Work Text:
“Okay, Shaw.”
Shaw couldn’t believe her eyes as Root pointed the gun under her chin without so much as a flinch, meeting her gaze steadily. The only emotion she could read in her eyes was resolve and it stirred something in her that she couldn’t quite name.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked and if there’s a bit of desperation in her voice, well, nobody could blame her. The simulations had never done this before and for the briefest of moments, Shaw felt a flicker of uncertainty about if maybe she’s wrong and maybe this is real.
“We’ll play it your way here,” Root replied casually, still pointing the muzzle of the gun into her chin and sounding as unbothered as if she was discussing the weather. “You can’t live with me… I can’t live without you.” There, Shaw noted, was the first flicker of emotion in her voice and she swallowed, unused to how strongly her own answering emotions flared up. “So if you die, I die too,” she said matter-of-factly, making Shaw more confused than ever about what was happening.
“Put that down!” she insisted, though the bravado she’d felt just moments ago was slowly melting out of her system as she tried to imagine a world without Root in it and realizing that it would be her fault.
“I really don't know what's gonna happen when we pull the trigger. Never been much of a believer, but hey... You never know,” Root smirked, the emotion in her eyes the only thing betraying just how strongly she felt about her little speech. “Guess we're about to find out, aren't we?”
“Damn it, Root,” Shaw growled, but the anger was grounding, making her more certain than ever that this was reality. Although Samaritan had managed to get quite a bit right in their simulations, especially after 7,000 times, the one thing they had never managed to capture was just how infuriating and unpredictable Root was and it was enough proof for her to slowly lower the gun from her head.
Squeezing her eyes closed, her free hand found its’ way to the back of her ear and worried the scab there, reminding her that there was no fake chip implanted there to make her question reality. She felt more than heard Root approaching and opened her eyes to meet the brunette’s tearful gaze.
“Sameen.” Root’s voice was quiet and gentle and Shaw nodded at her unspoken question, letting Root draw her into her arms.
A year ago, Shaw would never have allowed this much contact that wasn’t about sex, but a year ago she hadn’t gone through so many simulations that had wreaked enough havoc on her psyche to crank the volume up on the radio that Gen had once described as her emotions.
A year ago, Shaw would never have even admitted that Root was her safe place to herself, much less to Root as she held a gun to her head and threatened to kill herself to keep her safe.
Maybe, just maybe, change wasn’t always a bad thing, and maybe she could let herself—and Root—have this one.
xxxxxxxxx
Shaw knew that Root thought she was asleep, but she was all too aware of her stare as they lay together, fully clothed under the covers, in Root’s bedroom. It looked nothing like the apartment Samaritan had come up with her, thank god; the more tethers to reality Shaw had, especially now, the better.
Shifting onto her side, she caught Root looking away guiltily and felt a pang of regret shoot through her. “Hey,” she said softly, drawing her gaze back. “It’s okay,” she said uncertainly, unsure of what she was trying to reassure her about but knowing that she’d do or say anything to make Root stop looking like that.
Root smiled softly, reaching out to gently cup Shaw’s cheek gingerly, like she might dissipate like so much smoke if she wasn’t careful. “I’m sorry that we didn’t find you sooner,” she whispered, making Shaw swallow.
Shaw didn’t know what to say to that; obviously, it’s okay wouldn’t work because somewhere along the way she’d resolved never to lie to Root and it obviously wasn’t okay any more than it was her—or any of the team’s – fault. But the words got stuck in her throat and so she did the next best thing and kissed her.
It was nothing like their kiss at the stock exchange. Where that had been pure frustration, anger and pure annoyance because Root would never put her goddamn self first, this was slow and gentle and made Shaw feel truly safe for the first time since she’d been back.
Root smiled against her lips before pulling away, but Shaw’s move had clearly worked because the sparkle was back in her eyes. “Thank you, Sameen,” she said softly, and Shaw couldn’t help but smile back, grateful that she’d gotten the message.
