Work Text:
Now the oceans have drained up
Cannot come up for air ‘cause I’ve been learning to live without
And I’m fighting with broken bones
“I’ve terminated my contract with JYP Entertainment – which means…”
“I will have to leave Stray Kids.”
It’s silent after Changbin and Felix have left the room.
Like time is standing still.
Hyunjin has no idea how long until they will move again because he too feels frozen in time – it can’t be. He hasn’t heard what Woojin just said.
Leaving?
Him?
Hyunjin shakes his head. Slowly, disbelievingly. He stares at Woojin, eyes wide and not able to stay locked on the singer, instead they dart around in the room. He sees that the other members too are caught in various states of shock.
A sniffle brings him from his stupor and his head snaps towards Jeongin who is cuddled up against his side.
Tears are running down his cheeks and he too stares at Woojin, heaving in a sobbing breath.
“Why, hyung?”, he asks again. “Why did you…what…why?”
They all want to know.
Because…There hasn’t been anything indicating that Woojin would feel the need to leave…to end his contract with the company on his own decision.
Or there had been…and they were too occupied with their obligations to notice.
Hyunjin’s hands curl into fists as Woojin looks away, lips pressed together. He doesn’t answer.
“I may be wrong,” Hyunjin starts, startling the others with his hoarse voice. “But…aren’t we something like a family? Aren’t we people who tell each other everything? And…don’t have secrets from each other?” His tone raises, anger starting to rot through his chest. “And not do things like that behind the other’s backs and- and- and not telling them until it’s too late?!”
Woojin presses his hands into fists, nails digging into his thighs and Hyunjin sees a shudder run through his body. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, tears so glaringly obvious in his voice.
Jisung raises from Chan’s lap and hurriedly leaves the room. Hyunjin spares the door a glance and as he hears the front door slam shut, he knows that Jisung has left the dorm.
His chest hurts.
Hyunjin startles again as he sees Woojin moving and burying his face in his hands. He looks older…so much older than barely over twenty.
Nobody says another word as a nearly silent sob breaks through the thick air of the room.
Chan’s eyes narrow and he stands up. “Okay, that’s enough.” He stares at everyone in the room and Hyunjin cowers away from his leader-stare. “I know that Woojin…leaving,” he swallows, “is hard to take in. But that…” Chan sucks in a breath and his eyes bore into Hyunjin’s. “…is not a reason I will accept to make him cry like that. We will get through that, I won’t let us break apart like that – again.”
“Yes, again,” Seungmin whispers, voice bitter. “We already went through a situation like that – twice.” He looks up, his stare locking with Chan’s. “And you will let this happen again? You have taken the brunt from when Felix and Minho had to leave during the survival show – how can you go on now and let another member leave our team?”
Woojin answers instead of Chan.
“It isn’t his choice, Minnie. And please…please don’t blame him in any way.” He sounds tired. “It was my choice alone. I…I know what I’m doing to you guys while doing so, but…I’ve realized that this is too much to take for me. Everything. It’s…I can’t deal with it anymore. Even…” He hesitates and Hyunjin sees Chan sink to the couch again.
“Even together with you guys.”
Hyunjin closes his eyes.
That’s maybe the worst thing to take in. Because yes, the show business may be cruel, draining, violent even, but until now, they have managed to get through because they relied on each other to keep everybody’s spirit up – but if Woojin is ready to give up despite that…
Who’s to say that the rest of their self-made family won’t break apart too sooner or later?
Hyunjin swallows. He needs to leave.
But as he stands up, Seungmin’s eyes meet his and Seungmin smiles darkly. “Can’t take it anymore too, huh? Want to leave us alone and run away too? Like you normally do?”
When did his tone become so scathing?
Hyunjin sees his red eyes, the way they’re shining with tears, but it doesn’t make the words hurt any less.
Without looking back, he storms from the living room, distantly hearing the “Seungmin!” Chan throws at the younger.
Other voices follow, but Hyunjin can’t discern them anymore. He slips into a pair of sneakers standing by the door – probably not his own but it’s not like he cares – and briskly walks outside, breath shuddering through his chest. His hands are shaking.
He’s surprised to see Jisung outside, not far away from the dorm building. He’s sitting on a bench, curled in on himself and face hidden away in his knees.
It’s too cold for both of them to be outside in only a sweater, their breath puffing into the air as Hyunjin walks closer.
Jisung looks up. He scoffs as he sees Hyunjin. “Knew you would be the next one to leave, loser.”
“Shut up and let me hug you.” Hyunjin’s voice is raspy as he sinks next to Jisung on the bench. He feels like crying.
Jisung sighs but uncurls obediently and moves to straddle Hyunjin, arms coming up to hug his neck and knees bracketing his waist.
Hyunjin exhales a shuddering breath and brings his arms around his waist, pressing Jisung close to himself.
He feels slightly warmer in the company of the younger – but he can’t deny the feeling that they wouldn’t bounce back from this. He hopes they will.
Hope is probably the only thing he has left as he cries hot tears into Jisung’s sweater.
I know that time will mend this fracture
I’ve been lost in a maze
And every route I take
Leads right back to you.
“Hereafter”, Architects.