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Jimin’s head had always been a welcomed weight on Namjoon’s shoulder. During interviews when he felt himself getting lost in the flurry of questions and answers, the feeling of Jimin’s warm cheek pressed into his shoulder, brought him back to earth. He could never look at him during those times, never turn to see the bright smile that Jimin would flash him, or the crinkle of his eyes, as much as he wanted to. He always had to wait till later finding those photos someone would capture of Jimin content against his side and saving them as reminder.
He couldn’t pinpoint when Jimin had gotten so brave with his touch, out in public like that. He thinks it really started once they began coming to America. The award shows, the speeches, the interviews, those times where Namjoon started to float away as the stress started to wear on him, too much to contain in the privacy of his own space. And Jimin offered his support the best way he could. his quick jokes, teasing quips, his wild giggles to distract from Namjoon’s odd smiles, distant eyes, and tired responses. When that was no longer enough, when Namjoon really felt the lights, and sounds growing too much, the pressure of Jimin’s cheek bled through his clothes, the weight welcomed as he focused on the sensation, the lights and sounds melting away.
It was even more welcomed at the times where they were out of the view of the public, away from the cameras. Where Jimin didn’t need to be so selective in his affection, and instead could seek him out whenever he wanted. Those moments that just he and Jimin got to share between themselves.
Sometimes it was the morning, a fluff of hair suddenly pressed into his side, making grabby hands for his coffee that Namjoon would have to fight off.
Sometimes it was dance practice, where Jimin snorted with laughter against his shoulder, Namjoon protesting with exhaustion that he wasn’t that bad that just drove the younger into a fit of giggles.
Those very rare nights when Jimin would creep into his room, silent as he slipped in beside him, pressed his face into his shoulder and struggled not to cry. The younger trying to hide his hurt from the others, trusting in Namjoon to keep his secrets. Those moments that they never spoke about again.
Even those early days where they sat crammed in the same van together, Jimin hesitant, just brushing his cheek against Joon’s shoulder, the lightest pressure as he tried to work out how he fit into Namjoon's space.
Every one of those touches made Namjoon’s chest squeeze tight for the quickest second, so fast he almost didn’t notice. But it was there. Every morning, every interview, every night, it was there.
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The show that night had been…. a lot. The emotional drain was evident in Namjoon, his shoulder slumped with exhaustion and the quiet grunts in response to the members chatter around him as they returned to the hotel. Jimin had silently, easily taken the responsibility of guiding Namjoon back to his room. the smaller man not minding at as Namjoon leaned on him as they walked, taking in his warmth.
“Here we are,” Jimin whispered as they reach the door, sliding in the card to open the darken room. Namjoon groaned happily, dropping his things to the ground to slump over on the bed. Jimin laughed at the other's action before moving about, gathering his bag, his coat, his phone, placing them around the room as needed.
Namjoon was watching closely as the other moved around with ease fixing up the hotel room for him before turning back with a small smile. That was it, his job for the night was done. "Sleep well, hyung." He dipped his head as he went for the door.
His hand touched the door handle before Namjoon broke the silence, “…Jimin-ah…” he murmured, his voice rough. “not yet….. please....” he hesitated watching where Jimin’s hand rested on the handle. Let out a heavy sign when Jimin's hand dropped away.
The younger smiled softly at their leader, so tired and worn and still afraid to ask too much of him. “Ok hyung.” He crossed the room back to where Namjoon was, jumping up on the bed to press up beside the larger man. Namjoon made a soft sound of relief, smiling back at Jimin who gazed up at him. “Better?” He questioned and Joon nodded, still looking at him. Jimin tucked his head down pushing his forehead into Joon’s shoulder to hide the grin that threatened to spill over his cheeks.
"No no, wanna see.” Namjoon huffed, sounding frustrated and Jimin looked back up confused. “Never….never get to look at you when you do that…this.” “Always wanna look but…” he stopped, taking in Jimin watching him, with those wide eyes that felt like they saw everything, all his secrets.
“Always want you to look at me.” He murmured, and Jimin shifted leaning up closer to him, his weight pressing onto Namjoon’s side. “Yah?” Jimin questioned, a soft smile pulling at his lips as he looked back and Namjoon’s chest did that squeeze, hard enough to take his breath away. He managed to nod as words required oxygen he didn’t have. Jimin hummed, pressing up even further, so much closer, "I'm always looking hyung." He murmured, his words brushing over Namjoon's lips, "always looking at you." He whispered before finally closing the distance left, pushing his lips against Namjoon's mouth. Namjoon welcomed the pressure with a soft gasp, hands grabbing at Jimin's side finally to pull him closer.
they fell asleep together much later, tangled up with Jimin's head a welcomed weight over Namjoon's heart.