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dongpyo was looking out of the window, his expression forlorn and defeated. his eyes were red from excessive crying, and it stung. it made his eyes water, but not enough to coat his tear tracks away for the nth time.
"why did you have to make me fall in love with you?"
--
“dongpyo-ya, remember that you can lean on me whenever you feel sad. i love you."
seungwoo's voice in the video shown to the top twenty trainees were glazed with love and affection.
"they chose each other," minhee snickered somewhere.
dongpyo cried, because his feelings, his words, his sentiments were all genuine.
--
it was all genuine, yet seungwoo was not having any of it.
"dongpyo-ya, you misunderstood me," seungwoo explained, his voice parts apologetic and frustrated.
"what do you mean?"
"it was all for a show," the older revealed to him. "i cannot love you the way you want me to love you. i'm not gay, i like girls." he spat the word 'gay' as if it were full of venom.
"i don't understand," dongpyo looked confused, betrayed, fooled.
"i have a girlfriend, dongpyo."
those five words were enough to break him, to shatter him, to destroy him.
"why did you tell the whole nation that you love me, then?" he didn't realize he was crying, salty warm tears flowing out of his eyes.
this is a hidden camera, right?
"for fan service. simple as that," seungwoo said, as though it was a common fact.
"but how about that kiss, the day before the finals?" dongpyo and seungwoo had shared a short, chaste kiss at the dorms, before falling asleep in seungwoo's bed. dongpyo felt the happiest, the most secure. no amount of hate can ever rain on his parade. he had seungwoo, that was more than enough.
"it's just a spur of the moment, please don't misunderstand."
he was shaking now, his tiny frame trembling.
"i'm sorry, dongpyo. i'm not gay. we can still be best friends, though." it sounded like an afterthought, intended to make him feel less pathetic.
his vision darkened. "fuck you."
"what?" seungwoo asked, confused.
dongpyo looked up at him, meeting his gaze. his hyung's confused eyes met his, gaze cold and icy.
"i don't need your charity. fuck you, hyung. fuck you that i love you," he says, followed by uncontrollable sobbing. he fell to his knees, hugging himself closer.
seungwoo crouched to hug him, but dongpyo swatted him. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" he shrieked.
the older had no choice but to leave him be. "sorry, dongpyo," he murmured.
--
he sniffed, his nose reddening.
what a fool he was. fell in love with someone not from his world. invested his feelings to someone who won't love him back. pathetic.
"i wish you were gay, seungwoo hyung. i sincerely wish you were gay."
he folded the paper in front of him, then slipping quietly with his big backpack, careful not to wake his sleeping roommates. he went out of the room, then passed by seungwoo's room. he had the urge to see him one last time, but he restrained himself. he had to go. he had to leave.
for dongpyo, it was his everything. but for seungwoo, it's just nothing.