Chapter Text
>tetsurou 00:13: sawamura
>tetsurou 00:13: my mans
>tetsurou 00:13: you GOTTA come to this party
>>Unknown 00:14: who is this
>tetsurou 00:14: daichi u already KNO
>>Unknown 00:14: im not daichi sorry
>tetsurou 00:15: sorry kenma gave me this number i mustve misread it
>>Unknown 00:16: okay. bye.
>tetsurou 00:16: rude much?
>>Unknown 00:16: typically when someone says bye thats a cue to end the convo
>tetsurou 00:18: okay bye loser
>tetsurou 00:25: daichi i just texted the BIGGEST asshole in a quest to get you to come to this party so you better come
>>Unknown 00:25: hate to disappoint but its still me
>tetsurou 00:25: GDI
>>Unknown 00:26: like damn if you really want me to come to the party that badly i guess i will
>tetsurou 00:26: i dont even KNOW you
>>Unknown 00:27: oh but i know you
>>Unknown 00:27: let me take a guess
>>Unknown 00:27: overly tall, shitty hair, likes science like a fucking LOSER, currently draped over one of your best friends like a home of sexual, stupid
>>Unknown 00:27: did i miss anything?
>tetsurou 00:28: okay asshole who are you
>>Unknown 00:28: youre dumber than you look if you havent figured it out yet
>>Unknown 00:28: and you look pretty dumb
>>Unknown 00:28: give it a minute
>tetsurou 00:29: …
>tetsurou 00:29: are you fucking KIDDING me
>>Unknown 00:29: and it clicks! the crowd goes wild!
>tetsurou 00:30: where are you you dumb piece of shit
>>Unknown 00:30: in your dreams ;)
>tetsurou 00:30: you fucking WISH
>tetsurou 00:30: who INVITED you
>>Unknown 00:31: secret ;)
>tetsurou 00:31: I HATE YOU
>>fucking snake ass NO 00:31: [sent a picture]
>>fucking snake ass NO 00:31: oh god oh fuck your ugly face is melting my phone
>tetsurou 00:35: OKAY WHERE ARE YOU
>tetsurou 00:35: are you seriously hiding behind oikawa you fucking LOSER
>>fucking snake ass NO 00:35: you cant just say names and expect me to know who youre talking about
>>fucking snake ass NO 00:35: are you gonna come say hi or what
>tetsurou 00:36: absolutely fucking not
>tetsurou 00:36: why is daishou here
>>rude man 00:36: because you need a friend
>tetsurou 00:36: I KNEW YOU INVITED HIM
>tetsurou 00:36: why didnt you just come to the party jesus
>>rude man 00:37: i had things to do
>tetsurou 00:38: boyfriends to text you mean
>>rude man 00:38: were not dating
>>rude man 00:38: also im not forgetting about the last party
>tetsurou 00:38: HE SAID HE WAS SORRY
>>rude man 00:39: he threw me in the pool.
>>rude man 00:39: with my gameboy
>>rude man 00:40: they dont even SELL those anymore
>tetsurou 00:40: your gameboy was fine though
>>rude man 00:40: bokuto didnt know that
>tetsurou 00:40: why DAISHOU
>>rude man 00:41: hes the only one who goes to your college
>>rude man 00:41: besides i thought you guys got that shit sorted out at nationals
>tetsurou 00:41: why would you think that
>>rude man 00:42: i saw you smoking in the park together
>tetsurou 00:42: THAT DOESNT MEAN I LIKE HIM
>>rude man 00:42: youve been bored at university dont try to tell me daishou isnt a welcome distraction
>>rude man 00:42: now go play nice for all of our sanities
>tetsurou 00:43: youre not even HERE
>>rude man 00:43: yes but bokuto wont stop nervously texting me about your “enraged baboon typing”
>tetsurou 00:44: i hate you
>>rude man 00:44: youd die without me
three days earlier
>>gaymer boy 17:03: please
>suguru 17:03: no
>>gaymer boy 17:04: please
>suguru 17:04: why should i
>>gaymer boy 17:04: because you care about him
>suguru 17:05: says who
>>gaymer boy 17:05: says me
>>gaymer boy 17:07: you know im right dont ignore me
>suguru 17:07: i stopped caring about kuroo a long fucking time ago
>>gaymer boy 17:08: hes suffering daishou
>suguru 17:08: and thats my fault somehow?
