Archive of Our Own

Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward, straight past, I don't cut corners.  I make a point to be on time- Head of the student council.

That's what it felt like to be Eva Sanchez. Top flyer in the state, smartest girl in school, always persistent and powering through, has a good reputation, never does anything wrong, head of the student council. It seemed like she had the entire world in her hands.

I don't black out at parties, I jam to Paul McCartney! If you asked me how I'm doing I'd say... well-

That was true. Eva was always invited to different parties, but every time she would turn them down. It's not that she didn't want to go, she'd love the idea of being a real teenager and hanging out at some party of some person she didn't know. But she had a reputation to keep up.

Her music taste was different, to say the least. She wasn't fond of today's new music and artists, she didn't even really consider any of it music. She thought it was more talking than singing or rapping. She adored The Beatles, and owned every CD and vinyl and piece of merchandise you could imagine. She loved the messages of the songs, the style of their music, the sound, everything. 

When you ask someone how they were doing, the person would most likely respond with "I'm good." But in reality, that was grammatically incorrect. Eva, on the other hand, would respond with "I"m well." because, well, that was the right word to use. But there was a double meaning to the response she'd give.

I was adopted when I was two- my parents spoiled me rotten. Often, I ask myself what did I do? To get as far as I've gotten?

There it was. That god damn double meaning. 

Eva was never honest when asked how she was. She would always just put on her fake smile, that she's perfected over many years, and nod happily. Sometimes though, that alter ego would slip and she'd almost give herself away. Sometimes, that 'well' she would respond back with came out in a different tone then Eva had wanted it to, and it had almost sounded like she was about to- god forbid, open up to whoever she was speaking to. 

Eva didn't like being spoiled- at all. She didn't like feeling better than everyone else. She didn't like how she felt more superior than everyone around her. She didn't like how the people at her school would whisper things like how 'rich' she was, or how much of a 'brat' she was. 

Eva also didn't care for the people around her whispering about how her biological parents 'didn't want her', or people coming up with theories and conspiracies on how her biological parents died.

Most times, Eva would find herself getting far too deep into her thoughts. Whether it be late at night, while she's lying awake in bed- not being able to sleep, or when she's zoned out in a class, not bothering to pay attention to whatever nonsense her teacher was rambling on about- Eva always had the same question in her mind.

"What did I do? To get as far as I've gotten?" Was the question. If she was being honest, she had no clue what she did to become this. To become the all known 'perfect being' at Giles Corey High.

A pretty girl walks by my locker, my heart gives a flutter but I don't dare utter a word. 'Cause that would be absurd behavior for-

There she was again. That damn girl. 

The same girl who, everyday, at the same time, would walk past Eva's locker gracefully. The same girl who seemed to have absolutely no flaws whatsoever. The same girl who made Eva's heart flutter with a weird, new feeling. The same girl that made Eva's face turn a deep shade of pink. The same girl that made Eva stop dead in her tracks, no matter what she was doing or who she was talking to. The same girl that made Eva lose all control of her body and made her brain short circuit. The same girl that gave Eva butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

Eva didn't know what this was- this new feeling ever since this mystery girl had appeared. She had never felt like this way before, especially with a girl. 

Eva was dazed and confused.

There the girl was, with her dark-brown hair that went only to her shoulders, but bounced and swayed with every step she took. There the girl was, with what some might call a 'resting bitch face', but to Eva, it was glorious. There the girl was, in another flannel and beanie. 

And there Eva was, eye's wide, mouth slightly hanging open, brain fried. It was all in slow-motion to her.

"Hell-oooo? Earth to Eva?" Came a voice, and a hand- that was waving in front of Eva's face. Eva quickly snapped out of the trance she was in and immediately turned to her bestfriend, Farrah.

"Sorry." Eva mumbled and shut her locker. She rubbed her eyes and shook her head.

"What the hell was that about?" The smaller girl raised an eyebrow and looked between Eva and the mystery girl, who was slowly growing smaller and smaller as she walked away. 

Eva's face started to turn red. "What was what about?" She asked, playing dumb and nervously chewing the inside of her cheek.

Farrah scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't play dumb with me, you know I can read you like a book. That girl- you were gawking at her like she was some sort of prize." Farrah gave Eva a weird look and looked her up and down.

