Work Text:
When they get back to the village, their group seems to melt apart. Sakura runs home to her family. Kakashi just barely manages to ensure that Sasuke receives proper medical attention before he too slips away. Kakashi doesn’t realize he’s expecting Naruto to disappear too until he doesn’t.
“I’ve never seen anything like that, Kakashi-Sensei, I mean it. Visible chakra! That’s really impressive, believe it. How’d you get so powerful, Sensei? Did you-”
“Naruto.” Kakashi is exhausted; his head is splitting and he’s nearly asleep on his feet. All he wants to do is fall into bed. But Naruto’s followed him home like a lost puppy, and he’s only just realized.
“... Yes, Sensei?” Naruto says after a beat of confused silence. Kakashi can tell he’s waiting for something, trying to read his energy or his body language for a sign of what Kakashi wants from him. Naruto has spent so much of his life incurring the wrath of others for no good reason that he’s come to expect it from most people. Kakashi dimly hopes that one day Naruto will know that he never has to expect that from him.
He doesn’t want to hurt Naruto’s feelings, but. Naruto has a home of his own to go to, even if there aren’t any people in it waiting for him. Kakashi isn’t a parent to the genin he trains; he can’t be expected to look after them constantly. When they get home, they’re not his problem anymore. He tries to put it gently. Naruto is soft. There’s no need to be cruel. Leaning heavily against his doorway, he turns back and asks, “Aren’t you tired? Don’t you want to go home?”
Naruto’s been full of nervous, jittery energy all the way home, but that’s what finally makes him come to a full stop. He pauses and Kakashi can tell his body wasn’t prepared for the moment of rest; the question caught him off guard, for some reason. The stillness is uncharacteristic of Naruto, usually so full of restless energy. It puts Kakashi on edge. As does the realization that he’s becoming so attached to the boy that he can read his body language to such a minute degree.
The boy’s brow furrows and his eyes shine. Oh, please don’t cry, Kakashi thinks. He’s not equipped to deal with a crying child. Not in any capacity. He can’t just spout some bullshit about the shinobi way anymore, not after what Naruto announced at Haku and Zabuza’s gravesite. Kakashi can admit that he does care for Naruto, but he can’t deal with tears. Nor does he want to.
“Well, Sensei… I’m sorry. I know you’re probably really tired.” The unnatural stillness breaks and Naruto’s body is set into motion again as he pitches out one leg and brings his hand up to scrub at the back of his neck bashfully. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t consider that you’d want me out of your hair. I’ll, um. I’ll just go home now, I guess.” There’s the slightest change in the pitch of his voice. If he’s going to cry, he’s doing a pretty good job of hiding it. And he’s really trying to make his words seem sincere and cheerful. But Kakashi can hear the words barely squeezing out around the lump in his throat. “See ya, Sensei.”
He turns on his heel and begins the walk back to his place, adopting a leisurely gate and letting his hand casually swing down to his side. He wants Kakashi to think he’s fine-- more than fine. He wants Kakashi to think there’s nothing wrong. He doesn’t want Kakashi to worry about him, he wants Kakashi to clean up, rest, and revitalize himself.
Who worries about Naruto? Who makes sure he showers and eats before he passes out after a mission? Who takes care of him? Kakashi is surprised by the sudden ferocity of his thoughts of Naruto. He’s just a boy.
“Naruto.”
Naruto doesn’t even pause for a second before his head shoots up, looking back to Kakashi almost frantically. Kakashi can see the tears even clearer now, still threatening to fall. Naruto turns back completely. “Sensei?” He sounds so small.
Kakashi lifts a hand wearily, gesturing for Naruto to come inside. “Come here.”
The look on Naruto’s face is one of shock and joy. That’s when the tears finally start to fall, Kakashi notes: not when he sent Naruto away, but when he welcomed him into his home. By the time Naruto reaches the door, his cheeks are wet.
“You can stay here with me. Since I know you’ve no one at home… I just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. This won’t become a regular thing.” He doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince; himself, or Naruto.
“Yes Sensei, of course. Thank you.” Naruto nods eagerly as he scrubs at his face. Kakashi groans as he pushes off the doorway, slowly leading Naruto through the house. He settles him in the living room with a blanket and tells him he’s going to bathe and not to touch anything. He lets his mind go blank as he goes through the motions. Draw the bath. Shampoo on the shelf next to the tub. Soap next to the sink. Washcloth in the linen closet. He’s just sunk into the hot water when he hears Naruto’s voice, much closer than he’d anticipated.
“Sensei? Don’t worry, I won’t peep at you. Can I sit right here?”
