Work Text:
Tick.
Tock.
The clock ticking. The equal interval between each tick. Every second, surely.
Drip.
Drip.
Droplets from the kitchen sink falling. The next one taking longer than the last. Will eventually stop, but still drops, surely...
A ring…?
A ding…?
Getting a phone call. Receiving a text. A sign of a reply. It will come, surely…?
How many times has the clock ticked?
How many droplets have fallen on the sink?
How many days have passed since he’s been waiting for his phone to ring?
They always have fights like this. It’s normal , Yoongi thinks. Deep in the back of his mind a voice says, It shouldn’t be, but who listens to that voice? Definitely not Yoongi.
What’s certainly not normal though is that not a single sound has been heard from his phone for more than a week.
Today… He’ll call today…
They fight, one of them texts or calls in under seven days, then they make up, that’s the usual.
Maybe he’ll call today…
The call or text always comes, surely .
Eventually...
He’s tried texting so many times, but so far—
Jeongguk, I’m sorry. <
I shouldn’t have done that <
Jeongguk-ah please… <
I miss you <
Have you been eating well? <
“Nothing…” He looks at his phone in defeat. He’s tried to call before but he didn’t hear the familiar sweet voice, what he heard instead was the cold automated one.
“The number you have dialed cannot be reached. You will be sent to voicemail. Please say your message after the beep.”
Repeating.
“You will be sent to voicemail. Please say your message after the beep.”
Beep.
“Jeongguk... Please call me back or reply to my texts. I’m sorry.” Pause. “...I love you. ” He says with a voice so soft, his phone might’ve not picked it up.
Tick. Drip. Tock. Drip.
He stares at the door. Maybe if he does it hard enough, it’ll open with the boy he loves on the other side.
Yoongi dryly laughs at that thought.
Drip. From the kitchen sink. Drip. Drip. Drip. Suddenly, the droplets he hears aren’t just from his kitchen anymore. They get louder.
Yoongi loves the rain.
“ Oh no , it’s raining, hyung! Guess I have to stay over!” He giggles and hops onto the bed, earning mumbles from the other.
“It’s not even that strong, Gguk… It’ll definitely stop in a few hours."
“Do you want me to leave that bad?” His warm body presses closer as he looks at Yoongi with a pout.
“Come on…”
Stare.
“Jeongguk-ah…”
Stare. Those doe eyes...
He sighs. “Really…” He wraps his arm around Jeongguk’s waist. “Of course I want you to stay. Stay over and we can cuddle all night long, just how you like it.” Jeongguk smiles. Those bunny teeth of his…
“You say that as if you’re not the one who always wants cuddles.” His head rests on Yoongi's shoulder.
“Shut up. You’re the one finding reasons to stay over. You’re always free to do that without a particular reason, you know?” He pulls him closer as his lips touch Jeongguk’s cheek.
“I know.” His beautiful laugh reaches Yoongi’s ears. God , he’d do anything for that laugh.
“But I like hearing you tell me to stay.”
He stares at the window as countless droplets block the view. The cold air hits his skin then he wraps himself in his own arms.
Yoongi loved the rain.
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
“H-Hyung… I just wanted to surprise you…”
“Surprise me? With what? A phone call that you got into an accident?” Yoongi’s sharp voice partnered with the loud rumble outside causes Jeongguk to freeze in place and shut his mouth.
“It’s fucking pouring and it’s the middle of the night. It’s so dark, can you even see shit outside?! It’s dangerous to be out right now, I'm sure you’re not blind and can see that. You should’ve just stayed at home, Jeongguk.”
“Do you really hate seeing me that much?” He snaps. “You want me to stay at home? Then what? I go and make dinner again because the love of my life is gonna be home in time today—is what he said—then I patiently wait for him, like the good and eager boyfriend that I am, but then my phone sounds and I get stupid texts saying,
‘Sorry Jeongguk-ah, coming home late today’
‘Work is hectic’
‘Staying at the studio today, sorry’
Do you know how much food I’ve eaten cold or how much is just sitting in our fridge?”
“Please, you’re exaggerating! We have a microwave for a reason!”
“Oh my god, you know I hate using the microwave. But that's not the point! You almost never come home but you also don’t let me stay or even visit your studio.”
