Chapter Text
Throughout his childhood, James Potter had never believed that he needed a boy best friend.
He'd got along so well with all the girls in his village after all, always able to charm them, and always dreaming, even when he was very young, that he would one day meet a girl who he would fall in love with, like the heroes in all the childhood stories that his mother had once read to him, and then that girl would be his best friend.
Not to mention that he'd always had a rather tense relationship with most of the boys he'd known-the boys from wizarding families were often jealous of him, resenting the fact that James was witty and intelligent and could already fly well on a broom at the age of four, and probably also resenting the way that his parents doted on him, trying to give him the best of everything; and the Muggle boys who lived in his village had always known that there was something…different about him, and their treatment of him had led to more than a few confrontations.
And so James had decided that there was nothing to be gained from trying to make friends with the boys.
This had all changed on his first day at Hogwarts, when he'd walked into a compartment on the Hogwarts Express and he'd met Sirius Black.
Sirius had smirked and made jokes and sarcastic comments, the two of them insulting Slytherin House together, and almost instantly, James had known that he and Sirius were going to get along well.
Their friendship was made official when Sirius had joined in with James's mocking of Snivellus, and from the moment the two of them had been sorted into Gryffindor, the pair of them had been inseparable, spending their days carrying out various pranks and practical jokes, and discovering secret passageways out of school, as well as sneaking into the school kitchens and into Hogsmeade, sharing plenty of laughs along the way.
Sometimes, it felt like the two of them only had to look at each other with a smirk, and they would know instinctively what the other was thinking.
They even confided in each other about love and romance, with Sirius doing his best over the years to help get James and Lily together, telling Lily at every opportunity about how 'great' James was, much to Lily's irritation.
They had their more…well, serious moments, too, with Sirius confiding in James about his terrible homelife and his intolerant family, and now the two of them frequently shared their whispered fears about the upcoming war.
Every year, Sirius had stayed with James and his family over the holidays, more permanently now that he'd run away from home, meaning that the two of them got to spend even more time together outside of school.
And now, James was reminiscing about this fantastic friendship as he leaned against a wall in the Hog's Head, on the evening of the last day of term before the Christmas holidays, after having snuck into the village to celebrate, along with most of the other seventh years.
He wasn't sure whether he was thinking so fondly about his friendship with Sirius Black because of end-of-term high spirits, or because he was a little tipsy after drinking Butterbeer earlier in the afternoon, before moving on to firewhiskey by nightfall.
Either way, James felt relaxed and happy, sharing the occasional bit of banter with Peter and Remus whenever they walked past him, at the same time watching Sirius work the room; he was flirting effortlessly with a few of the barmaids so he could get free drinks (Oh, if only you all knew…James thought to himself with a smirk), while at the same time discreetly looking a few of the handsome wizards at the bar up and down in appreciation.
He remembered when Sirius had first told him that he was gay-he'd been standing in the dormitory facing James, looking almost as terrified as Remus had looked when they'd all first discovered his 'furry little problem'.
James had almost been surprised at the time at how nervous Sirius looked-his best mate hardly ever got scared about anything. But he'd definitely looked worried then as he'd talked to James about his attraction to males, an apprehensive look on his face as he'd waited for James to respond. It was almost like he'd been afraid that his coming out would affect their friendship, or change it in some way, James remembered.
But James had simply shrugged in response, before he'd grinned and said, "Look, mate, I don't care who you're attracted to, as long as I still get to be your favourite person…" And he'd really meant it, too; he didn't really mind who his friends ended up with, as long as he got to be a part of their lives, too.
And Sirius had laughed, calling James an 'arrogant arse', an expression of relief crossing his face as he'd affectionately ruffled James's hair, and then they'd started playfighting, and that had been that.
James was pulled out his memory as he looked back over at Sirius, who was now laughing with Marlene about what was no doubt a not-so-innocent joke.
When Sirius noticed him looking, he smirked and raised his glass in James's direction.
James grinned back at him. He almost felt sorry for other Hogwarts students who would never get to experience a friendship like theirs.
He also snuck in a few glances at Lily, who was standing on the other side of the room with a glass of Butterbeer in her hand, smiling as she talked to her friend Alice.
James's breath caught as he thought about how beautiful she looked tonight-how beautiful she always looked. This time, he knew it wasn't just the alcohol that was having an effect on him. He thought about Lily Evans like this all the time.
He was so glad that she had finally decided to give him a chance to be her boyfriend, and that she'd agreed to go on a first date with him to Hogsmeade a few weeks ago. He was sure he'd made a prat out of himself a few times on the date, but she'd seemed to have fun all the same.
When Lily caught his eye, James made a big show of smirking and winking at her.
