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Alyss's eyes opened slowly, and it took her a moment to realize that nothing external had woke her up; it was her mental alarm telling her that it was time. It was still dark outside, which meant the sun had not peaked over the horizon just yet.
She sighed a breath of relief that she hadn't overslept. It had been a vague worry when she slipped under the covers the night before, for she couldn't see herself wanting to ever leave the pleasantly heated cocoon that was her blankets and Will's arms. Even at that moment, Alyss could feel the chill of the winter night creeping through an opening in the blankets and she unconsciously snuggled closer to him, his face buried in her neck from behind and his arm draped loosely around her waist.
But there was a reason she woke up this early, and she knew she had to drag herself out of bed. She lifted off the blanket from on top of her, stiffening at the rush of cold but making sure that she didn't open them wide enough for the chill to get to Will, tucking the ends between their two bodies.
She held her breath as she took her next movement, knowing that it would wake her Ranger up and upset him. Ever so carefully, she lifted his hand from her chest and slipped out of his arms, sliding away from his body while using her other hand to tuck the blankets in every area where it was left open.
It was the cold that she was trying to protect him from.
But just as she had foreseen, the shifting of her body had woken him up. And he was upset. His eyes blinked open and he looked at her in bleary confusion, reaching out to grab whatever part of her body that was closest to him, his movements slow and uncoordinated.
"W-where? Where you goin?" His words were almost incoherent from sleep. He found her hand and pulled her towards him, but the courier resisted, taking the opportunity that he was awake to abandon her stealthiness from before. She moved off the bed fully, arranging the rest of the covers, but held on to his hand. He mumbled again, "Why are you gettin up now, 'Lyss? Come back...here...cold."
"I'll be right back, Will," she said softly, suddenly panged with guilt. She reached out to touch his face, kissing his cheek softly. She pulled her hand out of his grip and ran it through his hair. "I just have to do something. You went to sleep late last night, you should get a few more hours in."
"Stay in bed with me," came his sleep-slurred plea. He had given up trying to pull her to him. She was out of the covers now which meant he would risk getting cold to bring her back. "Keep me warm."
"I will, gorgeous," She said, kissing his face once more. "I'll be right back."
His eyelids were already closed, and his last protest came in the form of a weak shake of his head. He was exhausted and his body wasn't ready to function on the little sleep he had gotten, and he gave up.
Alyss stared at him for a moment, then resisted the strong urge that pulled her to him and turned away, towards the door and out of the room.
She went into the spare room, where she kept her clothes when she stayed with Will in Seacliffe. She tried staying as silent as possible, lifting her feet so they didn't whisper against the cold wood floor. The further from Will's body she was, the colder she felt and she hugged herself as she stood in front of the closet. A quick sift through the hanging clothes revealed her thickest sweater and she pulled it out. It was woolen and warm and thick, and she hoped it would do well to protect her against the cold. She didn't change out of her night clothes - long pants and a thick shirt - as they were the perfect heavy material for the task she had at hand. She pulled the sweater over her head, pulling her hair out from under and pulling it into a tight knot on the top of her head. She then moved to her traveling pack laying against the wall and pulled out her winter gloves, setting them on the bed and then sitting to put on her boots.
She moved fast, lacing them up to her knees and slipping on her gloves. It was still dark outside, but she could see through the window that the sky was brightening up. She stood, looked around to see if there was anything else she needed, then shrugged. She didn't bring her entire wardrobe with her when she came to stay, the sweater and gloves were all she had.
She stepped out of the room quietly and walked across the cabin using the little Ranger unseen-unheard skills her lover had taught her to stay as silent as possible. She made her way to the back door, past their bedroom where Will was snuggled under the covers and didn't even offer a glance - she didn't trust that she be strong enough to see him and still walk away. She reached the door and turned the knob, bracing herself for a loud noise but when she was given none she pushed it open and slipped through, closing it right behind her
It was even colder outside, and she stopped for a moment to brace herself against the blistering breeze. Her breath already started forming clouds in front of her and she shivered. The fact that the sun wasn't out yet gave her no opportunity for warmth at all. But the cold didn't cut through her clothes, and that was enough for her to step down the small porch and onto the field.
It doesn't matter how cold I am, She thought, steeling herself. What she was about to do had to be done, and she knew what she was getting herself into when she woke up that morning.
Now...where are they? She asked herself as she cast her eyes around the area. From her place she could see Tug and her own horse standing in the stables, dozing. Against the cabin was an array of different items placed neatly; Will's work-out equipment, spare targets, a pile of broken arrow shafts, an extra quiver, and - Alyss's eyes lit up to see half a dozen empty pails. She moved to them quickly and picked up two.
Three trips to the stream and back and they would have water for the cabin. This was the task at hand, and she wasn't about the let Will do it.
