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Even with my eyes closed I noticed the sun was shining. My eyes felt thick, my head heavy. There was a warmth against my chest. On my cheeks I felt the cold air that was blowing outside of the sheets. Someone was keeping me warm; I realised. Or maybe I was the one keeping someone else warm, feeling how I had obviously wrapped my arms around the other and not the other way around.
I slowly opened my eyes, pulled back just a little bit.
In front of me was pitch black hair, broad shoulders, pale skin. Fragments of the night before came back to me. Sasuke had come back, yesterday.
Sasuke. Out of all the times I’d looked at his back, chasing him, fighting him, this was definitely my favourite. Or probably even the only damn one I wanted to remember.
He wasn’t running; he was here. I had felt so excited when he said he was coming home. My excitement had made him back up a little. ‘I’m only paying a visit, it’s temporary,’ he had said. I couldn’t give a damn; it was more than he had given in years. So I had gotten sake, snacks, everything nice. We had listened to music, talked for hours and hours, and drank a lot of alcohol. To be honest, we drank until we were giggly idiots. We drank until there was no distance between us. We’d gotten shitfaced. And then.. then we fell asleep.
Cuddled up, apparently.
Not that I was complaining.
Sasuke was warm. He was sleeping more calmly than I had ever seen him do. I wondered if I had had nightmares, woken him up with them. Sakura once told me that I cried out Sasuke’s name in my sleep. I sure as hell hoped I hadn’t done anything like that.
I guessed I hadn’t; Sasuke made me feel calm, happy even. Following his breathing was like meditation.
Slowly, his breathing changed. I figured he was waking up, I felt myself getting nervous. At first he sighed. Then he wiggled his arm out of my grasp, and turned around sleepily. Slowly he opened his eyes. He was so fucking close.
He wasn’t someone who was comfortable with contact like that, right?
Right?!
‘Good morning,’ I said. It really was the best I could manage.
He breathed in very deep, let go of the air slowly. ‘Morning.’
‘How- hm- did you sleep- good- well?’ Nice. Good fucking job.
Sasuke chuckled hoarsely. ‘Slept good and well.’
He was so close. He was making my heart beat way too heavily. I’d have a heart attack before midday if he was going to be like that. ‘Good.’
‘Hm.’ He slowly reached out and put his hand on my cheek. I could almost feel my eyes going wide. I could feel the ‘what the actual hell’ in my eyes. I could see that he was surprised by my reaction in his eyes. In his beautiful deep eyes. His eyes that had become so different since I first saw him. His eyes that had been borrowed, stolen, tormented, killers. Still; his eyes.
His eyes staring at mine, and his hand on my cheek, so I just.. I jumped up and got out of the bed. Mumbling a quick: ‘S-so breakfast?’
Sasuke’s eyes followed me, a frown on his face.
‘I got some things before you came, you know, some eggs, and-’
‘You’re being weird.’
I looked at him, my heart beating in my forehead. ‘I’m always like this.’
Sasuke got out of my bed, followed me into the kitchen. ‘Weren’t like this yesterday,’ he said, doubtful. He reached out for me again, took the fabric of my shirt in his hand. He held me with his eyes. I wondered if he was angry, if this day was just like the other days we’d had; a day in which we would fight. ‘You’re pushing me away, while usually you’re always-’
Always trying to pull him closer.
Always chasing him.
I didn’t want to him to think that I didn’t like him being here. I didn’t want him to think I was the kind of person who only wants what he can’t have, and once they have it won’t give two shits anymore.
‘Sasuke.. I’m so glad you’re here, really. Of course I am, you’re my best friend. I even got you tomato’s.’ I grinned at him. The tomatoes would do the trick; they’d show him.
But it did nothing. Sasuke only looked like he’d been slapped in the face. He seemed even more doubtful than he had done before. ‘Do you regret what happened yesterday?’
And what exactly was that?
I was a god damn fool.
Who the hell was childish enough to forget what happened while drunk?
‘What? No, what could I-’
He looked at my feet, frowning. I saw him make a fist, his body language getting angier with the second. ‘You forgot didn’t you?’
‘Of course not! We had a lot of sake, danced to old disco, ate wasabi chips-’
Sasuke quickly and roughly rubbed his eye, up to his temple. He was anything but amused by me. I thought he’d say something about it, but he just turned around and started walking towards the bedroom again.
I followed. ‘Sasuke?’
