Archive of Our Own ^beta

they’ve been friends since the beginning of time. one born of the mountains, the other born to the sea. like twins. attached at the hip. jimin was always smaller in physique so jeongguk always had to catch him- jeongguk’s earliest memories include jimin being clumsy and falling off chairs, always so absorbed and being all pretty together with mother nature and flowers, so he often tripped. but jeongguk was always there to rescue him every single time.

he doesn’t know when it first started, when the crush manifested- or maybe it was a harmless little seed jimin had planted, that bloomed late, just like him. jimin’s just so oblivious and nice and sweet to everybody, a sweetheart and an angel. god knows where should he begin.

it didn’t help that all the kids knew how jimin always went “jeonggukie this and jeonggukie that”. jimin’s always making sure he’s well fed, buying him sweets and snacks and making different variants of chocolate cake for him because he knows jeongguk likes them.

everytime jimin smiles it’s literally sunshine and sparkles and pretty flower petals falling, jimin’s just so pretty and beautiful and lovely. he often ran out of words when he was younger, but pretty was rather apt, and as jimin grew, it morphed into cutie, sexy and lovely.

they did everything together; feeding stray cats and dogs, plucking wild dandelions to make wishes, pushed each other on the swings. they played by the beach together, went to school together, had sleepovers often as their families grew closer. jeongguk was there when jimin topped his level, and jimin was there to cheer for him when jeongguk won an art competition and a gold medal for sports day.

it was almost as if they were meant to be together.

jeongguk was in his first year of middle school when those dreams first came.

he had first dirty thought- about his childhood friend, his best friend . it was summer, in august, and they were eating popsicles as they sat in front of a fan, in matching sleeveless shirts. twin popsicles, strawberry flavour. orange was the alternative when strawberry ran out. it was always like that- they would split it into two to share, regardless of who bought it. it’s what the two wooden sticks were for, wasn’t it?

“i’ll only share these popsicles with jimin hyung!” that was jeongguk’s promise that would make jimin beam. he was special.

and then, on that summer afternoon in august, something changed. it was sweltering hot, and the cicadas were chirping. the fan was more economical and quicker to cool the sweat on their skin, rather than the air conditioning, which was expensive.

who knows when something in him snapped; when he saw the way jimin’s luscious lips closed around the pink flavoured ice, sticky and sweet and all too saccharine- the way jimin relishes the cold treat, his innocence as he gazed at jeongguk, asking what was wrong.

it was only then did he realise he’d been staring, eyes wide, mouth hanging open a bug could’ve flown in. when jimin points at his hand with a pout, lips even redder from the syrupy ice, he realises in his embarrassment that the popsicle had started to melt, dark pink streaks dripping down his scrawny arm, trickling to his thighs, pooling on the wooden floorboards.

he’d run off to the kitchen, ashamed, almost cried at his impudence. jimin never commented on the incident, just asked him to make sure he wasn’t sticky and helped to mop up the floor so that ants wouldn’t come.

the ants didn’t, but subsequently, the dreams did.

“h-hyung, i need… help…” 

jimin liked to say that jeongguk resembled a fresh faced young blueberry with his soft edges and milky skin, like that one character from an anime called haikyuu. jeongguk had joked back that jimin would be that character’s equivalent partner if he ever were to dye his hair orange. but now, this young blueberry had his thighs pressed together tightly in the middle of the night, face twisted into a sort of undecipherable agony and discomfort. 

“bad dream?” jimin asks blearily, shuffling in his sheets to sit up and crack a sleepy eye at him. it's the friday tipping into the weekend, sleepover day; jimin’s brother has an overnight camp, thus jeongguk can take the top bed of the bunk. after playing mario kart and finishing up their homework, and snacks while they work, they’ve decided to call it a day. but now, just a few minutes shy of 2am, jeongguk’s calling for him, face so terribly red.

jimin's so adorable with his fluffy bed hair, and the fact that he doesn't say nightmares but instead cutely calls them bad dreams have jeongguk cooing. but that's not it- he's been having these dreams, yes- but more of… wet dreams.

“‘m sorry, hyung, you should- you should go back to bed. it's nothing much,” he's embarrassed, hands nervously bunching the hem of his white shirt, bottom lip thoroughly chewed as he walked over and entered jimin's room. he feels bad- jimin rarely ever gets to rest with his many commitments and volunteering and class president duties, and now he's here ruining the moment of a peaceful angel sleeping. 

“s’okay,” jimin smiles sweetly, natural red lips and pink cheeks glowing in the moonlight, “come sit.” he pats the space next to him on the mattress, cheap wood of the double bunk creaking, moving his flat pillows and blanket with ugly flower prints over. jeongguk almost whimpers at how desperate he is, fabric brushing against his hard flesh with every move. when he comes closer, jimin knows exactly what the problem is. the smile he gives is one he gives his baby brother jihyun in those videos he always shows off in their free time, but jeongguk shoves it aside with a prideful harrumph. he doesn't know if the sudden hurt he feels is coming from the twang in his chest or his boner against friction.

“jimin hyung, i don't- i don't know what to do-” he has to bite down, hard, on his bottom lip, on the verge of tears. 

“ah, don't be embarrassed… it's a normal thing for young boys, here, let hyung help you.” jeongguk doesn't know whether be should be swooning because of jimin's usage of young boys instead of adolescents, or the tenderness in his voice, the sweet loving look in his pretty eyes. what is this feeling? he's lost, he's confused; perhaps it's a mix of everything jimin, whether he's hard or sober or clear minded. jimin is alluring and beguiling and intoxicating all in one. jeongguk's still a minor that abides by the law, but if this is what people feel when they become drunk and inebriated, then he might understand why.

jimin eases off his sweatpants, discards the piece of clothing with the sticky wet patch on it easily- despite jeongguk's nervous twisting and turning, flushing as he makes guttural noises of shame and pleasure. “ji-jimin hyung,” he whines, when jimin fondly strokes his hair, sweaty forehead with his fringe matted to it, as if drenched. “it's okay, baby- it's okay, hyung will make it better, alright? hyung will make it all go away.” 

jeongguk nods, teary eyed, weak and thankful and so terribly shy and embarrassed, but jimin takes him through it one step at a time. “‘m so sorry, hyung, ‘m sorry-” he’s a teary-eyed mess, tears that won’t stop gushing out. but jimin kisses his tears away, wipes them off with his little fingers, still as kind and affectionate and loving as he always is. 

“i’m so sorry,” is all jeongguk finds himself repeating like a broken record. like a prayer. and with every one of jimin’s soothing reassurances, the guilt in him wells up and multiples tenfold, a hundredfold. with every hug and stroke to his arm, his back, it makes him feel more broken and pathetic. 

you’re so disgusting, jeon jeongguk.

“shh, shh, i’m here, jeonggukie, don’t worry, it’s okay-”

you wouldn’t say that, jeongguk thinks sadly, if you knew what happened, if you knew that i was fantasizing about you.

it's jimin's promise to him- that hyung will make everything better- and it follows through for both of them even until jeongguk becomes a grown young adult and jimin's stopped growing at the height of 173.6cm.

he wakes late the next day, and stands in front of the mirror in his bathroom for a long time. jimin had left early for his weekend volunteering, leaving him a cookie and sandwich from the convenience store. there’s a memo reminding him to finish the milk before it expires. he stares at his own reflection, teeth gnashing as he tells himself, the ugly reflection he sees, “you’re disgusting, jeon jeongguk.”

the mirror image snarls back at him, jaw square, eyes an intense smoulder, teeth gritted. his veiny hands are gripping his toothbrush and toothpaste a little too forcefully, mint spurting out in little thick white snakes. the person in the mirror’s eyes are all puffy from crying. “how could you ever, ever, think of jimin that way!” speaking to his own persona, his shadow, his ego, he feels like he’s betrayed jimin, exploited him, shortchanged him; he never deserved such kindness, such love.

“you should never have been born.”

the anger in the person in the mirror dissipates, and slowly deflates into that of a young boy wearing a sad, sad smile. what would jimin say if he saw all the wasted toothpaste by the sink?

jeongguk distances himself soon after, leading jimin to assume he’s done something wrong, something mean that he completely did not intend on doing. but i’m not even his boyfriend or his wife or anything, the trail of thoughts lead him to a dead end, and somewhere along those perpendicular and parallel and asymptote lines, he thinks about them holding hands when they were kids- and wonders when that habit stopped.

everytime jeongguk has a thought about jimin, he folds a paper star - it’s a healthy coping mechanism, as opposed to heavy drinking, or smoking and vaping. it’s unsurprising that the jar filled up quickly. sometimes, he writes a message in them before folding, puffing and dumping them in.

“jeonggukie, teach me…” jimin will whine after spotting the glass jar in his room, all too close, pretty lashes fanning at him, his sweet perfumed scent surrounding them. jimin speaks in pretty, laughs in pretty, and even smells pretty.

“mine’s so ugly…” he’ll pout, “i need to practice more-”

“here,” jeongguk places one into his palm, a warm bittersweet smile. it’s a yellow holographic star. just like jimin, his little yellow star.

the internet said a thousand stars will make your wish come true.

it was an unassuming question- jimin had merely asked if he could borrow jeongguk’s calculator, which was perfectly normal. they share things all the time. but once jeongguk empties out his backpack, completely forgetting he’d left that one book inside, he knows it’s over for him. with just the two of them in the study room, the manhwa volume flies out and skids onto the floor, stopping short near jimin’s chair.

“u-uh! it’s okay, hyung! please don’t pick it up, i can just- walk over and-”

perhaps he wouldn’t have felt the need to speak so loudly and so insistently and so urgently, if it were a normal type of manhwa or mangaka. like naruto, dragonball z. or maybe even shugo chara. or haikyuu, kuroko no basuke. but no, this had to be an abnormal one. 

a bl manhwa.

