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Jaehyun had a rough night.
He and Taeyong argued about something so meaningless, Jaehyun was surprised it could be a cause of such a heated argument. But recently something had broken between them. Jaehyun had no idea what and how to fix it. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to fix it.
Just like any other day he was sitting in their café, staring at his coffee. Jaehyun poured to much milk and coffee was too fair to be in colour of his lover’s eyes. He liked it that way.
“Is this seat taken?” Jaehyun looked up and blinked couple of times. He saw one of the most beautiful man he ever met. He simply nodded and went back to staring at his coffee.
The man sat, watching stranger’s face. It was full of emotions, but it was sadness that dominated on sculpture-like face. Doyoung wondered what happened to him that made him look that broken, and he even thought of asking, but then he remembered his friend’s words.
Someone’s broken heart isn’t your business, as long as you didn’t play part in breaking it.
Jaehyun looked at the stranger that sat in front of him and curiosity in his gaze almost killed him. No one had looked at him like that in a long time.
“Yes? How can I help, other than sharing my table?” Jaehyun wanted to hear his voice once again. He felt it was wrong, but how could something so simple and innocent be that bad?
“You– You look sad. I wondered if you are alright.” The stranger shifted in his seat. Jaehyun smiled weakly at this statement.
“I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t doubt it. But I just– Never mind, my friends always say I’m too curious for my own good. I won’t bother you, I’ll just drink my coffee and—“
“I don’t mind,” Jaehyun interrupted the stranger with a smile that could mean he was happy. But Doyoung wasn’t that stupid, “you can bother me as long as you want. I’m Yoonoh, by the way.”
“Doyoung.” The stranger shot him a gummy smile, that made Jaehyun feel warmth deep inside his heart. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Yoonoh.”
***
Jaehyun was wandering through the city, wishing he could turn back in time and change everything from that day.
He didn’t regret breaking his heart.
He didn’t regret breaking Taeyong’s heart.
He only regretted how he did it.
Jaehyun could have been more delicate. He should have been delicate. But it didn’t matter anymore. He ruined them both. But Jaehyun wasn’t the only one to blame. Taeyong was at fault the same way he was.
The man stopped walking and looked around. He had no idea where he was. It was too dark to walk so meaninglessly, but Jaehyun thought he knew better.
He had nowhere to go. Yes, Yuta wanted him to stay at their old apartment, but there were too many things that reminded him of Taeyong. He couldn’t do it.
“Un-fucking-believable.” He sat on the bench and hid his face in his hands. He tried not to cry. He really tried. His head began to hurt and his arm shook.
Jaehyun had enough. He wanted to scream his frustration out and then he heard this voice again.
“Yoonoh? What are you doing here?” Jaehyun looked up and saw him.
Doyoung was as handsome as ever. A little sleepy, with groceries in both of his hands. Jaehyun stood up immediately as if he wanted to escape. Doyoung eyed him and sighed, obviously annoyed.
“You look horrendous. Did someone break you this time?” Doyoung didn’t mean any harm, but Jaehyun flinched anyway. “Oh my God, Yoonoh, I’m so sorry.”
Doyoung let go of his things and hugged Jaehyun closely to his chest and started to caress his hair. It took Jaehyun five seconds to start to cry into Doyoung’s chest. Jaehyun clung to him as if he was about to drown in his own sadness and Doyoung was the only person that could keep him on the surface.
The older man didn’t say a word when he was hugging his friend. He just let Jaehyun cry for couple of minutes, while he hummed some songs into his ear.
Jaehyun found it ironic. Doyoung was a reason for his broken heart and also the only cure to fix it at that moment.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Doyoung asked quietly and Jaehyun shook his head. Doyoung just mumbled something in agreement and took a step back. “It’s getting late, let’s go.”
“What?” Jaehyun’s voice was weak that it was almost impossible to hear him. But Doyoung heard him anyway and his heart broke. Only if he could take this boy suffering and make it his own.
“You can’t stay here and you don’t look as a person that has a place where he can hide. You’ll crush at mine for now. Tomorrow we’ll figure something out. Come on. It’s too cold to stay here like this.” Doyoung smiled and Jaehyun could feel that his heart somehow mend for a moment, shorter than a second.
Jaehyun helped Doyoung collect groceries that he let go of in order to hug him. He didn’t have guts to tell him about Taeyong’s accusations. Especially when it was him Taeyong’s friend was talking about. Only with Doyoung, Jaehyun acted too close to be just friends.
Jaehyun couldn’t help but to think of Doyoung’s broken heart if he shared this information with him. He watched how older man apologized for messy apartment. Jaehyun was answering automatically. He was in a different place.
In a place where he never broke Taeyong’s heart and where he never met Doyoung.
***
Doyoung and Jaehyun became friends over time.
Doyoung helped him heal in some ways, and Jaehyun never brought the reason why he decided to leave Taeyong.
It would break them both.