Jeongguk’s mouth quivers. He’s always hated barely seeing Yoongi. But what he hates even more now is that when he does see him, they always end up shouting at each other, both about important and trivial things.
“Oh, come on. You know I’m busy! Songs don’t write themselves and this upcoming project is the biggest I’ve ever worked on so far. You know how important it is.”
“I know it’s important. You should know how much I support you! But I haven’t properly seen you in weeks, hyung. You usually come home when I’m asleep, and I sleep really late. Then when you’re home early, you still work away at your stupid laptop. I just want to spend time with my boyfriend. It’s been so long, I don’t even remember the last time we’ve talked for longer than three minutes. And fighting obviously doesn’t count!”
Yoongi is about to argue back but is stopped by the sight in front of him.
He can’t bring himself to fight against Jeongguk when his tears are involved.
“Gguk…” He subconsciously goes near him but the other boy steps back. He wants to comfort him, to wipe his tears away. But he doesn’t have the right. He’s the reason for those tears.
The rain is so loud and so is Jeongguk crying.
The streets outside are soaked and so are the sleeves of Jeongguk’s sweater.
The rain continues to pour. Jeongguk continues to cry. Yoongi continues to feel the immense guilt in his chest.
The thunder roars but Jeongguk’s sobs are all that reach his ears.
"I was…” He sniffles. “Really looking forward to today, you know. Finally, I can spend time with you, was what I thought… But it looks like I can't have even just that as a gift.” Yoongi freezes. What? Gift? Is it— no, there’s no way.
He’s been looking forward to that day too. There’s no way I missed it, right?
He looks around searching for a calendar.
I must’ve misheard… Right?
His gaze falls to the computer on his desk.
[ 11:00 pm Sep 1 ]
He forgot the date today.
He forgot his boyfriend’s birthday.
He forgot Jeongguk’s birthday.
He forgot.
The said birthday boy notices the way Yoongi’s body tenses. Slowly, he looks at him.
“Hyung…?” He wonders what’s wrong... then it suddenly clicks.
He doesn’t say anything. He hopes he’s wrong.
“Don’t…” He gulps. “Don’t tell me you... forgot?”
Yoongi doesn’t look at him.
He doesn’t want to look at him.
He can’t look at him.
He can’t look at those precious shining orbs silently yet so loudly screaming hurt.
Jeongguk waits for an answer. He waits for him to say no, to suddenly pull out a birthday cake or a gift, or even to just pepper him with kisses while constantly whispering 'Happy birthday' and 'I love you' in his ear.
He waits.
And waits.
But hears nothing but the sound of the pouring rain outside.
“Wow…” He laughs bitterly. “I’m really so stupid... What was I expecting really.” He mumbles to himself but it clearly and painfully reaches Yoongi’s ears.
“I’m going back home.” He turns around as more tears fall.
“G… Gguk—” He tries to approach as his own tears threaten to fall.
“Good luck with your work, hyung.” Flat.
“Wait, please—” Desperate.
“I hope the project is a big success. You’ve been working really hard on it.”
Yoongi can’t tell why the air feels so cold. Is it because of the rain, Jeongguk’s voice, or the overwhelming loneliness of his now empty studio?
He wants to run after him, he needs to run after him. There’s a storm outside and it’s the dead of the night, he needs to make sure Jeongguk is safe.
But he can’t. His legs won’t move.
Something inside him won’t let him.
He doesn’t understand how his heart can feel so heavy yet so empty at the same time.
Hyuuung, I miss youuu.
Sorry, Gguk. Don’t worry, your birthday is near already, I promised a whole day celebration, didn't I?
Mm, but that's still so far... A whole month of waiting! Your album better be topping all the charts if you're ignoring even me.
Hey, I do my best. I’m gonna need money to fund your birthday trip, you know?
Birthday trip…? Really?! Ah, I’m so excited. I’m glad I have someone as kind-hearted, caring, and oh so generous as you as my sugar daddy! What a heart of gold! I love you so much!
You brat. Love you too.
With his body frozen in place, a tear falls.
The next day, he finds out their home wasn’t where Jeongguk went back to.
> I’m going back to Busan.
Yoongi remembers.
