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It was an unspoken deal between them. It started at a gala one night. It was loud and crowded and they stood on the outskirts in a small group, every now and then shoulders would bump each other but it was from laughter and fun.
She didn't take any notice of it the first time. She thought it was a mistake, he'd just been bumped and his fingers happened to brush against hers.
Then he did it again and she looked over to him, she looked down at his hand at the fingers that twitched slightly, itching to touch her skin. She saw his face and nothing seemed out of place.
Then someone bumped his shoulder from behind and he latched onto her pinky and ring finger. She heard him suck in a breath and saw him stiffen, looking frantically around the room. She squeezed his fingers and he started to calm down.
Then that was it. After that, it was this unspoken thing between the two of them.
She wasn't the only one. When the crowd got too loud and there were too many strangers he'd find Steve and lean into his side subtly. He just needed the touch, the comfort of knowing Steve was there beside him.
Bucky would shove his hands in his pockets and slowly get closer and closer until he was practically attached to Steve's side. But Steve never said anything. There was no need because Steve knew, he knew that Bucky just needed the safety of knowing he wasn't alone, that it was okay. So Steve would put his hand on his friend's shoulder and that's where it would stay until Bucky was smiling and laughing again or until he felt okay enough to leave on his own.
On missions when Sam noticed Bucky's movements become frantic and uncalculated he would fly down and walk alongside him. No words shared between them but a cloud of safety washed over him.
When Bucky looked to his side and Sam offered him a small nod Bucky knew. He wasn't alone. He was okay. And it made everything okay. His movements slowed, his actions were carefully thought out.
Bucky would latch on to those around him that grounded him. To Steve and Sam who he knew would always protect him. His family.
Slowly he started to latch onto her. Her with the soft eyes and the silent understanding. Her who didn't question him when he slipped his fingers between hers when walking through the busy streets of New York. Her who poured him coffee every morning when he got back from his run. Like Steve and Sam, she grounded him. She made him feel like he wasn't alone.
When they stood to the side at a press conference and watched Steve, Tony, Nat, and Fury talk to the press Bucky clenched his fists and stared straight ahead. He tried to ignore the flashing lights or the shouting questions but he couldn't. He wanted to get out.
He wanted to lean his head on Sam's back who stood in front of him or just grip his shirt so that maybe it would ease the pit in his stomach but he couldn't. He couldn't because eyes were on him and they couldn't find out that he was anxious, that he was scared.
She saw him stare a hole into the middle of Sam's shoulder blades. She saw his fists clenched by his side. Before she could even think about it her fingers brushed along his wrist and slowly, gently pried open his fist and snaked her fingers between his own. She didn't look at him, she didn't say anything when he held on until they were clear out of the room.
She missed the feeling of his thumb rubbing against the back of her hand as soon as he let go. He missed her fingers locked in his own. But that's not what this was. It was just to make him feel safe, it was just to calm him down when his anxiety got too loud in his head.
Slowly, over the months she started to notice a shift in the dynamic, in the hierarchy. More times Bucky chose her over Sam.
In the streets of Paris with the team looking for a place to have lunch Bucky latched onto her. It was the middle of the tourist season and everything was too loud, too many people. Too much all at once.
Bucky slowed his steps until he was by her side and intertwined his fingers with hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. She squeezed his hand and he took a deep breath, continuing the small pattern with his thumb until he could feel his heart relax and his breathing even out.
Sam noticed. She noticed. And when they sat in the park eating lunch from a small cafe Wanda found and Bucky let go of her hand to sit on the ground and eat his food they shared a look. A knowing look.
Bucky wasn't alone.
Soon she really did take Sam's spot. If Steve wasn't around or busy Bucky would find her, he would sit next to her at the table while she worked. He would brush against her hand when he walked past. Because that's what made him feel safe. Knowing she was here. Knowing he wasn't alone. He was safe and she was here with him.
Then after an exceptionally hard mission, one that went bad before it went well Bucky needed her touch.
Steve wasn't enough he could still feel the panic in his bones and the itching feeling that something wasn't right.
When he and Steve walked through the compound Bucky leaned right into Steve's side to make sure he wasn't going to go anywhere.
When they walked into the lounge side by side and Bucky saw her sitting on the couch watching TV Steve felt his friend relax against him. Then, for the first time, Bucky stepped away. Bucky moved away from Steve and went immediately to sit beside her.
He pulled her hand from her lap, humming a greeting when she said hello to them, ignoring her and Steve's chatter. Bucky intertwined his fingers with hers and held her hand between the two of them as he drew circles on the back of her hand.
He leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes letting the relief of being home, being with her, being safe, not being alone wash over him.
She looked at Bucky then at Steve confused. Steve shrugged with a small smile and sat on the other side of Bucky. Shoulders pressed against each other, it wasn't just for Bucky's benefit, Steve needed to know he was here too.
They watched TV in silence for a few more minutes, Bucky still leaned back with his eyes shut and listened to the TV. He squeezed her hand and when she squeezed back and leaned her head on his shoulder he brought her hand to his lips and then held it to his chest.
Small circles drawn on the back of her hand meant Bucky wasn't alone. Sometimes he needed a reminder of that and that was the little unspoken deal between them. He was never alone.