Chapter Text
The thing about concerts – it was spectacular and magical while it lasted, standing in front of a huge crowd, singing and dancing, burning up his energy until he felt the ache in his muscles, the thrumming of his pulse everytime the crowd chanted his name, the flashing lights, the cacophony of voices and smiling faces around him, and the rapid beating of his heart everytime he finished up a routine.
“You remember, right?” Sejin, their manager, reminded them while they lounged inside the dressing room. “This is the last night of your tour. Make sure to give your fans the best night of their lives.”
A chorus of cheers echoed inside the dressing room, making Yoongi smile as he stared quietly at his members.
“Should we go extra on the skinship tonight?” Jungkook teased.
“Now that’s just gross, Jungkook-ah,” Jin commented with a laugh.
Sejin chuckled. “Well, your fans love it when you touch a little more. Maybe, a hug or two wouldn’t hurt.”
Namjoon groaned. “This industry is fucked up.”
Hoseok snorted and munched on a bar of chocolate wafer. “It’s a marketing strategy for the idols, Namjoon-ah. You should have been used to it by now.”
“I know , it’s just–“ Namjoon sighed. “–Am I the only one who thinks that holding hands with another guy is embarrassing?”
“It’s not, hyung.”
Yoongi’s eyes lifted from his phone screen at the sound of that soft voice.
Jimin was sitting beside Taehyung on the leather couch, leaning his head on the other’s shoulder as his fingers played on the hems of his sleeves. For a second, a curious voice inside Yoongi’s head whispered to him what it would have felt like to have Jimin’s head leaning on his shoulder like that.
His hair was combed and silver, and Yoongi wanted to touch. Fuck. He wanted to card his fingers through Jimin’s hair and feel to himself how soft they were, feel the strands flowing against his skin, and tell Jimin how good he looked tonight.
But Yoongi was a coward, and cowards keep their mouths shut.
“It’s not embarrassing to hold another guy’s hand especially when you treat them as a brother,” Jimin added with a smile.
“Yeah, well–“ Namjoon sighed again. “–I just hope we don’t have to keep on doing awkward stuff for other people’s entertainment.”
Sejin gave him a sympathetic look and said, “I’m sorry, Namjoon-ah, but every fandom does ships. You know what that means, right? CEO Bang has already talked to you guys about that.”
Yeah. Damn. Yoongi couldn’t even believe it when their boss told them in one of their meetings about the ARMYs’ agenda on SNS. There were ‘ships’ as their fans called them, and to say that Yoongi was shocked to know that he was on the top three was the biggest understatement of the year.
He could still remember how his heart had beaten rapidly in his chest when Bang PD said, “Yoongi-yah, you’re being paired up with Jimin-ah.” The tips of his ears flushed with the deepest shade of pink that a human being could have ever seen and of course, his members had given him shit for it.
“Yoongi-hyung’s embarrassed!” Taehyung laughed.
“Now, now, that’s so cute, Yoongi-yah,” Seokjin cooed.
When he chanced a glance towards the younger’s direction, he saw how Jimin’s eyes remained wide after Bang PD’s words, his plump lips opened with unspoken words of shock.
Jimin turned his head towards Yoongi’s direction and his heart leapt to his throat when the younger smiled broadly at him, the one that curved his eyes into tiny half-moons. Fuck. Yoongi, loved that smile. He had loved that smile for years.
“Let’s do our best, Yoongi-hyung!”
“What?” he asked with a slight frown.
Jimin chuckled. “ARMYs would love to see us interacting on stage and behind the scenes. Let’s do our best for our fans, okay?”
Bang PD looked pleased by that while the other members continued to laugh.
“You’re stuck with Yoongi-hyung!” Taehyung teased.
“Yah!” Jimin smacked his shoulder. “I have a ship with you, too, and Kookie!”
“My ship with Taehyung-hyung has the number one spot!” Jungkook smirked. “We’re the best.”
