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It’s been an entire week now since Buck came back to the 118 and Eddie is still so goddamn mad at him he can’t see straight sometimes. Just looking at his stupid face makes him want to tear through a punching bag!
He doesn’t bother hiding his contempt, either, being openly hostile towards him at the station whenever the chance arises. Eddie just can’t believe that his best friend could be so selfish. He hadn’t thought about how he’d feel, not being able to get in touch with him, or how Christopher felt being away from his Buck--and he certainly hadn’t given two shits about airing the teams’ dirty laundry to that bloodsucking lawyer.
The sonofabitch had really had the gall to bring up his dead wife. Eddie can’t stop himself from snapping at Buck over every little thing he does lately--and he’s not the only one.
The whole team is giving Buck the cold shoulder, perhaps not as aggressively as Eddie is, but still, it makes him feel justified in his anger.
Until a week later Buck calls out sick one morning without any preamble.
Chim chews on his lip, concern written all over his face. “Should we go check to see how he’s doing after work?”
Hen sighs. “I mean. It wouldn’t hurt.” She tries her best to be dismissive about it, secretly though, she’s worried too. Buck loves his job. An insane amount, in fact. For him to call out sick is odd. The only time he’s taken off since starting at the 118 were the few months after a literal firetruck had crushed his leg, for goodness sake.
Bobby agrees with them, his brow furrowed. “Maybe one of us can pay him a quick visit around lunch time. Bring him some soup.” He knows how much Buck likes the chicken orzo soup from Ginos’ down the street.
Eddie scoffs but doesn’t contribute much else to the conversation. So what if he’s got a cold or whatever? It doesn’t change the way Eddie feels about what he did to them. And it won’t, anytime soon. He’s determined to keep his grudge well and alive, thank you very much.
Throughout the day, however, that devil may care attitude slowly starts to fade.
It’s not like Buck hasn’t apologized to him and to the rest of the team about a million times now. He hasn’t even once complained about being made to clean the toilets every other day or being left alone to wash the fire engines. And he’s even started skipping out on team dinners, knowing how uncomfortable he makes everyone around him.
And god knows since the bombing of the firetruck Buck has lost a pretty decent amount of weight--he doesn’t need to be skipping meals to boot.
The more Eddie thinks about it the more he starts to come around to the idea of going with the rest of the team after their shift is over with, to see how Buck is faring.
The day is so busy with calls none of the team ever has a chance to drop by during lunch, so they decide unanimously to go after work.
An hour before it’s time to head out, the alarms go off, blaring in the station. Eddie enjoys what he does for a living, but just this once he wishes it would have stayed quiet for the next 60 minutes. Sometimes a call can take hours, and though he doesn’t mind the overtime, he’s anxious to see how Buck is doing. He’s been on Eddie’s mind all day.
The irony ends up being where the emergency is.
“That’s Bucks’ place.” Bobby clenches his hands.
Hen shakes her head. “There are other tenants in that building. I’m sure Buck is fine.”
No one says anything after that, but the firetruck does move a little faster.
By the time they arrive on the scene there are several people milling around the building and there’s black smoke billowing out from the left side windows. There’s no mistaking now, where the fire is coming from.
Bobby doesn’t let that panic him. Not yet. Not until they’ve got their boy back safe and sound.
Eddie, suited up, is ready to burst in through the doors and rescue Buck, but Bobby won’t let him. “You are not going in there until we can calm those flames. I’m not losing anyone today.” he says, stern.
And Eddie wants to scream. Because Buck! They’re going to lose Buck!
“We don’t even know that he’s home!” Chimney tries to reassure, as they work on putting out the fire with their hoses.
After what seems like much too long the fire is no more. Just big black clouds of smoke.
The firefighters rush into the apartment, masks in place, frantically screaming for their youngest team member.
“BUCK!” Eddie runs upstairs to his bedroom but there’s no one. The room is relatively unscathed, and Eddie prays that means Buck had decided to go out.
Except he hears a broken cry from downstairs and his heart thuds harshly in his chest.
