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“We are really, really, really, really, REALLY sorry, Geek!” Sam apologizes as he drives up to a really spooky looking house. “And again, Sam. It’s not your fault. The commissioner decided to call and give you guys a case on Halloween.” Geek comforts. “I’m ticked off!” Max grumbles as he flicks the little fake ice cubes that hang from his neck. “You’ll be able to take it out on the bad guy, Max.” Geek points out. “I guess...but now I feel like I look silly with how I’m dressed. Both of you are dressed for the occasion but I look like a salad!” Max whines as he points to the hat that he is wearing, which does resemble a salad.
“I thought you were supposed to be a bloody mary?” Sam pipes in. “I AM!” Max cries. “That explains the red leotard you’re wearing.” Sam mumbles to himself. The DE Soto pulls up to the front gate. “...So do we just jump the gate or…?” Geek starts. Just then, the gate slowly opens, metal groaning and all. “Wow, they really need to oil the gate. I’m pretty sure my goosebumps are ready to fly south with the cold terror that sent through my body.” Max giggles. “What kind of criminal opens the gate for the cops?” Geek asks.
“We aren’t cops, Geek. We are the freelance police!” Sam corrects as he drives forward and past the gate. “Yeah, we are not racist and a lot scarier.” Max adds. “That kinda seems like an oxymoron.” Geek points out. The gate swings closed violently. “Those ghosts must pay the bills if they get to slam gates like that.” Max points out. “So what’s the deal anyways? Is has to be a reason to why you two were called.” Geek asks. “Something about mysterious sounds coming from the house?” Sam recalls. “So...a noise complaint?” Geek deadpans.
“People need to mind their own damn business!” Max screams. “They sent you two out...on a noise complaint?” Geek asks again. “Knowing us, it’s gonna end up with us battling demons or something along the same supernatural line.” Sam points out. “Yeah! I hope it’s a dance battle!” Max giggles. “What if the demons are just having a party and they just got a little carried away?” Geek asks. “...Then we can wrap this up quickly!” Sam smiles. “And maybe still have a dance off?” Max chimes in. The DE Soto comes to a stop at the front of the house.
“Geez, this place is huge.” Geek points out. “Who do you think lives here?” They add. “Or doesn’t live here, hey-oh!” Max jokes. Sam and Geek don’t laugh at his joke. “...You know...because it’s haunted? And ghost aren't alive?” Max explains. Sam and Geek both continue to not laugh at his joke and stare up at the house. “Screw you guys. That was funny!” Max grumbles as he gets out of the car. Geek and Sam follow suit. “Should we say trick or treat?” Sam asks.
“We ARE in costume…” Geek points out. Sam strolls up to the door and knocks. There is a welcome mat out so somebody must live in this building...but it says “GET OUT!!!” in blood red. ... Maybe it means “GET OUT OF THE COLD AND COME VISIT!!!” ?
…
No answer.
Sam knocks again…
No answer.
“The boldness of the second reaction is very eerie… DO IT AGAIN, SAM!” Max exclaims. Sam listens to his husband, who has DEFINITELY never been known to be a little of a chaotic dumbass at times, and knocks again...
NO ANSWER.
“Wow, bold, italic and capitalized.” Sam whistles. “I’m not a dumb ass! I’m a smart ass! You got me at the chaotic part though…” Max mumbles. “So...what now?” Geek asks. “Well. I guess we can get started on Halloween.” Sam smiles as he straightens out his detective cap. “FINALLY! All it took was for us to get going was for us to get ghosted by some ghosts.” Sam- I mean, Max sighs out.
Just then the unassuming welcome mat that reads “GET OUT!!!” flips open and Sam falls inside. “SAM!” Geek and Max scream together as they step closer to the hole to peer in. But then the wood planks that the both of them were standing on slip up and pour Geek and Max down the hole. Geek and Max slide down a huge slide as flaming skulls fly around while cackling.