“Doie?” Jaehyun asked on a particular boring day. Today was the sixth month after his break-up and Doyoung tried really hard to make younger forget it.
He tend to get really emotion each month and cried almost every time. Doyoung couldn’t blame him. He remembered how much he cried after breaking up with his first love. Chaeyoung was one of the sweetest persons he ever loved, and letting her go was probably the hardest decision he had to make. But it was for their good.
“Yes, my baby?” Doyoung sat beside Jaehyun on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Jaehyun stared at his own hands as if they could give him answers to any question he had.
“How do you get better after breaking someone else’s heart?” Doyoung almost spitted out the water he drank. He watched Jaehyun for ten seconds, hoping the younger would take his question back. But it never happened.
Doyoung looked at the wall, gulping and thought of running away from his friend.
He understood why Jaehyun asked this question. He never talked about his break up, but Doyoung was certain it was Jaehyun who ended it. He never mentioned the reasons as well, and Doyoung never asked. At least he could wait until Jaehyun was ready. But when Jaehyun was ready, it was Doyoung who was completely lost. He had no idea how to word his answer, nor what his answer was.
“Doie?”
“I’m sorry, I just—“
“I scared you, didn’t I?” Jaehyun laughed and Doyoung’s heart tightened at this sound. In this sound, that was supposed to be happy, Jaehyun conveyed so many sleepless nights filled with tears. Doyoung remembered every goddamn time Jaehyun called him at the verge of tears and how broken he sounded. All he wanted to do was to hug his best friend, but he couldn’t. Not like that. Not when he was so destroyed.
“A little.” At Doyoung’s whisper, Jaehyun clenched his fists. He didn’t want to hurt his friend. But it was him. Jaehyun destroyed everything he touched.
“I’m sorry, I should—“
“The thing is– It’s hard to recover after it.” Doyoung interrupted and Jaehyun looked at him surprised. But Doyoung was too occupied with staring at the wall to even pay attention to his friend. “It breaks you each time, you remember how much you hurt them. You wish you could turn back in time and change everything, but you can’t. So you live with guilt, wishing you never met them, so you would never ruin them. So they wouldn’t love you. But then—“
Jaehyun didn’t dare to move any muscle. He was too scared Doyoung would stop talking. And it was the last thing Jaehyun wanted. Doyoung smiled to himself as if he remembered something. But in this smile, Jaehyun noticed a lot of pain.
“If you didn’t meet them, you wouldn’t get to love and to be loved. You wouldn’t spend so many happy moments with them. They wouldn’t be there for you during your bad days. You would lost all those good and bad moments that made you two. You would lost the time with a person that saw something in you and decided “Yes, they are worth it, they are worth my potentially broken heart”. But it still haunts you. The moment you broke the beautiful human soul because you, simply, stopped loving them the same. Or because they wanted to sacrifice themselves, and their dreams for someone like you. And you felt like you didn’t deserve it. Because you were scared that one day they may wake up and realize that, in the end, you weren’t worth all of it. That they hated you. That they lost themselves for something that wouldn’t last anyway. So you walked away. You broke two people. But you don’t really care about yourself. You keep coming back to that moment, thinking, hoping, praying you could end it differently. That you should’ve been more delicate. But there is nothing delicate about breaking someone else. So it’s a fucking nightmare to move on after it.”
Doyoung was crying.
Jaehyun was crying as well.
Somehow they ended up hugging each other so tightly, it almost hurt. But it was a good type of a pain. Jaehyun didn’t mind that Doyoung’s nails would leave marks on his arms. Doyoung didn’t care that Jaehyun would leave bruises on his ribs.
“I’m so sorry, Doie. I wish I could take your pain away.” Jaehyun whispered into Doyoung’s ear, gently touching it with his lips. Doyoung shivered at it and hated his body for reacting that way. He would never use Jaehyun when he was so broken.
“Same with you, my baby.” Doyoung gently stroke Jaehyun’s skin and sighed to himself. It was messed up. Doyoung couldn’t understand how someone with such a beautiful soul like Jaehyun, ended up so ruined.
“He accused me of cheating.” Jaehyun suddenly broke the silence and Doyoung looked at him surprised. Jaehyun was smiling widely. Doyoung’s cheek hurt at sight of it. “He thought– It’s so fucked up, but he thought I cheated on him with you.”
“What—“
“I walked away after it. He told me that we were happy, but who, in a happy relationship, is accusing his partner of cheating?”
“You broke up because of me?” Doyoung managed to ask without his voice breaking. He stood up, so Jaehyun wouldn’t touch him. He wanted to take a step back, but Jaehyun got up, taking his hand gently in his.
“What? Of course not. Doie, please—“
“If he didn’t see us, he wouldn’t—“
“He never saw us.” Jaehyun took a step closer and Doyoung immediately took one back. Jaehyun nodded at this, but didn’t let go of Doyoung’s hand. “It was his friend. I don’t even know who. They saw us and told him. He believed them, and not me. He believed someone else, but not the guy he was with for almost three years.”
