Chapter Text
Part 1
Fubuki walked into Miyazaki's classroom while everyone else is doing classwork. He approached his usual desk only to find someone else.
"Josuke, what are you doing in my seat?" he asked.
Josuke looked sheepish and he gestured towards Onodera, sitting in front of him.
"Well, Yasuho and I aren't together anymore and I figured it would be safer if I had a buffer," he replied.
Fubuki shook his head and he sat down in Josuke's original desk.
"Seriously?" he said. "This break-up is now having severe ramifications on me."
"Ooo, ramification~," their English teacher Miyazaki said, holding up a lesson book. "Nice word, brainiac!"
"You see?" Fubuki said in displeasure. "Now Mr. Miyazaki knows I'm in the class. Also, why are you even here? Didn't you belong to another class?"
"It just logistics, Fubuki," Josuke replied. "Listen, if I sit in that seat, I could still smell her hair… hear her breathe… watch her blouse go up when she raises her hand."
"Fine, I'll sit here. But I'm only between you two, okay? I'm not in the middle of you."
At this moment, Hazamada leaned over to Onodera.
"Hey, Onodera, can I borrow your big pencil?" he asked.
Onodera was about to give him the pencil when Fubuki rushed over to Hazamada, putting himself between them.
"They're not divorced, Hazamada," Fubuki hissed. "It's just a trial separation, and don't think I don't know what borrow a pencil means, okay? Nobody has borrowed more pencils than Fubuki Kurosawa."
Josuke got up to get Fubuki off Hazamada's back.
"Hey, thanks for not getting in the middle of this," Josuke said sarcastically.
"He was just asking for a pencil!" Ichikawa remarked.
"I know what he was asking for," Fubuki said, still standing. "And if he asks again, I'll stab that big pencil through his heart. You hear me, Hazamada?"
Hazamada is shaken by this threat. Ichikawa turned to her friend Onodera.
"Why is Fubuki so obsessed with you two?" she asked.
"I don't know," Onodera replied. "But he's almost taking it harder than me and Josuke."
"Yeah, I thought he'd be happy now that Josuke is single."
"Why would he be…?"
"We'll return to 'The Young and The Restless' right after this word from Miyazaki," Miyazaki interrupted the conversation as he walked in front of the class. "And here is the word… shut up."
"Mr. Miyazaki." Fubuki remained standing up as he shot a mean look at Onodera. "I'm sure if you recall the pain of being stabbed in the back by a girlfriend--"
Onodera resentfully stood up. "I didn't stab him, he stabbed me!"
"Oh, I'd stab myself before I'd stab you! Josuke snapped. "Hazamada, give me that pencil!"
"I don't have one!" Hazamada said.
"Now listen!" Miyazaki raised his voice. Red in the face, he is now holding up a pair of scissors. "This class will not be more interested in the romantic going-ons of its students… than with whatever the hell I'm teaching!"
He slammed the scissors down on his desk.
"Josuke, go sit on that side of the room. Yasuho, you sit on this side, right now."
"Mr. Miyazaki, you can't do that," Fubuki protested while Josuke and Onodera quietly obeyed. "You're contributing to the furtherance of their apartness."
"I'm trying to teach a class here," Miyazaki said in exasperation. "I thought you're supposed to be smart and rational one here. Now let's read about Hamlet."
"Oh, don't try to change the subject."
"QUIET!" Miyazaki finally yelled. "One more crazy interruption and all you nuts are going into detention!"
"Detention?" Josuke's eyes went wide. "This is Japan! School detention doesn't exist!"
"Just watch me!"
The door flew open and, for some odd reason, Tamami is dressed like a scary-looking janitor and he is pushing a bin.
"Hey, guys!" he greeted them cheerfully before emptying a garbage can into the bin. He pointed at the students with a mean smirk before leaving.
"... When the hell did we get a janitor in our school?!" Josuke blurted.
"Oh, that's it," Miyazaki grumbled.
*&*&*
At the end of the day, the only students stuck in class for detention are Fubuki, Josuke, Onodera, Ichikawa, and Hazamada.
"I didn't think Japanese students can get detention," Josuke whispered to Fubuki.
"They do when they act like 2-year-olds," Miyazaki said, walking past him.
"They do when they act like 2-year-olds," Josuke mimicked him. He laughed but then stopped when he saw that Miyazaki is glaring at him.
"Josuke, when one mocks someone, one should wait until they're not looking right at them," he said stiffly.
"I'm not in my regular seat…"
"This is detention, people," Miyazaki said as he began walking to the door. "That means no talking, no moving or fraternizing for the next hour and a half."
"Where are you going, Mr. Miyazaki?" Fubuki demanded.
"I'm not in detention, Fubuki, I can do as I please. And don't for a moment think that because of my absence from this room, you're not being watched."
