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What the fuck? He’s dead? For real, was he just killed? What the fuck? That’s not fair! Why? Why did he have to die? Just because some asshole didn't want him to kill an old lady? Fuck off! She’s going to die anyway! Why can’t he kill her then? Why does he have to die as well?
Kim Namwoon screams as he falls through the darkness. He can’t see. He feels himself falling down, or is it sideways? He’s moving fast, he knows that much. His ‘body’ is stretched thin like a rubber band about to snap as he’s pulled towards his destination. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s probably going to hell. He’s kind of pissed that his parents were right about him.
Just as he’s about to lose consciousness, there’s a burst of sensation and Kim Namwoon can see and hear and feel again. He can even smell the shitty stale air as it whips past him. The ground is getting close now that he see it. He hears other people scream as they go careening towards the ground. His own mouth is clenched tight so he won’t bite his tongue. When the ground is about to meet his face, he punches down. Because it makes as much sense as anything else today. There’s an explosion of rubble and dust when his fist contacts with the stone. Holy shit, it actually works. To a certain extent. Kim Namwoon doesn’t turn into a pancake, but he does go tumbling across the ground, scraping his arms and face against rocks. He skids to a stop and lays there. Staring up, he can see others falling from the sky, tiny screams cutting off as they hit the ground. A few people are dusting themselves off and looking around.
Then weirdos in armour march in and start rounding everyone up.
[The judges of the Underworld have noticed your presence]
Two of the assholes approach him. Their spears are held point down and there’s green fire where their eyes should be. One of them speaks in a monotone voice, “Kim Namwoon, you are to be taken to the Judges for tria- whoa!”
The guards duck as a sneaker goes flying between their heads. It sails through the air and lands harmlessly behind them. Both guards stare in confusion at the offending footwear. Then they cough and try to pretend that nothing happened.
“Kim Namwoon, you- HEY!” he yells.
“Fuck you!” Kim Namwoon screams as he runs away. No. Nope. Not today. Not again. He is not dying twice in one day.
“STOP HIM! DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!”
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
A hammer beats in time with his heart. It’s almost here. After thousands of years, after countless empires rising and falling, after an untold amount of his blood and sweat was spilled in the making, it is almost here. Beneath his worn hands, his final creation takes shape. The chest piece, layered plates like ridging on a dragon’s back, glide together with each stroke of the hammer. So close. So close to perfection, his masterpiece will be greater than Hercules.
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
“Hey, whatcha makin?”
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
It’ll be greater than that piece of shit, fake ass hero from Olympus. Who the fuck did they think they were? Letting all those ‘heroes’ hang around their golden city in the clouds while sending him to wallow in the dark Underworld? He’ll show them. His master piece will tear their mighty ‘heroes’ to piece and melt them down into a weak puddle of stories. His Giant Soldier will be strong enough to tear Ares a new asshole, that’s what’s going to happen when they meet.
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
“Hey! I’m askin you a question ahjussi!”
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
“Hey. Hey, ahjussi. Hey, listen. ANSWER ME YOU OLD FUCK!”
“SHUT UP! CAN YOU NOT SEE I’M WORKING!”
“YOU CALL THAT WORK?! YOU’RE JUST SWINGING A FUCKING HAMMER ON THAT PIECE OF SHIT GUNDAM KNOCK OFF!”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY GLORIOUS WORKSHOP!”
“THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW!”
“GET OUT!”
“MAKE ME!”
Archimedes winds up his arm and slams his hammer on the fool’s head. The fool dodges and it lands on his shoulder. There’s a crack as bone gives way beneath the hammer and the fool screams in pain.
“FUCK! SHIT! ASSHOLE!” The fool rolls around on the floor screaming profanities. Archimedes grabs him by the good shoulder and drags him to the door. The screaming increases as the fool’s wounds are jolted, grinding his broken clavicle into the surrounding muscle. He’s flung out the door and Archimedes throws a healing item from the dokkaebi store after him. Done. Back to work.
Then the door explodes and the fool runs back in with his fist aflame.
The intruder is persistent. Dodging and weaving across the terrain as spears rain down on him. Skeletons equipped with Greek Fire rush him from the side and try to herd him into the water but he manages to sprint past him. In front of him, volunteer incarnations are stand in a phalanx with spears at the ready. All this work for a single, dead incarnation.