“I feel like I’m on the cover of one of those metal bands.” Max points out with a giggle. “How are you so calm?!” Geek yells as they attempt to slow down, but to no avail. “Calm? Never heard of it.” Max smiles. Just then a bunch of butcher knives start flying back and forth further down the slide were Geek and Max are heading. “Hey, Geek. Word of advice. Just go with it. They won’t hit you.” Max tells. “WHAT?!” Geek asks. They look down at the flying knives that are coming up. “Okay?” They shrug nervously as they take a deep breath. They close their eyes and...they feel a breeze past by their face.
They open their eyes and...nothing bad happened. “It’d be pretty stupid if somebody made this house really scary and before we could see it they killed us on the murder slide, that just poor economics or something.” Max points out. Geek takes of “their” hat and tips it at Max. “Hats off to you.” They complement. “Why thank you!” Max giggles as he adjusts the greenery on his head.
The two then slide down into another hole and fall onto something that is soft. “OOF!”
“...Wow, that was a pretty lame death slide.” Max grumbles. “Nice of you two to drop in on me.” Sam greets. “SAM! There you are!” Max giggles as he pats Sam. “That explains the soft landing.” Geek mumbles as they get off Sam. “I agree with you, little buddy. That slide was awful short...the skulls didn’t even shoot fire at me!” Sam complains. “Wait, does that mean you didn’t move the whole time you were down here?” Geek asks. “...It’s best to stay still if you want to be found.” Sam points out. “Plus, we did follow right after him.” Max adds.
Geek looks around the room they are in. It appears to be a bathroom, with no lights turned on. The most terrifying of all the rooms in the average ammercian households. “Sam, you were laying on the bathroom floor in some rando’s house.” Geek points out. “Gross!” Sam exclaims as he gets up off the possibly filthy floor, again, the rooms pretty dark. “Hey, guys! We should do that thing that people do at sleepovers!” Max giggles.
“What’s that, little buddy? The only person I’ve ever had sleepovers with is you.” Sam asks. “We should do the thing where you say something into the bathroom mirror!” Max giggles. “Okay!” Sam agrees as he steps in front of the bathroom mirror. “Ahem! Hey there you handsome devil.” Sam flirts with his reflection. “I’m glad your self image has improved Sam, but that’s not what I meant. But this does give me an idea about you making out with yourself that I’m REALLY liking~!” Max giggles.
“Ahem, maybe we should be getting out of this bathroom now?” Geek suggests, more disturbed at Max’s idea than anything else that has happened this night thus far. “Just one second.” Max says as he walks in front of the mirror.
“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, BLOODY-” Max chants. “Why are you telling your reflection your Halloween costume?” Sam asks. “That’s not what I’m doing. I’m trying to summon a child eating demon, Sam!” Max explains. “That sounds like a bad idea…” Sam points out. “What? We aren’t kids.” Max shrugs. “UM?! HELLO?!” Geek exclaims. “Ohhhhh. Right, we have a kid with us.” Max realzies. “Well it’s a good thing you didn’t say the last bloody mary- oh my god.” Sam sighs as a very spooky girl appears in the mirror. She seems to be covered in blood...or maybe ketchup if you’re squeamish. “Way to go, Sam. You said the last one.” Max teases.
The girl creepy puts her hand on the glass. Then applies pressure onto the glass. The bloody/ketchup soaked girl seems confused for some reason. She tries again. Still nothing scary happens. The girl then breathes on the glass and begins to write.
“Can’t go thru mirror?” She writes. “Huh. Who would’ve guessed that ghouls can experience technical difficulties?” Sam shrugs. “Is there a Mary in there already? I can’t go thru.” The girl writes. Geek and Sam look at Max, who I may remind you, is dressed up as the drink bloody mary. “Is this some sort of loophole?” Sam asks. “Huh, would you believe me if I told you this is in fact the SECOND time that the drink bloody mary has saved my life?” Max asks. “Your going to have to write on the mirror if you want to explain it to me.” The girl, who at this point is most likely called Mary, witres.