It seemed like such an easy job; a simple walk to the nearby stream and then back, but the cold wind made it bitterly unpleasant. She kept her shoulders up to cover her ears and buried half of her face into her sweater, protecting as much of her face as she could. The ground beneath her was slick from melted ice and wet mud, and every time her foot slipped her heart jumped to her throat. She wondered if she had been foolish to wake up that early. If she had, at the least, waited until the sun rose completely, she would have been able to see better and get some warmth from the sunlight.
But as soon as the thought crossed her mind, another one replaced it immediately.
If she waited any longer, Will would wake up and would insist on doing it. And the whole point of her waking up early was to make sure he didn't do it.
It was because she knew that the cold was to Will. An ever-present enemy that haunted him and resurfaced dark memories she wished she could erase from his mind. Winter was hard for him, and cold water was a trigger.
She remembered him telling her that his only protection from the biting cold in Skandia was the ragged clothes on his back, tattered and unwashed. He slept under a single thin blanket, nothing more. It was the exhaustion of his violent shivering that would put him to sleep.
She remembered being devastated when he first told her, and it was that memory drove her to keep walking.
I can't complain, she told herself and kept the thought with her until she was standing in front of the stream.
It was frozen, which didn't surprise her, but it was thin enough that she could see the water moving underneath. The bank was low enough that she could be at the edge and still reach the water, and she walked forward carefully, leaving one of the pails behind. A quick glance across the surface showed her the thinnest patch of ice, thankfully close to the edge she was standing at. She saw other thin patched on the other side, and although the stream wasn't very wide she knew trying to jump on the other side would be too risky.
She stood over the spot and used her foot to smash the ice, then yelped as her entire foot went through. She gasped as the shockingly cold water numbed her foot and crept up her leg, pulling it out and backing herself up the bank, sitting to hug her foot and rub the warmth back into. She gritted her teeth and breathed, waiting for the shock to subside. She looked back into the water and groaned, seeing that the hole she made wasn't going to be big enough to fit her pail through. She would have to do it again. She almost cursed, but then she thought of him again.
Will.
He didn't have shoes. He had nothing to protect himself against the cold ice and snow. He had no respite. Ever. He couldn't stop to warm himself.
She gulped down the bad feeling in her stomach and then stood. The numbness in her foot was slowly subsiding but she wasn't going to wait. She stepped back towards the water and slammed her foot down, silent as the frigid water splashed her foot. She lowered the pail into the water, jaw clenched and making no noise as her gloves got soaked. After filling the other pail, she picked them both up and started her walk back to the cabin, her eyes narrow and determined.
By the time she reached the house, her arms were aching from the heaviness of the pails. Moving around the house, she dumped the water into the large water tank and covered the top. She moved quickly, not wanting to stop and think about how cold she was. She glanced up and noticed that the sun was finally peeking out, but the grey clouds kept the sky dim and blocked the sun from shining through.
She was just glad Will had not woken up.
On her second trip to the river she maintained her silence, the cold now a part of her. She was used to it and almost didn't feel it. She didn't consider the fact that maybe it was because her fingers and face were just numb from the frostbite. Her head was empty until she arrived back at the stream. The courier breathed a sigh of relief at seeing that the cracks in the ice had not frozen over and all she had to do was fill the water buckets.
She did, and everything seemed to be going smoothly. She knew what she was doing, and she was sure of herself. But it was her cockiness that got the best of her.
Because just as she filled the second pail and steps away from the bank to walk back, the ground betrayed her and she slipped. The water-filled buckets fall from her hands and she landed painfully on her stomach, the cold water splashing all over her face. In a rushing release of pent-up frustration, her hands balled into fists and she let out a yell.
"Fuck!" Her voice hitched, and she dropped her head on her arm. She lay there for a moment, feeling the energy being drained from her. The cold bit at her body through her clothes, the wool sweater now a useless, drenched, heavy burden. Her knees were scraped and so were her hands, and although she couldn't feel her face she knew it must be reddening from frostbite.
Once more, she contemplated waiting for Will to wake to continue on, and once more a memory flashed in front of her that made her stop.
This time she saw his back. His beautiful back. The most powerful part of his body, with rippling muscles developed from years of drawing a bow. She loved his back, including the cruel scars that went across it. She knew the story of all the marks on his body. But one in particular; the longest, widest one that went from his shoulder to his lower back, seared itself into her mind.
It haunted her.
He had been in the cold, bitter, lifeless Yard. Underfed and extremely weak, he was still made to lift loads that he couldn't bear. When he was telling the story, he said that he must have fallen, but because every memory from that time was blurry and unclear, he wasn't sure. One thing he remembered vividly was the pain he felt when the whip cracked against his back mercilessly. The slave masters whip had sliced through the haze of warmweed, just as it viciously sliced through his flesh like paper. He had screamed and cried until his throat hurt, writhing in agony as the blood spilled down his back and soaked into the snow. Then, he had been left on the ground for hours crying out for help, but no one came for him. He remembered people stepping over him like he was invisible.
I wished for death, he had told her, tears silently rolling down his cheek.
She had cried with him then, and she was crying now as she lifted herself from the ground.
