young woman a stern talking to about respecting her elders.
Oh, right. The box.
You nudge the young woman’s hand that’s holding your treasure as if signaling to her this was fun and all, but that’s mine. She seems to understand though, as she loosens her grasp around it a bit for you to pick up.
“Oh right, this is Felix’s! You’ll return this to him, right?” She brightly inquires, as if she’s expecting a response from a divine being like you.
You honk, not too loud though. You know this box is not yours, but you also do not want to lie to the nice woman. You suspect she knows this as well.
“I know, I know. It’s a really shiny box. I’m sure you want it for yourself. But I think Felix would really miss it if you took it from him.”
You sigh. Do geese sigh? Who knows, but your next honk sounds exasperated. You roll your eyes, earning a light chuckle from the girl. Reluctantly, you set the box down. You do the right thing. It pains your goose heart, but the young woman’s eyes light up like two full moons.
“Thank you, kind goose. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
You sense some sort of attachment the woman has to the box, however, you quickly let the thought slide. If the box belongs to this so-called Felix, what could it possibly mean to the young woman?
You let out a honk, waddling away from the young woman. Though you failed to take the treasure for yourself, there were many opportunities still left to take advantage of. Because unlike you, humans were silly creatures that had little awareness of their surroundings.
Like this woman in a forest green vest that you stood behind, talking to a taller blonde woman with dark tan skin. You waddle on past them, honking at the woman in dark green. Her jump in surprise sends the blonde woman into a spiral of laughter that earns her a stern comment that you don’t bother to pick up on. You can feel her glare on you as you waddle away to the outdoors, the shame of not running off with the treasure alleviated ever so slightly.
Beginning to wander aimlessly, you stumble across a couple sitting on a small blanket, enjoying a little picnic near a gazebo. The silver-haired young man is happily listening to a plum-haired woman chatter away, said a woman wearing odd clothes you’ve never seen before as they eat away at the food prepared for their lunch.
Without the box to worry about, you decide to take it upon yourself to help yourself to some of their food. Stealing treasure is exhausting, after all. Waddling innocently as you can towards your target, the woman with the unusual clothing notices you first.
She points out your presence to the silver-haired man who seems to take sympathy on you, offering you bread by throwing to your webbed feet. You gratefully eat it up, moving towards the couple for more. The man hesitates for a moment, giving in when his friend asked to give you some bread.
And get some you will.
The man opens the woven basket, letting out the flavours and aromas of all the interesting food that has been prepared. As he scavenges for something in the basket, you watch him hand a loaf of bread to the plum-haired woman, who rips it off piece by piece and throws it at your webbed feet once again. Playing along, you peck at the bits of bread and eat them up quickly.
You realize the bread is sweet. How odd.
“Did you have enjoyment—rather, did you enjoy the food, little goose?” she asks with a smile as bright as the sun. Eager to get away before your eyes burn, you honk at them loudly.
The couple flinches in surprise. Before you can let them recover from their startlement, you leap over to the basket and stick your beak into the open end. Carrying another piece of sweet bread in your mouth, you immediately begin to run upon hearing three voices.
“H-Hey! Give that back!”
“O-Oh my!”
“There you are!”
You recognize that third voice. It’s that same man who chased you earlier. Probably for pushing that green-haired girl into the pond.
She deserved it anyway.
Before you can run away after claiming the surprise, something that even surprised you upon hearing it.
“Oh, do not have worries Ashe. At home in Brigid there are many a goose—geese, that will attempt to steal food and goods from you. It is a strange occurrence that I did not expect to see in Fodlan.”
You don’t have time to focus much on the comment when running from the emerald green-haired man, but something does stick out in hindsight.
“At home in Brigid there are many a goose
—
geese that will attempt to steal food and goods from you. It is a strange occurrence that I did not expect to see if Fodlan.”
Though you did not know where this Brigid was, you feel relieved knowing that there are many like-minded geese beyond here. You ponder if perhaps you will ever meet your fellow brethren one day.
Running behind a nearby bush, you see that the annoying man is stopped by what appears to be his sister, a green-haired young girl with a fish in her hand.
“Brother, eat this. You’re not you when you’re hungry.”
You take down another mental note in your checklist that the so-called sister looks suspiciously younger than the annoying man. Humans, however, are indeed the most confusing creatures you have stepped webbed-foot upon.
Consuming the sweet bread quickly, you continue on your journey of tyranny… just as soon as the green-haired man and his sister leave. The man has become quite the annoyance with his insistence of capturing you.
What did you ever do to them?
Waddling out from behind the bush, you run as fast as you can from the green-haired man who seems to have taken notice of you somehow.
Again.
“There! After him!”
You crane your head back to see he has raised the fish in the air as if he is to strike you with it. The green-haired girl behind him panics, trying her hardest to stop her brother from wasting perfectly good fish on hitting a goose. At least she has some common sense.
You fly away as the green-haired girl stops the man. As you fly, you see a big flying animal sharing the skies with you. On top of the horse is a girl with blonde hair.
You think that is strange as humans should not fly. This is your domain. You fly directly at them, honking and flapping your majestic wings. She tries to push you away but you are too strong. She flies back down to the ground. The skies are yours once more.
Perhaps visiting that nice woman again and seeing what she’s done with the treasure you gave to her wouldn’t be so bad. She doesn’t annoy you like the other humans do.
