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He never thought he would ever get this feeling. It wasn't a want anymore, it was an obsession. A constant need to make sure that something is his. For once, he wanted to make sure to have something. He wanted to claim something. Or someone…
It never occurred to him that this person would be someone he would want. He felt almost hopeless. He has been rejected before. He was used to being put down by others. But this time, he was sincerely scared. Another new feeling. This time, he wanted something very badly and felt hopeless if it didn't work out.
He couldn't have her, so he gave up. He could at least protect her. But someone couldn't have her either and was absolutely destroyed because of it. The skin paler than usually and bags under eyes were enough to prove that. On top of that, there was the smell of too much alcohol.
Dong Mae’s heart hurt for that person. All he wanted to do was to reach out and safe Kim Hee Sung. Although, he didn’t know how would the other react. Why was it so hard? So incredibly hard…
He closed his eyes and raised his cup with sake to his lips to down it. He was tired of all these feelings. He wanted to drown them with this single cup of alcohol and never feel them again. Yet, that was impossible.
He downed the cup and opened his eyes only, when he felt a weight shift next to him. There he was. The man of interest. In his perfect suit and perfectly combed hair. His smile didn’t appear on his face tonight. His eyes seemed lifeless. Dong Mae furrowed his brows. Without saying anything, Hee Sung took Dong Mae’s cup and poured himself sake and downed it.
By this moment would usually Dong Mae start throwing threats at him. Both of them knew, those threats weren’t meant seriously. At first, it was to keep his distance. Later, it was just a good way of teasing. Tonight, even Dong Mae felt it would be highly inappropriate.
“Sorry to intrude.” Hee Sung finally spoke, only to realize there weren’t any threats yet. He looked at Dong Mae and saw concern on the other man’s face. “What is this? Are you worried about me right now?” the lazy grin didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it did brighten his face somehow.
“I am just making sure, you are still alive, my lord.” Dong Mae didn’t know why he said something like this. It could have sounded like a concern. Or it could have sounded like another threat. He was really bad at this. But the smile, now sincere, on Hee Sung’s face made his heart relax. The stiffness from his shoulders disappeared by a small amount.
“I’m not going anywhere, what would you do without me?” Hee Sung chuckled.
“Precisely. What would I do without you…?” Dong Mae murmured to himself while pouring another cup of sake, ready to drink it.
“What did you say?” there was something unreadable on Hee Sung’s face and Dong Mae felt caught in the act, although he played it cool and drank from his cup. He acted like he didn’t hear Hee Sung say something.
He got scared. It was some time since the broken engagement between lady Go and Kim Hee Sung, but it was still to early to do something like this. He wanted to protect this man at all cost. If he was reckless, however, he might now have anyone to protect. he couldn’t bear the thought.
Dong Mae poured himself another cup of sake but this time, he was stopped by Kim Hee Sung, who took the cup from his hand and instead of drinking it, put it aside.
“Goo Dong Mae, what did you say?” for the first time ever, the smooth voice was stern. The samurai looked at him and tilted his head to side, his hair falling into his eyes. What should he do? He could be completely honest or cautious. He wasn’t sure, which option was the safest at the moment, looking into those urgent eyes.
“What did it sound like?” being vague would be the best thing to do right now and it seemed to take Hee Sung aback. Now, he was the one who didn’t know what to say, how to react. Hee Sung gulped, speechless. Probably for the first time ever.
Dong Mae loved to see him like that. Perhaps, he would like it even more in other circumstances. Oh no, he would love it without any doubt. And he should probably stop thinking like this or he wouldn’t be able to stop himself and something he would regret later.
Hee Sung looked around the bar, they were sitting at. It was pretty much packed tonight and it somehow, it seemed like everyone was listening to their conversation. He was being cautious. Well, one plus, if he wanted to reject Dong Mae, he wouldn’t humiliate him in front of other people.
“I feel like this conversation might not be for others to hear.” Kim Hee Sung said and took the cup, he put aside, to down it.
Goo Dong Mae didn’t know if he should be scared, happy or impressed. Anything could come out of this situation but at least, he will get to spend alone time with the man next to him. He was all for it.
Their walk to the hotel Glory was quiet, which was unnerving Goo Dong Mae since he was used to Kim Hee Sung’s talking. The man never stopped talking but today, he was oddly quiet. After effects of the called of engagement? Ah, Dong Mae still could feel the punch on his face, which he earned from Hee Sung, after cutting off Lady Go’s hair. He humiliated her in front of all the people. He deserved that. That much he knew. He just wasn’t expecting Kim Hee Sung to be the one who landed the punch. He expected it to be from the American captain.
Once they were in Kim Hee Sung’s room, the said man leant against the door, staring Goo Dong Mae down. Both of them were staring at each other intently, waiting for the other one to say something.
To show that he is opened to the subject, Dong Mae put his swords on the couch nearby, which he does very, very rarely. It’s never a good idea to take them off but right now, he felt like it was the best option. He heard a sharp intake of breath from Kim Hee Sung. Oh? Was he getting somewhere? A small smile tugged at his lips for a split of a second.
“I thought…” Hee Sung broke the silence but as soon as he started talking, his voice trailed off.
“Thought what, my lord?”
“What are you doing, Goo Dong Mae?” his voice sounded desperate and Dong Mae started to freak out. Did he do something wrong?
“I’m afraid I don’t follow.” he let his confusion slip into his voice and furrowed his brows.
“Are you playing with me? If so, please, let’s not do this. I… I lost too much lately to go through this unwounded.” He sounded so defeated but if was making Dong Mae angry.
