Work Text:
It's like my mind's a broken record, make it go away
And I keep telling myself that I'll be okay
It should have been a nice evening.
They even have the day off, time enough for him to get cozy with Seungmin and catch up on all the k-dramas he has been missing recently.
But the moment Chan comes downstairs, walking into the kitchen and looking like he has cried for two hours - it’s the moment they feel the mood of the day changing.
Jeongin exchanges a worried glance with Seungmin.
What has happened?
“I’ve terminated my contract with JYP Entertainment – which means…”
“I will have to leave Stray Kids.”
The room freezes.
So that’s what has happened.
Out of the corner of his eyes, Jeongin sees Chan burying his face into Jisung’s shoulder, the younger having the color drain from his face. It would be worrying to see his hyungs in such various states of distraught, had Jeongin not been caught in his thoughts of why.
He doesn’t understand it.
He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t want to get it.
Jeongin is the first one to speak, tears brimming in his eyes and weighing down the tone of his voice. “Why hyung? Why did you...what...why?”
He wants to ask more but his voice forsakes him and he swallows hard to not burst into tears here and there.
The conversation between the others flows by in a river of emotion-dulled haziness, nothing makes sense anymore.
What happened to nine or none?
Why is Woojin so ready to leave it behind all of a sudden?
One after another, the boys leave the room. First Changbin and Felix, then Jisung, and finally, Hyunjin.
Minho hasn’t been here, to begin with.
Maybe he knew already what Woojin has told them and did not want to be here anymore. If he’s being honest, Jeongin doesn’t blame him.
He also wants to run but his body feels like it’s glued to the sofa next to Seungmin.
Is he going to lose his eldest hyung?
The one who helped him with his singing so much, the one who helped him build up confidence and supported him in all of his choices?
No, Jeongin isn’t ready to let him go.
Seungmin’s loud voice makes him flinch, taking him out of his thoughts again.
“What is it that kept you from continuing? Are you too weak to endure the stress anymore, huh? Is it becoming too much? Are you going to leave us to fend all for ourselves? Are you really as fucking selfish as that?!”
Ouch.
Jeongin cowers away with a whimper. He knows the words are directed towards Woojin, but he still feels the pain they inflict in him.
When and why...Seungmin isn’t one to lose his temper that quickly…
Losing one of their members brings out the worst in all of them.
A silent beat of nothingness rings through the room, the world holding its breath after Seungmin has let out those harmful words.
Chan is the first one to move again, walking towards Seungmin and pulling him out of the living room, towards the kitchen.
Jeongin stares after them with wide eyes. His breath is too fast in his chest and he needs, wants someone, something to-
“Innie, you have to breathe.”
Jeongin’s wide-eyed gaze shifts to Woojin who suddenly kneels in front of him and looks at him with serious eyes.
Isn’t he breathing?
Oh.
Jeongin sucks in a shaking, shuddering breath, his whole body shaking with the movement. But it makes Woojin let out a small, relieved smile before he stands up to sit next to Jeongin.
“Can...can I hug you, hyung?” Jeongin stares up at him, voice small.
Woojin smiles, lifting one arm. “Of course.”
Relieved, the younger melts himself against his side and sighs.
It’s silent for a few seconds.
“Why did...what made you...did it really become too much to be...to be with us?”
Woojin swallows. “I could never have enough of you guys, you are my second family.” His grip on Jeongin tightens. “But I...things happened and...and I can’t go on like this.” A pause.
“I’ve always wanted to sing, to sing and deliver the people a message so they could get hope again. I know I’ve managed that so far, but...it’s...I’m not good at managing the rest of the stress.” He laughs, it sounds a bit bitter. “Maybe Seungmin was right - I am too weak to endure such amounts of stress.”
Jeongin whimpers, pressing himself tighter against Woojin. “No...you’re not weak at all. You’re my favorite hyung - and I’ll be sad when you leave.”
“Innie, please don’t make it harder...it was already hard enough to tell you all and I think I risked it that you hate me now.”
“I could never, never hate you. Please know that.”
Woojin kisses his head and they sit in silence until the door to the kitchen opens again and Chan and Seungmin come out again, the younger’s eyes red after having cried again.
Jeongin smiles up at him, hoping to come across as calming.
They would cry a lot the following days.
Maybe it will get more difficult before it gets better. It’s always like that during hardships - but time will heal every wound.
Once Woojin leaves the dorm, the wound will rip apart and bleed profusely and it will take them time to heal again.
But they will manage.
They always have managed to cope.
Well, I know I should be moving on
But I feel like I'm already gone
Now if somebody'd hold me, save me from
This broken record that's playing in my heart
-”Broken Record”, Hollywood Undead.