At that, Taehyung grinned and laced his fingers with Jungkook just to mock Jimin more.
Jimin huffed and looked at Yoongi over the table with a petulant pout. “Hyung, let’s destroy these two, yeah? Let’s show them.”
Yoongi would have laughed at Jimin’s competitive nature if it weren’t for the sickening churn inside his stomach. This might be all a joke for every breathing soul in this room, but to Yoongi, this shit meant a lot more.
Was he that obvious? Was he that obvious about what he felt for Jimin that his fans could see right through him even from a computer screen?
His hands shook right where they rested on his thighs, hence he sighed and slid them inside the confines of his sweater, hiding the small tremors of dread currently plaguing his mind.
“Yeah,” he uttered with a slightly shaky grin, “Let’s show them, Jimin-ah.”
As they walked towards the dressing room after their final concert, everyone was congratulating them and patting them on the back for another successful show. Yoongi would have given them more than a smile and a bow, maybe a word of ‘thank you,’ if his mind wasn’t currently in the gutter after Jimin had shouted “Yoongi-yah!” in front of thousands of fans.
Yeah, it was the first time Jimin called his name without any honorifics and it left Yoongi so fucked up that his brain kept on repeating Jimin’s high-pitched voice even after they all got on the van and were ready to go to a restaurant for a celebratory dinner.
After around two hours of merriment and when everyone was already saying goodbyes and ready to part ways, inside the van, Yoongi made sure to get the back seat so he could wallow in self-pity in peace. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that he was feeling down tonight despite their success. Really, it wasn’t.
Because Yoongi was the culprit of his own suffering – not his fans, not his members, and especially not Jimin.
He let himself ease into the cushion at the left side corner of the back seat, sighing in content as the ache of his muscles dulled a bit more. He closed his eyes and listened to the bickering voices of his members, too tired to give a damn. Well, not like he really said anything off cam. He was just... a man of few words in nature, that was all.
He heard the thumping sound of the cushion to his right when a weight dropped on it, followed by a slight sigh, which had Yoongi’s heart pacing a little bit faster inside his chest.
“Hyung, you’re sleeping already?”
Yoongi hummed. “‘m tired.”
“Did I do well today?” Jimin asked and there was that tinge of hopefulness in his voice once again, like waiting to be praised or to hear some sort of validation from Yoongi.
Yes, you look wonderful on stage tonight. You were shining, Jimin-ah. As always.
Those were the words which Yoongi had really, really wanted to tell him, had been wanting to say to him for a couple of years now, but he couldn’t find the courage to express even half of his feelings to Jimin. Not when too much was at stake if he let even a single word slip right through his mouth.
He couldn’t do that to Jimin. He couldn’t do that to any of his members.
“You’re okay,” Yoongi said instead, and he wanted nothing but to punch himself in the gut.
“Hyung...” There was a small whine in Jimin’s voice but the younger just sighed and settled into the cushion comfortably.
“You were amazing today, Jimin-ah!” Taehyung shouted from the front seat. “I loved how you rolled your body during the encore show!”
The members laughed and Hoseok patted Taehyung’s shoulder. “That’s disgusting but you’re so cute, Taehyung-ah.”
Taehyung just flashed that boxy grin of his and Yoongi could hear Jimin chuckling heartily to his side. “Thank you, Taehyung-ah. You did great, too, tonight,” he heard Jimin say.
Yoongi pulled the black mask over his nose and mouth and rested his head against the window. He closed his eyes and let the loud voices of his members fade into the background, silently wishing for his consciousness to seep out of him and just let him sleep.
As the engine of the van started to life, Yoongi wondered for a moment that if only he were as half as innocent as Taehyung, if only he could say the words which Jimin wanted to hear, which Yoongi had been wanting to say for years, then maybe, Jimin would have moved closer to him and leaned his head on Yoongi’s shoulder too.
-TBC