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The next day, Danny woke up still feeling tired. His eyes were still red and crusty. Honestly, he only felt a little better after talking to Jazz the previous night. The rest of that Saturday was spent doing homework, catching ghosts, and trying not to think about… everything. That evening, a little before bed, Jazz knocked on his door.
“Come in!” He answered with little thought.
She came in holding her laptop. “I wanted to see how you were doing after last night.”
He spun his chair around to face her, frowning. “I’m fine Jazz. Completely and totally fine. Not still feeling crappy at all.” He was trying to sound authentic but there was a ting of sarcasm. He put his hand in his hands.
Jazz’s eyebrow raised at his reaction. Her voice filled with compassion. “Danny, it’s okay to not be fine.”
He rolled his eyes, ignoring the statement. “I’m guessing you wanted to show me something?”
Narrowing her eyes, she turned the laptop to face him. It showed a website about grieving the loss of a stillborn child. “I think this may be relevant to what we were talking about earlier.”
Danny raised his eyebrow, arms crossed. “I don’t see how. I'm sixteen. I didn’t lose a child.”
She studied him with compassionate eyes. "I know that situation's different but you did loss someone." He looked down, remaining silent as Jazz continued. "And the principle is the same. When a parent mourns the loss of a miscarried or stillborn child, it's not just about grieving the loss. It's also about grieving for the life that child would never get to live."
Danny glanced at her, voice tense. "What are you trying to say Jazz?"
“I'm saying that you need to grieve."
Danny gritted his teeth. "No, I don't. I need to forget about all of this."
"Danny, I can see that this is tearing you apart! You can't just keep avoiding your feelings!" She spread her arms, pleading.
"Yes I can!"
Jazz put her head in her hands. "Will you at least take a look?
Wrinkling his nose, Danny quickly perused the website. "Seriously, Jazz. Making a grave, having a funeral, lighting candles? This isn't going to help."
"Yes, it will. Performing acts like this are supposed to help you find closure." Jazz argued.
"Closure? How is this supposed to help me find closure?" His words were biting. "This does nothing. This won't bring them back. All it does is remind me, I killed my brother. "
"Daniel's death wasn't your fault!"
"Will you shut up? You don't know anything! You weren't there!" He growled.
"That's not fair! I can't control that!"Jazz yelled.
Danny stood up, eyes flashing green. "Get out."
"Danny." At his reaction, Jazz's eyes widened but her voice softened.
"Get out of my room, Jazz." He scowled.
"I'm just trying to help!"
"I don't need your help!" He shouted, then he gritted his teeth in angry regret. "I should have never told you about what happened. This is my problem! It has nothing to do with you!"
"Damnit Danny! This isn't just about you." Her face morphed into a profoundly hurt expression. "Yesterday you told me I had another brother who died before I got to even meet him!" A tear fell from her eye as she balled her fists. "Don't you dare tell me this has nothing to do with me!"
Just like that, Danny's anger was snuffed out like a candle blown out. Noticing the heavy bags under Jazz's red and watery eyes and the greasy, disheveled hair, his heart dropped. What he said last night had shaken her deeply. And of course it had, Jazz also loved Dani as a little sister. And now she knew about Daniel, the brother she'd never meet. And now she was hurting too, just like Danny himself.
Danny's shoulders fell while Jazz's expression remained one of hurt anger. But her face softened when Danny whispered. "I'm sorry." He looked down, not really knowing what he was apologizing for. That he had yelled at her, that she was upset, that he told her about the other clones making her upset, that Daniel died because of him leading to Jazz having to mourn him.
Jazz who had been standing plopped down on his bed, eyes still watering. Danny carefully avoided her eyes, his own tumultuous emotions swirling in his chest. After a minute, he sighed and stood up. The boy sat down on his bed beside his sister.
He bit his lip, considering what to say. He exhaled. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. You’re hurting too and I shouldn’t have belittled that.”
Softly, Jazz replied. “It’s okay. I was being pushy.” She wiped her eyes and reached to close the laptop, voice sounding defeated. “We don’t have to talk about making a grave for them. We...don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
Danny looked at his sister skeptically. She really wasn’t going to fight him on this. That wasn’t like her at all. She actually sounded really disappointed, more than she normally did when he rejected her help. Also...she said we, not you. She said we, as in the two of them, didn’t have to do it. He raised his eyebrow.
“You wanted to do this, not just for me, but for you too. Right?” He looked at her earnestly.
His sister turned her head, nodding. “Yes. I think it would help me...and you too.”
He frown. “I still don’t see how it would. I….I still let four people die, Jazz. No matter what I do, they’ll still be gone. And I can never do anything about that.”