Naruto has propped open the doorway and is leaning against the frame with his back to Kakashi. Kakashi sighs heavily, partly because of the feel of the hot water against his aching body and partly because of Naruto. He’s struggling, and Kakashi wants to help, but he’s not sure he’s capable. Kakashi is struggling too. And it’s not like he can just say that, not to Naruto. Naruto is probably the one person in the world who sees Kakashi as invincible, and Kakashi doesn’t want to change that. He doesn’t want to take that away from Naruto. Or from himself.
Heedless of his reservations about his capacity to help, Kakashi’s heart seems to swell in his chest. He’s a little annoyed by the sensation.
“Sure, Naruto.” He knows Naruto will have questions, so rather than try to prompt him, he simply sinks lower into the steaming water, groaning softly.
“Kakashi-Sensei… about what happened. During the fight.”
“I’m listening.”
Naruto fidgets, pulling at his sleeves and ringing his hands. He sighs. “Did you see what I did? I got so angry. I said I was gonna kill Haku. And… Sensei, I really meant it. Only for a second, but. For a moment there, I really wanted to kill a person.”
Kakashi glances at Naruto as he reaches over the side of the tub for his washcloth. “How do you feel about that, Naruto?”
Silence. Kakashi soaks the washcloth and rings it out. He soaps it up and begins to scrub hard at the grime covering his body. He gets so focused that he almost misses it when Naruto quietly admits, “Awful. I feel awful, Sensei.”
Kakashi leans back, dunks his head under the water and pushes it back as he comes back up. He squeezes a dollop of shampoo into his palm and works it into his hair. “Why do you feel so bad? Do you feel guilty? Or is it something else?”
Naruto has brought his knees up to his chest and fastened his arms around them. “I feel terrible for even considering that, even for a second. I know that’s the shinobi way, and I know we’re not supposed to feel bad about it, but that’s terrible. I know you think it’s just because I’m a kid, but I can’t live my life like that. I refuse to.”
Kakashi rinses his hair and pulls the plug from the drain. He watches the water swirl slowly out of the tub and grabs a towel, drying first his hair and then his body. “Stay right there,” he tells Naruto. He pads back to his bedroom and pulls on socks, then pants, then an undershirt. He returns to the bathroom to throw his towel over the clothes hamper. “You want a bath?”
Naruto is filthy. After all that time on the road, especially after their last fight, the dirt has practically become a part of his skin. And he’s at that age where he really needs to bathe as often as possible, Kakashi thinks. He’s relieved when Naruto leans back, looks up at Kakashi sheepishly and mumbles, “If it’s not too much trouble?”
Kakashi has a dull, fleeting thought about how lucky he is to have a kid like Naruto. I didn’t even have to argue. He snaps out of it almost immediately, shocked at himself. He can’t start to think of himself as a parent, can’t think of Naruto as his child. That’s a dangerous road to go down that will only lead to sorrow for them both.
He plugs the drain again and runs another tub of hot water. He replaces his used washcloth with a clean one. He’s halfway out of the doorway when it occurs to him to ask: “Do you want me to stay?”
Naruto thinks about it for a moment. Kakashi is starting to regret offering, feeling abashed, when Naruto says, “Yeah. Please.” His voice is low and heavy. Kakashi sinks to the floor and assumes the same position Naruto took earlier.
He listens to the soft sound of the water as Naruto bathes, and he wonders briefly if Naruto’s parents would be proud of their son. He decides that if he feels this proud of a child he barely knows, Naruto’s parents would be honored to know that this is how he turned out. He’s suddenly alarmingly aware of his influence on Naruto’s life: with no parents and so much potential, Naruto’s need for parental guidance in his life has led him to Kakashi. Kakashi’s authority could affect Naruto in ways neither of them can foresee. The idea is terrifying and... kind of heartwarming. He tries to push down both feelings.
“Naruto… you don’t have to be merciless to be a shinobi. What you said after the fight… you weren’t wrong. I laughed because your relentless optimism inspires me. I wasn’t disregarding your desire to live a life free of needless violence.” He hears Naruto scrubbing. “Remember to wash your hair.”
“Yes, Sensei.”
“I think your wish to live your life purely is… well, if anyone else said it, I’d be skeptical. But I think if anyone has the power to live like that, it’s you, Naruto. And I mean that.”
“... Thank you, Sensei.”
“You’re welcome.”
They sit in comfortable silence until Naruto starts grunting like some sort of pathetic little animal. Kakashi glances behind him bemusedly. He hears a splash and then a heavy sigh. “Um, Kakashi-Sensei. Do you think you could wash my back for me. I can’t reach it.”