They’ve tracked him to Lethe, of all places. The crazy boy sprints along its bank, picking up rocks and throwing them back from time to time. A particularly brave incarnation breaks formation and tries to rush him but is backhanded into the river. Danny can only sigh and pray as the crazy kid, Namwoon something, charges straight at him.
Really, this wasn’t what he had in mind when picturing the afterlife. He thought there would be fluffy clouds, or fire and brimstone, hell, maybe even reincarnation. He didn’t think that the Greek’s had it right. He also didn’t think this best friend would brain him with a wrench, so, you know, it probably shouldn’t have been surprising that he was wrong. So here he is. In Tartarus. With a psychotic teenager about to cave his skull in with a black, flaming hand.
“MOVE FUCKERS!”
Danny watches as Namwoon jumps over the shield wall and lands on the guy next to him. The foot lands directly on the guy’s face and he goes down, skull crumpling like paper on contact with the ground. Poor Philippe, you will be missed. Thank you dude, for taking that hit instead of Danny.
The phalanx falls apart and its every man for himself. Three days of training does not get you a competent army. Some are running away, some are dropping their weapons, most are trying to regroup. Eight guys try to circle Namwoon and he punches each to their second death while cackling. Eventually the captain has to step in.
“Stay back! Make a circle and lock your shields, don’t let him break free! We just have to hold him now!”
Danny finds himself in the third row of the wall with nothing to do. The first row is locked together and the second is getting there. Namwoon wrenches a shield loose from someone’s grip and slams it into their face. The shield splits in half but the guy’s head explodes.
Yeah, Danny’s done now.
“Where are you going, soldier?”
So close! He made it 10 meters away from the wall. Danny sighs. “Look man. I died a couple days ago and I’m not getting paid to deal with this.” Not that being paid would help. At some point the moneys just not worth the hassle of, you know, death. Or second death.
“Do you want to go to the lower levels?” the captain threatens.
Ah, the mysterious lower levels, brought up every time someone tries to leave their post or slack off. The mythical place of torture and torment that makes hell look nice.
Danny looks behind the captain. Namwoon’s managed to get his hands on a couple spears and is duel wielding them like a maniac. He’s actually pretty terrible, but is flailing so wilding that nobody want to get close. He’s inching his way out of the circle and is going to be free soon. A couple incarnations decide to chance it and attack from behind. Namwoon spins in place and jams a spear into each of their throats and is now swinging his spears with bodies twirling around them like demented morning stars. The cackling has gotten louder.
“You know what man? Yeah. I’ll take that deal, where do I sign?”
There is a new rumor in the slave quarters. It says that if you pass by the Giant Soldier on a quiet day, you can hear Archimedes finally going mad, screaming at nothing as he works on his final weapon.
“Hey, hey ahjussi, what’s this?”
“…”
“Hey, is it supposed to glow? Hey ahjussi, the thing is glo- HOT!”
“Don’t drop it, fool!”
“Fuck you! It was hot!”
“If that’s dented I’ll crush your skull!”
“Bring it ahjussi! I’ll kill you!”
“WE’RE ALREADY DEAD FOOL!”
“FUCK YOU AHJUSSI!”
The residents hide as both terrors started throwing things. They run crying as wrenches and nails go flying around them, some unfortunate souls being hit in the head or back with a story fragment before they can find cover.
“SENILE OLD FUCK!” The Crazy Kid activates [Blackening Lv.2] and lunges at the old man. Archimedes hops over his arms and kicks him in the face. “FUCK!”
“FOOL! YOU’RE A THOUSAND YEARS TOO EARLY TO CHALLENGE ME!” He releases a part of his status and launches the giant soldier’s leg at Crazy Kid. It slams into his torso and crushes him against the wall. He wiggles loose and wrenches it out of the wall. Crazy Kid swing the leg at Archimedes and misses. The leg goes through a pillar, a wall, an assistant. Crazy kid lets go as the assistant squeals and tackles Archimedes to the ground. They’re rolling across the floor, punching each other in the gut and pulling hair, when the door bursts open.
“Kim Namwoon! You are to be ju-” The guard yelps as the giant soldier’s arm crashes through the door and on top of him.