You start to waddle back to cover as the green-haired man and his sister dust themselves off, unaware they had yet again lost you in their tracks.
The closest thing you can find to hide underneath is a dark fur cape that drapes to the ground. You know that the person who is wearing it will not mind if you stay under their cape for a little while, or rather, they may not even notice. You duck your head underneath the royal blue and black cape. You like it here, it is warm.
Then you hear a voice come closer. You believe it is the swordsman from earlier, judging by how the air suddenly feels extra chilly.
“There you are,” the swordsman hisses. He completely ignores the man whose cape you are underneath and lifts up the blanket of fur and pushes him aside.
“Hey, Felix! What was that f—“
“Honk,” you reply defiantly.
The air between you three stills.
Quick as a flash, you dodge away from his shiny sword. You flap your wings furiously, scattering dust and dirt all around. Predictably, both men yelp in pain when their eyes are temporarily blinded. The man with the cape luckily had an eyepatch over one eye.
Your beady goose eyes have long been trained for these kinds of situations. You notice that the man's grip on the sword’s hilt is loosening. With a triumphant honk, you grasp the opportunity to snatch his sword away from him. It may be much larger than you, but you weren’t going to let that stop you. You’re a goose, after all, and as your mother always said, geese can do anything.
“Give that back, coward!” The swordsman yelled. The other man with the eyepatch tried to grab ahold of you, but the swordsman pushed him away.
“He’s mine, Dimitri. Move out of my way!”
You laugh at his weak attempt at taunting you.
Boy, you’re ten thousand years too young for that
, you think. Did he really think such things would work on you? Please. You had pride that could last you for another millennium. His pathetic insults did nothing.
Sword in hand, or rather, beak, you fled the scene. Now that you had a weapon, the havoc you wreaked would be even greater. A beak can only do so much.
As before, the man sprints after you. Goose and man zoom through courtyard after courtyard.
You’ve done this so many times before. There was no human you could not outrun. Your little goose feet hold so much more power than anyone ever expects, but this swordsman hasn’t even started panting. How worrisome.
Just as you were wondering how to escape and plan your retaliation, the voice of your savior rings through the air.
“Felix! I finally found...uh...what’s going on?”
It’s the woman you were looking for! Her bright marmalade hair shines so brightly in the afternoon sun like freshly polished copper. It dazzles you, but most importantly, dazzles the swordsman just enough for him to stop in his tracks.
You run behind the little lady, the sword in your beak shrieking as you drag it across the cobblestone, leaving a small train of stone dust in your path.
“Annette!” The man’s voice sounds hoarser than yours. Was he trying to imitate you? Hmph, your opinion of him has risen a little. At least this human knows who’s the superior being among them. “Stop this stupid bird!”
“Felix…” The woman chided. “Don’t call it stupid!”
“It took my sword, Annie. What else am I meant to call it?”
As they bicker, you quickly made your escape, wielding the sword like a mighty hero. Which, of course, you are.
You waddle for some time feeling very proud of yourself when you heard a familiar voice echoing from behind you. Glancing back, you see the same swordsman chasing you once again.
“Stop running, foul creature! Give it back!” This only motivates you to run faster. If he ever grows close to you, which was ever so rare, you simply spun the sword in his direction. It looks like he would rather keep his big ugly feet.
You almost squawk in alarm when you realize that those ugly feet of his are about to kick you into the air. You gotta get outta here.
You figure you could lose the foolish man by running up to a nearby building. You flap your wings and hop from stair to stair. Very soon you find out that the heavy sword is slowing you down too much. The loud ringing sound of steel hitting stone bounces and echoes so much that you decide it’s not worth the scare you’re giving yourself.
You spit out the sword and watch as it tumbles down the stairs.
“Wh-whoa! That was dangerous, you stupid bird!” the swordsman yells out in panic as he plasters himself to the wall to avoid the sword.
You congratulate yourself on another brilliant scheme. But your laughing gets interrupted when the human suddenly pulls out another sword from his belt and swings downwards. The sharp steel barely misses you and chips the stone steps instead.
“HONK HONK HONK!” This was no time to fight, you must flee! You flap your wings and fly swiftly all the way to the top, leaving behind stray feathers floating in the air.
There are many large openings at the very top floor but you miscalculated your speed and hit the rafters instead. You pick yourself up and prepare to launch yourself into the skies but stop short. The bloodthirsty human has caught up to you.
“Where are you, stupid bird?!” he growls. He spins around and around like a dog chasing its tail. You wonder why he doesn’t think to look up.
What an idiot. You almost blew your cover trying to hold back your laughter but thankfully, the pretty lady came to save the day again.
“Felix, enough!” she said in between pants. Her face is red, probably from running all the way up or anger. You can’t tell but you do know that it’s scaring you.
She shoves the sword you stole into the swordsman’s arms. “I can’t believe you didn’t stop to pick up your precious sword!”
“Oh. Er. It slipped my mind.” What happened to all that bloodlust he showed you? Tsk. What a wuss.
You decide to take the opportunity to slip away yourself. As you swoop to the skies, you hear the lady say, “And here’s your ring! I’m going to pretend I never had to chase you all the way to the Goddess Tower just to give it back so you can propose to me properly.”
You don’t wait to hear his reply. Although you end up losing all your treasures today, at least you don’t have to deal with the lady’s wrath. Serves the swordsman right. Hmph.