>>gaymer boy 17:09: no but you could help
>suguru 17:10: i dont know what you want me to say
>suguru 17:10: just because you and i are friends again doesnt mean kuroo and i ever will be
>suguru 17:10: and say i did care about him what do you expect? for him just to let me back into his life? easy has never been kuroos style
>>gaymer boy 17:10: i know you still care about him
>>gaymer boy 17:10: and in the same way i know he still cares about you
>>gaymer boy 17:10: the two of you have always been too stubborn to fix whatever bad blood lies between you, though it can be. like easily.
>>gaymer boy 17:11: if you care about him, if you want him in your life again, if you have any semblance of what you two used to be, you’ll help him
>>gaymer boy 17:11: and trust me, he wants your help
>suguru 17:11: youve never been one for meddling so why now
>>gaymer boy 17:11: you havent seen him daishou
>>gaymer boy 17:12: hes fucking miserable
>>gaymer boy 17:12: and as cynical as i may be, i dont think the two of you ended up at the same university for nothing
>suguru 17:13: never took you for a romantic
>>gaymer boy 17:13: never took you for a coward
>suguru 17:13: ive always been a coward and we both know it
>>gaymer boy 17:13: i know but i figured if i called you out on it youd help
>suguru 17:14: UGH fine ill do it
>suguru 17:14: wheres this bullshit party
>>gaymer boy 17:14: thank you daishou
>suguru 17:15: yeah yeah whatever
present
>suguru 00:39: are you gonna hide in the corner with the cat all night or are you gonna come take this shot with me like a man
>>shitty hair 00:45: i prefer the cats company immensely
>suguru 00:45: i bet you just cant handle your alcohol
>>shitty hair 0046: im dd tonight
>suguru 00:46: no youre fucking not akaashi already told me hes taking your little man crush home
>>shitty hair 00:46: bokuto is not my man crush hes my platonic(ish) soulmate
>>shitty hair 00:47: besides whos gonna drive me home
>suguru 00:47: you could crash here
>>shitty hair 00:47: no thank you this place is going to be crawling with drunk teenagers all night im not sleeping here
>suguru 00:47: fine ill drive you home now come take this shot
>>shitty hair 00:47: i mustve misread that which is weird because i havent had anything to drink
>>shitty hair 00:47: did daishou fucking suguru just offer me a ride home
>suguru 00:48: im offering but im regretting it
>>shitty hair 00:49: oh god youre coming over here
>>beard 01:32: did i just see you with kuroo tetsurou?
>suguru 01:32: who is this
>>beard 01:33: what am i in your phone?
>suguru 01:33: beard?
>>beard 01:33: oh haha i forgot i did that.
>>beard 01:33: its mika!
>suguru 01:34: why are you beard in my phone
>>beard 01:34: because you’re a twink. and everyone thought we were each other’s beards.
>suguru 01:35: 1) im not a twink 2) im bi?? youre bi??
>>beard 01:35: 1) don’t be afraid of the truth, 2) i know but everyone was convinced you were gay and i was a lesbian.
>>beard 01:35: i changed it right before we broke up as a joke.
>suguru 01:36: oh okay
>>beard 01:38: now back to my original question.
>>beard 01:38: did i or did i not just see you hand kuroo tetsurou multiple shots at a party?
>suguru 01:40: …
>suguru 01:40: you did
>>beard 01:43: i thought you hated him?
>suguru 01:43: i liked the idea of hating him
>suguru 01:43: kenma convinced me to be fucking besties with him or whatever because we go to the same university and hes apparently miserable
>suguru 01:43: i personally couldnt care less but kuroo doesnt seem to be taking the plan well
>>beard 01:50: oh daishou
>>beard 01:50: you’ve always been a horrible liar.