Miyazaki then exited the room. Everyone is disappointed to be here while Josuke decided to get comfortable instead; he sat back and put his hands behind his head in a care-free manner.
"... All I wanted was a pencil," Hazamada sighed.
"Oh, shut up, Hazamada," Josuke snapped. "You're lucky to even be here."
"I don't happen to see it that way! Besides, I'm a third-year! I'm not even supposed to be in this class!"
Fubuki got up from his seat.
"Where do you think you're going?" Onodera asked.
"Well, if we're going to be here for over an hour, then I'm going to my locker to get my Ernest Hemmingway book." Fubuki tried to turn the knob of the door but he cannot for some reason. "Huh. Can you believe this? Miyazaki locked us in."
"He can't do that!" Josuke said in outrage. "It's against the Geneva Detention Convention!"
Through the glass window of the door, Fubuki saw someone coming. He ran back to his seat. A moment later, Tamami appeared at the door and looked in. Everyone looked back in fear.
"D-do you think he worked on that look?" Josuke gulped.
"He looked like a zombie!" Ichikawa said.
"I'm not wearing makeup!" Tamami yelled behind the glass window.
"That's his natural look?!"
"Hey, we're locked in," Fubuki said. "Do you have the key?"
"Hmmm… Do you mean this?" With a sarcastic smile, Tamami held up a bunch of keys to the window.
"That's great!" Josuke grinned. "You want to let us out?"
"Sure! … In the next hour and a half! Kahahahaha!"
Tamami laughed evilly and moved away. Everyone is freaked out now.
"Okay, this is getting scary," Onodera said.
"What is going on?!" Ichikawa fearfully ran toward Fubuki and clings to his arm.
"Hands off," Fubuki ordered.
A poster on the blackboard mysteriously rolled up and revealed a message written in blood:
"NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE!"
*&*&*
Everyone huddled together by the door in a panic while Ichikawa screamed and pointed at the message.
"It's Miyazaki," Fubuki declared.
"There's blood on the blackboard, Fubuki!" Ichikawa cried. "I don't think it's because he ran out of chalk! And where did he even get the blood?!"
"No, it's all fake. Miyazaki's pulling some elaborate hoax."
"It doesn't look fake to me!" Hazamada said. "But if it is… Why?"
"Well, why, does Miyazaki do anything? Josuke suggested. "To teach us something."
"What's he trying to teach us?" Onodera asked.
"To pay attention or we die."
"Oh, you're nuts."
"Stop attacking me, okay? You've given up your right to attack me."
"This doesn't make any sense," Ichikawa said.
"It does if you've seen as many horror films as I have," Fubuki said as he sat on top of his desk. "This is classic… the locked door, the scary janitor, the bloody warning… and our soon-to-be-first victim."
He motioned a hand towards Hazamada.
"Me? Why me?" Hazamada asked, confused.
"Well, it's certainly isn't going to be any of us."
He and the others laughed.
"You guys are assholes…" Hazamada muttered darkly.
They all went quiet when they heard a menacing thumping sound coming closer to the door. It either sounded like a basketball being bounced by someone, or a heartbeat.
"Alright, you're the horror film expert," Ichikawa gulped. "What's that?!"
"That's the sound of our beating hearts," Fubuki said, filled with bravado. "It signifies our height and fears, and the fact that something horrible is about to walk in that door… right now."
The door opened to reveal Koichi and Okuyasu, the latter is carrying a basketball with him. Everyone is relieved.
"Heeey, guys!" Okuyasu waved.
"Whoa!" Koichi jumped and pointed at the blackboard. "W-whose blood is on the blackboard?!"
"It's fake. What are you guys doing here?" Fubuki asked.
"Oh, well, Koichi and I played around in the gym, miss the smell of the old locker room, you know," Okuyasu replied.
"Did you guys see Miyazaki out there?" Josuke asked.
"Nope, not a soul," Koichi replied. "Actually, it was kinda creepy."
Onodera spoke fast, "Why creepy? Why is it creepy? Why did you say creepy?"
"Ah, I think it had something to do with Tamami," Koichi said. "See, when we finished playing, we went into the locker room to change. There he was pushing his squeaky bin emptying the waste baskets. Though I'm confused about why he's now janitor at our school."
"Well, that's not so creepy," Onodera smiled.
"Oh, and there was blood coming out of the showers," Okuyasu added.
"Hhh…!!" Onodera made a tiny freaked-out sound.
"How's the pressure?" Josuke asked, being oblivious and changing the subject.
"Oh, it's good," Okuyasu grinned, putting his hand on his hair.
"Really?"
"Yup! Got all the soap out of my hair."
"Blood in the showers," Fubuki interrupted them. "This is straight out of that horror film classic 'Blood In The Showers' . No, this isn't Tamami the janitor… this is the work of a diabolical master villain."