No. God, please, no.
“It’s Buck, it’s Buck , and he’s--” he hears Hen panicking, and then he hears the sounds of someone vomiting.
Eddie stays in place, leaning over Bucks’ bed, frozen.
No no no no no no no no no…
He doesn’t realize he’s sobbing until Bobby gets an arm around him and pushes him into his chest. “I’m sorry.”
Downstairs, in the bathroom, Howie has to lead a shaky Hen out of that room, where Bucks’ charred remains lay.
Eventually Bobby and Eddie make their way down the steps and join the others in what was once a living room, but is now just ashes.
Bobby tells Eddie he probably doesn’t want to look, but Eddie is a stubborn dumb sonofabitch and he has to make sure, he needs to see it himself, so he shakes the Captain off and stumbles to the bathroom and his knees buckle under him and he collapses to the floor.
“ Fuck !” he pounds his fist roughly against the floor and sobs, chest heaving. He can’t breathe. It hurts to breathe.
If one of them had come by earlier, if they hadn’t treated him with such disdain, if--but there are no ifs. Buck is dead, and there’s nothing they can do to make this better.
Ever.
Eventually the cops commandeer the scene and Captain Nash is forced to pack up his crew and head back to the station. The ride back is quiet with the exception of the occasional hiccuping sobs.
They reach station 118 and slowly help one another take off their helmets and gear, their boots and other equipment.
“I uh...I need to call Maddie. She doesn’t know.” Chim’s voice is raw. “I don’t want her to find out on the news or something.” he hesitates, phone in his hand. What the hell is he supposed to say?
Bobby gulps. “You should tell her in person. Have her come down to the station. It’ll be better if she’s not alone when she--when she gets news.”
Chim nods. Of course. He’s not thinking straight. His friend is dead and he is definitely not thinking straight. He puts her on speaker and the team gather around him.
“Hey Chim, what’s up?” she sounds tired--probably from work--but happy to hear his voice.
“Maddie,” he swallows the lump in his throat. God. “I really need you to come down to the station, it’s important.”
“Oh, uh, right now? Everything ok?”
“Right now would be good. Please.”
“Ok. Uh, give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be over, alright?” she sounds worried, but doesn’t ask if anything is wrong. She’s sure now that something is wrong. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Thank you.” Chim hangs up without another word and shakily puts his phone back in his pocket. “This is going to be fucking awful. Fuck.” he hangs his head. “I still can’t believe that--” he can’t say it.
Hen puts a comforting arm around his shoulder, the way he had done for her at the scene.
Bobby sits down in the kitchen area and stares at the wall blankly. He knows he’s supposed to be team Captain, he knows there should be something he should be doing or saying to make his team feel better, but nothing is coming to him. He’s empty.
He wants to call Athena and cry until he’s depleted of all the water in his body. But she’s in the middle of a shift, and there’s no way he can tell his wife what happened over the phone. As much as she and Buck like to bicker, Athena loves Buck.
They all try their best to put on a strong face for Maddie when she walks into the station, but it’s useless. Eddie hasn’t been able to stop crying since they left Bucks’ apartment--neither has Hen, for that matter, tears streaking her soot covered face. Chim looks like someone gave him a shotgun and told him to go out back with old Yeller.
Bobby is the only one keeping it even a little together, and that’s only because he’s already thinking about drowning his sorrows in a bottle of whiskey the moment he’s alone.
“Hey guys--oh my god, what happened? What’s going on?” Maddie looks at all of their devastated faces and her heart stops. “Who’s hurt?”
Chimney lets out a strangled breathe. “Maddie, um, maybe you should sit down. Something happened tonight and--” he breaks off with a sob.
Bobby steps in. “Maddie, I’m so sorry. There was a fire tonight. At your brother’s apartment. I’m so so sorry. We tried to s-save him.”
Maddie blinks. “What?”
“He’s gone, Maddie.” Chim says. “He was inside when--”
“Is this supposed to be a joke?” Maddie looks beyond upset. “I know you guys aren’t all best friends right now, but this is way past bordering on cruel.”