Lily rolled her eyes and mouthed something to him about how he was a prat, but now this insult had become more of a term of endearment.
James grinned at her one more time, probably looking every inch the prat that she'd always thought him to be, before he focused his attention on the rest of the room again.
He noticed that Remus was walking towards Sirius, looking a little unsteady on his feet, no doubt due to a few too many firewhiskies. True to form, Remus was wearing an old Gryffindor jumper and faded jeans, with a hint of a scratch still across his cheek from his latest transformation, but Sirius at least seemed to appreciate Moony's choice of clothes, judging by the way he was looking at him.
As he got close to him, Remus threw his arms around Sirius, and, as though acting on instinct, Sirius pulled him in close.
James moved a little closer to his two friends, trying to hear what was going on.
"I love you," James heard Remus whisper in Sirius's ear. "I love you so fucking much."
James couldn't help it-he laughed a little at Remus's behaviour. Moony hardly ever swore when he was sober, but he was always a lot less inhibited after a few firewhiskies, often declaring his undying affection for his three best friends. He always gave the Marauders a good laugh every time they went to parties together.
But then James's grin faded when he caught a glimpse of the look on Sirius's face-Sirius's eyes were closed, and he seemed to be leaning into Remus's touch, as though trying to take in as much of the affection as he could while it was on offer. There was a look of utter devastation on his face-Remus might have been telling Sirius that he loved him, but James knew that he most likely did not love Sirius in the way that Sirius wanted him to love him.
James felt a little heartbroken on his best friend's behalf. It was all a bit too much, and he had to look away.
James tried to distract himself by talking to a few of the other Hogwarts students. He noticed that Frank and Alice were standing rather close to one another, and he wondered if something was going on between the two of them-he would have to ask Lily about it; she seemed to understand that sort of thing.
A few minutes later, he even managed to share a kiss with Lily under the mistletoe, trying not to enjoy the attention too much as several students cheered and wolf-whistled at the two of them.
The moment they pulled apart, Lily looked over James's shoulder and shook her head, looking a little concerned. "I think it's time to get Remus back to his dormitory," she whispered to James.
James nodded in agreement as he watched Remus, who looked a little emotional, and he seemed to be struggling to walk in a straight line.
James offered to walk back to school with him, but Lily told him that she would go back instead-she was ready to leave, and she told James he might as well stay here with Sirius and enjoy himself.
And so, after another quick kiss with Lily, James watched as Lily and Remus left the pub, walking close to one another, with Peter quickly falling into step behind them.
The closeness between Lily and Remus didn't bother James anymore like it had in the past; he remembered how Remus, looking as solemn as ever, had reassured him only recently that he definitely didn't have feelings for Lily.
He'd been sitting on the opposite side of the dormitory from James at the time, looking tense and nervous and like he maybe had something else to say, but then they'd been interrupted by the arrival of Wormtail, who'd stumbled through the dormitory door and crashed to the floor-it had turned out that the Slytherins had put a body-bind curse on him.
James might not have cared that Lily and Remus were practically holding hands as they walked out the door, but when James looked over at Sirius, he noticed that there was a look of barely-disguised jealousy on Padfoot's face.
The next half an hour passed by in a blur. James and Sirius proceeded to get even more drunk, and they joined in with a few of the drinking games going on in the pub, laughing about how much trouble they would be in if the teachers found out that they were here.
Sirius seemed to cheer up as the night went on. "Prongs! There you are!" he called out drunkenly to James after they had been separated by the crowd for about ten minutes.
James grinned back at him and they both shared a hug, greeting each other like old friends who'd been apart for years rather than minutes.
After that there was dancing-at one point, James climbed up on one of the tables to dance, enjoying the attention of the large crowd that had gathered to cheer him on. It was all very funny, right up to the moment when James managed to fall off the table. It was lucky that there were a few students waiting to catch him.
"James, you prat!" he heard Sirius call out to him amongst the crowd, amidst his gasps of laughter.
After that, James decided to sit down at a table while Sirius went to get him another drink.
An hour or so after Lily and Remus had left, James and Sirius walked out of the Hog's Head and into the cool night air with their arms around one another. James was grateful for the gentle breeze, because the room had started to spin around a little back when he'd been inside.
They continued to hold on to each other as they walked up the path leading back towards the castle-or perhaps more accurately, they held each other up.
They always stood close to one another like this, laughing and joking as they threw their arms around one another, but they were even more affectionate than usual when they were drunk.
A few of the Slytherins had taken to making a few not-so-pleasant comments about their displays of affection, even going as far as suggesting that there was 'something going on' between the two of them.
It had got worse over the past couple of years, as Sirius's sexuality wasn't that much of a secret anymore, given that he'd been known to sneak off to old broom cupboards with some of the handsome male Hogwarts students.