The saltiness of the sea smell.
The sourness of the fresh assorted fruit.
The sweetness of their first kiss.
“Gguk?”
“...Hyung?”
“You're falling asleep.”
Jeongguk groans and stretches. “Nn… But it's so cold here and you're just so warm and comfy.”
Yoongi sighs but an endeared smile is plastered on his face. “You were so excited to go for a swim but the water is freezing.”
“It's okay, hyung. I don’t really mind just sitting here with you. The sea is pretty to look at anyway.”
“I'd rather go back to our room and look at just you instead, Gguk.” Yoongi smiles while Jeongguk feels his cheeks heat up.
“Oh? Are you blushing?”
“H-Hyung!” He hides himself in Yoongi’s chest. “No, it's just hot in here!”
“That’s not what you said a while ago.”
“Well the temperature just changed!” Jeongguk muffles and brings a chuckle out of Yoongi.
Jeongguk looks straight into his eyes. “Stop laughing at me.”
Yoongi stares right back at him and laughs. “No.”
“Y-You never say stuff like that. That’s unfair! I was caught off guard.” Jeongguk pouts so cutely that Yoongi can’t stop himself from grabbing his cheeks and squishing them.
So adorable . And so beautiful.
His eyes that somehow hold the whole of The Milky Way.
His nose that every time Yoongi pokes, he can’t help but mutter boop under his breath.
And his lips, that look like they feel soft but he doesn’t actually know for sure.
And before he realizes, Yoongi finds himself leaning forward.
Now, he knows for sure.
Jeongguk’s eyes widen and his mind doesn’t register what’s happening. The only thing in his mind is how soft this feels. He likes this. A lot.
He whines because of this weird, but very nice , Jeongguk thinks, sensation and at that moment, Yoongi suddenly snaps out of it.
“Ah… shit.” I fucked up.
“H-Hyung…”
”Sorry, I got caught up in the moment.”
“Hyung...”
“I really didn’t mean to, okay.”
“Hyung.”
“We can just forget that happened.”
“Hyung!”
“What?”
“Can you… do that again?”
Yoongi falls silent and stares at him. Jeongguk can't seem to read his expression and is about to call out to him again, but before he could, a pair of lips attach to his and this time, he completely drowns in the feeling.
So soft, so warm, so comforting. They both just want to stay like this forever.
Now, Yoongi feels it.
The bitterness of his regret.
The bitterness of the separation with his boyfriend.
The bitterness of the thought that he might not even be able to call him that anymore.
He looks back at the door. At this point, he’s pretty sure he’s memorized all its details.
How the paint has been chipping off, how there are small dents on the wood, and how the doorknob isn’t as shiny as it used to be.
He stares at the door.
Then eventually at the window. Oh, the rain stopped already.
Then back at the door.
Then at the clock. Huh… It’s already almost midnight.
Then back at the door.
He stares.
This needs to stop… He’s not coming back.
He knows that. The moment Jeongguk left his studio that night, he knew .
But there are just things that although he already knows, he doesn’t believe in them. He doesn’t want to. He wants to hang on to the tiny sliver of hope that, maybe, he’s wrong.
But he’s not.
For once ever since that dark and stormy night, the idea of going outside enters Yoongi’s mind. Maybe it'll help clear his head, maybe he just needs a breath of fresh air, maybe... he'll find Jeongguk...
What a hypocrite.
At least it’s not raining… He comes up as an excuse.
But no matter how many or how good his excuses could be, he doesn’t think Jeongguk will ever forgive him.
He doesn’t think he can ever forgive himself.
Yoongi is suddenly hyperaware of the coldness and loneliness of the room. He decides to finally get up.
Creak . The couch becomes empty. Yoongi’s body aches from staying there for who knows how many hours.
Clink. The keys on the counter are removed. Yoongi puts them in his pocket then he goes out of the door.
Click. The door closes and locks. Yoongi gazes into the sky, feeling a sort of connection with the moon that has no stars accompanying it in the vast and dark space.
Ding. The phone left on the couch makes a sound.
[ Hello, this is the Busan National University Hospital. You are the emergency contact for Mr. Jeon Jeongguk… ]
He walks.
It ends up raining that night.