Hen knows denial if she’s ever seen it. Hell, she’s still in denial. She shakes her head. “Maddie, we saw the body.” she confirms, new tears rolling down her cheeks.
Maddie’s eyes go wide and she looks around the room again, suddenly realizing the grief is genuine. “ Oh my god , guys, no, no, whoever you found in his apartment, it’s not Buck.” she rushes to reassure, absolutely horrified for them.
“We didn’t want to believe it either,” Eddie cries, holding himself.
“No. No, you don’t understand. He’s literally in my car right now.” she points to her vehicle, parked right outside in the lot. “He heard how worried you sounded on the phone and wanted to tag along, even though he’s sick; he fell asleep in the car on the way over.”
“What?” Eddie doesn’t waste anymore time talking, he runs faster than he thought he ever could, rushing to Maddie’s car.
The rest of the team are only steps behind, all fumbling to get a good view.
And lo and behold, there, in the front passenger seat, is Evan “Buck” Buckley, arms crossed over his stomach, head tilted to the side, fast asleep, chest rising up and down. He looks flushed and pale, but alive .
Eddie drops to his knees a second time that day and cries out in relief. “Dios mio, gracias, gracias .”
At the sound, Buck startles awake and blinks blearily at the team. He must be having some kind of fever-induced dream, because everyone is gathered around him literally sobbing their eyes out.
Slowly, he gets out of the car. “What happened?” his voice is gravely from coughing all day.
He’s barely gotten the question out when he’s pulled into a fierce embrace by the Captain. “Jesus Buck, thank god, you’re ok.”
Buck furrows his brow, confused. “It’s just a cold.”
Eddie gets up and goes to hug him on his other side. “We thought you were dead !” he buries his face into Buck’s shoulder, reveling in the contact.
Hen and Chim somehow manage to squeeze in too, enveloping Buck.
Maddie is standing by the entryway, mouth open in shock. “Buck,” she says, holding up her phone with a newly written article for the LA Times online. “Somebody died in your apartment tonight, in a fire. The police are still trying to identify the corpse.” she doesn’t say out loud that they’re speculating it’s the body of one Evan Buckley, LAPD firefighter. She doesn’t have to. He understands it instantly.
“Oh. Oh .” he gulps. “Shit.”
Eventually they let go of Buck, though they don’t stray from his side, and everyone heads into the station. It’s chilly outside tonight and Buck is already sick enough. They can’t have him getting worse.
Chimney makes Bucks’ favorite. Hot cocoa with little mini marshmallows inside. Hen wraps him up in a warm afghan and Bobby makes him rest on the couch.
“I’m gonna’ take your temperature. You look feverish.” Hen says, already leaving to get the first aid kit before Buck can complain.
Bobby touches their foreheads together and nods. “She’s right. You feel warm.”
Buck is thrown by all of the affection. Eddie even sits beside him and soothingly rubs his back for him when he gets a coughing fit. Admittedly it feels nice, and so he leans into the touch, rather than away.
Maddie, having realized how close she came to losing her brother tonight, is also being even more of a momma bear than usual, fluffing the throw pillows around him and making sure he’s comfortable.
Hen comes back a few minutes later to take his temperature and clucks her tongue when it turns out that he is in fact running a fever. “102.6.” she reads aloud.
“That’s actually lower than it’s been all day.” Maddie says, “My day off was today, so when Buck texted me this morning asking if I could bring him some tylenol I went over to his place and took him to my house when I saw how high his temp was.” she explains.
“Thank God for that.” Chimney sighs, handing everyone mugs of hot chocolate.
Buck nods. “I’ll be fine in the morning.”
Bobby shakes his head. “You should take another sick day.” he runs his fingers through Bucks’ messy hair. “Just to make sure.”