“jeonggukie..?” jimin’s eyes flicker between jeongguk’s startled expression, a deer in the headlights, and the cover of the volume, which seems a little more suggestive than a typical romance novel or something action-related like the marvel franchise. he doesn’t even want to know what jimin’s confused look means- he’s too terrified to know.

“g-give it back!” he yanks the book from jimin’s grasp, shoves it back into his bag. slams the stupid calculator onto jimin’s side of the desk, dumps the remnants of his bag’s contents back in. he doesn’t notice jimin’s startled expression, the small glimpse of shock and disappointment as the book is wrenched out of his grasp.

“wait, jeongguk-”

“i’m going to class!” he shouts, face extremely red, not sure if he’s feeling anger or fear or sadness. he slams the door after him, breaks into a sprint to a class that does not exist.

and yet, jimin waits for him, after his supplementary enrichment later in the evening, well over jimin’s own timetable. when jeongguk spots him waiting by the corridors, he’s not sure why he feels relief flooding over him, in tandem to his heart beating wildly in dread and trepidation.

they walk home together, as they always do, and jeongguk trudges silently one step after jimin. there’s no friendly banter of exchange of their daily encounters like every other day.

just two of them walking in silence.

there’s a shortcut that passes by an unfrequented park, before leading to the uphill path that connects jeongguk’s home up the slopes to jimin’s home by the seaside of busan.

“jeongguk-ah?” it’s a small whisper that jimin utters, the first word in their journey home as he tugs on jeongguk’s uniform sleeve. the warm, golden orange tones that dust his cheeks make him looks so very ethereal. then, the angel stops in his tracks. then both of them do.

“what.” it comes out brusque and curt, but jeongguk doesn’t know, for the love of god, what else he should do.

“is there anything you would like to say to hyung?” he knows what exactly jimin is referring to. they’ve both been teetering around this topic for as long as they could, and maybe now it’s time. if jimin leaves him, it might be for the betterment of both of them. “if you’re not ready or uncomfortable, i won’t ask again. i just want to know if you’re okay, or how you’re feeling inside.”

“i-” he’s dumbfounded. he expected negative reactions, mainly, and a glimmer of hope for a positive outcome. there was once a senior in their school that had come out as gay, and got bullied so badly he had to transfer schools and move away. asian society wasn’t as liberal or open minded as opposed to those in western countries. being gay was a sin.  

“hyung, i-”

“i’m not forcing you for an answer, gguk-ah,” jimin smiles as he takes his hands, and it already feels like something has been lifted off his shoulders. jimin plays with his hair, and his mouth feels like it’s made of lead. numb. heavy. unmoving. “but you’re feeling okay these days?”

he nods sullenly, and jimin laughs. 

hyung, if you keep doing all this then i’ll keep falling for you-

“that’s all i need to know. then, i would also like you to know that hyung wants to love and support you, and i will do just that. i don’t care if you’re 13 or 30 or 103! i will love and support you, as long as it’s not drugs or anything illegal- jeongguk? oh no, jeongguk-ah-!”

he was just airing his heartfelt thoughts that it hadn’t occurred to him that jeongguk would start trembling and crying. something in his heart shatters as he uses the sweater paws of his black hoodie to wipe away jeongguk’s tears, gives him the best hug he possibly can muster on his tippy toes.

“hyung,” jeongguk wails, “will you still- still be here, even if- if i like boys?”

his heart flutters, just a little, when all jimin does is giggle into his sleeve, his fingers peeking out as he places a palm to cover his mouth. a whine catches in his throat along with a hiccup.

“i will still love and support you, jeongguk-ah!” he uses his pointer finger to boop jeongguk’s nose, “i think that love is love, and if i love a person, i’ll just love them- you know, no matter what gender or race or ethnicity it may be. something like that. and hyung loves you a lot, jeonggukie.”

“what would i do without you,” jeongguk mumbles into jimin’s shoulder, hugging him tight.

you wouldn’t still say you love me, if you knew what i’ve been thinking about- truly and madly, all about you, you, you.

(after all his childish push and pull, jimin still treats him so well and never holds a single grudge at his naïveté, his stupid pretentious macho façades. he’s so, so blessed.)

one day jimin comes home, saying with glee that he gave his first kiss to a pretty girl named min yoonji. she’s the most gorgeous girl in the school, the ice princess, the belle of all cohorts. jimin never went into the details, but needless to say, jeongguk’s tiny teenage heart was smashed. they’d reached the age where teenagers would be curious about the opposite gender, yearn for the taste of a romantic encounter. what was kissing like? what was it like to hold someone’s hand? someone you liked, had a crush on? to go on a date?

then, jimin asked about his ideal type. “um, maybe someone to scold me and put me in place… someone who makes good seaweed soup! and also they must remind me to put on lip balm,” jimin had nodded along, taking it seriously. he could’ve added so many more details, but those were the essential points for now.

on the other hand, jimin has always seeked jeongguk’s approval in terms of beauty. a subconscious move, perhaps, since the latter was very into pretty packaging and beautiful little ornaments and cosmetics. how could jeongguk bear to tell him he bought those while thinking of jimin? other than the fact that they could be used as displays. “jeonggukie, do you think this model is pretty? how about this one? this lady looks beautiful… this gentleman too! both so charming… how about them? what does jeonggukie think?” 

(it goes unsaid that they both mentally note the other’s ideal type, be it in physical attributes or beliefs and character.)

jimin wants a person who makes him forget his worries, makes him laugh- someone he can make happy, someone to protect him. someone who loves being loved, and doesn’t mind attention and affection overdose- preferably taller, and age is just a number. he must be loyal, warm like a little puppy, and must love animals. also, the person needs to know how to praise him.

that person was jeon jeongguk.

jeongguk’s ideal boy was someone that had to be kind and genuine and compassionate and gentle. someone pretty on the inside, a pretty outside being a bonus. they must love him and care for him, and only have eyes for him. someone whom he trusts enough to let down his guard in front of, someone who lets him game and gives him freedom but also grounds him and shows him reality. someone that takes care of him but also helps him grow at the same time.

he was always describing park jimin.

“oh my, jeonggukie is giving me flowers?” 

“you looked… really happy and then sad? i dunno, when you saw that minkyung noona got flowers, so i thought-”

“thank you,” jimin leans in close to nuzzle his little nose into his shoulder, rest his cheek next to his neck, and jeongguk almosts wants to punch himself for thinking jimin would give him a kiss- this isn’t some kdrama, things don’t just escalate and bloom after a poorly bundled bunch of pretty flowers. “these are so lovely… what do freesias stand for, jeongguk-ah?” he’s gently caressing the flowers, as if speaking to them with his kind eyes, making sure the petals were happy. like he would press and keep them forever just because it was a gift from his busan boy.

“n-naver says they stand for friendship and sweetness,” jeongguk bashfully tells him, making jimin’s heart leap out of his chest, for the good and the bad. friendship. naver tells jeongguk that freesias also stand for thoughtfulness, innocence, trust. the freesias tell jimin that jeongguk’s a person he holds dear to his heart- apparently, if someone gives them to you, they mean to say they trust completely, or they’re saying that they’re are honest in your emotions and feelings. that is, if jeongguk had researched further, and was aware.

(freesias also happen to be the flower representative of a 7th wedding anniversary.)

jimin was the first to know, the first one he’d come out to. his parents found out soon after, since he was a terrible liar, but they’d come to accept it with time. their son’s happiness came first, after all.

then the news came.

jeongguk got drunk when they secretly stole a couple beers to congratulate jimin moving to the city. his father had gotten a promotion, which would require them to relocate to seoul.  “h-hyung,” is all jeongguk slurs, red faced, “i- secret, you-! ” he giggles, doe eyes fluttered shut as he leans into jimin’s thigh, blissfully oblivious, as he reaches a coy finger to poke jimin’s nose. “i love you, hyung-” he’s being so cutesy it makes something in jimin’s chest bloom, then something zings in jimin’s heart. 

he’s going to leave jeongguk behind.  

something he’s never dreamed of, thought of. 

something he didn’t foresee, something he doesn’t want.

“i love you, too, jeongguk-ah.”

“b-but! i never told him-!” jeongguk hiccups, asian flush fully setting in, “m-my secret. i love- love hyung! always-” jeonggukie-ah, why are you so adorable?

“then tell him when you’re ready, my love. what’s there not to love about you?”

“he won’t-” jeongguk hiccups, a dopey smile on his face, eyes brimming with tears, “hyung won’t…” and then he passes out, gives in to sleep.

hyung won’t love me back- he’s meant for greater things.

“he will,” jimin whispers back, bends forward with his flexibility to kiss jeongguk’s sliver of a tear. “this hyung loves you, if that counts.”

there was a change of plans, since flight tickets were much cheaper when booked weeks earlier than the stipulated date, and jimin leaves for seoul before jeongguk gets to fold the 1000 stars for him to make a wish on. jimin leaves him a perfectly folded paper heart- but he doesn’t tell jeongguk that he wrote i love you always, for the person you are in invisible ink, depite leaving a vital clue, his prized possession of the same pen with the uv light on top of the pen cap.

jimin always thought of his feelings as that of an overprotective brother, a good hyung that was nurturing and caring; it’s wrong to love your younger brother despite not being blood related, isn't it? that's weird. and they’ve always been just like siblings. jeongguk is the equivalent of jihyun, but with an alternate surname.

he's always wanted to maintain a brave front, to take care of jeongguk as his responsibility, since he was older and they were best friends.

