Work Text:
Through all that I've sacrificed
I'm numb but alive, so how much more do I have to bleed?
“I’ve terminated my contract with JYP Entertainment – which means…”
“I will have to leave Stray Kids.”
Seungmin balls his fists as the shocking words hit him. He gapes at Woojin.
Is this...is this real? Did Woojin just say he would be leaving them behind - and let all their work of trying so hard to remain as nine go to waste?
Nine or none his ass.
Jeongin’s broken whisper interrupts the silence. “Why, hyung? Why did you...what...why?” Tears weigh heavy in his tone. It makes a shiver run down Seungmin’s back and it was Woojin’s doing, Woojin’s fault that Jeongin was so close to tears.
“I may be wrong...But…aren’t we something like a family? Aren’t we people who tell each other everything? And…don’t have secrets from each other? And not do things like that behind the other’s backs and- and- and not telling them until it’s too late?!”
Hyunjin sounds like he may start screaming if he’s allowed to talk for any longer and honestly, Seungmin feels the same. He wants to take the house apart, grab Woojin by the shoulders and shake him and ask if he still had all his senses together for saying something like this, for planning to leave them in the dust like this, after everything they had been through-
Seungmin is barely aware of Jisung leaving the room. He sees Woojin croaking out a broken “I’m sorry…”, but why does it not reach him? In this instant, he doesn’t feel pity for the elder boy.
He notices movement from where Chan and Jisung have sat - the leader stood, crossing his arms. “Okay, that’s enough.” He stares at everyone in the room. “I know that Woojin…leaving,” he swallows, “is hard to take in. But that…” Chan sucks in a breath and his eyes bore into Hyunjin’s. “…is not a reason I will accept to make him cry like that. We will get through that, I won’t let us break apart like that – again.”
Yeah, that’s the point - again. They’ve already been this close to breaking apart like that - and it makes anger boil in Seungmin’s chest to think that Chan has enough naivety to think he can hold the group together on his own.
“Yes, again,” he whispers, voice bitter as he stares at his hands. “We already went through a situation like that – twice.” He looks up, eyes locking with Chan’s. The elder isn’t backing down even though Seungmin can see a change in his eyes when he mentions the hardest moments of the survival show they faced until today.
“And you will let this happen again? You have taken the brunt from when Felix and Minho had to leave during the survival show – how can you go on now and let another member leave our team?”
Finally giving in and looking away from Seungmin’s stare, Chan caves. But it isn’t him who answers.
It’s Woojin.
“It isn’t his choice, Minnie. And please…please don’t blame him in any way.” He sounds tired. “It was my choice alone. I…I know what I’m doing to you guys while doing so, but…I’ve realized that this is too much to take for me. Everything. It’s…I can’t deal with it anymore. Even…” A pause.
“Even together with you guys.”
Seungmin flinches.
He doesn’t care that Jeongin stares at him in worry or that the other members look two seconds before a flood of tears, that Hyunjin especially looks like he can’t stand being in this room anymore.
Coward.
Seungmin smiles as Hyunjin stands up and their eyes meet, it feels foreign to him. “Can’t take it anymore too, huh? Want to leave us alone and run away too? Like you normally do?”
Almost instantly, he regrets the words leaving his mouth but before he can say anything, Hyunjin has already left the room and they hear the front door shut again.
“Seungmin!”, Chan scolds him in shock. “That was so uncalled for!”
Seungmin meets his eyes and narrows his own, standing and balling his fists. “Uncalled for, huh? You can hurt us then but I can’t do the same? Was it also uncalled for to hurt us like this? To dump this information on us just before our next comeback? Like we don’t already have enough stress to go through?” His tone had become even more scathing and briefly, he wonders how it came this far.
Normally, he isn’t a person to lose his temper this quickly, but...
He turns to Woojin and the sight of the eldest slumped over with his elbows rested on his knees should make him calm down again, make him think about what his words are really doing to Woojin but anger makes it impossible to think clearly in the heat of the moment and the sight of this Woojin is nothing short of-
Pathetic.
Weak.
He crosses his arms, a mean glint passing over his eyes. “What is it that kept you from continuing? Are you too weak to endure the stress anymore, huh? Is it becoming too much?”
Pain builds in his chest and he has to clench his fingers into his sleeves. Tears are burning behind his eyes. “Are you really going to leave us to fend all for ourselves? Are you really as fucking selfish as that?!”
Woojin flinches and looks away. He doesn’t answer, but the tremor of his shoulders tells Seungmin more than a thousand words.
It’s deadly silent for the beat of a second.
Oh god.
Chan grits his teeth as he comes towards Seungmin, grabs him by the upper arm roughly and pulls him out of the living room, not caring how the younger protests at being handled like that.
But if he’s being honest...it’s only fair. That...that has been one step too far.
Chan stops in the kitchen where he lets Seungmin go and stares at him with his mouth set into a tight line. “So,” he starts. “Mind telling me why you think this was an acceptable way to speak with your hyung?”
Seungmin sneers, reaching up to rub at his eyes to stop the stubborn tears from coming. “He….did you not hear what he said? He’s going to leave us! Because he doesn’t want this anymore!”
Chan’s face is a mask of stone. “If it is his own decision then we have to accept it, Seungmin. As hard as it may seem.”
He softens up as Seungmin turns away and his shoulders start to shake. “But I don’t want him to leave…” His voice is so soft suddenly, most of the anger gone.
Now, he just feels drained. And like he could cry for a lifetime.
A sigh, Chan comes closer. Lifting a hand like he wants to touch Seungmin but isn’t sure if he’s allowed to. “I also don’t, believe me. But...we can’t and won’t force him to stay here if it’s all...if his future lies on a different path.”
Seungmin looks at him, the pain must be showing in his eyes because Chan takes another step closer and opens his arms. “Come here, Minnie.”
It takes Seungmin less than five seconds to cling to Chan and sob his heart out.
They go back to the living room after a while, after Seungmin has calmed down enough to see himself able to talk to Woojin.
Jeongin is cuddled up against the eldest as the two other enter and both look up. Jeongin smiles softly.
“Hyung?”, Seungmin starts quietly, feeling Chan giving him a nudge before he walks over to gingerly sit next to Woojin.
Woojin smiles, tilting his head in question.
“I...I’m so very sorry for what I said…” Oh, new tears incoming.
“You’re not selfish at all and I shouldn’t have brought up...shouldn’t have asked about how it came this far and- and- I’m so very sorry and I hope you can forgive me…” Seungmin looks on his lap, tears dripping on his hands and guilt eating away at his insides.
Woojin’s soft chuckle reaches him and he feels an arm coming up to lay around his shoulders. “I won’t lie and say that what you said didn’t hurt...but I’ll forgive you, Minnie. It’ll be okay.”
Seungmin relaxes, closing his eyes in relief.
“And please...apologize to Hyunjin too later on, okay?”
“Will do, hyung.”
Woojin smiles, softly but with a sheen of tears in his eyes. “You guys will cope with me gone. You all are amazing together and you’ll keep each other up - and I will be at the sidelines, cheering you on as I watch you run the race at your pace.”
Seungmin snorts at that and leans sideways to hug Woojin’s waist and press himself against the elder. He doesn’t ask about who will help to support Jeongin and him as the vocal line in Stray Kids, he doesn’t ask how they will carry on Woojin’s legacy.
Because something tells him they will manage to do it without knowing how to.
I will justify this pain
I will live another day
(...) We will be unstoppable.
-”Unstoppable”, Motionless in White.