Work Text:
You laid in your bed as music loudly played, causing the walls to vibrate quietly. It’s nights like these that you felt your body slowly swallow you into your bed, allowing your head to rest on the pillow. For a moment, it felt unnatural for you to be at ease. You felt exhausted as a shaky breath escaped your lips. You stared at the ceiling expressionless; the music was the only thing you’d allow yourself to focus on. It was one of those nights, the kind of night that everything was quickly overloading your mind. Work was stressful, and college was bombarding your brain with assignments and essays. Not to mention that things in your life don’t seem to be on your side recently. Today, you didn’t get that promotion you were promised, and you were late to class and missed a vital quiz.
You sighed in annoyance, turning your body to the side, staring at the wall. You hated like feeling like this, hopeless. You understood that bad days would come, and good days would gladly turn up eventually. But you were always left with thoughts of what if good days never exactly came back? Even today felt like the worst day on earth, it’ll eventually turn itself around. Your body had begun to feel dense against your bed; you sighed at the massive thought that loomed in your head like a big grey cloud. You slowly moved your fingers onto the wall as you felt the crisp, chilly texture against your fingertips, mindlessly using your fingers to make small circles.
Just like clockwork, you heard the front door open and quietly close back with a small noise of a click. You forgot how late it was. Usually, you weren’t up by the time he came home. But, even if that isn’t the case now, you didn’t want to disturb your roommate. You felt too ridiculous to approach him because of the way you feel right now.
Your roommate wasn’t just a usual person. For starters, he was an android. And not only an android, a detective for the Detroit Police Department. Now, you weren’t the kind of person to discriminate an android or deny the “protection” of having someone from the police department share an apartment with you- but it took some getting used to.
You remembered the day you posted something online about needing a roommate; your stomach began to go through somersaults. Who knows who could respond to the advertisement, a decent person, or a local red ice addict in need of hiding from the law. Luckily for you, it was a suitable android who needed a place to live. At first, you were worried considering that there was a war for the freedom of androids and accepting their deviancy not too long ago- and also your roommate’s face was on every television screen known to man who also helped to lead the revolution. Which didn’t make much sense to you why he’d be so willing to answer an ad about someone needing a roommate considering he may receive a lot of hate towards who he is.
Connor had addressed that he needed a place to stay while things cooled off from well, pretty much everything in the past couple of months. He told you that he was staying over at his colleague’s house, Hank Anderson, but realized that he’d been couch jumping for way too long. Even though he did care about his partner, he was well aware of having space. With that, you both became roommates- laying down rules, payments, and other small details.
You realized that regardless of what he was, he was a nice roommate. He understands needing space and respects it thoroughly. He doesn’t cause any messes at all, talks to you, and enjoys having enlightening conversations. Even though he shouldn’t be talking about cases at work, he doesn’t mind splurging your ears with a small insight. You both go out together sometimes and visit places, venture off, and explore new things. Grabs your stuff at the store if you’re not feeling up to going out; he even checks up on you from time to time and mildly worries about your health. You couldn’t complain in the slightest.
Then why does it feel impossible to just walk outside the door and talk to him?
You just feel like you’re such a hassle. You understand that you are only just roommates and should respect that boundary. So, coming up to him and clearly expressing that you don’t feel alright wouldn’t exactly be easy to admit. Plus, he works so hard at his job, dealing with severe cases- working endlessly. You sometimes wonder how he feels when he gets home late, after a hard day.
You couldn’t burden him with your problems, it almost seems too unfair.
There’s no one you really could talk to, now that you think about it. You and your family aren’t really in contact anymore after confessing to them that you felt androids deserve a chance to live just like anyone else. You don’t regret what you said, you only regret how they reacted.
Work is work; everyone has completely been wrapped around in stress. As if you or anyone else had a chance to breathe. And with college, you couldn’t even imagine talking to someone without your social anxiety acting up as if it was a whole sentient being.
So, you are alone. There’s no one you could talk to.
You could feel the tears creep up against your ducts, trailing down slowly. You didn’t want to feel like this anymore, so useless, so very weak.
You hated the thoughts that are loudly brought up inside yourself, jumbling all over your brain. Before you knew it, it was almost too late to stop your quiet sobs and tears rolling down your face, it continued to pour and pour as you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You curled your body slowly as you used your hands to cover your face- trying to be as quiet. You knew how thin your walls were between your room and Connors and yet, you’re trying hard to not disturb him. Your body was shaking, your breaths of air were more shallow. You tried to choke back sobs, trying to resist back your tears. You were vulnerable, and you didn’t want anyone to see you in this state.
Your breathing was irrational, becoming hallowed and rigid. Your whimpering was becoming more vocal, you were almost at a level where you could be heard. But, you didn’t care at this moment, you just wanted to stop feeling like this. Your brain continued to think more and more, your hands were trembling against your face as you couldn’t control yourself, you were unbearably sad.
You soon felt a pair of arms almost scoop you up and place your face on their chest, trying to hold you. You melted immediately into their body as you continued to sob, your hands grasping on their shirt.
“It’s okay.” Connors’s voice said smoothly as you rubbed your head slowly, embracing you fully. As if everything in you fell apart, the real tears came out as you began to loudly sob. Your tears were hot as they flushed down your face, your eyes closed tightly as you stayed in that position, letting your body continue to pour out any amount of sadness it possessed.
Connor stayed there until you had stopped sobbing, your face flushed with puffed eyelids. You utterly exhausted yourself out from crying that hard.
He slowly removed himself quickly as he ran out the door, you could hear a shuffle into the kitchen. A rattled breath slowly escaped your lips, you let your headrest on the cold pillow, it felt soothing against the heat from your face.
He walked back in as you motioned for you raise your body, as you did so, he had sat on his knees. He had a cold cloth in his hand as he wiped your face to swell down the puffiness. You felt in peace as he slowly wiped your face, his LED light spinning yellow. He placed it on the nightstand.
He then handed you a glass of water, which you slowly gripped and placed it to your dry lips- you were more dehydrated than you thought. You had finished the glass of water as you handed it to Connor. You took deep breaths to continue to calm yourself down. You looked over to see Connor furrowing his brows.
“You-” Connor said quietly, “You don’t have to tell me what’s on your mind, or why you feel the way you do.” He said, looking at you softly.
“I-I’m sorry for bothering you, I tried to be quiet and not disturb you because well I know how work is, and I know you work almost every day and well I also noticed that you seem tired and look unhappy at moments, so I try to give you space, and It seems that-”
“Breathe.” Connor said as you nodded, taking a deep breath.
“I understand that things are tough, I understand that,” He said as he picked up your hand, using his thumb to rub your palm.
“But, you have people who care about you and want to hear if you’re upset or if you’re having a bad day or something amazing happened.” He continued, looking at your hands.
“Because bottling yourself up won’t help anyone. Lieutenant is the same way.” He sais, a small smile showing onto his lips.
You slowly nodded as you felt comfortable in his hand, holding yours, you sighed.
“I’ll- try. I’ll try Connor.” You said as he looked up to see your eyes, his mouth slightly opened.
“But you have to tell me what troubles you too. This isn’t one-sided.” You said with a small amount of confidence.
He smiled widely as he nodded.
“I’ll try it too.”
You removed your hand from him as you scooted your body over, patting your hand to signal him sitting next to you.
He listened as he sat on your bed, you intertwined your hand with his.
“So, let me tell you how today was probably one of the worst days of my life.”