“it’s okay to want to be spoilt sometimes,” jeongguk tells him, patting the space of the mattress beside him, on the last night they spent together, “i’ll hug you to sleep, hyung! let me spoil you today.”

the memory of that night never left him, even after he arrived in seoul.

he meets kim taehyung in his new school. just like jeongguk, they've hit off since the beginning. attached to the hip, just like twins, like soulmates.

there's a special bond they share, a little telepathic, a little sprinkle of fate. ever since meeting in their first class in high school, they seem to understand the other with no doubts, and it was magical. with jeongguk, he often worried and felt like he had the responsibility of a hyung.

“how’s your little busan boy back home?”

a little while after, they've lost contact. email was terrible, and snail mail took far too long or got lost in transit. phone numbers changed, the people in their lives changed. their academic subjects, their schedule, their friend circle; everything changed.

“i miss him, taehyung-ah.”

time flies, and jimin forgets all about him, is in his third year of university, too busy with dance and council and his overload of academics.

“yah, haven’t you heard? there’s this new freshman that everyone’s talking about… aren’t you curious, minnie? they say he always goes for a philosophy lecture at 10am on tuesdays, the lecture hall near the art studio,” taehyung goes on rambling and showing jimin social media evidence of said freshman, who apparently looks so handsome he earned so many crushes in a day. the new eye candy of seoul national university. jimin doesn't look up from his textbooks even though taehyung throws a pillow at him to get him to budge.

“and what am i supposed to do with that information? i'm currently trying to solve some chemical equations-”

“oh, come on, you goody two shoes…” taehyung whines, tugging at his knitted green sweater, “let’s just go see what the hype is about, i wanna know who this guy is,” then, his handsome face curls into a playful grin. “forget about that childhood crush! for all you know, he might be your type, jiminnie- then you’ll be indebted to me your whole life,”

“...” jimin’s always rendered speechless when taehyung is adamant about something, but then again, who could resist such a cute face of a baby bear? “do we even have cla-”

“nope! i’ve checked! our next lesson has been changed to the afternoon!”

taehyung persuades jimin to get an iced latte while on stakeout, camping by the lecture hall in wait of the talk of the campus.

it seems like jimin would’ve met this mysterious freshman either way.

"oh, damn, he is handso-"

“taehyung,” jimin whispers, eyes wide as he grips his best friend’s arm tightly. he’s gone pale. the cup of coffee has been deserted. “we need to leave.” taehyung doesn’t even ask when jimin grabs his arm and runs to take cover. he can see jimin’s eyes going glassy, doll-like, and he doesn’t probe. jimin will tell him when he’s ready.

“that’s- taehyung, that’s… that’s my busan boy.”

as fate would have it, taehyung ended up being the TA for one of jeongguk’s classes, art history and colour theory. so he tries to bring them together, a victim to jimin’s years-long-pining-in-the-middle-of-the-night-nostalgic-stories, tells jimin a timing ten minutes earlier than dismissal so he’ll arrive just right.

“excuse me?” jimin wants to ask if class has been dismissed, but instead gulps when the boy he taps turns around. jeongguk’s grown into a massive, handsome young man, and his voice is still so sweet. his heart starts beating so fast, as jeongguk’s doe eyes takes all of him in. “is class uh, is it over?” oh god, he’s going to be so tongue tied if this drags on, he needs to get out of this situation, and fast.

“yeah, ended.” there’s just something about jeongguk’s pretty galaxy eyes that haven’t changed, and it makes jimin feel all warm. but also makes his stomach churn. makes his lungs constrict. he looks the splitting image of his father, a faint nostalgic trace of the baby jeonggukie he'd taken care of in the past.

“t-thanks,” he chooses to text taehyung where to meet instead of hauling him out, and he makes his big escape before jeongguk has the chance to stare at him and think of that golden question.

“you come here often?” jeongguk interrupts his stealth-wait by the pillar, tending to be the first few to leave, and jimin jumps, thinking he’d been a pro in sneaking ways to find taehyung and evading jeongguk. normally, he would’ve cringe-laughed at the pickup-esque line, but since it’s jeongguk he’s dealing with, his face grows warm. 

“taehyung’s my best friend, we hang out all the time,” he lamely replies, offering a bittersweet smile. maybe jeongguk doesn’t remember him, after all. he’d been running for naught. “you must be the stellar student he always talks about, jeongguk, right? then, you must be my dongsaeng,”

“so you know my name,” the huge mass of muscle breaks into a grin, “yes, i’m jeon jeongguk! nice to meet you. if you’re taehyung hyung’s batchmate then you’re a hyung- and no, i still have a long way to go, that hyung’s art is on another insane level…”

“so your flair for art did get honed,” jimin mumbles to himself. jeongguk bends a little, as if apologetic he didn’t catch what jimin was saying. it’s the tall guy thing whereby jimin used to dislike, but now is suddenly fond of. “pardon?”

“n-nothing, i just- i said that i’m park jimin, nice to meet you too.” he bows a little in a bid to be polite, hopes his blonde hair would do its thing of messing up, making his bangs converge so he looks different, or something like that. jeongguk only knows the jimin with black and dark brown hair, not the park jimin with exotic hair colours.

“park… jimin..?” the way his name rolls off jeongguk’s tongue in a voice with a lower octave, a more seductive timbre after puberty hit him like a firetruck has a shiver run down jimin’s spine. “jimin hyung, is it?” his expression changes into something darker, causing jimin to quickly follow up with “it’s a very common name, i guess.” the nervous laugh does little to quell the tension as he spots taehyung behind jeongguk’s shoulder, helping the rest of the students with their final queries before calling it a day. 

“it’s a special name,” jeongguk tells him, gaze softening, “it’s a very special name.”

before jimin can say anything further, he’s met with an exuberant yell of “jiminnieeeee! i’m doneeee!” he bids an interrupted goodbye as taehyung drags him for fast food in a bout of mid-afternoon hunger.

“jimin hyung, actually- come to think of it- you seem really familiar, have i by any chance met you before?”

“no,” jimin says, soft but curt. he offers a weak smile, but all he can think of is what jeongguk thinks of him now. am i still fat? maybe it’s the cheeks? my face is puffy today- i probably look ugly… i forgot concealer, too. ah, the eyebags... does jeonggukie remember me? has he forgotten who i am? or-

“i mean like, not on campus, but maybe? like, outside of uni, or even-”

“no,” jimin insists, shaking his head firmly. “no you have not. you’re mistaken, jeonggukie-” he hopes jeongguk didn’t hear, the way the endearment subconsciously slipped out ever so naturally, like a habit. a very bad habit. a dead giveaway, if jeongguk had realised that jimin’d been switching from his proper seoul accent to his busan satoori, just a little. he bites his tongue and pinches his thigh to make himself shut up; jeongguk has always had really good intuition when it came to picking up small things like this.

his train of thought and inner beration gets cut off when the taller man before him instinctively wraps his arms around his waist, chin resting on jimin’s shoulder. 

but nobody calls me jeonggukie except for you.

“i’m sorry- i- i did that impulsively because- i just felt like- i thought-” jeongguk’s a sputter of nerves as he pulls away from a self-indulgent embrace, ears burning as jimin’s cheeks flush a pretty pink. hold on, what was that about?  

“it’s okay,” jimin mumbles back, “i- um. i’m going to meet taehyung, so um. i’ll see you around,” it sounds more like multiple questions, as he heads into the art room to bury his face into taehyung’s chest. he’s going to whine about this forever, how embarrassing.

oh my god, jeongguk thinks, panicking as he maintains a straight face, walking towards his next seminar. his footsteps slowly pick up into a jog and then a full on sprint. there’s no way he’ll concentrate in this seminar. he’s always felt calmer after exercising or running, which explains his athletic side, a treasure to every track and field team. today he feels like he’d like to run a marathon after this evening’s lessons.

i think- i think that was jimin hyung. yes, that was definitely him. park jimin.

he knew at once- other than the similar pretty posture and his dazzling eyes, that seemed so beguiling and familiar in retrospect- because holding jimin has always felt like home. and he was home, temporarily, in that precious moment, to mandeok-dong. to busan.

home to a person he had fallen in love with, seven years ago.

“you still dancing?”

“yeah, more of contemporary now, but i also dabble in some hip hop and ballet and all that…”

this was bound to happen, a same seminar for the same module.

it stared off difficult, stiff, awkward; but after a while it became a little less tense, an idyllic trip down memory lane. how have you been? has seoul been kind to you? what do you study? where do you stay? do you still draw, run? i love your hair, hyung. thanks, i love your long hair too, jeonggukie. oh, you know him too? do you remember when...

before jimin leaves to take a quick breather, calm himself for such an encounter, jeongguk holds him back. there's this one question that's been bugging him at the back of his mind, ever since he's seen how close and affectionate jimin and taehyung are. and it bothers him.

“have you dated yet, hyung?”

“um, it’s complicated…” jimin avoids the question deftly, and he’s met with a grimace on jeongguk’s face, jimin's most definitely had a whole ton of suitors. “however, i did meet my best friend and my soulmate after moving here- taehyung, as you know him. he’s really changed my life for the better, what would i do without taetae by my side all these years…” he's had his fair share of romance-related encounters- girls on campus were really something else- but jimin was the only apple of his eye, no one could come close.

jeongguk feels bile rising up his throat, wasn’t i your best friend? “that’s nice,” he chokes out, knowing how childish he’s being. jimin can’t possibly waste so many years of his life alone, saving himself for him; that is, if he ever felt something more than friends. it’s outrageous that jimin should just halt and put his own personal life on queue just on one insolent boy’s request. simply appalling.

their worlds collide, again.

they promised to find each other in every lifetime, right?

jimin decides to call a meeting when jeongguk isn't around. it turns out that the world was such a small place, and their friends were all a collateral group.

“so. i'm still in love with jeongguk.”

“and..?” namjoon probes, and the other four boys peer at him, sentiment shared, waiting for the completion of his presumably unfinished sentence.