"Miyazaki!" Josuke gasped.
"Absolutely. I just feel so bad that Hazamada has to be the first to die."
Everyone slowly looked at him much to his discomfort.
"I really wish you'd stop saying that," Hazamada said.
"So, what do you think Miyazaki's trying to do?" Koichi asked.
"I-I think that he knows we're too old for detention to scare us," Josuke said. "So, he's turned this school into a total chamber of horrors."
Ichikawa became horrified. "Mister Miyazaki's House of Terror!"
"This doesn't scare me, nothing scares me!" Hazamada shouted. He had enough and walked right up to Fubuki. "And Onodera doesn't belong to your best friend Josuke anymore! And if I want to borrow a pencil from her, I will! What are you going to do about it?"
Unknownst to everyone, a scary figure wearing a Noh mask and a black cloak shut off the lights in the classroom. Ichikawa's high-pitched scream rang in the darkness. Fubuki turned the lights back on. Koichi found himself carrying a terrified Okuyasu, who is way bigger than him.
"P-out on some weight since the last time you were scared?" Koichi grunted.
"Yeah," Okuyasu mumbled.
Koichi finally collapsed from Okuyasu's weight.
"Sorry," Okuyasu mumbled again.
Ichikawa screamed again, "AAAAAAHH!!"
"No, No, No," Fubuki said, walking to her. "You scream when the lights go out. Screaming when the lights are on takes away from the first scream."
"AAAAAAHHH!!"
"Now, you're just being loud."
Ichikawa continued to scream as she pointed her finger. Everyone looked up in horror; Hazamada has been stabbed through the head with a pencil. The pencil made a mark on a wall as his body sank down. Josuke slowly walked up to the wall and pointed to the mark.
"We'll always remember he was that tall," he said grimly.
"Oh, my god!" Koichi screamed. "They killed Hazamada!"
Everyone screamed and ran out into the hallway. The lights flicker and scary music began playing over an unseen intercom.
"Welcome to Budogaoka High, where you are going to die~ That's right, fall right this way~"
"Miyazaki, you're so low budget," Fubuki said as he regrouped with the others.
"Wake up, Fubuki!" Onodera said. "This could not be Mr. Miyazaki!"
"No? Then what? That there really is some psycho killer on the loose, you'd rather believe that?"
"Oh, my god!" Okuyasu screamed. Everyone else screamed too.
"What! What?!" Josuke yelled.
"My basketball is gone too!"
Koichi walked over with the basketball and gave it to him. "No it's not, I got it."
"Oh good," Okuyasu said and cuddled with the ball, feeling safe.
"Look, I don't care who's behind this, I'm scared," Onodera said, trembling. "Can we please get out of here?"
"Of course, we can't get out of here," Fubuki said, adjusting his glasses. "Miyazaki's the only one with the keys to all the doors, and they're all locked and chained by now."
Everyone but Fubuki ran frantically throughout the school to all the doors. However, they only end up pounding on them and yelling for help. They are completely trapped inside the school. Since it is now night, all the staff and students went home.
"Why won't you believe me?" Fubuki sighed. "It's all so predictable."
"Oh, yeah? Then what's going to happen next?" Koichi asked. He is clearly upset.
"First, there'll be some strange shrouded figure creeping behind us that none of us will see."
Everyone looked behind. Just then, the same scary person in black ran by them without making a sound. Nobody saw them.
"Then, the lights will flicker and Miyazaki will pop up and reveal his master plan to us," Fubuki continued.
Just as he said, the lights flickered again as music played over the intercom.
"Here's a knife, here's a gun, there'll be fun for everyone~ Death is on the menu tonight~"
Miyazaki appeared in the darkness, much to everyone's relief that they all started smiling and laughing. Miyazaki, however, has an odd frozen expression on his face.
"Oh, Mr. Miyazaki, I have got to hand it to you. You have really outdone yourself this time," Josuke chuckled. "I mean killing Hazamada, obvious choice, but the pencil, man--I mean, that was genius!"
"I knew this was all a prank and Hazamada isn't dead!" Ichikawa said cheerfully.
"No, he's really dead," Okuyasu said. "But it's Hazamada, so who cares?"
Fubuki walked over to the teacher, acting so smug. "I knew it was you all along. So, what's the big lesson? What were you trying to teach us?"
Miyazaki did not reply to him. He suddenly fell over and landed on the floor… he was stabbed in the back with a pair of scissors. Onodera fell on her knees as reality dawned upon everyone.
"OH, MY GOD!" Okuyasu shouted. "They killed Miyazaki!"
Everyone but Fubuki ran screaming down the hall, leaving Fubuki in shock.
"... I was wrong," he said.
<-- To be continued.