Kakashi almost laughs out loud at how dejected Naruto sounds. He steadfastly ignores the full and contented feeling in his chest as he crawls across the bathroom floor. He takes the washcloth from Naruto’s hand and braces himself with one hand on Naruto’s shoulder, rubbing firmly at first, then softer when Naruto speaks again.
His voice is smaller now, and unsteady. “I just can’t do that, Sensei. I’m not strong, like you. You can follow all the shinobi principles perfectly. I know you can, because they wouldn’t let you be my teacher if you couldn’t. But I’m not like you. I can’t just decide not to feel my emotions. You said that shinobi are just the tools of fate, and if that’s true then we shouldn’t feel remorse for what fate asks us to do. But that’s just not possible for me. I can’t just be a weapon. I’m a person. I can’t just… kill people. Not people who deserve to live. Maybe not anybody.”
He’s crying again. Kakashi can’t see his face from this angle, but he doesn’t have to; he can hear it in the wavering of Naruto’s voice, can feel it in the way his shoulders tremble. Something inside Kakashi snaps, bends just a little too far. He’s still running the washcloth along Naruto’s back even though he finished brushing the dirt from his skin a few minutes ago. At this point he’s just hoping the repetitive motion will soothe Naruto.
“Shh. Shh. It’s alright, Naruto.” He shouldn’t be doing this. He doesn’t care. He squeezes Naruto’s shoulder comfortingly and slides an arm around him, pulling the boy back to him and pressing his mouth to the back of his damp head. He doesn’t purse his lips and press a kiss to his wet hair. He doesn’t.
All the same, the gesture seems to undo Naruto. Perhaps it’s just because he’s so unused to physical affection, but he seems to melt against Kakashi. His head falls to Kakashi’s shoulder and he sucks in a wracking breath, letting it out in a pitiful sob. “What if I’m not good enough?”
“No, no,” Kakashi responds quietly, decisively. “I know that’s not true, Naruto. You have so much potential. There’s so much you haven’t done yet. I believe in you. I’m not just saying that, I mean it. You could do so much if you would put your mind to it. You don’t have to be a ruthless killer to do great things.” He pulls away, turns Naruto to look at his face. “To tell you the truth, Naruto, I think in a way, you’re braver than the rest of us. Trying to put good into the world is much more difficult than just accepting that you’re a pawn and moving on. I think that’s a sign that you’ll be a great leader someday.”
Naruto makes an aborted movement to wipe the tears from his face, but thinks better of it when he realizes his wet hand won’t make a difference. He lets it drop unceremoniously back into the bathwater. He sniffles. “Do you really think I could be a leader, Kakashi-Sensei?”
Again, Kakashi is struck by how young he sounds. He ignores the tightness in his throat when he says, “Sure. But only if you apply yourself. Your chakra control still needs a lot of work.”
That gets a giggle out of him. “Come on, dry off and I’ll get you something to wear to bed. You can stay here tonight.” He tosses a towel onto the floor next to the tub and leaves.
He’s just laid out an undershirt and some shorts when Naruto shuffles into the bedroom. He’s got the towel wrapped around his shoulders and his knuckles are white where they’re clenched tight, keeping it in place. He looks like the child he is. Kakashi leaves him to allow him time to dress.
He decides on ramen for dinner, knowing Naruto’s affinity for it. He’s just finished it when Naruto wanders into the kitchen and hops up on a chair. He’s as excited about the ramen as Kakashi had hoped he’d be. He chats animatedly, if a little tiredly, with Kakashi as he slurps at his meal.
“So, um, anyway, I love Sasuke and all, of course I do, but sometimes he can be a little much, y’know? Like when he says stuff about getting revenge on a “certain someone,” well that makes me-”
“Don’t slurp your noodles, Naruto. Chew with your mouth closed.”
“Sorry, Sensei. Anyway, sometimes he makes me a little nervous…”
Later, after he finishes his third helping of ramen, Naruto pushes his empty bowl away from him with a yawn. He stretches and then slumps in his chair. “Thanks for the dinner, Kakashi-Sensei. Y’know, you’re a really good cook.”
Kakashi stands and gathers their dishes. He considers that it might not be so bad to have someone to come home and cook dinner for. Especially when they're so appreciative of his efforts.
Kakashi doesn’t have anywhere else for Naruto to sleep, so they share his bed. Naruto’s out like a light almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. The kid kicks like a mule in his sleep, and he snores. Kakashi falls asleep with a smile on his face and Naruto’s knee pressing into his lower back.