“w-what do you mean and? i just made a tough confession to all of you and you ask me what else there is?” jimin exasperatedly fires back, shocked and confused.

“it's been a long while, though,” yoongi smiles, “glad he’s here for you to figure it out somehow.”

“we were so worried,” taehyung says, hoseok pointing in agreement, “jeongguk's been looking so sad in art history and only painting in greys and blacks and you've been so distracted in every seminar and discussion.”

“it's like both of you changed personalities or something,” seokjin shakes his head, “what a mess.”

"we could play a games and have drinks soon," hoseok suggests, "i recently won a jenga tower!"

then, it was settled.

“i like someone and i don't know what to do,” jimin tells him quietly, when they’re in his room choosing what movie to watch. the notebook, or the nightmare before christmas? jeongguk's throat goes dry, mouth set in a grim line, not knowing what to say. his stomach is flipping, insides doing somersaults. fuck, he should've seen this coming. he's always had a penchant for having the worst timings.

“do i know them?” he responds, tentatively, hand on jimin's thigh slowly retracting as if he's holding something that isn't his. 

“maybe.”

i knew it, it's definitely taehyung.

he thinks that jimin has gotten far too pretty, and that he’s become an absolute charmer. and through the painstaking timeframe of the film in the student lounge, jeongguk gets all sulky and gloomy, face dark, “hands up,” he says coldly, as the heater was found to be under repair, digging out his sweater from his backpack, shoving it on jimin. part of him wants to possess, to rid of all desire if possible. but his actions are gentle, soft as jimin’s head enters the hoodie. “you’re too sexy if you just wear such a tight shirt,” he grumbles, as if he made any more sense. jimin was wearing an oversized shirt (jeongguk's size) that could've reached mid-thigh if not for tucking them into ripped jeans, paired with boots. the sleeves were rolled to the elbows.

just to hear him speak, he requests for love advice occasionally to get closer, and aches when jimin seems to be alarmingly lovesick for someone else- it makes him feel sick inside, listening to jimin gush over his new partner in crime, his roommate, his soulmate, his everything. the worst part was that he had to smile and agree and show support and still be happy about it, even if it was eating him up, consuming him whole from inside.

when did it all change? they've known each other for years now, and the number of awkward silences could be counted on one hand. the rest, even if silent, were comforting; and now, to think with every spotting of the other have their hearts racing, leaping out of their chest. jimin's grown up so well to become a mature, dilligent and gentleman of character and grace. jeongguk's been able to pursue his flairs and interests, alongside his love for sports.

whenever he sees jimin tapping taehyung's nose when teasing him or getting his attention, it feels utterly foolish- but sometimes he just wants to cry. it makes him sad, when he spots jimin affectionately booping taehyung's sharper, more defined nose, because that's a special thing jimin had done with him. maybe it was always a jimin thing rather than a jimin and jeongguk thing.

hyung-ah... look at me... please boop my nose again...

jimin remembers that jeongguk is sensitive to smells, hates microwaves ever since he watched that clip about things exploding inside when it beeped. he hurries over to jeongguk's room, wanting to tell him they can trade rooms, after finding out the hallways had just been repainted earlier that morning.

“oh. hello hyung,” jeongguk whispers, opening at first knock, then cracks the door open just a tad more for jimin to see hoseok sleeping on his bed. “he’s a lightweight, got drunk just now.”

“oh.” what else could he have said? what more could he have done?  “but your room's a single-”

“nah. it's 'kay. i can take the floor.”

“oh.”

how was he supposed to respond to that?

likewise, jeongguk remembers jimin is afraid of ghosts. especially on stormy nights when the wind will howl and the windows might rattle when leaves hit or twigs fall- he makes his way to the higher level and knocks on his dorm room, only to have roommate taehyung answer. he spots jimin sleeping with a little night light- something endearing, with his prescription glasses still on, his novel flopped open next to him, his left fist clenched. he’s all balled up as a little squishy lump of a makeshift dumpling.

“can you- um. pass this to jimin hyung?” he’s scared of ghosts, he almost adds, as he passes over jimin’s stuffed toy dog, pocky, from when they were kids. why did i even bring this here? but he bites his tongue- jimin’s soulmate should already know that, right? he’d be trying to brag or come between them if that were the case. 

“how... does hyung sleep when it rains?” does he still jump when he sees lightning, hears the rumbling thunder? does he still need the cat night light? does he sleep together with you, like we did when we were young? do you sing to jimin? does jimin still listen to serendipity or the decalcomanie cover before bed?

“he hugs me of course!” taehyung flashes a boxy grin, and jeongguk can completely understand why he’s ranked one of the most handsome men on campus, tied with seokjin. even with his messy bed hair, taehyung is too handsome with an attractive personality and of good character. it’s no wonder why jimin would fall for him- jimin had always mentioned someone that protects him and makes him happy, no? he’s no competition for someone as well-rounded as taehyung. “it's late, jeongguk... what brings you here? is there anything urgent? i mean, i thought you would've emailed or texted-”

“that’s… wonderful,” jeongguk lies, words barely escaping through chapped lips as a broken stammer. “our painting’s due tomorrow, right? yeah, just checking... see you around, hyung. good night.”

things get progressively worse. 

“come on, gguk-ah, hyung wants to eat popsicles!” seokjin whines, both of them lunch buddies every thursday, before hitting the gym, “you have to split one with me so i don't get fat!”

“who was it that said if it tastes delicious then it's equivalent to zero calories?” jeongguk laughs, making seokjin pout, punching him in retaliation. “you're a meanie! always bullying your hyung that been so stressed over his masters-!”

“okay, okay.” he's paying for the strawberry twin popsicle at the mini mart, “jin hyung owes me a good meal now-”

“yah! you brat, this costs one-fiftieth of a meal with you, you muscle pig-!”

he doesn't see jimin as they walk back to the main campus, peering at their faux sword fight with half eaten popsicle sticks.

“i’ll only split popsicles with you, hyung!” 

maybe it was a jeongguk thing, not a jeongguk and jimin thing.

after jeongguk has associated that the words taehyung and jimin are synonymous to soulmates, he feels an innate need to prove he’s better, and all sorts of things like that.

“what did taehyung hyung get when he was in his first year?”

“i did better than taetae hyung, right?”

“oh, he can paint with watercolours? hyung, i can paint too, it’s an A+, look, hyung-”

“wait, taehyung hyung goes to the gym these days? i also- i also- ”

and soon, after an accumulation of strangely specific questions targeted at taehyung, jimin fears some fight had gone down in art history. these days, jeongguk’s always sulking when he sees taehyung and jimin meeting outside of class, or when he spots jimin waiting for taehyung to end his teaching.

“tae-ah, can i just ask a quick question?”

“you already did, min. but go off.” jimin smacks his arm with a pout, “this is serious! did you, by any chance, do something that rubs jeonggukie the wrong way..? you see, these days-” jimin launches into some of the most recent encounters of exhibit a, b, c and d, glaring, sulking, competing and grumbling respectively.

“so, you’re asking if me and gguks have beef,” taehyung stops munching on his chocopuffs, lowers his prescription glasses down the bridge of his nose, something that jeongguk has taken an inkling to and started doing too. he even mimicked one of taehyung’s instagram stories on wearing types of frames to make your nose bridge look higher; jimin had laughed- in other words meaning mission accomplished. 

“no we don’t, or not that i ever tried to start anything,” taehyung frowns, chewing on his pen, “oh! unless!”

“unless what!”

“unless he sees me as a rival,” taehyung drawls, cheshire grin growing as he looks at jimin’s curious expression, his blooming blush, little pink freesias. “he thinks we’re together- and he would like to assert dominance and prove that you chose the wrong man- and that he’s better than me, and therefore, would better suit you,” he concludes, smirking at jimin, whose face has gotten really warm. come to think of it, jeongguk’s been copying what taehyung has been doing, especially the things jimin seems to support, like photography and music recommendations, reading exotic foreign novels, bulking to gain muscle. even the nitty gritty things- heck, he’s even been trying his best to crack the kind of jokes taehyung tells him, the silly antics that jimin laughs at. he knows jeongguk has always had an eye for attention to detail.

could it be..?

“he likes you,” taehyung affirms the thoughts he has in his head, to which jimin throws his cat pillow at him, ever so flustered. he would never throw pocky, jeongguk had lugged it all the way from busan for him. “you think so?” jimin looks at him, hopeful, biting his lip, and he looks so angelic that taehyung has to clamber out of his bed to give him a big hug. “aigoo, our jiminnie… our jiminnie is too precious,” he coos, “go chase your happiness, with your busan boy. my manggaetteok and his manddeok boy!” jimin buries his head into taehyung’s shoulder. he's never gonna let jimin live this down.

hoseok finally got to show off the jenga tower he won from a lucky draw at a student fair.

“it seems it's a love edition of jenga, dares only.” hoseok reads the instruction manual, wiggling his eyebrows, “this is going to be interesting~”

with unlucky (or maybe lucky?) hands, jimin becomes the first person to get a forfeit. “tell the person on your left i love you.” the wooden block read off. 

there were murmurs of realisation of how the game was played, so this is what it's like, until the soft cacophony gets interrupted by a loud outburst of “no!” by the youngest participant. five observers were quick to realise that the person on jimin's left was none other than kim taehyung. it was honestly an easy forfeit, save for an unforeseen circumstance.

seokjin holds in a snigger, drinking his vitamin water to stop himself from laughing. it seems like everyone happens to knows about jeongguk’s crush- an obvious and terrible liar, except for jimin.

“if you have an objection, then you replace jimin. tell jimin you love him.”

jeongguk swallows, and they briefly make eye contact on instinct, before a startled widening of eyes reflect off each other’s gaze; they turn away in opposite directions, gestures so ironically in sync, in the opposite direction. 