‘Fuck this.’ He got his pants off the floor, pulled it on clumsily. His anger kept him from being as cool as he usually was. He was clumsy, I had never seen him like this.
‘I’m sorry, Sasuke. I usually don’t forget stuff when drunk but-’
He was angrier than I had ever seen him; and I’d seen him kill a man. This was different. It was a different kind of anger; he didn’t even try to fight me on anything. ‘Don’t bother, Naruto. I’m leaving.’
My heart sank. Who the hell knew when he was coming back? But he was really leaving, I could see it in his eyes. I had fucked up his trust with something I did while drunk.
Sasuke sat down on the bed and started pulling on his shoes.
I had to solve this, and I had to do it before he walked out of that door.
I tried to put the pieces together. This morning he’d been so calm, so sweet. He had touched my cheek without even thinking about it, he’d cuddled closer to me.
He’d looked at me like.. like he loved me.
And I had hurried out of that bed.
I had told him we were friends right after.
Oh. Ah. Right. I’d been a god damn fool.
Before Sasuke could pull on his second shoe, I sat down on the bed next to him. Carefully I leaned in, kissed his hair. He stopped in his tracks. As nervous as it made me; I seemed to be right. What happened yesterday.. was probably me confessing romantic feelings for him. Or maybe kissing the life out of him. What happened yesterday was something that had come from a room in my heart that I usually never opened.
And Sasuke seemed to have a room like that of his own; probably an even bigger one.
So I kissed his cheek. ‘Don’t go,’ I whispered.
‘Don’t kiss me to make me stay.’
‘I’m kissing you because I want to.’
He turned his head quickly. ‘Do you remember yesterday?’
I shook my head, put my hand on my cheek so that he was looking at me. I grinned. ‘You’re a little obvious’ I could feel him become calm underneath my touch. He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. ‘Please have breakfast with me, Sasuke.’
He nodded. He was suddenly so shy. I leaned in, kissed his lips as soft as I could. Sasuke moved with me, putting his hand in my hair, touching my ear softly. He sent shivers through my spine. My head felt light. I realised that this, this was what he thought I was denying. I got that he couldn’t handle that; this shit felt amazing.
When we pulled back he was smirking. I liked that I gave him confidence. I got up. Sasuke followed me with his eyes, this time looking a lot less doubtful than before.
‘Take off your pants.’
Sasuke stared at me, shocked but somehow with amazing puppy eyes. My belly erupted, my heart sunk and my head exploded at that look. He looked like.. like he liked the way I had said that. Shit- that was not what I- I quickly fetched a sweatpants, held it out to him. ‘B-Breakfast.’
He laughed. ‘You’re ridiculous.’
‘Shut up! Get cozy!’
He laughed even more, took the sweatpants from my hands. ‘Sure.’
I was cutting the tomatoes when he came into the kitchen again. He was wearing black sweatpants, and an amazing orange sweater. I had never seen him wear a bright colour. It was really something else.
‘You really don’t have any normal warm sweaters?’
He chuckled, turned around to look at him. ‘Nope. Not everyone had a purely black and white closet’ I slowly wrapped my arms around him. He walked into my arms without complaining even a bit. He was so damn soft.
‘I have some blue though.’
I wondered if Sasuke had always been this soft; that all he needed was for me to accept his feelings. That all he needed was for me to stop saying I’d do anything for him just because we were friends.
‘Naruto?’
‘Hmm, yeah baby?’ He froze, kept on holding me tightly. Shit. Had I really said that? ‘Sasuke?’
‘I- hm..’ He snuggled his nose against my neck.
‘Do you- do you like me calling you that?’
‘I- no. I was just wondering what the hell you were doing to the tomatoes.’
‘Cutting them.’
He pulled back. ‘That’s not fucking cutting tomatoes. If you do it like that the most amazing part of the tomatoes will be lost. You’re such an-’
‘Baby..’
He became quiet, looked at me suspiciously but warmly.
I chuckled, softly kissed his lips. ‘See? You like that.’
‘No I don’t.’
‘Really? I won’t call you that if you-’
‘We’re not a couple. It feels so couplely’
I stared at him. That sentence felt like a trap. I felt like anything I said would be wrong. So I went with the truth; ‘That’s what I’m going for, though.’
‘Naruto.. You don’t want that.’
‘What? Why the hell wouldn’t I?’