Eva blushed slightly, was she really that obvious?

"It was nothing! Absolutely nothing." Eva reassured and looked back up at her best friend, shining that big fake smile she always gave.

Farrah rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Sanchez. If you're that obsessed with her, then I guess it would be a good time to mention that she's on the team, just joined." Farrah said and glanced over at the digital clock above Eva's head. "Gotta get to class, but I'll catch you at practice after school, 'kay?" Farrah smirked and waved goodbye before prancing off.

There Eva was again, standing there like a fool with her eyes wide and jaw dropped. Mystery girl? On the team? Eva couldn't handle seeing her walk past her locker everyday, what was she gonna do now that she had to see her not only in the halls- but at cheerleading practice as well?

The bell ringing had snapped her from her thoughts, which meant she was late to class. 

Eva didn't know why she swooned over this random girl. She never felt like this towards anyone. Could this just be her admiring the girl? Could these be feelings devoping? Could this be the start of a cru-?

No. She shouldn't think like that- she couldn't think like that. That would destroy her, that would ruin her. That would rip up her entire reputation and the person she is. She hated herself for thinking like this, for thinking about that girl- who she didn't even know! She couldn't ruin this persona she'd built up for the past years, she had a name to keep. She had to be-

-"Little Miss Perfect"

Eva quickly got a move on and speed-walked through the halls to get to her class. She had tried coming up with different excuses as to why she was late, but her mind was somewhere else.

Na-na-na-na-na- no, I can't risk falling off my throne.

She had too much built up after all these years to let it just go to waste over some girl. She couldn't let everyone down- she couldn't dissapoint anyone. She had to shake this girl out of her thoughts fast.

La-la-la-la-la- love, is something I don't even know.

She was sixteen! She was a teenager! What did she know about love? Sure, she had grew up listening to all different kinds of love songs and watched hundreds of teen rom-com movies, but that was all fantasy. This was real life- her real life. She knew nothing about feelings or crushes or god-forbid- love. 

Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward-
Straight girl.
"Little Miss Perfect"
That's me.

And from that day of cheer practice and on- Eva had fallen into a deep hole of feelings.

It had been three months since that day of cheer practice, and in the span of three months Eva had not only realized that she had a major crush on the girl, but that she was gay.

She had tried and tried to convince herself that she wasn't- she couldn't be gay. She tried telling herself countless times that it was just a phase and this would all go away- but it didn't go away.

She and the girl had end up becoming friends though, but really close friends. Friends that go to each other's houses every other day and hang out for hours. Friends that find ways to meet up with one another in the halls to walk together. Friends that make everyone around them think they're dating.

The mystery girl's name was Kate- Kate Dalton. She was sixteen, and only lived a few blocks from Eva. Kate had two older brothers, but they were off at college. Kate seemed to be harsh to everyone around her, but with Eva, Kate was different. At practice Kate would snap at her other teammates. Kate would make smart remarks to anyone that tried her, and she used her sarcasm proudly. While with Eva, Kate would give her a genuine, soft smile, that Eva would melt for. Kate would crack jokes anytime she had the chance, that made Eva's stomach ache from the amount of laughing she did. Kate would hug Eva as tight as she could whenever they had to part from one another, and Eva would feel herself falling more and more for the girl.

One night, my friend stayed over.  We laughed, a nd drank and ordered-

The doorbell snapped Eva from her thoughts, and a smile appeared on her face.

Eva rushed downstairs to open the door, almost tripping because of how excited she was. 

It was their first time ever sleeping over with each other, and while Eva had spent most of the day rushing around her house to perfect everything and make sure her home looked presentable- she was happier then she's ever been before.

She greeted Kate with a real smile and stepped aside to let her in. Eva shut the door and quickly grabbed Kate's hand, leading her up to her room.

Kate barely had time to set her stuff down before Eva gave Kate a tight hug as soon as her bedroom door was shut.

"What's gotten into you?" Kate questioned jokingly. She hugged the taller girl back and set her stuff down on the floor at the foot of Eva's bed.