>suguru 01:53: whats that supposed to mean
>>beard 01:58: i’m not your girlfriend anymore but i still know you very well.
>>beard 01:58: and i know that you and kuroo have had this weird obsession with each other since middle school.
>>beard 01:58: and i like to think that we’re still friends, or at least we could be. so i’m going to do you a favor as a friend,
>>beard 01:58: don’t fuck this up.
>>shitty hair 01:58: hye who ya textin over ther
>suguru 01:58: a friend i guess
>>shitty hair 01:58: ddnt lnow you had friends
>suguru 01:59: youre infuriating
>>shitty hair 01:59: YOUREE INFURITATING
>suguru 02:00: infuritating
>>shitty hair 02:00: lesve me alonr im durnk and its ur fautl
>>shitty hair 02:00: waoh hey wht is time passing i dint allow this
>>shitty hair 02:00: i wss gona say smth but i changed cmy mind
>suguru 02:01: what were you gonna say
>>shitty hair 02:01: secert ;)
>suguru 02:41: i think you should head home now
>suguru 02:41: whered you run off to
>>shitty hair 02:41: bathrom
>>shitty hair 12:12: WHY IS DAISHOU IN MY DORM
>suguru 12:12: well someone had to keep you from choking on your own vomit last night and kenma wasnt answering
>>shitty hair 12:12: FUKC
>>shitty hair 12:12: YOURE NOT KENMA
>suguru 12:12: no i am not and now that youre not in danger of dying im going to
>suguru 12:12: as the teens would say
>suguru 12:13: dip
>>shitty hair 12:13: bro that mad scramble for the door was like professional athlete level
>>shitty hair 12:13: that shit should be an olympic sport
>suguru 12:14: next time we’ll time me and send it to recruiters
>>shitty hair 12:14: so tell me
>>shitty hair 12:14: what horrifically embarrassing videos of me do you have on your phone
>suguru 12:15: [sent a video]
>suguru 12:15: [sent a video]
>suguru 12:15: [sent a video]
>suguru 12:16: those first two are the only ones i managed to immortalize in film
>suguru 12:16: though at one point you thought i was bokuto and slapped my ass so theres that
>>shitty hair 12:17:
NOOOOOOOOOO
>>shitty hair 12:17:
okay im watching the first video wish me luck
>suguru 12:17: no
>>shitty hair 12:17: rude
>>shitty hair 12:18: A
>>shitty hair 12:18: AM I RAPPING?
>suguru 12:19: yes and its glorious
>suguru 12:19: its about mario kart if you couldnt tell
>>shitty hair 12:19: i hate myself
>>shitty hair 12:20: how many people did you send these to
>suguru 12:20: just kenma but im sure hes distributed them by now
>>shitty hair 12:20: UGGHHHH
>suguru 12:21: video number two is my favorite i have to say
>>shitty hair 12:21: oh my god
>>shitty hair 12:21: i cant fucking watch this
>suguru 12:22: yes kuroo you are in fact dancing though it may not look like it
>>shitty hair 12:22: i want to crawl in a hole and di e
>suguru 12:22: did you get to the headbanging
>>shitty hair 12:23: i did and i hate it
>>shitty hair 12:23: kenma has no doubt made sure that all of japan has seen me headbang so hard that i fell over
>suguru 12:23: god that was so fucking funny
>suguru 12:24: dont get me wrong i love being drunk but being sober around drunk people is SO much fun
>>shitty hair 12:27: whats this third video
>suguru 12:27: thats one kenma sent me from when you guys went to the car smash
>>shitty hair 12:27: FUCK I REMEMBER THAT
>suguru 12:27: i like how after drunkenly smashing a car with a bat your immediate thought was to ask bokuto how you looked
>suguru 12:27: “so good babe you looked so hot all the boys love you”
>>shitty hair 12:28: leave me and my vanity alone
>suguru 12:28: so whats the thing between you and him anyways
>>shitty hair 12:28: why you jealous ;)
>suguru 12:29: not in a million years
>>shitty hair 12:29: theres no thing
>>shitty hair 12:29: hes my best bro besides kenma and kenma isnt really touchy so
>>shitty hair 12:30: i mean i would date him if the opportunity arose but hes head over heels for akaashi so theres that
>suguru 12:30: you and your pining
>>shitty hair 12:31: its not pining if you ignore it
>>shitty hair 12:31: and its not really like that either
>>shitty hair 12:31: im perfectly content being his friend
>>shitty hair 12:31: WAIT why am i telling you this i hate you
>suguru 12:35: do you?