“WHO SAID YOU COULD COME INTO MY WORKSHOP!”
Later, Archimedes will bitch and moan until they bring his thrown tools back. The crazy kid will have vanished before the guards or judges arrive, a small amount of food and tools disappearing along with him. Then, once the guards were gone, they’d be back at it again.
New people fall into the underworld all the time nowadays. The Scenarios create a rapid increase in Earth’s death rate and not all of dead can enter their preferred afterlife. They fall like stars, one at a time, leaving streaks of light behind them. Then there are meteor showers. Whenever a main scenario is in progress incarnations fall by the hundreds.
Keres dumps her latest haul into Tartarus and cackles as they scream their way down. It’s always a fun show when she does this, the later scenarios giving her even more versions of the same story. A few of the stronger ones activate skills to slow their descent or to try and fly back up. It’s funny to watch them fry themselves against the ceiling of the Underworld. Probability flashes as the rise too high and shocks them. A few of the weaker ones are erased, but most of them fall back to the surface stunned and twitching. It's the same thing over and over again but she loves it. What can she say, her taste is suspect but she isn’t starving, unlike her picky brothers.
One of the incarnations, wobbles to his feet only to be knocked back down. Ah! There it is! The current hottest reality show of the Underworld, for nebula members only! Kim Namwoon, former Chungil Highschool student year 2, dead at age 19, is on his usual post-scenario mugging spree. Keres screeches in joy as he grinds another incarnation’s face into the dirt.
“Yes! Yes, that’s it baby! Smash that face doooooowwwwwn! Take those pants right off, you’ve earned them! And, oh! Oh! Level up, he’s LEVELED UP! He’s raised his skill level! Blackening lv. 3 straight to the DICK! Go angry baby, GO! You’ve earned those new pants and shoes!”
Keres feels a someone ping her and she switches her messenger on. There’s the noise of a spear tapping on concrete and the whiny of a horse in the background.
“Keres, what are you doing? We’re waiting.”
“Yo, Hildr, I’m just- YEEEEEEEAH! You take that spear and jab it in the judge’s dick baby boy! Show him who’s the man, he’s an asshole anyway! I’m watching the Namwoon Show right now, I can- YES! I can give you the play by play if you want?”
“This again?”
“I’m telling you it more fun than earth right now. Everyone’s so depressed, like, okay everyone you know is dead or dying. Why can’t you enjoy it like this guy?”
“Keres, the next scenario’s about the start, we need all hands on deck.”
“Uh, yeah, yeah.” Kere’s nods along without thinking.
Kim Namwoon is smacking an incarnation with their shoe, from the looks of it the shoe was too big and he’s pissed he wasted his time. The incarnation says something and Kim Namwoon breaks out into a big smile. He then then grabs the incarnation and dunks him into a nearby river, head first, while cackling.
“If you don’t come we’re leaving without you and taking them all to Valhalla.”
“Mmmmhmmm.”
“I don't know why you insist with this farce.”
“Hildr, love. I’d show you if I could, but you know the rules.”
“I’m not asking to see your pretend entertainment. I’m telling you I’m leaving. Farewell, Keres.”
“Hildr? Brynhildr, don’t leave! Don’t take all the incarnations, I’ll get scolded again! I’m coming, I’m coming! Waaaaaaiiiiit!”
“… dragon lungs are useful for weapons, not the armor itself. Their high heat capacity means that they can be used with almost any divine or demonic fires. We usually add them at the back of torches to act as bellows for greek fire. We could also add them here, but we won’t.”
“What happens?”
“The fusion of dragon lungs and any star ores create a moldable plasma, useful for creating attacks that fall in the newer ‘energy weapon’ category.”
“We can add a Beam Saber?!”
“Where in the pantheon is there a fucking Beam Saber, fool!”
“Then a laser beam! Or lighting blasts! Are lighting burns different from fire?”
“ARE WE MAKING THIS FOR ZEUS?! IS THIS GIANT SOLDIER FOR ZEUS?!”
“MACHINE GUNS! TURRETS! BIG GUNS!”
“ANCIENT! GREECE! FOOL!”
“AHJUSSI IS JUST BORING AS FUCK!”
“I’LL KILL YOU FOOL!”
“FUCK YOU AHJUSSI!”