"Nothing!" Eva said, her voice coming out in a higher pitched tone then usual. She was making it so obvious that she was nervous.  She cleared her throat and scratched the back of her neck. "I just..missed you?" Eva said shyly, looking at Kate. Her heart fluttered.

Kate grinned and rolled her eyes playfully. "Don't go all soft on me!" Kate teased and laid back against Eva's bed. 

Eva just gave a small grin back. 

That night they had ended up ordering pizza and scarfing down the entire box. They had started a bunch of dumb movies that neither of them had paid attention to. They had talked for hours on end about anything and everything, and they had joked 'till their stomachs hurt. 

-Something about her drew me in...
What? It's totally platonic!

Maybe it was her hair, how it looked so soft and framed her face and shoulders perfectly. Maybe it was her eyes, how they lit up when Eva spoke to Kate and how you could see them slightly change colors in different lights. Maybe it was her smile, that only very few people got to see- one of them being Eva, but she felt so lucky and honored to be able to see it.

God was she whipped.

She kept repeating to herself that 'this is how friends are!'- but she was never this way with Farrah. She kept saying that these thoughts and feelings she had towards Kate were just nonsense- they're platonic. Nothing real, meaningless.

That night, was so exciting- h er smirks were so enticing.  Hours speed by like seconds- t hen, what happens is iconic-

Everything Kate did drew Eva in more and more. Eva always found herself staring into Kate's eyes or staring at Kate's lips. Eva couldn't stop herself from zoning out when listening to Kate talk, because Eva couldn't stop herself from gawking at the girl across from her. That night went by so quick- too quick.

And what happened next felt like a flash.

She takes a sip,  I bite my lip.  She tells a joke,  I nearly choke.  She braids my hair-  I sit there, blacking out for the first time.

Every time Kate went to take a sip of her drink, Eva couldn't help but stare and blush. She couldn't hide her biting her lip or chewing on the inside of her cheek. Everytime Kate made some stupid 'that's what she said' joke Eva was falling to the floor, dying of laughter. Sometimes she couldn't even catch her breath because for some reason, she found this girl to be the funniest person alive. 

"Turn around." Kate suddenly demanded.

Eva was taken a-back. "Why?" She asked.

Kate smirked. "Because I said so."

Eva gave her a confused look but slowly turned herself around, folding her hand in her lap and shutting her eyes.

Kate shuffled up closer behind Eva, grabbing her hair gently and starting to braid it. 

Eva's eyes shot open. She almost swung around. "What are you doing?" Eva asked, her voice frantic. She's had the same hairstyle her entire life, no one's ever bothered to try and do up her hair, so this was a surprise to her.

"Relax." Was Kate's response.

Eva let her shoulders fall. Soon enough, she was over the moon. She found a new interest- Kate playing with her hair.

It felt as though she was blacking out- for the first time. The way Kate flinched and muttered a 'sorry' everytime she tugged or pulled too hard on Eva's hair made Eva's heart swell. She felt like she was on cloud nine with Kate messing around with her hair, doing different styles and types of braids.

Next thing I know,  I lose control.  I finally kiss her but oh no-

Eva turned around to face Kate, blushing a little. "No one's ever done anything with my hair like..that." Eva mumbled, feleing the braid.

Kate pulled out her phone and opened the camera, handing it to Eva. "I think you look really good with a braid." Kate said quietly.

Eva stared at herself. She didn't look the same. She looked..way different- but she liked it. Maybe cause Kate did it, but she liked it.

Eva smiled. "Thank you." Eva said, handing the phone back over to Kate.

There was a long period of silence in-between the two- the room was dead silent. Eva was surprised Kate couldn't hear her heartbeat.

A million thoughts ran through Eva's mind.

It was now or never.

The next thing Eva knew, her eyes were closed and her lips were on her crush's lips.

Electricity sparked through her. Through every inch of her body. Through her veins. Through her heart.

She couldn't believe what she had just did- but she was so happy she did it.

It was Eva's first kiss, and she had been wanting to do it, with Kate, for what felt like years. It was magical. She felt magical. And to feel Kate kiss back was ten thousand times better.

But that was all over in the blink of an eye.

I see a face in my window, then my brain starts to go-

She saw something. She saw..a face, maybe? A flash of light? She didn't know what- but she knew she saw something that appeared at her window.