“hyungs...” jeongguk softly whines, unable to look away from his socks, the wooden floor. anything else that doesn’t go by the name jimin. “you know i won’t say that,” and jimin goes directly to the assumption that it’s a huge red flag, a further appraisal, a confirmation that he never had a chance, never will have one.

“i love you, kim taehyung,” jimin swallows, eyes moistening. he refuses to look to his right, and something about the atmosphere changes.

it's going to be a long night.

one shot, two shots, three shots, four.

“say 3 things you like about your crush,” namjoon reads the jenga block to jeongguk, eyes softening. “you can do it, gguk.”

“3... that isn’t e-enough.” jeongguk murmurs to himself, poking at his protruding bone at the ankle, wiping his clammy palms on his pants. “um. i like his eyes- they’re the prettiest eyes ever. i love his eyes. and uh- uh, i really love his smile and when he laughs. it’s so cute when he giggles and- and i also love- i love that i make him laugh, sometimes.”

“we asked for like,” yoongi mumbles to himself, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. jeongguk’s too far gone, spacing out as he says his soliloquy. 

he doesn’t even realise that like had unwittingly transitioned into love.

and it makes jimin think that this special someone jeongguk has in mind must be really such a beautiful and genuine person; and his eyes start to water, as he bites on his lower lip- he can’t bear to listen any further. it hurts. it hurts a lot. he’s trying his best to be strong- the boy jeongguk loves is probably so beautiful and kind that jimin can’t possibly be on the same pedestal. ever.

he doesn’t catch jeongguk steal a glance at him, too busy playing with his rings and pretending he never heard anything; he doesn’t want to hear about jeongguk’s crush- when he knows it’s a crush that’s definitely not him.

“yoongi hyung, what’s the biggest sacrifice you would make for the person you like?” hoseok reads off the block, “knowing hyung, it’s probably like wearing bright colours, like neon, right?”

“or maybe forsaking some sleep,” namjoon nods along, “so what will it be, yoongi hyung?”

the small figure in a black hoodie takes some time to ponder, as still as a stone. then, his cheeks start to turn red. very red.

“uh, i wouldn’t say it’s a sacrifice since i love him,” he mumbles, “but i would give up eating garlic for him.”

“don’t you add extra garlic in everyth-”

“which korean dish doesn’t have garlic!”

yoongi slowly looks up from the floor, playing with the forfeit jenga block, and meeting eyes with a certain someone directly across, who seems to look equally startled. then, six pairs of eyes ferry back and forth, linking the pieces, connecting the dots.

“wait, didn’t jin hyung recently become allerg-”

“shut up, you’re ruining the moment-!”

“i’ll, um,” yoongi coughs to detour the softly loud whisper-ruckus back to him, “i think i might wear pink for him, if he wants me to. that’s all.”

there was only one person in the room wearing pink.

“since we’re always doing word chains and ending with spankings or a punishment, let’s do a compliment chain this time!” hoseok cheers, after successive nods that they should be heading to their respective activities. 

“jimin-ah, you can go first! since you did the most forfeits today. tell taehyungie something sweet!”

“well… thank you for being my soulmate, tae-ah.” there’s a very indescribable feeling about the way they interlock their hands, their gaze; like two symbiotic systems, two ends to the red string of fate.

“seokjin hyung, thanks for always brightening up the mood, and for your delicious food~” taehyung makes a cute face at him, causing him to wheeze.

“namjoon-ah, thanks for always listening to me and giving me great advice,” aww, seokjin's neck was blushing, too.

“hoseok-ah!!!” namjoon turns around to give him a hug, “i love that we have each other to do life with.”

“yoonie hyung!” hoseok turns to yoongi, “i think it's cute how you're actually so soft and squishy like a little marshmallow but always have people thinking you're cold and mean... you're so cute!!”

“jeonggukie... thanks for eating lamb skewers with me. and for being my irish bomb buddy.” yoongi gives him a fistbump, and jeongguk smiles before he realises he's the last to go, and that he has to say it to jimin. there are so many things he could say. i love how we have matching pinky moles. you're so cute. everything about you is pretty, and i want to treasure you. i wish i could date you, i wanna kiss you-

“jimin hyung,” jeongguk swallows, mind going blank, “i love… i love your everything,”

“it’s been a while, guys,” namjoon yawns, as taehyung and hoseok stretch and have their limbs piled on each other, like human tetris. (or maybe human jenga?) “shall we go out for drinks and chicken another time?”

“yeah, have an assignment to submit soon…”

“dang, me too… ugh, i hate quizzes-”

“oh man, i have a presentation on wednesday too…”

“it was a good boys' night, though!”

as they give each other tired, contented smiles, rising to leave and give each other bro-fists, a wide-eyed seokjin pulls his pink woolly jacket closer to him, “yoongi-yah?”

“mm?” ah, his cheeks are turning pink. the others in the room rush for the exit, pretending they don’t know what’s bound to happen.

“come here, seoul national university’s cutie min yoongi from music department,” seokjin mumbles, hands outstretched as he calls yoongi’s professional contact name saved in his phone. a bigger lump of pink embraces a small bundle of black, ears and cheeks burning red respectively. it’s a very sweet hug as yoongi tips himself in and seokjin presses a little kiss to his hair. everyone tries to leave quietly in order to give them some space, sort things out.

“sometimes a hug is worth a thousand words,” jeongguk mumbles to himself, jimin walking by his side silently, the remaining three discussing if they should get supper together, since they lived on the same floor at the dorm. “it’s amazing how a simple hug can convey so many feelings…”

“i know, isn’t it amazing?” jimin mumbles back, before he stops in his tracks, and jeongguk does the same, too. they’re like two peas in a pod. attached at the hip. always have been, always will be. like that day at the park, on their way home, the sunset glowing on jimin’s face. the day he told jimin he wasn’t straight. “i guess-” jimin continues, wetting his lips and looking intently into jeongguk’s galaxy-like eyes. jeongguk reaffirms their eye contact, needs the self control of a saint to not reach out and hold jimin’s hand, his waist. jimin’s getting shy, and his pretty, most-beautiful-in-the-world eyes are turning all sparkly. jimin’s so, so gorgeous. “i guess that’s why i want to give you a hug, too.”

jeongguk doesn’t exactly know what to say, they’re in the middle of a dimly lit hallway, should be heading to bathe and then bed. he has a paper due soon. jimin probably has many essays and readings to be done with, too. 

“i would love that, hyung.” he whispers, almost inaudible, but the soft smile on jimin’s shiny lips tells him heard it. the way jimin’s eyes still turn into little moons, the light catching in the remnants of his pupils little twinkling stars. he almost melts at the realization that now there’s an evident height difference, and that jimin has to tip-toe to be able to give him a full on hug; there’s indecipherable mewl that escapes from his lips, as jimin giggles, launching himself into jeongguk’s broad chest. it’s his cute little ehehehe laugh since they were children, and jeongguk almost sheds a tear.

i love you, jimin.

they stand there for a while, just reveling in the arms and touch and hold and embrace of one another, unwittingly swaying a little due to the differences in height and weight, like a slow waltz, fly me to the moon playing in an imaginary backdrop. it's his coming of age, and jimin is his fiancé. it's their song, something jimin and him have loved dancing to as little kids, to teenagers. the song that has a special place in both their hearts.

“if i hit you, you have to hug me,” he remembers jimin saying, a comment in regards to their differences in build. with that, he holds on tighter. just a little. jimin still smells so nice, and he does whiff a little of his natural scent and his chanel perfume. number five, probably.

“jeonggukie,” a muffled voice comes from right next to his thudding heart, “it’s late, we should go back to rest, you have a morning class,” 

“r-right,” he abruptly pulls them apart, albeit reluctantly, holding jimin by the shoulders, “come on, i’ll carry you.”

“how times have changed,” jimin tosses his head back, laughing in glee, “to think hyung used to indulge you in piggyback rides when you were smaller than me!”

he hops on without hesitation, boots dangling in the air, ankles interlocked around jeongguk’s tiny waist as he squishes his cheek to his back, and sighs contentedly.

i missed you so much, jeongguk.

“hello? minnie?”

“yes, tae, what’s up?” jimin says back into the call, phone clamped between his ear and shoulder as he folds his clothes on his bed. they’re freshly spun and dried and they smell lovely.

“uh, not to alarm you, but i think jeongguk’s been running for ten laps around the school track now.”

“that exercise freak,” jimin laughs, “what are you even doing at the track?”

“no, you’re missing the point- it’s pouring, jimin. like, cats and dogs. and he’s been going at it- look, it’s lap eleven now.”

“what!” jimin yells into the receiver, “why didn’t you say so earlier! no wonder why it felt cold-” jimin jumps as he realises, folded clothes undoing themselves into a messy heap. “oh god- that means he’s troubled- i’m, um! um leaving now! the track right, the one by the sports center and the field-?”

“no!” taehyung yells back into his end of the call, making jimin frown. “what d’you mean no! knowing him, he’s probably doing the 'grey hoodie and sweatpants with earphones in but in the rain combo' jog-”

“what i meant was,” taehyung replies dryly, “bring along an umbrella, don’t just get up and go- your poor laundry, by the way. i'll help you pick them later!”

sometimes the soulmate connection could be pretty useful, although a little distressing at times at the accuracy and weird timings.

“thanks, tae,” jimin feels his cheeks flare, as he scans their room, “next to my cabinets, borrowed it on wednesday, remember?”

“jeongguk? it's raining, what are you-”

“leave me alone, hyung,”

he shoves jimin, a light push on his end to get him out of his way, but receives as a forceful blow to jimin- and the slippery puddles in contact with soles that were not non-slip did not help at all. he almost slides off, but jeongguk catches him by reflex and apologises profusely. “i'm so sorry, hyung,” he panics, earphones shoved into his pockets, “are you hurt? did i hurt you?” he almost keens in shame, guilt. 