Doyoung just watched how Jaehyun’s smile changed into frown of annoyance, Jaehyun gritted his teeth in anger. Doyoung glanced at their hands and he closed his eyes, when Jaehyun gently stroke the palm of his hand. How could he be so angry but still so gentle?
“I broke up with him, because I didn’t love him the same way I loved him three years ago. Something changed, and I didn’t know what it was. I still think about what it was. I still look for the moment we changed. And you know what is the worst for me?” Doyoung shook his head and looked into Jaehyun’s eyes. They were full of stars, and even after being ruined in the worst way possible, they still shined so brightly. “I didn’t want to fix it. I was tired of fixing it. I gave up. But not Taeyong. He still hoped we could go back to the begging. That we could still be happy. I was tired of his attempts, but I stayed one more fucking month. And then I broke him. He broke me. We’re both to blame. I because I should have let go earlier. Taeyong because he accused me of cheating. But we were both scared. I was scared of changing my life. He was scared of loosing me due to such a simple reason as falling out of love.”
Doyoung gently touched Jaehyun’s cheek, and Jaehyun pressed it into Doyoung’s palm. They were both smiling. Jaehyun out of relief, and Doyoung because his friend finally shared his darkest secret.
“It was never your fault Doie.”
Doyoung started to cry again.
***
“You’re annoying, Yoonoh.” Doyoung didn’t bother to look up from his drawing. Jaehyun just watched how his hyung drew him.
It was already a year since their last conversation. Ironically, it was the day Jaehyun told his friend why he broke up with his boyfriend. They hadn’t spoken since then. But one day, Jaehyun met Doyoung’s friend at his restaurant. And just like that, after a year of silence, they began to talk again.
That day Doyoung wanted to teach Jaehyun how to draw. Jaehyun, however, was never a patient person. So he gave up after five minutes.
“Because you aren’t paying attention to me.”
“I’m drawing your stupid face, I have to pay attention to you.” Doyoung looked up and smiled cutely. “You’re a whiny child, that’s all.”
“It’s not true!” Jaehyun stood up and walked to the window.
He remembered how he used to sat there and how Doyoung would start a meaningless conversation. He remembered about this chance to be friends with someone like Doyoung. Them not talking broke his heart. But he knew why it happened. It wasn’t the right time for them.
“Jaehyun, I literally have to stare at you in order to draw you perfectly. Just admit that you missed me.” Doyoung joked but Jaehyun tilted his head to the side and looked at his friend.
“I missed you, hyung.”
Doyoung dropped the pencil and his lips parted. None of them said a word. Jaehyun was too embarrassed to do so, and Doyoung was to shocked to think of any appropriate respond.
“Jaehyun—“
“Don’t.”
“Yoonoh, I missed you too.” Doyoung interrupted, getting up from his seat. He put his sketchbook down, and walked to younger boy who was staring at the ceiling. Doyoung grabbed his chin gently with his two fingers and made Jaehyun look at him. “Of course, I missed you.”
“But—“
“We can still be friends. We can still work on our friendship—“ Jaehyun took Doyoung’s hand in his and smiled sadly, nodding his head.
“I’d like that, Doie.”
***
Jaehyun and Doyoung started to meet more frequently and Doyoung couldn’t complain. He was happy his friend came back, but at the same time there was this numb pain in his chest whenever he saw Jaehyun. He had no idea what that meant. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
During their six months friendship they learnt how much they missed each other, and how much they needed someone who understood their pain.
Doyoung was watching how Jaehyun cooked. It was a beautiful view, especially that Jaehyun was shirtless. Not that Doyoung was attracted to his friend. Of course not. He simply had two functioning eyes, and saw how handsome his friend is. That was all.
“What are you cooking?” Doyoung finally asked, curiosity getting the best of him. Jaehyun shot him a quick smile and got back to cooking. “Okay, I see how it is.”
“You’ll like it, now be quiet. I need to focus.” Jaehyun started to hum and Doyoung just watched him, mesmerized. How could someone so beautiful, stand half naked in his kitchen and cook like it was normal?
Doyoung gulped, trying to convince himself that he didn’t find Jaehyun attractive. But Doyoung was never a good liar. Especially when he knew Jaehyun somehow liked him. All those accident touches, smiles whenever he spotted him in the crowd, or those short moments of jealousy when Doyoung was on dates with someone else. Jaehyun was shitty in hiding his emotions. That was why Doyoung didn’t know what to do. He could have Jaehyun, within second, with a simple word, but he didn’t want to use him. And he would as long as he wasn’t sure about his feelings.
“Why are you making that face, Doie?” Jaehyun’s voice broke something inside Doyoung’s mind. He watched how his younger friend, walked to him, his eyes fulfilled with worry.
