Work Text:
I'll stay away from
This pain I came from
Can't run away from
What's been said and done
“One, two, one, two,...” Minho’s counting barely reaches Felix’s ears, he grits his teeth and dances through the pain in his legs, his muscles burning from exhaustion.
Not good enough, more precise, sharper movements. Facial expressions, you look too serious.
Three more spins, steps and jumps and the music fades out, leaving Minho to walk over to their water bottles and Felix to shake out his tired limbs, leaning his head back.
Minho’s voice gets him out of racing thoughts about what else he could have perfected in the choreography, where to will his body to move faster and where to lift his hand higher.
It needs to be perfect.
“Well done, Lix, that was a perfect run-through!” Felix barely catches the bottle Minho throws at him, grins in answer and starts to drink in huge gulps.
They’ve been at it for over four hours and Felix starts to feel tired. A yawn tears from his throat.
Stay longer, practice more, you need to be perfect .
As he opens his eyes again, he sees Minho and Woojin - wait, where did Woojin come from so suddenly? - staring at him. He blushes, looking away in embarrassment.
Minho walks over and drapes an arm around him. “Yeah, maybe we should head home. We have to get up early tomorrow.”
Felix has entered the dorm before his hyungs, not thinking much about Woojin asking Minho to stay behind and talk to him. Nothing to worry about.
He yawns as he takes off his coat and his shoes, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he walks through the living room towards the kitchen, greeting Seungmin and Jeongin on the way - it smells like food and he would be lying if he said he isn’t hungry.
Hyunjin stands in front of the stove, stirring in what seems to be a ramen soup - and he looks so soft and warm in that big sweater that Felix can’t help but walk up to him and lean against his back.
Hyunjin flinches. “What- who-”
Felix chuckles, arms coming up around Hyunjin’s waist. “It’s me. Woojin took us home from practice and I’m tired now.”
Hyunjin meets his gaze and smiles softly, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hungry too? I’m almost finished.”
Felix hums happily and snuggles himself deeper against Hyunjin’s back.
He looks up as he hears the front door opening again.
Someone walks in, takes off their shoes and then, they hear a quiet greeting towards the two youngest in the living room and steps coming towards the kitchen.
Woojin looks inside, a small smile playing around his lips at the sight of Felix and Hyunjin so tangled up.
“Can you two come to the living room for a bit? We...we’re having a family meeting.”
Felix frowns and lets Hyunjin go. “Where’s Minho though? And...Hyung, is everything okay?”
Woojin smiles but it looks shaky, doesn’t reach his eyes. “I...will be. Maybe.” He walks out again.
Felix and Hyunjin share a glance, the elder sighing as he turns off the stove. “Chan-hyung had come in about an hour before and took Jisung with him, he looked like he had cried for a good while…” He swallows. “I have a feeling that this has something to do with what...what Woojin-hyung wants to tell us.”
Gnawing on his lip in uncertainty, Felix nods. They both walk into the living room, anxious for what is to come or what they are about to hear.
“I’ve terminated my contract with JYP Entertainment – which means…”
“I will have to leave Stray Kids.”
No.
No, no.
No, Woojin can’t be serious.
“I’m sorry, Felix, but...this time you won’t be able to continue with the team.”
Is this a joke?
Felix begins to shake.
This has to be a joke. This can’t be true.
His hand comes up to seal his mouth shut with a slap before the raw sound of shock can escape his lips. Felix stares at Woojin like he hasn’t seen him before.
He doesn’t even realize his view blurring.
“You-”
Woojin will leave.
He wants to.
It was his decision.
He doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
“You willingly chose to throw it all...away….you throw us away just like that??!!”
He doesn’t see the rest of them flinching.
Changbin’s arm around him starts to feel suffocatingly heavy and as Chan speaks his name with so much pity and sympathy, Felix can’t take it anymore.
“NO!” He jumps up, stumbling as his legs are trying to figure out how to carry him with the intense pain coursing through his body. “You- you- you can’t do this, hyung, we can’t lose you-”
His voice cracks on the last words. The tears want to spill over so badly, he wants to relieve himself from the pain in his chest, but first, he needs Woojin to take back what he said, take it back, take it back, takeitback-
“I’ve already signed the papers, Lixie.”
Felix reels back, heaving like he had been stabbed.
It sure feels like it.
Without another word, he turns around and flees the room.
His feet carry him to the room he shares with Jeongin and Seungmin, he throws himself on his bed and curls himself into his blanket as the sobs start to wreck through his body.
Not Woojin.
Not Woojin-hyung.
Not the one he feels safest with, the one that has taught him so much and made him laugh so many times. The one that makes sure he’s home safely after practice, the one that keeps the fucking group together.
Felix sobs even harder as he realizes the blanket he’s surrounding himself with has been a present from Woojin and Chan for his birthday.
There will be no presents from him anymore from now on…
See it for what it is - he has had enough of you. You’re too much to handle for him.
Felix shakes his head, whimpers quietly and presses his hands against his temples, trying to quiet down the voices in his mind.
Having no idea how much time has already passed, he barely hears the door opening and the following “Yongbokie…?”
Changbin.
Why should he want to see you.
No. Don’t let him see you this miserable.
“Leave me alone,” Felix croaks. He hates his voice.
Changbin’s steps are coming closer, there’s a weight settling on the mattress next to Felix’ body. “Never.” A slight tug at his blanket. “Mind letting me in? We don’t have to go back, I can...stay and cuddle you.”
Felix ponders the offer for a few seconds then decides that it’s better than crying on his own so he slowly sits up.
Changbin is sitting in front of him, smiling softly, but his eyes are shining. He looks tired.
Felix swallows. “Hyung…” His lip starts to wobble. “Why did Woojin-hyung do that?”
A sigh before Changbin scoots back until he leans against the wall of the room. His arms open in invitation. “I don’t know...I really don’t know.”
Felix’ whimpers before he falls forward and melts against Changbin’s chest.
This...is this the end?
If Woojin is the one holding the group together...are they doomed to fall apart without him?
Felix deeply hopes they’re not.
He’s not ready to leave any of them behind…
He’s not ready to leave Woojin behind.
Don't even try to save me tonight
'Cause I don't know
No, I don't know
But here I go.
-Save me”, Hollywood Undead