“nothing like that, i'm okay.” the echo of the pitter patter above them makes him look up. ah, jimin and his fascination with transparent umbrellas. not only were they aesthetically pleasing, jimin had said in the past, but raindrops were just snow, in water form. jimin has always loved snow, always the first to dash out of his house to see the first snow.

“you'll get sick if you run in the rain,” jimin smiles wanly, “like that time when you were nine.”

jimin obviously fell sick after braving the rain to fetch him, and jeongguk takes upon himself to personally become his caretaker. he shoos taehyung off for his projects, not wanting him to have the privilege of nursing jimin back to health and spending quality time with him. taehyung's had years of jimin all to himself, and he so badly wants to catch up. in addition to the rain, jimin always falls sick when it’s around exam season, because he studies too hard and forgets everything else. so jeongguk makes sure buy him lemon flavoured gummy vitamins, because “jimin hyung likes sour things, did you even know that, taehyung hyung?”

unbeknownst to him, on the other end jimin had dismissed taehyung's teasing, relentlessly going “who you gonna call? jeon jeongguk!” and pretending to click the dial button at his contact information. he didn't want to alert jeongguk, preferring to heal on his own and not incur a burden on someone else. either way, jeongguk would've hauled ass just to see him- his condition, he means. not just to randomly check up on jimin or anything.

“you have to kiss it better,” jimin tells him, words drowsily murmured, cheeks flushed a beautiful, beautiful pink. the medicine must be kicking in. “hyung did that for you when we were younger, remember?”

“i- that’s-” jeongguk swallows, memories flooding back, so poignant and vivid, the way jimin sang to him softly as he slept, changed his towels and took his temperature every hour when he was burning up. he fell sick often as a child, and revelled in the way jimin would ever so tenderly caress his face and his hair. it would make him feel sleepy and loved and safe. one of the only consolations in falling ill. having special attention, being prioritized.

“hyung, you have to kiss it better,” he remember clearly telling jimin, pulling him back by the wrists to stay by his side. “you have to kiss the fever away,” but when jimin tells him the exact same sentence, an overwhelming sense of emotion floods over. it makes something well up in his eyes. they were so close and yet so far. his heart thuds so loudly, and his mind tells him to cast those precious fragments aside. 

“but we- we were just kids then,” jeongguk tries to say in a calm manner, and fails. fails so miserably. “it’s a myth, hyung. it’s not like it really- more of a-”

“a placebo effect,” jimin finishes for him, a tiny curve of his lips upwards. “and yet hyung did it for you, because you wanted kisses.” 

it’s the truth, and he can’t possibly deny. god knows how much jimin ever knew about the shenanigans he pulled in his youth just to make him stay, make him appear. make him laugh.

“go on, jeonggukie, kiss my fever away.”

“h-hyung,” jeongguk almost whines pitifully, “you’re really sick, that’s why you’re saying such things- it’s the fever! you didn’t eat the lemona vitamins i bought! you need to- to sleep-”

it’s ridiculous how much rubbish and nonsense comes out of his mouth, a futile effort at filling the awkwardness, the reality of it all.

“i didn’t say that when you pretended to run a high fever for a kiss, did i?” jimin whispers to himself, eyes dropping in a way jeongguk never knew how to refuse. he rolls to the side, refusing to show jeongguk a downcast expression, not knowing if he’s crossed a line. but it's the same pretty, pretty eyes jeongguk fell in love with- and how could he ever?

“jimin hyung,” he nudges the elder’s shoulder, causing him to turn back to face him, countenance easily altered to show a wistful smile. a smile, nonetheless. jeongguk’s heart hurts for no particular reason. “hyung-”

“look at the amount of lies you made hyung say,” jimin laughs to himself softly, an ephemeral, transient one. as if it were his own joke, that no one else would find funny. his own secret. he points to his forehead weakly- as if a symbolism for one last chance for jeongguk. ppoppo, he would’ve said seven years ago as a prank. he knows that jeongguk wants to do it, but he’s scared, afraid- and jimin wants to show him it’s alright. 

he’s always willing, if it’s him.

i’ll be there for you, but you gotta be there for me too.

“o-okay,” he says back shakily, almost misses jimin about to burst into a giggle as he presses his lips against jimin’s forehead sweetly, lips lingering longer than they should be, hands almost reaching out to cup his face. almost.

he could’ve. 

he should’ve.

“what are joonie and seokie hyung doing,” jimin laughs again, a pretty, pretty laugh. “didn’t you mention you needed someone to remind you to put on lip balm? why are your lip balm holders not reminding you?” jimin reaches out a hand from beneath the blanket to ruffle his hair, thumb brushing against his cheekbones.

“y-you remember that?” it comes out more like an embarrassed, sheepish grin. he’s shy. jimin remembers that, all the silly things he’s said before.

“of course i do.” jimin smiles, “i remember everything when it comes to you, jeongguk-ah.”

“jimin hyung?” jeongguk jogs to keep up with him, on a look out for him since this morning. “hyung-ah!” he rummages in his bag, takes out a cherry lip balm. “um, there was a discount- so, uh! i got you one,” his eyes start shifting when jimin looks at him more intently, growing shy at the sudden attention. jeongguk’s naturally a shy boy, and definitely more so under the gaze of someone he likes so much. “t-three for the price of two,” he meekly adds, as if to provide more substantiation in justifying his buying of fruity tinted lip balms. how adorable, jimin almost coos.

“ah, it’s the nivea ones you use,” he beams, holding the tube in its packaging, looking at it lovingly. it’s the lip balm that he used frequently when he was younger, before being exposed to other alternatives and trying different tints and balms in exploration. “did you get your usual strawberry and peach shine?” he doesn’t know why it all comes back to him so naturally, as if they were talking about what they ate for dinner last night. talking about the weather, what day of the week it was. do you have lessons today, what major are you in? this is the lip balm jeongguk used the last he remembered, like, seven odd years ago. it’s all so strange, but habits do come a long way.

“yeah,” jeongguk gives a breathy sigh, heart clenching, jimin remembers. “i-it was on offer at olive young, so i got you one… don’t- please don’t get the wrong idea,” of course, him touching the nape of his neck, playing with his fringe was something jimin knows he does when he’s telling a lie, be it blatant or white.

“it was on offer,” jeongguk mumbles again, as if to reiterate the truth of a lie.

“that’s still very nice of you,” jimin hollowly says, in spite of the smile he displays. he reaches out a sweater paw to pat jeongguk’s head, but before it even makes its way there, he halts, then puts his arm down. “thank you.”

it seems like he isn’t the only one feeling crestfallen. 

“i have a consultation now,” jeongguk blurts in the middle of their interlocked gazes, full of longing and want, “i think i have to make a move now.”

“okay.”

“see you, hyung.”

“see you, jeonggukie.”

later that night, while out of campus for dinner and running of errands, jimin unknowingly finds his feet bringing him down a random path, a nightly stroll after tonkatsu for dinner. he finds an olive young near the seoul national university stop. he walks in, takes a look around. he picks up some sheet masks, some lotion that taehyung uses. ponders if he should get jeongguk a tube of burt’s bees or fresh sugar lip treatment to try. maybe bobbi brown extra lip tint balm. he’s read good reviews about that one too. or vaseline, in the pink rosy lips packaging.

he notes that the nivea lip balms were never on any discount to begin with.

that’s right, it’s all the student council camp’s fault. it’s completely their fault for making camp a week long in jeonju hanok village, dragging until the night of 31st august, when bound for them to arrive back in seoul. why did it have to end on the last day of august? the journey is approximately two hours long by train, and despite all the exhaustion of the campers due to lack of sleep, jimin taps his foot anxiously as he waits for dismissal. it's strange how bothered he is, he doesn't feel the wave of giddiness or nausea when he travels for long hours. finally, as he boards the train carriage, he silently prays for a smooth ride, sleep creeping into him after an average of three hours of sleep a day.

after he touches down and is given a quick debrief, it’s a race against time- and when he arrives at jeongguk’s door at the dorm, he raps three solid times, hopes the latter is still awake. jeongguk seldom sleeps, having many things to do with not enough time, so much that he wishes he were a vampire; but then again, it’s almost dawn. his heart races as he waits, frown deepening as he watches the wax of the candle start to drip. the box in has hands feel so heavy. the rainbow looks awful.

maybe this wasn’t a good idea- furthermore, people could’ve texted jeongguk, so he’s not the first. perhaps a text whilst aboard the train would have sufficed? 

he doesn’t hear the shuffling of slippers as he continues to stare at the candles, gradually melting under the intensity of his haze. he feels silly wearing a party hat, too, with a little golden pompom in the middle of a lonely dormitory corridor. this is just so embarrassing-

“-min hyung?” his heart rate picks up again when he hears jeongguk’s deep voice jolting him from his thoughts, hair tousled into a baby bird’s nest. goodness, it’s a black tee instead of his usual white shirt, and jeongguk looks ten times more handsome- not to mention how tiny his waist looks.

“h-happy birthday, jeonggukie!” he squeaks, suddenly at a loss for what to say, pale and stunned by the sudden turn of the door handle. the little party hat on his head slips off, elastic band dropping to adorn his neck like a necklace while the hat clings for dear life behind him. “y-you need to make a wish, quick! ah, this is bad, the candle wax- we need to-” with a swift blow, jeongguk extinguishes the flames, and jimin bites his lower lip, thinking how silly he’s been the whole time. he’s such an idiot.