“Yoonoh, I—“
“Are you okay? Something happened? Do you want me to kick someone’s ass? I mean, I’m that good, but for you—“
When Jaehyun was sitting beside Doyoung, he cupped his friend’s face in his hands and just kissed him. And then Doyoung died inside, because Jaehyun kissed him back.
Their kiss was too fast, too passionate and within seconds, Doyoung was sitting on top of his friend.
“Doie—“
“No, shut up.” Doyoung whispered into Jaehyun’s parted lips and kissed the corner of his lips. He was patting as if he ran for miles. How could he be this stupid and hesitate whether he felt something to this wonderful human being? “Please, don’t tell me it’s wrong. It can’t be wrong.”
“Doie, I think—“
“If it’s wrong, why does it feel so good?” Doyoung looked into Jaehyun’s eyes and saw how younger boy’s wall tore down. There were no more boundaries between them.
“Promise me, you won’t regret it.” Jaehyun begged and kissed Doyoung again. Older boy moaned into his friend’s lips and started to trace patterns on his naked skin.
“I won’t.” Doyoung whispered and Jaehyun got up, firmly holding Doyoung, who smiled widely. They walked to the bedroom, and it took them a minute to strip each other.
Doyoung didn’t regret anything that happened after their kiss.
He loved every second when Jaehyun was kissing, hugging, holding and touching him. He loved every second they spent together that night and five times he almost said that he was finally alive. He almost said that he felt like his heart was beating again.
Doyoung felt that as if he finally woke up.
***
The Sun was shining through the curtains. Jaehyun smiled feeling the warmth of sunlight on his cheeks. He looked to his left and he saw him.
Kim Dongyoung.
The man was sleeping soundly on his stomach, his lips slightly opened. His dark hair were on his forehead, almost covering eyes. His cheeks were pinkish. All his body was covered in hickeys, the only signs that proved that last night really happened. Jaehyun smiled to himself.
The sounds of the city waking up were heard through opened window, when Jaehyun kissed Doyoung’s naked arm. His skin was flawless, only hickeys ruining the perfection, but Jaehyun didn’t give a fuck. He would leave more of them if that meant Doyoung felt loved. Just for a night.
Jaehyun sat, still staring at Doyoung, who mumbled something in his sleep. He smiled, thanking the stars that he got to see this view. It was too precious, too beautiful not to be seen by someone who truly cared for Doyoung.
And then he saw those beautiful dark eyes.
Doyoung smiled tired, tucking himself in blanket, when he watched how Jaehyun smiled, his features softening.
“I dreamt of you.” Doyoung whispered, having problem with keeping his eyes opened. Jaehyun laid again on his back and watched how Doyoung struggled with sleepiness.
“What did you dream of exactly, hyung?” Jaehyun whispered back and Doyoung yawned, stretching his arm above his head. He was so beautiful, Jaehyun thought, watching how Doyoung made some faces until he laid down comfortably again.
“You. Surrounded by sunflowers.” Doyoung looked Jaehyun into eye and smiled softly, trying not to fall asleep again. “I dreamt of two of my favourite things. You and sunflowers.”
Jaehyun wanted not to scream from the happiness when he heard that. He grinned and kissed Doyoung, who just laughed into his lips. Jaehyun couldn’t believe that the boy he adored would say something like that.
“I’m still tired after last night, babe. We should stop.”
“Okay. What do you want to do?” Jaehyun asked and he began to kiss Doyoung’s face. The older man laughed at it and he closed his eyes. They hadn’t said anything for a while, Doyoung enjoying the innocent moment he shared with Jaehyun. And Jaehyun smiling into each kiss he pressed on Doyoung’s skin.
“I just want to spend this morning in your arms.” Doyoung said without embarrassment in his voice. He was just like that. Straightforward most of the time. Jaehyun hugged him close his chest and began kissing Doyoung’s forehead.
They stayed like that for some time before Doyoung had to go the toilet and Jaehyun decided to make them breakfast.
They talked about their childhoods, about how they regretted that they hadn’t became closer the moment they met, about their possible futures. Jaehyun felt strange feeling in his chest when Doyoung mentioned a possibility of travelling. Maybe it was jealousy. At least that was how Jaehyun tried to explain it.
He wouldn’t dare to admit that he was scared, thinking of loosing Doyoung.
***
Doyoung and Jaehyun’s friendship bloomed. They met more often, sometimes ending up tangled in the sheets. But most of the time it was peaceful. Jaehyun tried to teach Doyoung how to cook, laughing cutely when Kim messed up. Doyoung tried to teach Jaehyun how to draw, smiling widely when Jung threw notebook on the ground.
It was Jaehyun’s turn to teach Doyoung a thing or two.
“You are hopeless, hyung.”
“Well, mister I-know-how-to-cook-because-I-went-to-one-of-the-best-schools-in-coutry, I told you. I fucking told you million times. But you never listen!” Doyoung was annoyed at Jaehyun. He and his stupid smiling face. He and his idiotic dimples, that made him look somewhat younger. He and this angelic smile that made Doyoung feel things he wished he hadn’t felt.