She put her arm around him. “You’re right. We can’t change the past. But we can honor them, and remember them. You, me, and Dani are the only ones who know they existed.”
“And Vlad.” Danny added sourly.
“Vlad doesn’t count. Vlad made four children and then used them as slaves.” She gritted her teeth. “He didn’t care if Dani and the other clones died. And he may think he loved Daniel, but he didn’t. If he did, he wouldn’t have treated Danielle like he did!”
Wrinkling his nose in disgust, he agreed. “You’re definitely right about that. That bastard never cared about Dani or the other clones.”
“At least Dani has us now. And so do the other clones. Even though they’re not here, we’re their family. We need to remember them, at least.”
Danny nodded at the statement. He had called Daniel his brother and believed that with all his heart. And Daniel did deserve to be remembered. Heck, refusing to think about all this was what led to his nightmare and breakdown yesterday. And so Jazz was right, he needed to deal with his issues….. and maybe Jazz’s idea would help.
“Alright. So about making the grave, how are we doing this?”
Jazz’s face lit up with surprise. Then she grabbed the laptop, flipping it open. “Let me show you some of what I found.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two weeks later, Dani visited Danny in Amity Park. The two meet in their typical place, the fountain in the park, several hours after sunset, though Danny did not come alone like he usually did. At seeing the younger halfa, Danny’s eyes lit up and he waved, briefly adjusting his grip on the person he was holding.
“Danny!” Jazz shrieked.
The boy chuckled. “You’re fine. We’re not that far from the ground.”
He touched down and Jazz signed in relief. “I am never letting you sneak me out again.”
“You snuck out!” Dani exclaimed, surprised.
Jazz rolled her eyes. “Just so I could come and see you.” She scoped Dani up in a hug who smiled widely at the gesture.
After Jazz let go, Danny also hugged the other halfa. He pulled away after a moment. “Jazz also came because the two of us have something to show you.”
Dani tilted her head. “Okay. What is it?”
Danny motioned towards the nearby woods. “Follow me.”
The two halfas and the human made their way through the trees slowly. Their feet crunch on the newly fallen leaves. Soon the three came to a large oak tree. A large, smooth stone sat in front of them.
“You guys didn’t just bring me here to see a rock, right?” Dani asked skeptically.
Jazz shook her head. “No, Dani. This is a grave.” Dani’s eyes widened in alarm but Jazz continued gently explaining. “Danny told me about that other...clones and what happened to them. We wanted to make this to remember them.”
“We wanted you to be here, to remember them too.” Danny turned to her mournfully.
Dani’s eyes widened in surprise. She looked between the rock and the two siblings beside her. Her eyes started to well up with tears. “You...want to do this, for them?”
“Yeah. We thought that you’d want to be here.” Danny rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. He wasn't sure how to bring this up. Would Dani even want to talk about the other clones? “I mean I know we haven’t really talked about...the others but I was and still am really upset about what happened to them. I thought… maybe you are too.”
Dani stared at him in disbelief. “You are? Upset I mean.”
Danny put his hand through his hair. “Yeah. I had nightmares about this for weeks. I...I kept seeing them die over and over again for weeks. And Daniel…” He swallowed at the painful memory. “I had a dream of him. He...he was so angry but… he broke down crying at the end. Because he wanted to get to live.” His eyes turned down. “But he never got to.”
A tear fell down Dani’s cheek. “You...you said his name.”
“What?” Danny gapped, not expecting that reaction.
“Daniel…. I thought you forgot about him.” She started, voice neutral but then shook her head, her voice wavering. “You never said anything about him or the other’s so I thought you didn’t remember them, or didn’t care.”
Danny frowned at her hurt reaction. She thought he didn't care? Then again, he had never mentioned how he felt about the other clones. And.. if she thought he didn't care about or was disgusted by the other clones, then what did she think he thought about her? He'd really messed up, but hadn't he?
Putting his hands on her shoulders, he earnestly looked into her eyes. “I am so sorry, Dani. We should have talked about this earlier but I do care. The others are my family just like you are. I should have realized that sooner.”
Dani whimpered. Tearing falling she hugged the older halfa. “They were my first brothers, before you. And I lost all of them.” Danny squeezed the weeping halfa. “I miss them so much.”
Jazz also came in from behind Dani,sandwiching her in a group hug. "I am so sorry, Dani."
The three stayed like that for several moments and then Danny pulled away, followed by Jazz. Dani wiped her eyes and sniffled. With red rimmed eyes herself, Jazz asked. "Can you tell us about them, the other clones?"
Dani nodded. "Yeah but first can you...uh...tell me about this first?" She motioned to the stone in front of them.