>>shitty hair 12:45: i dont know anymore
>>shitty hair 12:45: i used to
>>shitty hair 12:45: i wish i could say i stopped caring but thats not true either
>suguru 12:45: hey do you wanna psychoanalyze me this is a once in a lifetime opportunity i must say
>>gaymer boy 12:45: strange i just got a similar text from tetsurou
>suguru 12:45: im rescinding the offer if you make fun of me
>>gaymer boy 12:45: im not the relationship guru why does everyone come to me
>>gaymer boy 12:45: im going to tell you one thing and you have to figure the rest out on your own
>>gaymer boy 12:46: stop thinking in black and white. stop assuming that you know how people feel. stop underestimating the complexity of your own feelings.
>>gaymer boy 12:46: grow a spine, talk to kuroo, and get over it.
>suguru 12:46: i think that was six things
>>gaymer boy 12:46: then let me tell you a seventh
>>gaymer boy 12:47: when kuroo lets you back into his life, and trust me, it is when, if you so much as think about pulling the same shit youve been pulling the past few years, i will tear you to goddamn shreds and that is a promise.
>suguru 12:47: why invite me to the party then?
>>gaymer boy 12:47: kuroo is my best friend
>>gaymer boy 12:47: he used to be yours too
>suguru 12:47: your best friend is scary
>>shitty hair 12:48: omg did he give you the shovel talk
>suguru 12:48: yes and i am (rightfully) terrified
>>shitty hair 12:48: kenma uses fancy words to make himself sound scary but he cant even order a sausage egg mcmuffin at the mcdonalds drive through
>>shitty hair 12:48: hes far scarier over text but trust me hes too awkward and has too much anxiety to kill you
>suguru 12:49: still im thinking about calling my loved ones and writing a will
>>shitty hair 12:49: the sooner you figure out that kenma is just a rude little man who talks big shit the better
>>shitty hair 12:49: akaashi on the other hand
>>shitty hair 12:49: *shudders*
>suguru 12:50: akaashi seemed nice the singular time i talked to him
>>shitty hair 12:50: he thinks im annoying
>suguru 12:50: well you are
>>shitty hair 12:51: gasp daishou is that any way to treat a friend
>suguru 12:51: are we friends?
>>shitty hair 12:51: i dont know im still debating it
>>shitty hair 12:51: for now lets say youre on friend probation
>>shitty hair 12:52: meaning you have to be nice to me
>suguru 12:52: i dont think ill manage we better call this friendship off
>>shitty hair 12:53: cant even be nice to me when friendship is on the line
>>shitty hair 12:53: maybe you ARE heartless
>suguru 12:53: im not nice to any of my friends
>suguru 12:53: by nature im a mean person
>>shitty hair 12:53: brb texting kenma for confirmation
>suguru 12:54: kenma doesnt count im terrified of him
>>shitty hair 12:54: why is that
>>shitty hair 12:54: kenma said its because when we were kids he punched you in the face and stole your ice cream
>>shitty hair 12:54: its pretty sad for you that kenma managed to punch you
>suguru 12:55: it didnt even hurt i was just shocked that he actually did it. so shocked he nabbed my ice cream
>>shitty hair 12:55: he said you cried
>suguru 12:55: SHUT THE FUCK UP I DID NOT
>>gaymer boy 12:55: yes you did
>suguru 12:56: i have a reputation to uphold kenma
>suguru 12:56: you cant just spread lies about me thoughtlessly
>>gaymer boy 12:56: next i think ill tell him about how you drunk texted me two weeks ago and you facetimed me to cry about naruto and sasuke
>suguru 12:57: THEY WERE IN LOVE OKAY
>suguru 12:57: dont believe a word kenma says
>>shitty hair 12:57: theoretically
>>shitty hair 12:58: if you did “openly weep” about naruto and sasuke while drunk
>>shitty hair 12:58: i would completely understand
>suguru 12:58: its completely understandable and kenma is a fool for not seeing it
>>shitty hair 12:58: when pokemon x came out kenma cried because he couldnt choose between his floette or xerneas
>suguru 12:59: what did he choose
>>shitty hair 12:59: the floette obviously
>suguru 12:59: obviously
>>shitty hair 13:00: you dont know anything about pokemon do you
>suguru 13:00: zilch
>suguru 13:00: confused as to why kenma would choose what looks like a mutant baby holding a flower over this epic deer tho
>>shitty hair 13:01: emotional attachment
>>shitty hair 13:01: xerneas has a better moveset though
>suguru 13:01: how do YOU know so much about pokemon
>>shitty hair 13:02: kenma talks about it like theres no tomorrow
>>shitty hair 13:02: i probably know more than those competitive players. kenma for sure does.