“please, hyung- come in. why do you have so many things? what? a luggage? and a massive backpack-” then it dawns on him, as the sun rises too, breaking dawn. he ushers jimin into his single room, carrying his baggage in as the elder boy places the rainbow cake safely by his study desk. then it all clicks, together with the door that separates them from the outside world. “hyung, please don’t tell me you came back from camp and immediately sped all the way here to wish me happy birthday.”

he remains silent as jeongguk looks at him, deadpan but flabbergasted, and utterly endeared. he hadn’t seen birthdays as something that important, and yet- yet jimin would do something this selfless and thoughtful because it was his special day, and he wanted jeongguk to feel special.

“i guess i was lucky to know the shop owner, and she’s really sweet, so she waited for me to pick up the cake after i arrived back in seoul...” jimin mumbles, plopping by jeongguk’s bed. “i wanted to be the first to wish you happy birthday, but i guess i should’ve texted, right-” his statement gets cut off when jeongguk softly pecks the apple of his cheek, then pulling away immediately.

“s-sorry! i just- i’m really touched and you’re being hard on yourself again and i wanted you to stop and- and i didn’t know how but i wanna say that i’m thankful so i kinda just k-kissed you, like not on the lips because we’re not dating but- like on the cheek because-” he trails off towards the end of the rambling, gasping for air, “because- yeah.”

jeongguk always rambles and stutters when he’s nervous and shy, jimin knows that. and when they were younger, peppering little kisses was jimin’s way of telling him he did well and all was good in the world.

“and you were first, if that makes you any happier,” jeongguk smiles at him fondly, holding his hand and adjusting his party hat, taking the other matching one jimin had hung on his elbow that was meant for him and putting it on. “hyung is always first place to me.”

“really?” jimin replies breathlessly, feeling like he’s transcended into some other realm, as if he were still on the train from jeonju and could wake up any time soon. that’s right, behind the door exists reality. but thank goodness they are lucky enough to keep these intimate, precious memories in the form of polaroids and photographs.

“really,” jeongguk affirms in multiple nods, long hair bouncing, “hyung, i can’t believe you came all the way balancing a cake and luggage and all your supplies for the week, what were you thinking-”

“i wanted to wish you a happy birthday,” jimin blurts, looking up at him, shy but sincere, “i couldn’t celebrate with you for some of the more important milestone years, like your sweet sixteenth- but i want you to know i never forgot.” he takes out a paper bag from one of his luggages, “here, your present.”

“i can’t accept this!” jeongguk pushes it back, “hyung, you didn’t sleep and you still got me a cake past midnight and now a present!” jeongguk whines, annoyed that he’s being prioritized over more important things like jimin’s health and sleep time. 

“don’t be stubborn, this is your birthday present-”

“no! you should’ve slept! i robbed you of your precious beauty sleep and-”

“jeongguk-ah, be a good boy and take it or i’ll get angry,” jimin places the paper bag on his table with an air of finality, and jeongguk sighs. he’s never a match for jimin, completely turned to mush when it comes to him, absolutely powerless to his charm. also, if jimin is angry, it's more of a little kitten meowing loudly. still absolutely adorable. but since it’s his birthday, maybe he’ll try pushing his luck. 

“i’ll only accept if you sleep here for tonight, and i want you to sleep now. i’ll do the laundry for you since you came all the way, if that's alright...”

“since you offered so nicely,” jimin yawns, “i bathed before leaving the hanok, but i travelled and walked around... are you sure i won’t dirty the-”

“no!” he says back far too loudly, eager to have jimin stay the night. he didn’t expect jimin to say yes. tonight- or rather, today- has been a whirlwind of emotions. i’m really going to fall for you again, hyung-ah. “what about you, jeonggoogie,” jimin mumbles sleepily, getting one of jeongguk’s sweaters piled on him, as his cheek gets smushed against the bolster, makeshift for the non-existent pillows. “aren’t you gonna sleep too?”

“um. it’s fine, i gotta finish some assignment,” he lies, and before he knows it, silence nestles into the little nest of blanket covers. he sees jimin peacefully resting, probably so worn out from his accumulation of packed schedules.

“hyung?” he tests, inching closer, wary of not disrupting the little fairy. so he’s asleep. “hyung, why are you so kind and pretty and loving?” maybe it’s his bad eyesight, maybe jimin’s a good actor, for those luscious lips faintly curl up into a smile. “jimin-ah?” he softly tests out, “jimin-ah.” he uses a finger to brush against jimin’s glass skin, pat his hair the way he always did for jeongguk. his eyelashes are so long now, and he's gotten such cute freckles. and the contrast of rosy cheeks with his now slightly coppery, tanner skin. jimin is so beautiful, so ravishing. the poor darling- he must've been so worn out, jimin's always had terrible motion sickness, be it travelling on land or by air. his little childhood sweetheart has been terribly accommodating and doting and-

love looks beautiful on you, jimin.

“you’re too good to me, jimin.” he tenderly presses a kiss to his forehead, hears a little mewl as jimin shifts to his side in his slumber. there’s the little clenched left fist when he rests, a habit since they were children. it's so endearing jeongguk has to fight a sob. “just you wait, i’ll give you something even better on your birthday.”

perhaps sleeping together in the same bed, albeit platonically or unrequitedly, would seem a little too painful, too intimate; jeongguk settles for a rep of 240 push-ups and a morning run. maybe get some instant coffee and daanpatbbang (that jimin seems to love stealing from namjoon hyung's pantry stash) for him by the time jimin rouses. but before that, he needs to tell him something. just a little secret once more, as the gentle golden euphoric rays of the sun cradles jimin's form. just like that one day in busan.

“i love you, jimin.”

but i selfishly hope that my love will look even more beautiful on you.

in fall, the weather becomes colder. it’s often windier, more chilly. there are pretty leaves that fall. in lieu of spooky month, the best month in the year (closely followed by september for biased reasons), jimin dyes his hair a mandarin orange to test if he makes the colour work- but little does he know that he pulls of any hair colour with ease. pink, silver, red- there's proof on his social media. he's alluring in any shade. taehyung had laughed and said that jimin would make a cute little pumpkin, and jeongguk found it strangely endearing. like a little maple fairy.

jeongguk thought it was so cute that he even gave jimin a red plaid scarf to match, excited to buy jimin things. his little nose gets pink easily in the cold, and when jeongguk fights a blush to wrap the scarf around jimin’s neck, the smaller boy tells him to kiss the frostbite away.

“it’ll go away faster if jeonggukie kisses it,” jimin’s eyes waver, as he gets bundled up snugly, looking all adorable with his glasses.

jeongguk kisses his nose and bolts off before either of them can regret.

this year, jimin receives two bouquets. every year, his father will send one without fail, well aware of his son’s love for flowers- the congratulatory bouquet is a must, especially since he's gotten a promotion, and required to travel quite a bit despite mainly being stationed in seoul.

but this year, it’s different. taehyung’s chosen to give him a bouquet of a dozen roses and freesias on behalf of someone else. and he has to walk around campus with it the entire day, since his mondays were hell and had classes stacked back to back. it made jeongguk's heart soar when it occurs to him that jimin's been parading his birthday bouquet all around the campus. it makes him so very proud.

maybe a dream is a wish your heart makes.

embedded to the front of the beautiful bouquet is a photo collection of jimin, some of which with the sender himself, including those unglamorous selfies and pictures that you regret later in life, taking them when you were edgy and 12. also, there are some drawings of jimin, much like a study sketch. when he sleeps, he eats, he dances. his eyes, his pretty fingers with the rings, his pretty lips and delightful overlap of the front tooth. there are also recent ones, and a very beautiful candid of jimin snoozing prettily on the bus in his floofy tangerine hair, with the red scarf jeongguk gifted him. so this is what jeongguk saw in him? how he looked like in the lens of jeongguk?

happy birthday jimin hyung-ah♡ 

sorry i can’t be there when you wake up, i have a finals paper for music. so i’m counting on taetae hyung to get this to you on time! i am still hyung’s brat, right? and your best all nighter friend that does things at the last minute. hence this message will be in short phrases. see you soon♡ 

happy birthday jimin hyung congrats on turning a year older

sorry for the ugly pictures 

sorry

sorry again, for the sleeping ones

you’re cool no matter what you do but sorry anyway

it seems like you’re still asleep

but you know what i mean

you are me and i am you is what we promised each other when we were kids

it was an impassable opportunity to send you your funny pictures that i still have copies of muahaha

however hard i thought about it the pictures just seemed to be the perfect gift to put with the flowers

i love you.

love, jeonggukie

“hyung?” his feet are angled inwards, his long bangs covering his eyes. goddamnit, he’s found his way to jimin’s door, knocking at the right time. if his calculations were right, taehyung should be out for a lecture, and jimin should be studying or still sleeping. a minute later, there’s a sleepy looking jimin with a mug of coffee, baby pink eye mask askew on his fluffy hair, in his chimmy pajamas. “morning, ggukie- please come in,”

“ah, t-thank you!”

he settles himself by the edge of jimin’s bed after repetitive pats inviting him to sit. the yellow coffee mug gets put aside, jimin sitting cross-legged to face him. “sorry, my face is still puffy.. is anything the matter, jeonggukie-ah?” his morning voice has deepened significantly, a little gravelly, a little coyness tinged in it inherently, without even trying. “oh, i um- i kind of- i got tickets to see spiderman, there was some early bird ticketing going on so i kind of got a pair- and um-!” he fiddles with the black ticket holder, watches as jimin slowly becomes more alert and awake, rubbing at his eyes and giving him all his attention, one hundred percent. maybe there’s still a chance? he knows taehyung watched the avengers movie with jimin, and that did not sit well with him. they had promised to watch every movie in the marvel franchise together, and it would be so selfish of him to deny jimin of that privilege for years. nonetheless, the feeling wasn’t great, since he was already in seoul when infinity war and endgame were released. 