What if it was someone? What if they saw her kissing a girl? Who was it? Did she know them?

What if it was a camera? What if they got a picture of them- or a video? What if it was gonna be used against her?

Her mind went blank and fuzzy, and all of a sudden she couldn't focus- or breathe.

Na-na-na-na-na- no!
You can't risk falling off your throne.
La-la-la-la-la- love-
Is something you don't even know.

"Eva? Eva- hey. Look at me. Listen to me, Eva." Kate's voice. It was muffled. 

Was Eva blocking out the sound or could she genuinely not hear?

Eva's eyes looked dull, she was looking at Kate- but completely through her. She couldn't seem to focus, no matter how hard she tried.

The only thing on her mind at that moment was herself.

This could ruin her reputation, ruin everything she built up for herself.

This can- and will destroy her.

She couldn't hear Kate's cries and pleas to get her to focus and listen, but she snapped back to reality when she felt her arm being touched.

Kate flinched when Eva jumped, but still tried her very best to help Eva.

Eva still refused to listen to Kate, only nodded slightly to whatever nonsense she was rambling. 

Na-na-na-na-na- no,
You can't risk falling off your throne.
La-la-la-la-la-la- love-
You don't even know.

Eva's brain was shot. She couldn't think straight. Too many thoughts took over and she ended up shutting down, becoming dead silent.

This went on for two hours, yet Kate stayed by Eva's side. Kate didn't bother trying to get Eva to talk at some point, because she knew the girl had broke- the reason still unknown.

The throne that Eva had once sat on, all high and mighty, was shattered beneath her. The world she had once carried with a grain of salt in her hands was now broken into pieces. She was destroyed forever- because she knew deep down that this was going to get out. She knew she wouldn't be 'little miss perfect' anymore.

Eva, after what felt like decades, finally spoke up- it was quiet, it was mumbled, but Kate perked up right away. 

"The window. Something- someone- outside the window." Eva barely managed to speak, her voice shaking with fear and her body still curled to a tight ball. She dug her nails deeper and deeper into her arms, where Kate couldn't see.

Kate looked behind her, at the window. She stared at it and examined it before slowly turning back to Eva. "Where? When? Like when we were.." Kate's voice dragged off.

Eva nodded, biting down on her lip to stop the tears from falling.

"You're just confused, there's nothing there." Kate said, but not in a reassuring voice, it sounded like Kate wasn't actually talking about the window.

Eva fell silent again.

Rewind, induce amnesia-
Deny the truth, it's easier.

After that night, Eva had cut off all ties to Kate. She wouldn't answer her texts, no matter how many there were. She stopped answering the calls and listening to the voicemails that were starting to fill her inbox. She went different ways to get to her classes so she could avoid Kate. She'd ignore Kate at all times during practice. She basically cut Kate from her life, pretending like she never happened.

It hurt Eva, so much, but it was either risk the chances of having her life destroyed and her dreams crushed, or be with some girl that would make the stakes even higher. Eva had to prioritize herself, and if that meant getting rid of Kate, she knew she had to do it.

She denied every question or theory she got asked, whether it was by some random guy in the hallway, or one of her own cheermates. It was easier than having to explain- lying was always easier.

She wish she had amnesia, she wish she could forget about everything that happened between the two of them. She wish she would stop thinking about it- about her, during class or early in the morning or late at night. She wished everything could go back to normal.

You're just confused, b elieve her-
When she says that there's nothing there.

When Kate had told Eva that she was 'just confused' and that 'there's nothing there' what did she really mean?

Was Kate referring to the window, and how Eva had just been seeing things? Was Kate reassuring Eva that she was confused, that she was nervous and that there was actually no person or camera? Did Kate really mean it like that?

Or was Kate talking about them? Was Kate saying how Eva was just confused with herself, with her thoughts and sexuality? Was Kate the reality that was finally hitting her? Was Kate telling Eva how she really felt? Was Kate telling Eva that there was nothing there- between them?

These questions always stayed in the back of Eva's mind. They never left. She knew she wouldn't ever get any answers to them and sometimes, she just wishes she wouldn't have left Kate.

But it was far too late now.

It's never worth it...
When you're "little miss perfect"