>>shitty hair 13:02: him and shorty have matching gengar and clefairy stickers on their water bottles
>suguru 13:03: i hate gay people
>>shitty hair 13:03: myself as well
>>shitty hair 13:03: theyre kinda cute when theyre not being fucking annoying though
>suguru 13:04: and when is that
>>shitty hair 13:04: …
>>shitty hair 13:04: yknow what youre right theyre always annoying
>>shitty hair: 13:05: i take it you know about kenmas shouyou obsession
>suguru 13:05: does anyone not
>>shitty hair 13:06: fair point
>suguru 13:06: its frankly ridiculous. i know youre gay but at least be respectable about it.
>>shitty hair 13:06: wait are you gay?
>suguru 13:06: no im a homophobe
>>shitty hair 13:07: ??
>suguru 13:07: ohmy GOD
>suguru 13:07: YES IM GAY YOU FUCKING IDIOT
>>shitty hair 13:07: IM SORRY HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
>>shitty hair 13:07: i mean i ASSUMED but i wasnt SURE
>suguru 13:07: KUROO
>suguru 13:07: YOU CAUGHT ME MAKING OUT WITH YOSHIYA AT A MATCH
>suguru 13:08: WHAT DID YOU THINK THAT WAS
>>shitty hair 13:08: guys bein dudes?
>suguru 13:09: i cant be friends with you youre too stupid
>>shitty hair 13:09: *sexy
>suguru 13:09: jesus christ
>>shitty hair 13:10: no im kuroo
>suguru 13:10: DIE
>>shitty hair 13:10: AHAHAHAHA
>>shitty hair 13:10: ngl tho i totally forgot about the yoshiya thing
>suguru 13:10: we got stoned at nationals and i told you how i never had to come out to my moms
>>shitty hair 13:11: i forget about a lot of things
>>shitty hair 13:11: call it selective compartmentalizing
>suguru 13:12: call it permanent idiocy
>>shitty hair 13:12: i may be stupid but at least im hot
>suguru 13:12: you wish. you fucking WISH you were a himbo.
>>shitty hair 13:12: jealousy is a disease, suguru
>suguru 13:12: the only himbo in your friend group is bokuto
>>shitty hair 13:13: how dare you i am absolutely a himbo
>suguru 13:13: people who are majoring in biotechnology with a minor in biochem do not get the himbo title
>>shitty hair 13:13: how dare you use my love of stem against me :(
>>shitty hair 13:13: wait what is bokuto majoring in
>suguru 13:14: how the absolute fuck would i know
>>shitty hair 13:14: oh yeah haha
>>shitty hair: the man probably figured out a way to major in volleyball lets be real
>>shitty hair 13:14: wait im gonna ask him place your bets
>suguru 13:14: hey what are you majoring in
>>bokuto 13:15: applied mathematics! why?!
