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It's been a long few months, Zade Kalliday had to admit. A long, tiresome collection of weeks of tragedy after tragedy. And, despite everyone's best efforts to cheer him up (though he did his best to keep up a front of being unbothered) it was really weighing on his soul.
He'd lost his cargo, his best friend, his ship and then someone he'd, despite his best efforts, had grown fond of. Even the current job he'd managed to pick up bartending at Oga's didn't help lift his spirits in the least. Instead, it left the man many days alone near the Resistance base and watching the multiple suns rise up to shed the planet in brilliant light once more. It was a sight that told him, despite everything, he was still here and still surviving. Though there were days he'd rather he weren't.
Zade sighed heavily, tucking back the violet strands of hair that had fallen loose from his disheveled ponytail before propping his chin into his hand, staring at the tells of colour starting to paint the sky.
"I don't know how much longer I can do this, Valoss." the man's voice was soft, barely audible. It was a phrase his mouth was all too familiar with. Something he'd say to his childhood best friend on the worst of nights, when he was struggling with the depression deep set in his brain, "I've nothing left…"
It was so practiced he could almost see clear as day his friend perking up from the co-pilot seat, casting her friendly purple eyes towards him and offering a soft, encouraging smile, " Not with that attitude you don't. "
It wasn't the first time he's wallowed in the past— though these days the deep reddish skin colour he'd remembered for many years seemed to be fading, as if the memory of his friend was urging him to let her go. It only made him cling on harder. He didn't want to admit she was gone.
Instead, Zade found himself leaning back to prop himself comfortably against the tree behind him, eyes drifting shut for what felt like only a mere moment before they were blinking open once more to the familiar sight that was the inside of the Midnight Blade . Feeling the sensation of a warm, comforting hand resting itself on his shoulder and drawing his attention to his friend once more.
"You've people who care about you still, Zade," Valoss' voice was soft, "And I know you know this. You're going to hurt— I'd be surprised if said you didn't , and be calling you a filthy liar— but you're out there making a difference. It's better than what we would have had if we'd stayed back on Tattooine, isn't it?"
Zade sighed heavily, reaching up to rub at his face before sitting forwards in the pilot seat, staring out to the vastness of space that stood eerily still on the other side of the window, "... I suppose so. But I… you weren't supposed to die first."
Valoss shook her head, giving Zade's shoulder two soft pats before crossing her arms over her chest instead, head tiling just noticeably as she too stared off into space, "Unfortunately things don't always go according to plan."
"So I've noticed." Zade then, despite everything, snorted a faint laugh, "Y'know. I'm annoyed I never got to tell him how much I cared about him…"
Valoss frowned, tearing her attention away from the window to look earnestly towards her friend, "I'm pretty sure he knew." She offered, gaining Zade's full attention once more, "But can I make one suggestion?"
Zade scoffed playfully, fussing with the strand of hair that had fallen loose earlier before leaning to the side, arm propping up to the armrest and allowing for him to dramatically place his chin on his fist and raise an eyebrow, "If you absolutely insist on it, I suppose I should at least hear you out."
He felt the pinch to his arm, and gave a dramatic ' ouch ' before swatting at his friend. Then things grew quiet again as she took on a serious air once more; "Don't hide your emotions anymore. You don't have to be afraid and lock them up."
Zade jolted forwards then, startling from his dream to bright, warm light pouring down on him as a bird called out loudly nearby piercing through his sleep. Shoving his disheveled hair aside, Zade did his best to look somewhat presentable before hoisting himself back to his feet. Deep blue eyes staring up through the leaves and to the afternoon's sky as if he could see the stars beyond, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try…"