Sasuke looked down. ‘I’m not exactly.. the best person to have by your side. Specially with the dreams you have. You’re so close to becoming hokage, Naruto. This is temporary.’
I needed him to shut the hell up.
He had to stop that.
‘You need to find a nice girl,’ Sasuke went on, ‘so that people trust you. Once you get there, this will be-’
I took his jaw in my hand, made him look up at me. He did so wide eyed. ‘Shut the fuck up, Sasuke.’ He bit his lip, but kept on looking at me. ‘You think I chased you to the other side of the world because I wanted others to respect me? Fuck no. If that was what I wanted I wouldn’t have let people beat me up over you; I wouldn’t have begged for you; I wouldn’t have chased you to the end of the world.’
Small tears were welling up in Sasuke’s eyes. He bit them back.
‘You’re staying here. Fuck temporary. I’m going to the highest roof to yell that you’re back. I’ll call you baby all I fucking want. And now- now I’m going to make you an omelette with extra tomato. Fucking believe it.’
Sasuke was smiling, a surprised look on his face. I had no idea what the hell my word-vomit had said exactly, but it sure seemed to do the trick. ‘Uhm- but you’re still cutting the tomatoes the wrong way.’
I grinned, pulled Sasuke in closer. ‘You’re such an asshole.’ I said, before kissing him. He deepened the kiss, pushed me against the kitchen counter, carefully. While still kissing Sasuke lifted me so that I was sitting on the kitchen counter. He kissed me breathlessly. I pulled his hair softly, Sasuke moaned a little.
I let go of his hair, to steady myself and then I just- I put my fucking hand right into the tomatoes.
I quickly pulled back, looked at my hand. ‘Awh fuck.’
Sasuke laughed at me. That was awesome. It had been so long since I had seen him laugh. I hadn’t seen him happy in forever.
‘Fuck you,’ I told him.
He took my hand, and put on finger into his mouth. ‘Sorry,’ he said, before licking my next finger sensually.
‘Damn-’ I said. A gross understatement. ‘Have I ever told you you’re the most sexy bastard to have ever existed.’
Sasuke smiled, licked the last bit of juice of my fingers. I tried to hide my obvious hard on. Failed. ‘No? Tell me.’
I brought my other hand up to his face, pushed his chin up, kissed his forehead. ‘I love seeing you smile.’
He stayed quiet, backed off. I got off the kitchen counter, gave him a quick kiss. I knew, I just knew that Sasuke wasn’t good at handling soft stuff like that. He had always been admired by women, but they didn’t know him. Even more than that; he was probably completely gay. Maybe he had accepted he wouldn’t get love because of that. It was just another problem on top of every other trauma he already had. Maybe he would have settled for a quick fuck here and there. Me still calling him my friend.
No way I’d let that happen.
I’d try my god damn best.
I went back to the tomatoes. He carefully came up from behind me, put his arms around me, took the knife from my hand. His hand softly touched mine while he did so. ‘You’re doing it wrong,’ he whispered in my ear. I let go of the knife, let him cut the tomatoes.
He did so skillfully. Seconds after he cracked the eggs without a single piece of shell, whisked them, and put the tomatoes in the same bowl.
‘You’re really good at this.’
‘My mum used to make this all the time.’
I didn’t really want to think about what that meant. I really did want to think about what that meant. I wanted him to feel at home with me. I wanted him to start over. I wanted him to stay.
He baked the omelette. I decided to start making some coffee. The coffee dripped into the coffee slowly. While I waited for the coffee, Sasuke waited for the omelette. I took his hand and played with his fingers. Sasuke watched me calmly.
I’m not a romanticus. But on a day like this even I'll put candles on the table. I had no idea what time it was, no idea if this meal counted as breakfast, lunch, or even dinner. It didn’t matter anyway Sasuke put our plates on the table and chuckled breathely at my attempt to make the kitchen look romantic.
‘Shut up,’ I mumbled.
Sasuke sat down in front of me, put his feet on top of mine without even thinking about it. ‘Didn’t say anything.’
‘Sure you didn’t, asshole.’
‘Where did all that sweetness go?’
‘What? You mean when I called you baby ?’
Sasuke bit his lip, nodded.
‘See! You do like that!’
‘It- I- I used to hate that, actually. I always thought pet names were for disgusting married straight people who only pretend to like each other.’
I chuckled. ‘Oef, rude.’