Geek strolls up to the mirror and breathes on it, then gets to work. “*You’re.” Geek writes. Mary gets a very ticked off look on her face. “What did you just write?” Sam asks. “I corrected her grammar.” Geek answers. “Geek, you did not have to go so hard.” Max giggles. Mary flips the trio off with both hands and poofs away in a puff of smoke. “Huh, who would have guessed that demons one weakness was grammar.” Sam chuckles. “Can we please leave the bathroom now?” Geek asks, clearly getting fed up with spending their Halloween in a dark bathroom.
The trio exit the bathroom into a hallway. “You know...we haven’t heard a single one of these creepy sounds that we got called in for…” Sam points out. Just then a very weird moan rings out in the house. “...Either someone in pain or someone is having a good time.” Max points out. “Why not both?” Sam asks. “...You make me so happy, Sam.” Max sighs with a smile. “Or it’s something spooky.” Geek adds. “Or maybe it’s something spooky that is in pain and-slash-or having a good time!” Max screams in delight.
“The noise is coming down from that way!” Sam points as he runs. “Sam, wait!” Geek calls out as Sam bolts down the hallway. “This is how people die in horror movies!” Geek points out as they make chase with Max running with them. “Don’t worry, Geek! We’re gay, so if they try to kill us it’s a hate crime!” Max points out. “But what about the bury your gays trope?!” Geek counters. An expression of horror dawns on Max’s face. “SAM, COME BACK!” Max screams.
Sam runs around a corner. Then a very familiar voice screams. “Sam, are you-whoa!” Geek exclaims as Sam jumps into Geek’s arms as they round. Geek somehow is able to hold up a shiver Sam. Do they lift? “Sam? What’s wrong?” Max asks. Sam shakily points at a terrifying looking shadow. Geek and Max look at the light source that produced the shadow and see a tiny little spider a window at the end of an adjacent hallway. “Chillax, Scooby. It’s just a spider.” Geek jokes. “Now hold on...what if it’s poisonous?” Max asks. Geek holds out Sam. “Here, I’ll check.” Geek offer.
Max takes Sam into his arms, he too is somehow able to hold Sam up. Does this whole family lift weights or…?
Geek strolls up to the spider and gives it a once over. “This spider is not toxic, guys!” Geek calls. “Did you check it’s social media?” Max jokes. At this point, Max has put Sam back on the ground standing up. “Sorry about that...I didn’t mean to lose my cool like that.” Sam apologies as he fixes his hat and yellow tie. “It’s fine, Sam. I just wanna get this over with…” Geek sighs. Just then...a mysterious voice calls from above. “What are you three doing in my house?”
The trio look up and see a man phasing through the ceiling. “...We were here on a noise complaint?” Sam answers as he holds up his badge. “So y’all broke into my house?!” The ghost man exclaims. “We slipped and slid down into your bathroom after knocking on the front door.” Sam explains. The ghost man stares and Sam for a moment, then he pitches the bridge of his nose. “...The slide didn’t happen to have flying skulls on fire and knives...did it?” The man asks. “It sure did!” Max giggles.
“...Dang it! I told them to stop building those! I’m sorry about that! My partner has a nasty habit of building slides to scare people. We had an issue with teenagers trying to break in to…” The ghost man looks down at Geek. The man motions for either Sam or Max to cover Geek’s ears. Max puts his hands over Geek’s ears. “...get it on. If you catch my drift.” The man finishes. “Oh...so, I guess we can be on our way.” Sam waves. “Oh, wait!” Sam quickly adds. “We still need to ask you to keep it down.” Sam finishes.
“...We haven’t anything loudly recently…?...OH! My wife found a dead kitten yesterday! She was crying pretty loudly then! She was inconsolable...not even our partner and their jokes would help…” The man remembers. Just then, a tiny ghost kitten jumps through the ceiling. “...but then we found the little guy’s spirit!” The man giggles. “Dawh! Look, Sam!” Max points. “...So somebody called the police about someone crying?” Geek asks. The man sighs. “Yeah...it’s our next door neighbor...she’s actually the reason we are all dead.” The man explains. “SHE MURDERED YOU GUYS?!” Geek exclaims.