And of course, the more narrow-minded students couldn't comprehend the fact that a wizard who was attracted to wizards could actually have a platonic friendship with another male.
But James didn't care about any of that-the Slytherins could think whatever they wanted about the two of them. All he cared about was being Sirius's best friend.
Sometimes, it felt like they were in their own little friendship bubble, protected from all the prejudice of the wizarding world; a friendship bubble that no Slytherins could burst.
Anyway, Sirius only had eyes for Moony.
As they walked, James listened to Sirius whispering mournfully about what he believed to be his unrequited love for Remus. "I love him, Prongs; I just love him so much…" Sirius whispered right in James's ear, placing his hand over his heart as he sighed dramatically.
Sirius had felt this way about Remus since third year. Remus, however, appeared to be completely oblivious to Sirius's affections.
James might have rolled his eyes and made a few sarcastic comments about how Sirius was getting a bit obsessed, but still he tried to listen sympathetically to his best mate's plight-he knew that he was the only one who Sirius could talk to about this sort of thing. "I know, mate, I know," he whispered.
He'd heard Sirius go on about his feelings for Remus so often that James felt involved in this romance now-he really wished that Remus loved Sirius back, and that the two of them would get together; he knew how happy it would make Sirius, if Remus really did have romantic feelings for him.
Remus and Sirius had always been close, sharing a special bond that was different to the bond that James shared with Sirius, and sometimes James had seen hints, suggestions, that maybe Remus didn't view Sirius in a purely platonic way, but still James wasn't sure if there was anything to it, or if he was only seeing things he wanted to see.
Bloody hell…James thought to himself, as he suddenly realised how much he cared about these two idiots getting together. His first-year-self would never have believed it.
"You can bloody talk, mate!" Sirius mocked him when James mentioned the 'bit obsessed' issue again in an attempt to lighten the mood, before he went on to tell James that he was just as bad as he was when it came to romance.
James simply shrugged, admitting defeat, and then the two of them started laughing.
In spite of his laughter, there was definitely a look of sadness in Sirius's eyes. He seemed a little distant, and James wondered if his mind was somewhere else at the moment-perhaps his thoughts were back at the Hog's Head, where Remus had put his arms around him and drunkenly told Sirius that he loved him.
As they left Hogsmeade, James tried his best to change the subject. He talked about his plans for next year, after he finished Hogwarts. He knew that there was trouble brewing in the wizarding world, and most of their teachers had made dark predictions of an upcoming war, but James was trying not to think too much about all of that right now.
He focused instead on the career he would have when the war was over, and the house that he dreamed of sharing with Lily.
He liked the idea of going to live in a little village-somewhere that reminded him of Hogsmeade-and maybe traveling to London for work.
Now that he was a little older and (hopefully) a little more mature, he liked sharing his dreams and his ambitions with Sirius. He hoped that Sirius and Peter and Remus could be a part of his future. Deep down, he already knew that Sirius would be a part of his life for the rest of his life.
Sirius always joked about how he was going to move in next door to James and Lily in the future, but James had a feeling that he wasn't really joking. Since first year, James had dreamed of his best friend living on the same street as him, the two of them spending their time together like they had always done at Hogwarts.
As they staggered through the castle's grounds, their conversation turned to lighter topics.
James went on about how beautiful Lily had looked yesterday when she was wearing her Gryffindor jumper in the common room, and how beautiful she looked tonight, and how beautiful she'd looked on their last date in Hogsmeade.
Sirius laughed and called James a lovesick prat and jokingly placed his hand over his heart, but still he indulged James by listening to his drunken ramblings, in the way that James always listened to him.
After that, Sirius started to go on about how 'fit' some of the male students from Beauxbatons, the French wizarding school, had apparently looked when he and James had encountered them in London over the summer holidays. Sirius had always been rather enamoured by the Beauxbatons boys.
"You know how much I love it when they…walk," Sirius slurred, while James tried not to laugh.
James might not have understood how it felt to be attracted to men, but secretly, he was rather flattered that Sirius felt comfortable enough to share this sort of thing with him, in the same way that James had always told Sirius about all the girls that he found attractive.
For some reason, Remus always seemed to get rather irritated whenever Sirius even hinted at finding any male student attractive, and Peter always zoned out during these conversations, and so he didn't have many other friends to confide in about his crushes. James wondered if there was something in Remus's reaction, but he was too drunk to analyse the inner workings of Remus's mind right now.
Instead, he pulled Sirius in closer as they entered a secret passageway that would take them right into Hogwarts.
The two of them stumbled into their dormitory in a fit of drunken giggles, falling over each other as they tried to walk towards their beds.