Because Jaehyun was his friend and he shouldn’t have loved him.
“But I told you that I know you can do this, hyung.” Jaehyun said calmly, and took Doyoung’s hand in his. Doyoung just watched how Jaehyun led him and listened to him when he explained how to make a pizza.
Doyoung didn’t care about it.
He focused how his back touched Jaehyun’s chest and how he felt safe in younger man’s arms. Doyoung focused on Jaehyun’s warmth and his low voice, when he explained how to make a dough properly.
“Do you get it?”
“If I say “no”, will we stay like that?” Hearing Jaehyun’s laughter, Doyoung smiled. It was good.
“Getting bold, I see.” Jaehyun whispered closely to Doyoung’s ear, touching it with his lips. Doyoung knew it wasn’t intentional.
Doyoung couldn’t lie and say that he had no idea Jaehyun had some feelings for him. He knew that younger man may have liked him, but he was sure it wasn’t love.
They flirted awfully a lot, they fucked from time to time, and their touch was always so intimate that there had to be some feelings. Doyoung just thought that Jaehyun hadn’t moved on yet, and couldn’t love him. Just yet.
Jaehyun took a step back, and ordered Doyoung to cut some more vegetables.
As Doyoung focused on his task, Jaehyun watched his every movement. He smiled to himself, seeing how older man frowned in the most adorable way, scratching his nose and pouting a little. Jaehyun’s heart ached from all those unspoken feelings he hid at deep in his heart.
Jaehyun wished he could scream at the top of his lungs how much in love he was with a boy named Kim Dongyoung.
“Hyung?”
“I’m trying to cook, as you asked.”
“Do you love me?”
Silence.
Doyoung looked at him shocked and then he squealed, dropping the knife. Jaehyun immediately took his hand and swore softly when he saw a small wound. Doyoung cut himself.
“Hyung, oh God.” Jaehyun turned on the tap and put Doyoung’s hand under the cold water. “You should be more careful.”
Then you shouldn’t have asked me such a intimate question out of a sudden.
Doyoung stared at Jaehyun, who was looking at his wound. They were silent, when Jaehyun made Doyoung sit by the kitchen table. They were silent when Jaehyun took out his first-aid kit and looked for bandage and probably peroxide. They were silent when Jaehyun took Doyoung’s hand so gently that Doyoung felt this warm feeling inside. They were silent when Jaehyun tried to clean out the wound and started to put a bandage on Doyoung’s hand.
“Yes.” Doyoung suddenly said and Jaehyun looked at him, his eyes filled with concern and a little bit of fear.
“What?”
“I said “yes”.” Doyoung moved his chair so he sat closer to Jaehyun. He smiled, touching his cheek gently as if he was scared he may ruin Jaehyun’s beauty. “I love you, you idiot.”
Silence.
Doyoung wasn’t a romantic type. But he always expected that someone he loved as strong as he loved Jaehyun, would confess back.
He took his hand back of Jaehyun’s face and then the other man blinked shocked and grabbed it. Jaehyun interlocked their fingers together and press a kiss on Doyoung’s cold knuckles.
“I love you too, Doie. I love you so fucking much.” Jaehyun’s whisper sounded so broken and Doyoung felt as if his heart broke a little.
Did he really break you this bad?
“Jaehyun—“
“Don’t. Please don’t call me that right now.” Jaehyun was desperate when he put his free hand on Doyoung waist and made him stand between his legs. “Please, don’t.”
“Yoonoh.” Doyoung managed to say before Jaehyun crushed his lips with his own.
Doyoung let go of Jaehyun’s hand and put underneath his shirt. Jaehyun’s skin was warm, soft and felt like something that Doyoung knew. But at the same time it was so new.
Yes, they touched before.
Yes, they kissed before.
Yes, they fucked before.
But it was different.
There was love in it.
Even if Doyoung loved Jaehyun all this time, it was different, simply, because they said it out loud. No more hiding. No more trying not to say those words. They were free.
Doyoung sat on Jaehyun’s lap and tried not to hurt his wounded hand. He kissed younger man as if it was the last thing he could do. The kiss was sudden, sloppy and full of relieve. Doyoung broke it for a second, long enough to catch a breath, when Jaehyun kissed him again.
Jaehyun’s hands were on his skin, tracing some patterns, learning each curve of Doyoung’s body.
Doyoung felt dizzy.
It was just like the stars collided.
It was perfect.
It was just theirs.
“Yoonoh.” Doyoung suddenly giggles and started to wiggle on Jaehyun. Jaehyun looked at him surprised and stop moving his hands. Doyoung took a shaky breath and kissed him. “I’m ticklish. Be careful.”
“Well that’s useful.” Jaehyun smiled into the kiss. Doyoung raised his brows and squealed. Jaehyun held him close to his chest while he tickled Doyoung. “Baby, you are going to hurt yourself even more if you don’t stop.”