Did Hee Sung think he was that heartless? He was breaking for the man. Damn it! He was pinning for the man and Hee Sung took it as a joke? Then again, he never portrayed any sort of affection. The cold exterior of his was always on a display.
Dong Mae sighed and his shoulders slumped down. This was harder than he thought it would be. It was much easier to just sleep with someone. Women were always more willing than men but still… Maybe he approached this too seriously? There was no way back, though.
He backed towards the bed and sat on it. Looking up at Hee Sung, he sighed again.
“Do I look like I am playing with you?” he was being open right now, more than ever, than to anyone. What else he should do?
“Why are you like this? Why me? You could have anyone you would like to have and you’re risking yourself like this.” Kim Hee Sung didn’t get it. At the part of having anyone he could have, Dong Mae cocked his eyebrow in a ‘really’ question, which didn’t have to have answered. As soon as Hee Sung saw it, he rolled his eyes and corrected himself. “Alright, almost anyone.”
It was true. Goo Dong Mae was risking himself being exposed for doing this. Kim Hee Sung cared about him in that matter, he smiled at the thought, looking on the floor. It was a form of weakness to do this. It didn’t matter that Hee Sung was a man, it did matter because Dong Mae cared. He cared a lot. He wanted Hee Sung to be his. He needed Hee Sung to be his. He felt almost vulnerable by this fact.
“In all honesty, I tried not to do this.” Dong Mae’s voice was quite, so quiet that the other man had to take steps towards him to hear it. “I just couldn’t stop it. And now, I won’t.” he felt sick of fighting it.
Kim Hee Sung stood there, motionless, staring at Goo Dong Mae, his eyes soft. What was he thinking? What was going on in that pretty head of his?
Finally, Hee Sung crunched down on his knees in front of him. He searched for Dong Mae’s eyes that were avoiding him in a lame attempt to prolong this moment of not being rejected. He felt it creeping up his spine that this conversation won’t make him any good.
“Goo Dong Mae, I have gone through many things lately but this… This is the most shocking one.” Kim Hee Sung said bluntly.
Suddenly, Dong Mae stood up, he didn’t know what to do with this information. Was it Hee Sung, who was playing him now? Making a joke out of him? Hee Sung’s eyes went wide by the the sudden movement.
Dong Mae made it for the door, forgetting about his swords, but something didn't let him. He felt tugging at his clothes. Carefully, very carefully, he turned his head to look at Hee Sung whose hand clutched at the fabric of his kimono. He wasn’t looking at him, though, his eyes casted on the floor and head hung low.
This kind of view pained Dong Mae. He kneeled in front of Hee Sung and risked to make the man look him in the eyes. Hee Sung looked tired, drained. More confused than ever and Dong Mae felt the same way. What the hell were they doing?
“How did I even deserve your attention?” Hee Sung asked when he successfully looked Dong Mae in the eyes. It was a genuine question, which made the man with ponytail chuckle. Hell, he had no idea how to answer that. It just happened. Then he remembered one of their conversations before.
“By not wanting to be a great someone.” Dong Mae replied without any hint of sarcasm. He could still recall how Hee Sung didn’t want to do anything because if he did, he would become someone great. How absurd. But it still made him smile.
“That’s rude.” Hee Sung pouted but chuckled, nevertheless. “At least you don’t want to kill me anymore.” he said playfully.
“Never.” Dong Mae said dead serious. “If someone ever wanted to touch you, they will be met with my blade and very much likely not come out of the situation alive.”
There it comes, the need to possess him. The obsession to have him. He would slit anyone’s throat if they just dared to touch Kim Hee Sung. Actually, he would be more than happy to make them unrecognizable.
Hee Sung stared at him and Dong Mae didn’t know what to do but he stared at him almost adoringly and he started to hope. He dared himself to never hope again and here goes again. Dong Mae looked away but Hee Sung prevented it by cupping his cheek.
“What’s wrong?” the Joseon man asked, his voice softer than ever and Dong Mae wanted to laugh out since he never thought, he would be the person to be ever used it on.
Was it a time to get honest? He was honest up until now. He wanted to lick his lips from being nervous but stopped himself to not show any weakness. And then he took a sharp breath. “Don’t make me hope…” he mumbled, embarrassed that something like this is coming out of his mouth. This wasn’t him! Jesus! He always took whatever he wanted to take but right now, he was making a fool out of himself.
Hee Sung kept looking at him. His thumb brushed against Dong Mae’s cheek and playful grin appeared on his face. “What would happen if your hopes came true?”
Now, that question was very daring. Should Dong Mae actually act on his hopes? If he did, he would break Hee Sung in the most pleasurable way, claim him. Hee Sung would be his. Properly his. He would make Hee Sung love him, even though, he was sure that right now, it was just a ghosh of a thought. It would be too soon. This felt like an invitation, though.
“Are you sure you would be able to handle that?” Dong Mae asked smirking, which made Hee Sung grin even wider.
“Try me.” That was all Dong Mae needed.
For the first time in his life, Dong Mae took his time by leaning in and kissing Hee Sung on the lips. He was trying out how the other would react. Seeing, the other close his eyes, he smiled into the kiss and deepened it. He pressed the noble man to himself and pried his mouth open.
The kiss soon turned out devouring and impatient. So did the actions of both men. Their clothes were being messily shattered on the floor, while they climbed on the bed. Dong Mae leaning over Hee Sung, pressing hard kisses into neck and shoulders, biting him at times at places he knew, the other man could easily hide by wearing his shirt.
Right at this moment, his hopes were coming true and Dong Mae really didn’t know what to do with this bubbly feelings. He just knew, he should enjoy this while it lasted...