Work Text:
Looking for a last goodbye
I burned the world for you and I.
Changbin keeps himself hidden away in his room as Woojin calls for everyone to meet in the living room.
He doesn’t hear at first, headphones securely on his ears and new beats pumping through his ears, his head nodding with the beat.
He’s been trying to write lyrics for several hours now - this afternoon, Hyunjin, Jisung, and he had gone grocery shopping and due to a burst of inspiration he has left the two younger members to deal with the food.
Probably not the best decision, but he doesn’t think about that right now.
Changbin’s pen scratches over the page of his lyric book, spitting out word after word, his lips move along to the lyrics of the song in his ear as he sets on creating his song.
Hidden away in his world, he lets out a surprised shriek as a hand grabs his shoulder and spins his chair around.
With wide eyes, he stares up at Chan, taking off his headphones. “Hyung?”
Chan smiles softly and Changbin does a double-take. As he sees how red Chan’s eyes are, how swaddled he looks in the huge sweater he’s wearing and how he keeps playing with the ends of the sleeves…
He stands up quickly. “Hyung, did you cry? What happened?”
Chan laughs watery but accepts the hug as Changbin melts against his body. “It’s okay, Binnie. Woojin wants to talk to you all. He has called for you - you didn’t hear so I went to get you.”
He steps back, taking Changbin’s hand. “Come.”
They both leave their shared room and walk back into the living room - and indeed, everyone else is already there.
Everyone?
No, wait.
Changbin does a headcount as Chan moves to sit next to Jisung and pulls him on his lap.
Minho is missing.
“Where is Minho…?”, he asks quietly as he walks over to Felix who smiles up and him and pulls him down to cuddle up with him.
Absentmindedly, Changbin pulls an arm around him and pulls him closer.
He feels the tension in the room as Woojin looks away with a sad smile on his lips. “He’ll return soon. He already knows what I wanted to tell you.”
“If you’re talking like that, one could mean the world has ended, hyung,” Seungmin butts in, jokingly.
But judging from how Woojin stiffens, his hands curling into fists, it’s not as far away from the truth as he would have wanted.
Changbin’s stomach sinks and his grip on Felix tightens. A glance around shows him Chan who has his face hidden away in Jisung’s shoulder, his knuckles white from where he’s gripping Jisung’s jacket
“Hyung.” Changbin’s voice is raspy like he hadn’t used it for several days. “What is it that you want to tell us?”
Woojin takes a deep breath, heavy with tears. “I...I’ve done a lot of thinking the last days - weeks.” He looks down on his hands, slouched in on himself where he usually would sit straight and proud to off his confidence.
This Woojin...doesn’t look like the strong hyung they’ve come to rely on these past few years.
Cold fear grabs Changbin’s heart.
“I’ve had a lot of talks with Jinyoung-hyung. With the managers.”
Please don’t say what I think you will say.
“And I found out…”
Please don’t, hyung.
Another deep breath. The tension in the room could be cut by a knife.
“I...I don’t want to be in this industry anymore.”
Silence.
“I’ve terminated my contract with JYP Entertainment - which means…”
Changbin shudders as he closes his eyes.
“I will have to leave Stray Kids.”
Icy numbness sinks over Changbin’s senses.
The first thing that cuts through the numbness in Changbin’s brain is the shudder of his arm. It moves as if it’s vibrating.
Wait no, that’s not his arm.
The someone in his arms is shaking.
Felix.
Changbin resurfaces in time to see his younger bandmate slap his hands in front of his mouth, wide, terrified eyes gaping at Woojin who refuses to meet his gaze.
“You-”
Felix’s shaky voice cuts through the static. No one has moved, there are six pairs of eyes set on the young boy.
His mouth opens and closes like a fish and Changbin distantly thinks he has never seen Felix this utterly terrified. Disbelieving, afraid, the sheen of tears in his eyes.
“You willingly chose to throw it all...away….you throw us away just like that??!!”
Everyone flinches at the loud volume of his voice.
Chan resurfaces from his hiding place, stares at his younger brother with a face so full of sympathy and pity...Changbin has a feeling he knew about his before.
He knew what Woojin would be telling them.
“Felix-”
“NO!” Felix jumps up, stares at all of them like a deer caught in the headlights. His breathing speeds up. “You- you- you can’t do this, hyung, we can’t lose you-” His voice cracks as he stares at Woojin, begs him to take back the cruel words he left into the stiff air of their living room.
“I’ve already signed the papers, Lixie.” Woojin talks so soft, so gentle. Like the Woojin they know. But his tone stands in total contrast to his words and more than one gasp rings through the room.
Felix turns around and storms out of the room.
“When- when have you planned on telling us? Why did you do this behind our backs like that?” Jeongin looks so fragile from where he’s pressed against Hyunjin.
Changbin doesn’t hear the answer anymore because, after an exchange of glances with Chan, he stands up and quickly follows Felix.
His feelings, how he thinks about Woojin telling them he would leave...it doesn’t matter at the moment.
What matters...is Felix.
Changbin has always been the one to calm him down the best - this time would be no different.
He takes one look around in the hallway of their rooms and indeed - there are sobs from the bedroom Felix shares with Jeongin and Seungmin.
Changbin swallows as he quietly opens the door to the room, peeks inside. “Yongbokie…?”
The sight of Felix curled up in his bed, barely visible under the blanket he is hidden under, breaks his heart.
His sobs are muffled by the fabric, but Changbin still hears them clear enough.
Gosh, he needs enough strength to not start crying too in this instant.
He sighs, closing the door behind himself and walking over to the bed and sitting down.
The sobs cease for a moment. “Leave me alone.” Felix’s voice is hoarse from all the crying.
“Never,” Changbin smiles gently and tugs at the blanket surrounding Felix. It’s the one Woojin and Chan have gifted him for his birthday, he realizes. “Mind letting me in? We don’t have to go back, I can...stay and cuddle you.”
No answer for a few seconds before there’s movement in the lump in front of Changbin and Felix sits up, red eyes staring at him from under disheveled hair. “Hyung…” His lip starts to wobble. “Why did Woojin-hyung do that?”
Changbin sighs and scoots back until he leans against the wall the bed stands against. “I don’t know...I really don’t know.” He opens his arms, he hates the lost look in Felix’s eyes, wishes he could do anything, anything to help him, but it’s of no use.
He can’t take the pain away.
Felix melts himself against his chest as he starts to cry again.
And Changbin closes his eyes, face hidden away in Felix’s hair as his tears begin to fall.
Let go, oh,
Love isn’t good enough.
(...) So let go, oh,
You weren’t good enough.
“Let Go”, Hollywood Undead.