>suguru 13:15: kuroo is making me guess and he doesnt know i have your number
>suguru 13:15: also math blegh
>>himbo man 13:15: i like it! i want to be a math teacher! also coach vball
>suguru 13:15: holy shit i cannot WAIT
>suguru 13:15: something with math
>>shitty hair 13:15: gotta be more specific he couldve told you he likes math last night
>suguru 13:15: fine. applied mathematics.
>>shitty hair 13:15: i know he likes physics so im guessing that
>>shitty hair 13:17: how the FUCK did you do that
>shitty hair 13:17: secret ;)
>>shitty hair 13:17: hes MY best friend what the FUCK
>>shitty hair 13:17: this is distressing
>suguru 13:17: i asked you fucking idiot
>>shitty hair 13:18: I HATE YOU
>suguru 13:18: AHAHAHAHA JGHJKD
>>shitty hair 13:19: youre so fucking rude
>suguru 13:19: what else is new
>>shitty hair 13:19: i remember you being nicer as a kid
>suguru 13:20: wrong ive always been an asshole
>>shitty hair 13:20: no you were definitely nicer
>suguru 13:20: im offended that you cant remember what i was like as a child
>suguru 13:20: i bet you cant even remember what i looked like
>suguru 13:21: prove you truly cared about me what color was my hair
>>shitty hair 13:21: black
>suguru 13:21: tch lucky guess
>>shitty hair 13:21: WE
>>shitty hair 13:21: WE ARE ASIAN??
>suguru 13:22: proves nothing kenmas manlet has red hair
>>shitty hair 13:22: 1) im still not convinced thats real 2) genes are weird 3) hes half mexican
>suguru 13:22: fair enough
>>shitty hair 13:23: still not sure why you went with puke green for your hair color
>suguru 13:23: its forest green you motherfucker
>>shitty hair 13:23: keep telling yourself that
>suguru 13:23: okay mr “a cat fucked a rooster and then i was born”
>>shitty hair 13:24: im sure i dont know what you mean
>>shitty hair 13:24: surely you couldnt be slandering my appearance
>suguru 13:24: be sure all you want but im still doing it
>suguru 13:24: your hair looks like the chicken comb and turkey waddle had a shitty one night stand
>>shitty hair 13:24: i hate you im officially calling this friendship off
>>shitty hair 13:25: MY HAIR IS FUN AND COOL
>>shitty hair 13:25: also you dont have curly hair you have no place to judge
>suguru 13:25: just cut it short and then you wouldnt have this problem
>>shitty hair 13:25: nooo i like it longer
>suguru 13:25: also do not try to blame your hair on curliness when it looks like you get your hair cut at a butcher not a barber
>suguru 13:25: its like you have a reverse mullet but only on one side
>>shitty hair 13:26: excuse you its called an antimullet and it is fashionable as hell
>suguru 13:26: its really not
>>shitty hair 13:26: also you have no place to judge your roots look like shit and ur dye is fading so leave me alone
>suguru 13:26: my roots look FINE and its not my fault i havent had time to touch it up
>>shitty hair 13:26: i think that is literally the definition of your fault
>suguru 13:27: college got in the way fuck off
>>shitty hair 13:27: oh yeah what the fuck are you majoring in anyways
>suguru 13:27: pysch
>>shitty hair 13:27: hahaha pick a REAL science loser /s
>>shitty hair 13:27: pretty cool i guess
>suguru 13:27: yeah
>>shitty hair 13:29: why psychology anyways
>suguru 13:29: i guess i just wanted to figure out how i worked
>suguru 13:29: like i couldnt care less about other peoples brains honestly but i think in order to understand the world you have to understand yourself first and i dont think im there yet
>suguru 13:29: i guess i just have this obsession with figuring *why* and i thought that psych would be the best field to indulge that obsession
>suguru 13:29: and maybe ill help people along the way but im mostly in it for selfish reasons but hey what else is new
>>shitty hair 13:30: i think being selfish is the only way you survived
>suguru 13:30: the trouble is that its hard to know when to stop
>>shitty hair 13:30: have you figured it out yet?
>suguru 13:31: not yet
>suguru 13:31: i might be halfway there
>>shitty hair 13:31: not bad
>suguru 13:31: no not bad at all