With a nod, Jazz motioned them to sit down. The siblings sat on the grass in front of the stone. Danny ran his hands across the dry grass. If he was honest, he was still a little skeptical of this but would do it for Jazz and Dani. Jazz then took the canvas bag she was holding and placed it in front of them, as Dani looked at her questioning, apparently just now noticing it. The redhead pulled flowers, paint, paint brushes, a lighter, and candles about of the bag.
Jazz handed Dani the flowers. "Here, you can place this in front." She laid the flowers down. Jazz then pointed to the paint and brushes. "We wanted to paint the others' names on the stone."
Then Danny picked up a candle. "And we were going to light these candles too." He rolled it between his hands as Dani still looked at the things curiously.
Dani picked up the brush. "Why are we doing this?"
"Well, flowers are normally given to show sympathy for a loss. And the names are to mark who the grave is for, who we're remembering and honoring." Jazz explained. "And the candles, they mean a lot of things. Light in the darkness, hope, life, remembrance-both of the dead and those still here."
Dani pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Let's do this then."
One by one, the siblings painted on the names of the other clones. Though, three hadn't been given proper names by Vlad, Dani told the other two want she had called them. And as they painted, she told them stories.
And then one by one, they lit the candles.
For Bones, who loved to lay out in the sun and touch the flowers in the garden. He would stick his face in the roses, as if trying to smell them.
For Muscles, who had a deep, boisterous laugh. He laughed at anything and everything, especially loving the stray cat that would wander into the garden.
For Tiny, who would sleep on Dani's chest or hand with his ghostly tail wrapped around her fingers. He let Dani chase him through the mansion, until Vlad yelled at her to stop.
Dani had loved those three, though they couldn't speak or communicate above conveying some basic emotions. They were her playmates, even if none ever understood her games.
But, there was one more. One more Dani hadn't been ready to talk about until the end
Flicking the lighter on, Dani lit the last candle. She sighed. "When Vlad finally showed Daniel to me, I didn't understand. Vlad said he was going to be my brother but he wasn't done yet. Then Vlad left and I took a closer look. And I was shocked, he looked like me. I can't look away, I was amazed. I got closer and put my hand on the tank. And he opened his eyes. Daniel opened his eyes and tilted his head. He looked so confused."
Dani started tearing up. "And then he smiled at me. He slowly moved his hand to the glass across from mine. It was like he wanted to...be near me. We stayed like that until he fell asleep again."
She swallowed, more tears falling. "He never woke up for Vlad but would for me. I'd read to him and tell him about all the things we'd do when he was ready. I even I taught him how to shake his head yes and no, so we could kind of talk."
She sniffed. "I was so happy. I would have a brother who could talk and play with me. Who would actually be able to understand my games and who would hug me."
Finally she sobbed. "I loved him so much. But...but he died, the same day I left Vlad. And I didn't even realize until later, when I was alone. I cried so much. I wanted him to be there with me but I failed him. I couldn't save him from Vlad too."
As Dani cried until she had no tears left, Danny and Jazz put their arms around her. At some point, the two halfas had returned to their human forms so the three sat in darkness apart from the soft candlelight.
With his own face wet, Danny watched the candles' flames. Dani's words of course reinforced what Danny already knew; Daniel was like him. He couldn't help but think of the what ifs. What if Daniel had lived? What if Dani wasn't alone on the streets because she had her other brother there with her? What if Danny gained a twin as well from Vlad's experiments, not just his little sister? Would he and Daniel have hated each other or would they have been close?
Not for the first time, Danny wished he had actually gotten the chance to meet Daniel and get to know him. He wondered who Daniel would have grown to be.
The wind blew through the trees, increasing the flicking of the flames. Danny's eyes fixed back on the candles. Jazz had mentioned some of the things candles represent but left one out. Sam once told him candles lit the dead's way to the afterlife, a beacon to let them to their rest. Danny wasn't sure if that was true or if the afterlife really existed for people like him, for ghosts. Do they just fade or is there something after? Are Daniel and the others in a better place or are they just gone? For the first time, Danny really hoped that there was something after, that Daniel wasn't really gone and maybe, just maybe Danny would get to meet him properly, somehow someway.
The wind blew again, swirling around the siblings. To Danny it felt comforting, like a hug. He felt like they were being watched, but not threateningly or creepily. Something neon green flashed in the woods in front of them. But Danny's ghost sense didn't go off. The wind blew again, wobbling the flames of the candle. Danny sighed pulling Dani closer comfortingly as Jazz also squeezed her. The silent, comforting presence remained. Then the flames wobbled again, flashing green before going out. And then the presence was gone.