Chapter Text
“Leave. Me. ALONE!” Yuri screamed, slamming the front door shut and storming into the kitchen where his grandfather was fixing them some breakfast.
“They started early today, Yurotchka.” Nikolai was a beacon of calm in Yuri’s whirlwind of fury, gently setting down a bowl before the young man and ignoring his screeching.
“I am so sorry grandpa, I did ask them to leave me alone while you were visiting,” he whined. “I don’t know what’s wrong with these idiots, do they really think that constant harassment is the way to get me to marry them?”
Nikolai only shrugged, apparently as baffled by the behaviour as Yuri was.
The problem was… the problem was ever since Yuri had turned eighteen a few years ago, it seemed every unmarried person in town – and a few married ones– had decided that he was the only one for them, and he simply must accept their marriage proposal. Every day he answered countless knocks at the door, every day he turned away the same damn people he’d already turned down. He knew he was beautiful —he had a mirror— but he was not a prize to be won. At least half his suitors were rich assholes from the Upper Circle who just wanted a trophy husband, someone pretty they could parade around. That or they only wanted him because he was so unattainable, his constant rejection being taken as a challenge. They somehow felt their status would rise if they were able to finally woo the town’s most eligible bachelor.
Half of the remainder wanted him for his apothecary skills. There were many reasons he lived on the outskirts of town, outside the town walls even, and one of them was so he wouldn’t have so far to go to gather herbs and other necessary ingredients for his medicines. Yuri was the most accomplished apothecary in the region, thanks to Nikolai’s dedicated tutelage from a young age, and patients and clients travelled for days to have him treat them. He made a steady living from it, and although on principle he would always give treatment for free to anyone unable to pay, there were plenty of people who wished to monopolise his skills or gain access to the not insignificant funds he received in exchange for his work. All Yuri wanted to do was heal people; he didn’t really care for anything else. Except his cat, naturally.
When it came down to it, only about a quarter of the people courting him at any given time were people who liked him for genuine reasons. For some, his good looks helped smooth his decidedly prickly personality, and a lot of the others were simply grateful patients who decided their gratitude was ‘love’. Yuri knew better. He could count on one hand the number of people he believed actually had feelings for him.
He’d been telling them all for weeks that he wanted to be left alone while his grandfather visited. Yuri only got to see him a few times a year when the travelling fair made the trip worth the trouble. And yet, somehow, his suitors seemed even worse than usual this time around. It was reaching a point where he was considering passing his long-term patients to one of the less experienced apothecaries in the merchant’s district and moving back to Moscow to be closer to his grandfather. He reasoned that Yakov would probably be able to manage if Yuri left him detailed instructions and directions to the patch of specific herbs he’d need for at least one of the patients. Yuri never would. His patients meant too much to him to palm them off, but Goddess it was tempting sometimes.
“Maybe you need to make a decision,” Nikolai’s words froze him to the core, but he held up a hand before Yuri could speak. “I don’t mean just pick someone at random, or the least of all evils. But maybe set them a… task, so to speak. One that is difficult, but not impossible, to prove that they are worthy of you. If nothing else, many of them will drop out completely simply because it’s too much effort. And, though I’ve raised you to be an honest boy, you can always set them to another task if they achieve this one too quickly, or if someone you detest wins.”
“Fuck, yes, if Leroy wins I’m pretty sure suicide would be a better option,” Yuri growled darkly.
“Well, think about it anyway. There’s no rush to decide.”
Potya jumped up on the table, despite knowing full well that she wasn’t allowed on there, and began lapping the milk dregs from the bottom of Yuri’s porridge bowl. Petting her fur, Yuri felt the faint glimmers of an idea begin to form in his mind…
Yuri waited for Nikolai to head home before setting his plan in motion. He… wasn’t entirely sure this was what his grandfather had had in mind when he made the suggestion. But it wasn’t like he’d expressly forbidden it either, so he really only had himself to blame if he didn’t like what Yuri came up with.
As he’d expected, the full week of Yuri deciding not to even bother answering the door to his suitors anymore had brought everyone out in droves, and there was almost a crowd on his doorstep when he got home that afternoon. They parted like he was the Goddess Herself as he approached, and he called Potya from where she was busy hunting butterflies in his garden.
“Listen up assholes,” he shouted, standing on the step in front of his door to get a little more height on them. With Potya perched on his shoulder he didn’t make a very menacing figure, lean and wiry as he was, but that didn’t seem to matter — they gave him their full attention.
“I’m sick of this. You’re stopping me doing my work, and it’s got to end.”
“Does this mean you’ve chosen someone?!” A voice in the small crowd called out, and Yuri snorted.
“Fuck no. I’m giving you all a challenge . Because honestly, did you really think that just asking and asking me to marry you was going to give any of you a chance?” He paused for a moment, watching a ripple of confusion pass through them. A few had already begun to walk away, the very thought of having to do something already too much for them.
“I will consider the proposal of whomever succeeds at this challenge, but I reserve the right to set another if I’m not satisfied with the winner.” He tugged a small shiny collar from his pocket, holding it up so the light could catch the golden key dangling from it. Yuri gave them a few moments to take the sight in before reaching up and clasping the collar around Potya’s neck.
“Your task, if you want your proposal to be considered, is as simple as entering my house through the front door. To do that, you’ll need to use the key attached to this collar.”
“So what exactly do you mean by not satisfied?” A woman’s voice rang out.
“Well for example, if Potya is harmed, or if you don’t get the key yourself. Alright, off you go Potya!”
Yuri held out his arm and Potya ran down it, across his garden, leapt the fence, and vanished into the forest.
“Hey! How can we catch the cat if she’s in there!” Yuri heard many murmurs of agreement.
“I don’t control where she goes,” he shrugged “you’ll just have to wait for her to come to town or go in after her, I don’t really give a fuck. Now get off my property!”