‘But when you just said it.. I kind of got it. I guess it made me feel a little special and so damn normal at the same time.’
I rubbed his feet with mine, took the coffee pot and poured coffee into his cup. ‘It made you feel like a lover, and love his universal.’
‘Ever the optimist.’
‘No. It really is. Even for people like us.’ I put my hand on the table, waiting for him to take it. He did. ‘Even for people without parents, people who have been hated by the community, who are hated by the community, who are insecure, big, small. Doesn’t matter. I’ll love you.’
Sasuke put his hand in front of his face, bit his lip. I could hear him mumbling a soft: ‘Fuck, you’re so weird.’
‘Hadn’t expected that hm?’
‘You haven’t exactly been giving me the answers I wanted. Or any gay vibes at that.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay. I just don’t want to put you down. Not again.’
‘You’re lifting me up. You make me happy.’
Sasuke decided to take a shower. Or, how I heard it: he was going to think about some stuff in the shower. I stared at the two plates, the candles. I wondered what was next. A while back I had gone on a few dates with Hinata. It was the same it had always been between us; pretty nice. I guess the first steps was telling her there wouldn’t be a third date.
I put my hand in front of my eyes, I could feel myself grinning. ‘Fuck..’ I said under my breath. I had to ask Sasuke to stay, stay for as long as he could. It wouldn’t be easy on him. He would get stared at, and probably yelled at. But it would get better, slowly, I’d be there for him. He was strong.
I wondered if my friends could forgive him.
He had proved himself, right?
To me he had.
‘Naruto?’ A voice in front of the door yelled. Sakura. ‘I’m coming in!’ She did so without taking a second to think about it. Not giving me time to hide anything, to warn Sasuke. No time at all. So I just sat, stared at her. She grinned. ‘You having someone over? Hinata? That’s quick, I thought you were at date two.’
Fuck. Better not let Sasuke hear that. Better just.. not. ‘I’m- I’m not dating her anymore.’
Sakura closed the door, walked towards the kitchen and fetched herself a glass of water. ‘How come?’ She sat down where Sasuke had been sitting.
“Sakura, can you.. not invite yourself like this?’
She frowned. ‘What? I always do this. So what if you have girl over. They’ll have to get used to me coming over. Might as well get it over with so they won’t get jealous again. Seriously, how many times-’
‘They won’t. It’s not a girl.’
Alright, that was out there.
‘What? But you’re having breakfast with candles on? Come on, this looks so romantic.’
I bit my lip. ‘It is. Romantic I mean’
‘Oh.’ Sakura nodded. ‘Alright, that’s cool. So who-’ Absolute fucking worst timing ever. The bathroom door opened. Sakura’s eyes shot up. Sasuke came out of the bathroom in just a boxer short. His body built, pale, scars covering his entire skin.
Fuck. Fuck.
Worst time to pop a boner.
‘Oh..’ Sakura said. Nothing more than that.
‘Sakura?’ Sasuke mumbled.
‘Didn’t know you were back!’ She greeted him.
Sasuke nodded. ‘I- I was paying a visit. Naruto let me sleep over, so that was nice of him, I-’ Sasuke was looking for excused. He was backing down already. This asshole thought I’d be ashamed of him. Of dating him.
Maybe he even thought I still liked Sakura or something stupid like that.
‘Naruto already told me you guys are having a date.’
Sasuke blushed. Fuck. I hadn’t seen him do that before. He stumbled over his words. Said: ‘I- Uh- I guess.’
‘We’re dating. Sasuke’s staying.’
Sasuke’s eyes shot wide, Sakura’s did too.
Sakura yelled: ‘He is?’
Sasuke said: ‘We are?’
I nodded. ‘Just decided by your future hokage and boyfriend. You better believe it.’
Sasuke laughed, ‘You’re such a damn idiot. Whatever. I’m getting dressed.’ He walked into the bedroom.
I looked back at Sakura, Sakura was staring at me, wide eyes. ‘Did he just laugh? Did I see that right?’
‘Hm, yeah yeah. He’s been doing it the entire day.’
Sakura smiled brightly. ‘Wow, that’s amazing. So how long has this been going on?’
‘Since.. Uhm.. well since this morning.’
Sakura beamed. ‘So I’m the first one who knows?’
‘Yeah.’
“And you sure that’s him, smiling and shit?’
‘I’m telling you Sakura, he’s been doing that since I kissed him. It’s crazy.’