“Then don’t–“ Doyoung grabbed Jaehyun’s hand into his, panting. “Fucker.”
“You love me.”
“I take it back. I hate you.” Doyoung frowned and pouted and Jaehyun smiled widely. Doyoung heart skipped a beat.
Jaehyun looked like a kid that found his ideal gift under the Christmas Tree. Jaehyun looked so happy and ethereal at that moment and Doyoung couldn’t believe. He couldn’t believe that someone so stunning, so beautiful, almost flawless, wanted Doyoung. That someone like Jaehyun, who was almost perfect, loved someone like Doyoung.
“Do you, Doie?” Jaehyun teased and pressed a kiss on Doyoung’s jaw line. Doyoung let his eyes close and gulped.
“I don’t.”
***
Next months were like a perfect dream. They moved in together. They shared almost every part of their lives with each other. Jaehyun had several restaurants and Doyoung’s painting were shown in so many galleries, Doyoung couldn’t name every single one, even if he wanted to. It was perfect. But Doyoung felt like something was missing.
He couldn’t say what it was. But he started to feel like this shortly after Jaehyun started to spent less time with him. It didn’t particularly bother Doyoung, he knew how business could be, but he started to think more and more.
That day he decided to paint what he felt. Maybe that could help him understand why he was feeling that way.
As always, Doyoung lost track of time and soon he realized that morning turned into evening. He was staring at the dark sky through the window and then he heard his boyfriend’s gently voice.
“Did you paint all day?” Doyoung looked at Jaehyun. His Jaehyun.
He looked a little bit tired, but his smile was as wide as ever. He ran his hand through his hair and then he placed it on his chest. He was excited, and Doyoung could say it not only because he had hard time staying still, but also because of this goddamn smile and the stars in his eyes.
“You’re excited. Something good happened today?” Doyoung put his paintbrush on the table, before he looked at his painting again. Was he surprised it showed sleeping Jaehyun in their bed? Not really. There was something else that made Doyoung hesitant.
“Not really today.” Jaehyun walked to his lover and hugged him from behind. “It happened around three years ago, on particular cloudy day.”
“And what it was?” Doyoung asked automatically, wondering if Jaehyun spotted one detail, that Doyoung regretted painting.
“Meeting you.” Jaehyun pressed a kiss on the back of Doyoung’s neck. “It was one of the greatest thing that happened to me.”
“Why are you—“
“And then I met you again, after a year, and realized that I want you in my life. As a friend, as a lover, it didn’t matter back then. I just wanted you to be here, by my side. And then we kissed, we fucked, and months later we said “I love you”. It was perfect. We moved in together, but I realized one important thing.”
Doyoung immediately broke their hug and looked at Jaehyun surprised.
“What the hell? Are you breaking up—“
“I love you so much, Doie.” Jaehyun cupped his face and kissed his nose gently. He smiled widely, watching how his lover closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He relaxed within second and Jaehyun was still surprised how easily for him it was to calm Doyoung.
“You’re cheesy. Why is that?” But Jaehyun didn’t answer. Not immediately. He looked at his boyfriend’s painting and smiled, knowing that he made the right choice.
“Marry me Doyoung. Be mine. Officially. Take my name and make it your own. Or not. I don’t fucking care. Just be mine. Let’s promise ours future to each other in front of our loved ones.” Doyoung opened his eyes surprised and sat on his chair, watching how Jaehyun kneeled and took something out of his pocket. “I didn’t bother with buying a ring box. It’s not the most important thing.”
Doyoung just nodded at that and watched Jaehyun, with eyes full with tears. He felt how they streamed down his face and his lower lip shook. But Jaehyun looked at him as if he was the most beautiful painting in the entire universe.
“I love you, Doie. You know this. And you’re the most beautiful person in my world.” Jaehyun gently wiped some of his lover’s tears. Doyoung just sniffled at this which made Jaehyun laugh quietly. “I love you, and I want this. I want you. I’ll understand if—“
“Please, I– I want to be your husband.” Doyoung kneeled next to Jaehyun, proud that his voice didn’t break when he confessed. Jaehyun smiled and it lightened his whole face. He looked like he saw Doyoung for the first time. They kissed and Jaehyun put the ring on Doyoung’s finger.
“It fits. Good.”
“Were you—“
“Of course, I was scared. It’s one of the most important days in our lives, Doie.” Jaehyun hugged Doyoung so tightly, he could barely breathe. Kim hid his face in Jaehyun’s shirt and let himself sob for a couple of minutes.
Jaehyun just hummed him lullabies and smiled, looking at the painting. Maybe not the painting as a whole but at one special detail. The ring on his finger.
“Doie?”
“Yoonoh.” Doyoung’s voice was shaky and Jaehyun smiled at this, looking down on his future husband. He didn’t bring up the topic of his painting. Jaehyun figured Doyoung wasn’t really expecting actual proposal so he may not be ready to talk about his dreams.