Buck knows the Captain is being overprotective, but after the day he’s had, Buck can’t blame him. Instead of arguing he nods in agreement. “Ok.” he clears his throat, wincing. The continuous coughing throughout the day hasn’t helped the ache in his chest. “Listen, I um, I know you’re all just being nice to me because you thought I almost died, but I get it if you’re still mad about the lawsuit--it was impulsive and I just wanted you guys back so bad I didn’t think of anything or anyone else. You don’t have to forgive me all of a sudden because of this incident.”
Eddie, who’s sitting next to him, bites his lip guiltily. “Buck, we didn’t just think you almost died today. We saw the body in your apartment, and we thought a hundred percent that it was yours, that you were gone. We lost you today…”
Eddie takes Bucks’ hand in his and looks him in the eye. “We all lost you today, still angry over some petty bullshit. You’ve apologized so many times in the last two weeks and here we are, acting like children, holding a grudge. It’s so stupid, Buck.”
“Eddie’s right.” Bobby says. “You’re family. I’m just sorry it took something like this to make us realize how much you mean to us. You’ve been through so much in the last few months and all of us kept trying to make all these decisions about coming back for you, I don’t think we ever stopped to see it from your perspective. And I’m really sorry for that, Buck.”
Chimney nods. “We love you, man.”
Hen agrees. “You’re still a pain in the ass--don’t get me wrong--but you’re our pain in the ass.”
Buck lets out a surprised laugh, the red in his cheeks having nothing to do with his fever. He’s so happy he could cry. “Thank you guys...that means a lot. I’ve really missed all of you.”
Buck looks down at the hand Eddie is still holding and then back up. “I’m sorry I didn’t think consider Christopher when I decided to try and get my job back. It’s not that he slipped my mind, I just...I thought he would be fine, because he’s got you and Carla, and the rest of the team. I didn’t think I mattered that much to him or to you--”
“You do.” Eddie interrupts. “Buck, on a list of people who matter the most to me there’s Christopher, and then there’s you .”
Hen clears her throat and wrangles everyone to the kitchen with a look that says we should leave these two fools alone.
As they walk away Buck can hear Chim tell Maddie, “That’s a declaration of love, if I ever heard one.”
With Bobby cutting in with a, “That means you both owe me twenty bucks.”
Eddie licks his lips and looks down. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
Buck looks down too, at their hands, still intertwined. “I really matter that much to you?” he asks, soft.
Eddie nods. “You have no idea. I wanna’ say you’re my best friend, but it’s more than that.”
Buck swallows nervously. “More?” he’s had a million different versions of this scenario happen in his head while in the shower for months now.
Eddie looks up, tilting his head forward an inch. “Much more. Buck, I’m kind of in love with you. I’m sorry if that’s weird or not what you--”
Buck leans in the rest of the way and cuts him off with a kiss. It’s quick and short and he pulls back a moment later to see Eddie’s reaction.
Eddie exhales, exhilarated.
In the background, all they can hear is the sound of their incredibly embarrassing little family hooting and whistling.
Buck ignores them and leans in for another kiss. Eddie is ready this time, turning his head the right angle and cupping the back of his head tenderly.
“I’m kind of in love with you, too.” Buck says, when they pull apart, a small smile splayed on his face.
Two days later Athena informs the team that they’ve made an arrest.
“Turns out turning down millions of dollars from a lawsuit is enough motive for a lawyer to take out a hit on a man. Thankfully you weren’t home, and the guy he hired wasn’t all that smart.” she says.
Bobby looks at Buck, surprised. “Wait, you did what?” he hadn’t been aware of exactly how much money Buck had said no to. Not until now.
Buck shrugs. “I did it to get my job and family back. It was never about the money.”
Eddie pulls Buck close, by the waist, and squeezes. “You’re incredible.”
“You mean incredibly dumb? Buck, millions?! Oh my god!” Chim teases. “And also enough with the PDA you too.”
Hen laughs when Eddie sticks his tongue out at Chimney and wraps both hands around his boyfriend’s torso. “Make me.”
Buck grins at their antics, his heart full.
He’d turn down a billion dollars if it meant staying where he belongs, doing what he loves.