They fell asleep not long after, Root’s arms wrapped protectively around Shaw and Shaw feeling as protected as she could in her safe place, finally certain that this was reality and that she was finally free.
xxxxxxxxx
“Can I tell them you’re back?”
Shaw froze, her pancakes-filled fork halfway to her mouth—who would have guessed that Root could cook—as she considered the question.
It wasn’t exactly a surprise; she knew that the others would want to know and that Root would want to tell them. She guessed if anything, she was surprised by the question. Maybe it was the simulations again, but she’d half-expected that Root would have already filled them in behind her back and she felt a slight warmth in her chest as she realized that Samaritan had been wrong about her, again.
She had to stop underestimating Root.
“I guess so,” she said slowly, turning to face Root, whose pensive look quickly turned to a relieved smile. “I guess it wouldn’t make sense for the simulation to have suddenly changed this much after 7,000 times of the same tired shit.”
Just as quickly as Root’s smile had appeared, it faded and Shaw sighed. She’d been trying to make a joke, to show Root that she’d accepted that this was reality but apparently she’d fucked up somehow.
Feelings were complicated and she growled as she finally stuffed the pancakes into her mouth and waited for Root to say something.
Root, for her part, swallowed and quickly returned to form as she took a seat next to Shaw and plucked the fork from her hand, feeding her the next bite with a coy smile. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she said in that annoyingly perky and flirtatious tone that Shaw loved to be annoyed by. “You don’t have to see them yet if you don’t want to. Besides,” she smirked as Shaw grabbed the fork away from her with a huff, “I’m not sure that I want to lose having you all to myself yet.”
Shaw snorted and rolled her eyes, grateful for the reprieve. “You might as well tell them,” she shrugged as she scraped up the last bit of syrup with the rest of the pancakes. “Wouldn’t want them to think you were keeping secrets.”
“They’ll understand, Sameen,” Root smiled softly, lightly stroking the back of Shaw’s hand and gratefully twining her fingers between hers when Shaw flipped it over and opened her fist. “You’re the priority.”
“I’m serious, Root,” Shaw replied softly, staring at their entwined hands and wondering if that was how it always felt to people, so warm and comforting and safe. “They should know.”
“If that’s what you want, Sam,” Root smiled gently.
xxxxxxxxx
Despite her assurances to Root, Shaw couldn’t help but wonder if seeing the rest of them again so soon was a good idea as she slowly got dressed. Root had gone to the store to buy her some new shoes as hers had been ruined by the hot desert sand and she had been surprised to find that she wasn’t so bothered to be alone like she’d thought she would be. Or at least, she wasn’t as long as she was in Root’s apartment, surrounded by her very nerdy things and her scent (not that she’d ever admit to having that kind of gross, mushy thought).
Still, her worries and doubts about Samaritan plagued her and she was grateful that she’d insisted on meeting in a neutral place. Even though Root had mentioned the subway by name and not “the Machine”, a very clever tell that she’d noticed around the 48th simulation, she was still wary of leading Samaritan to the hide-out and wanted to wait a bit longer to ensure that she didn’t have a tail at the very least.
She sighed as she finished pulling on her jeans and tugged a tank top over her head before pulling her hair back into a ponytail and shrugging on a jacket. Zipping it up, she took a deep breath as she started to feel a little more like herself, a little more grounded to reality by sheer virtue of wearing her own clothing (that Root had stolen from her apartment before it had been re-leased).
Shaw had resolved not to think about the future beyond the next day, finding that each day that passed without her waking up from a simulation was a little more reassurance that all of this was real, that she was home.
Just then, the door opened and she stiffened until she heard Root’s voice. “Hey sweetie, I’m home. You ready to go?”
“Yeah, Root, I’m ready,” she answered after a moment, taking a long, hard look at herself in the mirror. She looked like hell, but she was alive.
And as she headed into the kitchen of Root’s apartment and saw her eyes immediately sparkle at the sight of her, she couldn’t even pretend not to smile, slight as it was.
She was home, and she was safe. And for now, she thought as she tugged on the boots Root had bought her before slipping her hand through hers and letting her lead her out the door, maybe that was enough.
~ FIN