“I love you.” Jaehyun pressed a kiss on Doyoung’s forehead and closed his eyes.
“I love you too, Yoonoh.”
They were finally home.
***
“Lee Taeyong confirmed his attendance.” Doyoung said, going through post. He was curious about the pinkish envelope. He had his suspicions about who send it and he wasn’t wrong. Lee Taeyong.
Jaehyun stopped cleaning the fridge when he heard what his fiancé said. He looked at him, not knowing what to expect. They talked about inviting Taeyong, because Doyoung wanted to meet him. A thing which Jaehyun didn’t understand, no matter how much he tried.
“Did he?”
“Yes.” Doyoung put the card down and got back to opening other envelopes. Jaehyun watched him, closing the fridge and sat in front of his soon-to-be husband.
“Are you sure—“
“It was my idea to invite him, wasn’t it?” Doyoung looked at Jaehyun with a smile. “You both need it.”
“But—“
“I know you are fine. I saw you got over him. I saw how you learnt not to cry when you talk about him. I saw you learnt how not to love him anymore. But you need a proper closure. And it’s your chance. Tell me, baby,” Doyoung took Jaehyun’s hand and squeezed it, “when will be other, proper time to meet him?”
Jaehyun sighed, not answering the question but he didn’t have to. Doyoung got his answer already. He smiled satisfied and got back to going through the post. Jaehyun suddenly lifted his head, by taking his chin gently in between his thumb and index finger. Doyoung smiled when Jaehyun kissed him slowly.
“You are too smart for your own good, Doie.”
“I love you too, Yoonoh.”
***
Doyoung was a mess. Nervous, feeling like he was about to vomit, without his anchor. Jaehyun was somewhere in this fucking house, getting ready to their wedding.
Their wedding.
Doyoung smiled, despite feeling like shit. Soon enough Jaehyun would be only his. Officially. He could wait some more minutes. In the end it was worth it. All this stress. If it meant that he gets to be called “Kim-Jung” it was worth it.
He walked out of the house and spotted the person he looked for.
“Mom?” Doyoung kept his gaze fixed on the woman and young man she was talking to. He looked familiar. Before Doyoung could recall who that may be, Hyekyung walked to him.
“Doyoung, sweetie, is everything alright?” Doyoung looked at woman and he explained calmly that it was just Jaehyun who had problems with his suit. Hyekyung walked into the house, promising a man that they will talk later.
Doyoung looked at him and it clicked. It was Lee Taeyong.
Taeyong looked terrified and as if he looked for a way to escape. Doyoung wanted to talk to him so badly, but when he finally faced him, his tongue betrayed him. Doyoung couldn’t let Taeyong suffer, while he thought of proper words, so he walked into the house once again and closed his eyes.
His love’s first love looked so broken that Doyoung could only try to imagine the pain he felt. How one must feel when they were faced with a new love of someone they once knew, kissed, touched and loved? Doyoung shook his head, hoping it would work out in the end.
The room in which Doyoung spent last two hours wasn’t really pretty, but Doyoung couldn’t complain if they wanted a wedding on fresh air. He sighed, looking out of a window, where he spotted Taeyong. He was sitting with a couple who Doyoung already met.
Yuta and Sorn.
It was logical. Jaehyun said couple of times Yuta and Taeyong remained close. Jaehyun also mentioned how Yuta didn’t pick sides after their break up. He was there for both Jaehyun and Taeyong. Doyoung was grateful for that.
“Dongyoung? Are you ready?” Doyoung looked at his older brother and he shook his head. Gongmyung walked into the room and silently closed the door. “I remember my wedding. I almost shit myself, I was so stressed. But you walked into the room and asked if I was ready, and I said I changed my mind, you simply said “No, you didn’t, hyung. You are just fucking scared.” Are you scared as well?”
Gongmyung put his hand on Doyoung’s arm and younger just nodded.
“I don’t know, hyung. It should be easy. I love him, he loves me. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Doyoung said, not even convincing himself. Gongmyung just grimaced at those words.
They didn’t say a word for a longer while, Doyoung still looking at Taeyong and his friends, Gongmyung thinking of a respond.
“There’s a lot, actually. Marriage is a hard thing. You need to work on it constantly. You can’t simply give up. And changes are always scary. Even if they are right or something that we know will end up for the best of us.” Gongmyung took his hand and walked to the door. He told Doyoung not to keep the guests waiting.
Doyoung smiled weakly, thinking of his brothers words and decided that maybe he was ready after all.
They decided it was Jaehyun who would wait for Doyoung.
Doyoung walked downstairs where his father waited for him. He smiled softly and took his dad’s arm.
“You look lovely, the same goes for Jaehyun.”
“Thank you dad.”
“I’m glad you found him. He makes you happy.” Doyoung smiled and squeezed his dad’s arm at it.
“He was so scared you hated him when you two first met, you have no idea.” Doyoung smiled at the sound of his dad’s laughter.