Kim Namwoon covers his head as Archimedes starts whaling on him with a wrench.
“Your story is to be judged.”
“I haven’t done shit.”
The Judge can feel his nonexistent veins throb. This little liar! What was all that running around for then? He’s been stealing, fighting, and lying his way through the underworld for the last month.
They finally cornered him in the giant soldier’s workshop, Hades knows what he was doing there. It took ten guards and a lot of rope to drag him into the courtyard for an official trial.
Witness after witness come forward. One incarnation was robbed after arriving. A guard was thrown into the River Lethe and can’t return to his post. An incarnation’s food wages went missing. Crime after crime is revealed but Kim Namwoon just sits on the ground with a bored look on his face. The Judge is getting ready to pronounce his verdict when he hears shouting.
“WHERE’S THE FOOL!”
There’s a commotion from behind Kim Namwoon. Someone raises their voice, telling the person shouting to go back, but cuts off with a yelp. A guard goes flying over the Judge’s head and Archimedes steps forward with a huff.
“Ahjussi?” Kim Namwoon looks stunned. He stares open mouthed as Archimedes stomps over to him.
“FOOL!” Archimedes slams his hammer on the boy’s head. “What did you do! Who gave you permission to leave the soldier unattended! Do you want my workshop to explode?! Is that your plan?!”
“ACK! Shit! Fuck you ahjussi! It’s not like I had much of a choice!”
After smacking Kim Namwoon a couple more times, Archimedes whirls around and faces the Judge with a sneer. “Who said you can take the fool, huh? Who said you could steal my assistant?”
This just got a lot more complicated. The Judge really doesn't want to deal with this guy. “All incarnations are to be judged on arrival to the Underworld. This particular incarnation has been evading judgment for the last month. If he had given himself up sooner his sentence would be lighter, but I’m afraid his current crimes won’t allow him to stay in this sector.” There. Short, official, nothing Archimedes can complain about.
“Are you going to replace him? Can you tell a story suited for insulating from a story suited for resistance?”
The judge coughs. “A judge’s duties do not cover that, no.”
“Its blackier,” Kim Namwoon yells, wiggling his fingers, “and bloobblier, like blooblablooblabloobla~. That kind of blackier.”
That tells him nothing. The judge stares at Archimedes.
“I said that he was useful, not that he was smart.”
“Regardless of his uses, all stories that enter the Underworld must be judged and, if found guilty, be punished accordingly, no exceptions.”
“Bah! Fool, did you kill anyone while you were alive?”
“Huh? Nah.”
“Steal anything?”
“Nah.”
“Hurt anyone?”
“Well, yeah.”
SMACK!
“Fuck! Stop doing that, it hurts!”
“There, judged and punished, done. Get back to work fool.”
The Judge goes to stop them as they leave but stops when Archimedes glares at him. The old man is clenching his hammer tight and has murder in his eyes. The centuries of working on the soldier have clearly taken a toll on the man if he’s this desperate for another assistant.
“Trial over.”
“Watch the kiln, the scales are almost done baking and need to be taken out at the appropriate time or they’ll start to melt. Make sure you feed the Cerberus as well. Don't mess with the soldier while I’m gone. No adding weird stuff fool.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Don’t ‘yeah’ me, fool!”
“I heard you the first time, just go already.” Kim Namwoon yells as he pushes Archimedes out the door. Archimedes give him a few hits but eventually leaves.With the old man out, Kim Namwoon lets out a sigh of relief. Finally, he can kick back and relax. He throws his hammer at his station and lies down.
One day later and Kim Namwoon is bored. He’s so, so bored. With the old man out there’s nothing to do. No one is willing to nag him to complete his work. Yellowly is out on patrol. Even his model gundam is finished. Kim Namwoon is probably about to do something stupid when there’s a commotion from outside. He can hear yelling. It sounds like a fight is about to break out. Well, it’ll be more fun than just waiting here.
When Archimedes gets back to the workshop a week later he is far from pleased.
“FOOL! WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO DO THIS?!”
CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!
“SHIT! FUCK! STOP THAT! WHY DOES THAT HURT?!”
“BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ARMOR NOW FOOL!”
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE FUCKING SENSE!”
“WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
“FUCK YOU AHJUSSI!”