“Yep. Killed us because she thought we were disgusting…” The man explains. “And then she has the gall to complain about noise?! Tsk...typical.” Max tsks. “So...should we go arrest her for murder or…?” Sam asks. The man waves him off. “Nah...she’s too old to be a threat to anyone...and also she lives in paranoia about being caught so you should just let her continue to live in fear for the rest of her years.” The man shrugs. “I’m going to steal the candy in her house.” Max says as he walks away. “Max, where are you going?!” Sam calls. “Over to murder lady’s house to steal candy!” Max answers. “It’s the blue house with the red mailbox!” The man calls out. “Thanks!” Max thanks as he leaves the hallway.
“So...why are y’all in costume?” The man asks. “It’s Halloween, sir.” Geek answers. “Shoot! It’s Halloween?! We forgot thanks to this guy!” The man exclaims as he holds the kitten to Sam and Geek. “Honey? Who are you talking to?” A woman's voice asks. The man phases through the floor. “We have visitors. And they just reminded me that it’s Halloween.” The man answers. “...Oh. They are going to be upset that we missed their favorite holiday.” The woman points out.
“Welp! We will let ourselves out.” Sam calls. “Come on, Geek. We still have time for Halloween!” Sam urges. Geek nods and the two of them make their way through the hallways. “They seem nice.” Geek says as they descend a flight of stairs. “Yeah. It’s a shame what happened to them.” Sam sighs. “...I have to admit. I wasn’t expecting this to end on a semi-depressing note.” Geek admits. “Yeah...do you think ghosts can beat up other ghosts?” Sam asks. “Sam...I might be a child genius, but I’m no paranormal expert.” Geek shrugs.
“Also, watch your step.” Geek says as they reach the front door. The front door opens and the welcome mat is still flipped open. Geek and Sam step around the mat carefully and walk towards the DE Soto. “Now where is that husband of mine…” Sam wonders. “Over here~!” Max giggles as he approaches with a big bowl of candy. “Is that…?” Geek asks.
“Murder lady’s candy? Yes. Yes it is. A ghost person helped me get it. They were pretty cool. I distracted the lady by pretending to speak the word of god while he sneaked the candy bowl out one of the windows. It was really funny seeing her get so uncomfortable when I mentioned how all murderers rot in the worst place in hell.” Max giggles. “Nice, you stole from a murderer and made them feel bad! I would say that this case is closed!” Sam announces as everyone piles into the car.
“And it’s only eight thirty! Still plenty of time to trick or treat!” Max points out. “Well how about that! Let’s hurry back!” Sam says as the gate opens again, letting the trio drive off. “Hey, Max. Pass me something in that candy bowl, all these spooky hi jinx has me craving something that will rot my teeth!” Sam requests. Max begins to dig through the candy bowl for something to give him...and he finds a wallet. “JACKPOT!” Max exclaims as he holds up the wallet.
“...While that’s nice, little buddy. That isn’t what I asked for.” Sam points out. Max picks a random candy in the bowl and hands it so Sam. Max opens up the wallet and a note falls out. Max holds up the note and reads it. “Hey, dude! I found this while you had that witch distracted! I’m dead and money is less of an issue because of that, so feel free to keep it! :p Anyways, this wallet also has her ID and stuff so if you ever feel like it...you can maybe...well, not harass her… actually… do do that. She stabbed me in the eye! >:/ But feel free to be spooky and say stuff like “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO THEM!” IDK. I watch a lot of horror movies, man. One of my favorite past times! Anyways...I’m starting to run out of paper.
See ya
Your friendly neighborhood ghost pal
“I would say that this Halloween has been our best yet!” Max giggles as he puts the note in one of the slots in the wallet.
Max then begins to count the money in the wallet.
Let’s just say Max buys himself and his family something nice the next day and leave it at that.
THE END (OR IS IT(YES IT IS))