Doyoung tried not to laugh as well when they walked slowly in Jaehyun’s direction. Jaehyun smiled so brightly, he could easily outshine the Sun itself. Or maybe Doyoung thought that because he was in love with him.
“You are breathtaking.” Jaehyun whispered when Doyoung stood in front of him. In that short moment, they were the only people in the world. Only they mattered.
Doyoung remembered their vows and how he wanted to laugh during Jaehyun’s speech. How he almost broke down during his own.
And then they kissed. For the first time as the married couple. Doyoung smiled into the kiss and pressed his forehead to Jaehyun’s.
Doyoung found his home. And finally he could say Jaehyun was only his.
***
“What did you two talked about?” Jaehyun asked, when he broke their kiss. Doyoung smiled and gently stroke Jaehyun’s skin on his cheeks.
“Taeyong told me he came because of this weak hope he had. He hoped you would change his mind, you know.” Doyoung shrugged, watching his husband face. He knew it too well and yet he always got fascinated by it. “I mean, he didn’t. I did, and he didn’t deny it.”
“I suspected it. But I hoped he had changed.” Jaehyun looked in the direction Taeyong walked. Doyoung followed his gaze and sighed to himself. It seemed like Lee Taeyong had left the party. They couldn’t blame him.
“And then I said if this was a competition I had already won.” Doyoung admitted after a minute and Jaehyun looked at him surprised. “Jealousy got the best of me, I suppose.”
“It did. But I don’t blame you. I also would be jealous if I had such a handsome husband.” Jaehyun laughed when Doyoung slightly pushed him.
“We barely got married and I’m so done with you.” Doyoung stated, taking a step back and Jaehyun grabbed his hand. He reminded Doyoung of an angel at that moment. His hair were tousled, which made Doyoung smiled. “You are such a child.”
“You love this child.”
“No, I despite the ground he walks on.” Doyoung tried not to laugh when Jaehyun pouted, tilting his head.
“Why did I marry such a mean dick?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” Doyoung raised his brows when Jaehyun walked to him, cupped his face and kissed him slowly.
“Because I love you.”
***
“Yoonoh?” Jaehyun put the letter down and looked behind his shoulder. His husband was standing at the door of their bedroom, face covered in various of colours.
They were married for only two years, but Jaehyun could honestly say that those were two of the best years he got to live.
“Yes? Why are you so dirty?” Doyoung snorted at the question and smiled, closing his eyes when Jaehyun gently tried to clean him with his thumb.
“You know how it ends when I play with Jisoo.”
“So your brother left? I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye.”
“It’s fine. What were you doing?” Doyoung went to the bathroom, while Jaehyun looked at the pinkish paper lying on the desk.
“I read Taeyong’s letter with his confession.” Jaehyun didn’t see a point in lying to his husband. Doyoung could read him like no one else. He waited to hear some comments, snorting or even laughter. But he felt arms around his chest and felt Doyoung’s warm lips on the back of his neck.
“It’s romantic to confess to your first love like that. I remember I made my girl a playlist and the first letters of the titles were arranged in “I love you”.”
“And you confessed to me with “I love you, you idiot”.” Jaehyun laughed and Doyoung smiled at this sound. It was heart-warming to hear his husband’s contentious laughter.
“Because you are an idiot. But my idiot. And I love you.” Doyoung giggled and stand in front of Jaehyun. He gently cupped his love’s face and kissed the corner of his lips. “I didn’t lie. I don’t see a problem.”
“But you could have been nicer, dick.” Jaehyun said and kissed Doyoung slowly, putting his hands on his waist.
“I could.” Doyoung whispered into Jaehyun’s lips and smiled. “But where would be fun in that?”
***
Doyoung and Jaehyun shared so many happy, sad, painful moments and Jaehyun couldn’t express how thankful he was. That he got to love and be loved by someone so beautiful like Doyoung.
He watched his husband, who was painting something, and wondered how his life would be if he never met this kind soul. But it was useless. They were together, happy most of the time.
Jaehyun was happy that Doyoung turned out to be his home.
“Doie?” Jaehyun smiled when his husband didn’t react immediately. After a while Doyoung looked at him, surprised and a little confused, his cheeks dirty form the paint.
“You called?”
Jaehyun’s heart beat so fast, he was surprised Doyoung didn’t hear it.
“I love you Doie.” Jaehyun gently said, getting up. Doyoung smiled widely when Jaehyun walked up to him and kissed his husband’s hand.
“I love you too.” Doyoung looked at his painting again and went back to work. Jaehyun just watched Doyoung doing what he loved the most. His heart was at ease.
“What are painting?”
“My home.” Jaehyun looked closely and snorted when he realized what was it. “What is so funny?”
“It’s my face.”
“Yes.” Doyoung put the brush down and shot a smile at his husband. “Because you are my home.”
Jaehyun smiled gently at this and kissed Doyoung’s forehead. His heart was finally at peace.