“you want to watch the movie with me, jeongguk-ah? hey, you’re spacing out-” jimin’s leaning closer, waving a hand in front of his face. you idiot, jeongguk scolds himself internally, you had one chance and you ruined it by going into a daze, thinking of stupid things-! “s-sorry,” he mutters, shoulders deflating, jimin must think he’s being dumb, coming all the way and stopping short at the most crucial part. “yeah, i wanted to say that, but i got lost in thought about unimportant things…”

“don’t worry!” jimin pats his bicep, taking his hands, “you can ask again, hyung will pretend he didn’t hear the previous time,” 

jimin is really such a precious little person, jeongguk would like to yell. the way he smiles at him so very reassuringly, speaks in such a mesmerizing way;

“hyung, let's go watch spiderman together,” jeongguk nervously repeats, voice small as jimin looks at him with amused, twinkling eyes. then he sighs after a sip of coffee.

“you said it wrong again!” he laughs in glee, “you were supposed to say, l-let's go on a movie d-date, hyung,” jeongguk chokes at the articulate accuracy of jimin's impression of him, even stuttering on the correct words. of course he'd start stammering on the word 'date'. “you're laughing at me!” he childishly retorts, sticking his tongue out, causing jimin to boop the tip of his nose cutely, tickle his chin, looking at him with such adoring eyes that jeongguk has to look away, face flushed. jimin leans in closer, closes his eyes as he kisses his nose.

“hyung would never laugh at you... i only want to love and support you, remember?”

they end the movie with some street food, wander off to a quaint, charming looking bookstore. it seems like a continuation of the rustic shops, those passed down the generations. jimin tells him they should go ice-skating one day in winter, or watch the first snow again, and jeongguk pinky promises him. they pick out some supplies, but jeongguk spots a signboard by the cashier that states they only accept cash, so he asks if he can borrow jimin’s money. he only has cards on him at the moment. “sure, here.” jimin easily puts his wallet into jeongguk’s hand, without any question or a doubt, and proceeds to look at the recommended books section. when jeongguk opens it, all he sees in one of the transparent card holders is jimin’s student id, and a worn out, squished, yellow paper star. it’s gotten a little old with every wallet change, but so are their first movie ticket, amusement park ticket, his art exhibition ticket, all a little faded but still well preserved.

“h-hyung, you still keep these?” his voice is wavering, and something about all of these memories just makes tears well up in his eyes.

“of course,” jimin beams, juggling a few light novels and pens he would like to purchase, “it was from jeonggukie.” he says it like it’s perfectly normal. he’s such a sentimental person, of course this is what jimin would do.

“did you ever open it up..?” jeongguk prys, biting on his lip. then, he realises, he shouldn’t have said it. “i mean, just curious.” should he tell jimin he still keeps jimin's paper heart in the heart of his jar of a thousand stars?

“why would i ruin the star!” jimin chimes back, as if offended, “it’s pretty. i also… i guess you should know i still have the freesias, too. like, the ones from elementary school. it’s in my room.”

“what?” jeongguk stares dumbly at him, “you mean the- the soggy flowers that i-” for some reason, he has jimin keeling over in laughter, spare hand finding purchase with his bicep. he automatically stabilizes jimin, hands wandering to his waist, the pretty little v-line dip of his hipbone.

“yes, the soggy flowers.” jimin smiles shyly, “it was my first time receiving flowers, and i was glad it was from you.”

jeongguk volunteers to carry all their supplies, and they choose to walk back in the cooling weather, instead of taking public transport. there's not many people around, and whenever their fingers brush, it's like an electric shock, and they'll look away. i want to hold his hand, is the only thought that resonates between the oscillating close proximity between the two of them.

come to think of it, jimin always doesn't bring a jacket in their shared classes, always waits for him to swaddle jimin in his smell, his favourite hoodies, already scented and seasoned to be worn by another. jeongguk also finds the randomest excuses to see him; jimin giggles when he thinks of the time jeongguk wanted to meet him in the wee hours of the morning, claiming there was a rainbow in the sky. when jimin repeated his statement, he changed it to shooting stars. then a meteor. it was 3:33am, jimin remembers fondly. that was so terribly cute he couldn't stop thinking about it.

something grabs his wrists impulsively as he stares at his laces, thinking of all the special things unique to their bond, his entire arsenal of pretty thoughts pertaining to jeongguk. when he turns to look at jeongguk, the latter looks like a wounded puppy, grabbing his own hands tightly as if scolding them not to wander about and do rash things. jimin makes a comment on how cute the sparrows are, and jeongguk nods along awkwardly, removes a fallen red leaf from jimin's hair. then he loosens up as they continue their journey back, arms back to his sides.

their fingers brush, again.

and again, and again.

then jimin slowly interlocks their fingers, like completing a jigsaw puzzle of two fragments.

“if you wanted to hold hands you could just say so...” he mumbles, ruby red lips just like the autumn trees, sparkly with jeongguk's gifted cherry balm. his nose is all pink despite jeongguk's red scarf, that has now become a necessity. i am red with love. he realises that jeongguk is wearing the pigalle jersey jimin bought for his birthday, beneath a denim jacket. the beanie he's donning is also something jimin agreed he should add to cart when they were online shopping. their cheeks are both the shade of strawberry milk, as opposed to the banana milk yellow of jeongguk's shy demeanour, the mocha brown of jimin's warmth. the ultraviolet glow of the bond of protection and catharsis and endless affection that stays with them, kept in equal halves to safeguard for the other.

“don't lie, you wanted to hold hands too, jimin...” he's officially dropped the honorifics when jimin's wide awake and sober and listening and attentive. he's testing the waters, and hopefully they both know how to swim. (they do, they went for swimming classes together by gwangalli beach in busan, watched the gwangandaegyo bridge transform into a myriad of beautiful lights after sunset.) if anything, jimin turns redder. love looks so beautiful on you, jimin.

“funny, isn’t it,” jimin laughs, as jeongguk pulls him in for a big, big hug. because a hug was easier to convey than tripping over his romantic speech that he's been planning for years, alternating as and when jimin did something unbearable cute or goofy. holding him was easier than saying it, definitely. he's sure jimin will understand. “that we both knew, and were doing such dumb things, but we never said anything.” 

“we're dumb and dumber,” jeongguk mumbles into jimin's hair, then pulling him back by a little to gauge his reaction. his gaze was so earnest that jimin wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. it's the same innocent pair of eyes jeongguk had when he told jimin he's always loved a hyung after two cans of beer in his room. a thumb traced over, teases over jimin's lip, feather-light, but so very tender. “would you like me to say it now?”

“i love you, jeonggukie,” jimin blurts, for the lack of his usual eloquence, stretching up to peck jeongguk on the cheek. “always have and always will.”

“you cheater!” his boyfriend whines, “so now i have to think of a better proposal-!”

the wind blows as jimin's tinkle of laughter engulfs them both, a sprinkle of leaves cascading around them. fall, everything.

“will you fly to the moon with me?” he meekly ask, so embarrassed that he's thought of something this cheesy, but all he has is a jimin tripping over his feet and into his arms, just like the beginning of time. and like then, he's still there, and here to catch jimin if he falls.

“actually, i have a confession to make- other than getting together way too late, i actually- i still have one regret.” jimin tells him with wide kitten eyes, watery and glassy, head lifted from jeongguk’s shoulder, “that i didn’t get to save my first kiss for you. i mean, yoonji noona is really amazing for a first, but i- for you, jeonggukie- that’s not fair that i-” to his surprise, jeongguk tosses his head back and laughs, his soft long curls peeking from the beanie lopping together in joy, like two lopped rabbit ears. “you worry for nothing, you baby.” there’s a cheesy grin on his face. “you gave it to me in your sleep when you were ten. that’s a secret i’ve kept with me.”

“i what-!” jimin looks utterly shocked, jumping in his spot, “what was i doing! advancing on you in my sleep-!”

“no, hyung,” jeongguk hugs him tight, pulls him closer into his embrace, “your little beak was begging to be kissed,” he mumbles, ears turning red, “you were saying something like googie, googie- and i decided that i should kiss your lips; they were so pretty and who was i to say no-! but... i’m also sorry for not asking first. consent is important. sorry.”

“jeongguk-ah…” jimin sighs, not knowing to scold him for being silly or to kiss him silly. his little busan boy has grown so big and so precious- he’s so adorable and he’s all jimin’s to keep. “you were seven, and it’s okay, when we were kids we bathed together and played together and stuff. that’s okay,” he ruffles jeongguk’s hair, gives a dazzling smile, one of which jeongguk is a sucker for. 

“jimin,” jeongguk abruptly says, biting his tongue when he realises he’s just said it out of nowhere. “you’re so pretty and i love you.”

“i love you, too.”

their eyes met. a soft, gentle gaze of longing and promise melded together. when jeongguk kisses him, he feels loved, feels wanted; like he wasn't even a god that had descended, but a mere mortal that was worshipped, seen as holy. when jimin kisses back, he feels acknowledged, seen; that the thousand stars he made a wish on came true. it's an indescribable feeling, the fluttering of his heart, the lightness and sweetness of a balanced and healthy relationship. of a full circle, just like an engagement ring.

two shades of tender, in a tug of war.

“jimin,” he says, breathless, “i think you need to unfold the star.”

jimin looks puzzled, pink nose scrunched. his lips are swollen from all jeongguk's passive-aggressive nipping and sucking and biting, a burning desire to finally earn and possess and monopolize. “remember when you searched on naver, and told me a thousand stars would grant a wish?”

“yes, why?” he fiddles around for his wallet, carefully unravelling the yellow holographic star.

i think i've fallen for jimin hyung. one day, i want to tell him that i love him. hopefully, he loves me too.