Peter practically squeaked in fright at the sound of James and Sirius crashing into one of the bedside tables in the room, and Remus sat up, still looking drunk and half-asleep, and firmly told the two of them to be quiet and go to bed, sounding a lot like McGonagall, which only made the two of them giggle even harder.
"Let's cuddle tonight, Pads," James whispered in Sirius's ear as soon as Peter and Remus had gone back to sleep.
In his drunken state, the idea seemed hilarious. They had often shared a bed when they were younger-it had started back in first year when Sirius had been going through a rough time at home, and James had slept close to him to try to comfort him. Then there were the times when they'd simply fallen asleep next to each other after they'd stayed up late talking, and other times in winter when they'd been cold and they'd slept close to one another for warmth.
They'd kind of grown out of all that now, but still, the shared-bed thing was something they liked to do sometimes when they got drunk-it was nostalgic almost, an hilarious throwback to their younger years.
"Your wish is my command, Prongsy," Sirius replied with a grin and an over-the-top bow.
The two of them changed into their pyjamas on separate sides of the dormitory, and then they both jumped onto James's bed, playfully shoving each other as they got under the covers.
James knew that other students would probably find it a bit strange, if they knew about this-he wasn't sure if many other best friends routinely shared a bed when they were drunk-but James honestly didn't care. Other Hogwarts students might think that there was more to it, but they both knew that it wasn't like that. James was sure that this was the kind of affection he would have shared with a sibling, if he'd ever had a brother-and as far as he was concerned, Sirius was his brother now.
"Night, Prongs," Sirius muttered when they were finally settled under the covers.
"Night, Padfoot," James replied in a fake high-pitched voice, causing them both to giggle. In their drunken state, all of this still seemed really funny.
James reached over an threw an arm around Sirius, pulling him in for a hug. They might have mocked and gently insulted each other all the time, but that didn't mean that they didn't have their quiet moments of affection.
James decided to make the most of the peace while he could-no doubt Sirius would be back to angsting over his unrequited love for Remus in the morning.
Of course, James's appreciation for the moment of peace didn't mean that he was above elbowing Sirius in the side the moment they broke apart, just to offset the balance and reinstate a bit of 'manly pride', and then laughing out loud when Sirius shouted out a loud, "Ooomph!" in response.
"Sirius. James."
At the sound of Remus's warning tone from the other side of the room, James decided that now would be a good time to stop talking.
He moved a little closer to Sirius again, and the two of them started to drift off to sleep. It was oddly comforting, falling asleep next to his best mate like this.
James might have once believed that he didn't need a boy best friend, but now, he couldn't imagine his life without this boy in it.
James felt more than a little groggy when he woke up the next morning.
The sunlight beaming in from the windows in the boys' dormitory was far too bright.
He was never drinking again-not for at least another week, anyway.
He blinked a few times in confusion, trying to recall the events of the night before. His memories were still a little hazy, but he remembered the Hog's Head, firewhiskey, mistletoe, tables, dancing, walking through Hogsmeade with his best mate…
"Bloody hell. What time is it?" he heard someone mutter from next to him.
Oh, yeah, James remembered now, how he'd fallen asleep next to said best mate. It always seemed a good idea when they were drunk, but they'd probably have to endure hours of mockery from the other boys for the rest of the day.
Sirius was still pressed up close to him, sounding as hungover as James felt.
"Doesn't matter," James managed to mutter in response.
Right now, James didn't care about anything. He was tired, and it wasn't exactly uncomfortable, having Sirius sleeping next to him, and he wasn't ready to wake up yet. He decided that the two of them might as well just go back to sleep for a few more minutes, or hours, or days, whatever worked best.
He had just closed his eyes to go back to sleep when…
"A-hem…"
James jumped and opened his eyes quickly at the sound of a familiar voice.
Almost warily, he sat up a little (his head hurt when he moved it, he noted), and slowly, he turned to look over his shoulder.
Of course, Lily was standing at the foot of his bed, her arms folded, looking at Sirius and James with a curious expression, one eyebrow raised…
James still had no clue how she managed to get into the boys' dormitory all the time; he'd tried and failed many times to get into her room. James hadn't really questioned it before-most of the time, he'd been grateful for her presence in his room. But now…
"Er…" James tried to explain as he shuffled around a little in his bed, trying not to blush. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to explain this. He knew that the whole situation probably looked a bit bizarre from her point of view...
"Do I even want to know?" Lily asked him with a frown.
However, James was fairly certain that she was trying to fight off a grin.
"Probably not, Evans," Sirius cut into the conversation, sounding half-asleep and completely disinterested.
With that, he fell asleep again, his snores soft in James's ear, leaving James to attempt to grin and shrug apologetically at his girlfriend.