There was no cord that was going to slice through her. She wasn't in the yard in Skandia. She was at Seacliff. She was where Will was, so she was home. She was going to be fine.
She was suddenly sick at herself moping. Never again, she promised herself. And she meant it.
She wiped her tears, picked up the pails, and walked back to the stream. She did it all again, but it was all a blur.
By the time she was walking back from her last trip, the sun was completely out. It was daytime, which meant Tug had to be fed, breakfast had to be made, and she had to start her courier work. She hurried, anxious to get back before Will woke up. He would worry that she was not lying by his side, and she didn't want him looking for her.
All her thoughts were vague in the back of her mind, the numbness of the cold and her emotions making her moves mechanical and her eyes looking forward but not acknowledging anything. She didn't hear Tug's soft greeting as she walked past the stables, her eyes trained on the water tank to pour the last of the pails out. She didn't notice as the door opened and Will walked out, just as she was pouring the last of them out.
She barely registered his call to her, "Alyss?"
She set down the pail and looked toward the direction of his voice. He was standing on the verandah, wearing his sleeping clothes and hugging himself from the cold. His hair was sleep tousled, but it wasn't as messy because he had cut it short a few days back. He was barefoot and shivering. He had obviously been looking for her.
"Gorgeous? Where were you? You weren't in bed-"
When she looked up, his words cut off. Will's eyes widened as he saw the bright red of her cheeks and her soaked clothes. Even standing a few feet away from her, he should see her shivering. He felt his heart go into his throat when he realized she was standing by the water tank. "Alyss? Baby, don't tell you went to the stream to get water."
She said nothing, staring at him numbly. He marched down the steps and approached her quickly, ignoring the biting cold ground under his feet. The bright red of her cheeks worried him and he put his warm hands on face, looking into her eyes. She stared back at him blankly. He asked her again, searching her face, "Alyss, did you go to the stream for water?" She nodded, and he grabbed her arms, his voice hardening. "What were you thinking? That water is freezing! These pails are way too heavy! You should have waited for me to wake up, I would have gone to get - "
She shook her head and spoke for the first time, her words soft, "No, you would not have. And there is no point in getting upset now… It's done."
His eyes narrowed and he hissed at her. He dropped his hands and shook his head several times, mentally berating himself for not waking up sooner. "You shouldn't have gone, Alyss. I know I slept in but I could have-"
"No, you couldn't have, Will. Because I wouldn't have let you. There is no way in hell I would let you go near that water."
He paused and blinked, finally realizing what she was doing. She was looking at him with no deception in her eyes, and suddenly he didn't know what to say.
Fetching water was always hard for him in the winter, the frigid ice burning him anytime he touched it. He never told Alyss this, she just knew it. She had just saved him from doing something he had been dreading for days, and he hated himself for feeling a small sense of relief.
He shook his head, and couldn't think of anything else to say except, "Gorgeous, you are shivering." He pulled her to him them, squeezing her tightly and rubbing her arms. He felt her press against him, seeking his warmth and reveling in it.
As he held her, he felt himself shaking as well.
The thought of Alyss, breaking the ice in water and shivering against the merciless cold made his stomach clench. If she ever went through the shit I had to experience...He felt sick. He held her tighter, pressing his cheek to her hair. "I know why you did it," he whispered against her. "But if anything were to happen to you... if you were to feel a fraction of the cold that I felt...I-I just couldn't bear it."
She suddenly pulled away and looked at him, her eyebrows low.
"And I can?" She snapped at him, her voice strained. "I can bear it? Knowing that you actually went through all that shit? Knowing that the reason you hate the cold is because it almost killed you?"
"Will, it hurts me," her voice cracked, the emotions breaking through and the tears streaming down her face. "It hurts me every day, knowing the things that you go through and not being able to do anything. It hurts me seeing the sleep stolen from you by nightmares. It hurts me, seeing that brand on your arm that's going to mark you forever. It hurts me, knowing that I'm not here all the time and you have to deal with this damn cold on this damn island all by your damn self." She breathed deeply and let it out, her hands on his chest. "So, just let me do this. Please. Let me do something for you. Because I almost can't bear it."
For the second time, Will was at a loss for words. He looked at her, her tears dried and left patterns on her face against her flushed cheeks. For a minute, he couldn't comprehend what he did in his life to deserve Alyss. The way she looked at him told him everything and the love in her eyes was something that overwhelmed him. He couldn't think of what to say. She knew he loved her with every fiber of his being, saying it now would be stupid.
But she saved him again. For she just smiled at him, and there was nothing he could do but smile back, warmed by her beauty. They said nothing until she pouted at him and pulled him closer to her and pressed her cheek against his. "Look at you, you're shivering."
"You're shivering," he whispered against her, kissing her cheek and then her lips. He kissed her so his breath warmed her, and she finally felt the feeling return in her face. "Let me warm you."
"Let's go inside," she whispered, her hand coming up to run her fingers through his hair. "I'll change out of these clothes, start the fire, and we can go back to bed. I won't let you get cold, Will Treaty. I promise you this."