Archive of Our Own

“I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything. 
Maybe we’re from the same star.” ― Emery Allen

1194

Slipping past the guards assigned to her was easier than it should have been.

The labyrinth-like castle was no match for eight-year-old Clarke of House Griffin, weaving her way through the hallways until she reached the kitchens. The hustle and bustle filling the room was enough of a cover for her as she darted between kitchen maids and cooks. They were too busy to notice her – it was her birthday feast they were preparing after all. 

But that was of little interest to her, not even the lemon cakes she could see sitting on one of the tables. No, today she really only wanted one thing and if she wasn’t going to get an escort for it, it didn’t matter.

She was going to the village.

Arkadia sat just down past the castle, closer than most. Earl Jacob, her father, had pushed for his family to be more integrated with the villagers than most royal families. A lot of people scoffed at them, even her parents best friend Duke Jaha was skeptical. Clarke liked the idea of it, but she would have liked it more if they had followed through with letting their daughter go into the village too. 

Apparently she was too young though. It seemed silly. Other children were down there, they even lived there, so why couldn’t she go?

Poor Jackson, her mother’s personal choice for Clarke’s daytime guard. He was really nice but he was really easy to sneak away from. 

The sun was warm as she darted from shadow to shadow. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to stay away, but the idea of having the whole day here made her giddy. She’d get to see shops up close, see how other children played. Even the smells were different down here and she greedily inhaled the scents as she went along. Not all of them good, but just different.  

Without thinking to peek around the corner, Clarke dashed out of the alley.

And straight into a wooden cart.

“Hey, watch it!”

“You watch it,” she grumbled back at the voice, stubbornly picking herself back up before the person who it belonged to could offer any help. Which she realized, once she was standing upright, wouldn’t have happened anyway.

The owner of the cart was a boy, likely only a couple years older than her, and he was standing with his arms folded across his chest and a frustrated expression. He’d made no moves to help her up, so clearly he didn’t have any manners.

His eyes narrowed even more as he took in her clothing. She probably should have changed her outfit to not be quite as obvious about who she was. Making a mental note to be better prepared the next time she snuck out, Clarke raised herself to her full height (which wasn’t as impressive as she wished). 

“You’re not supposed to be down here, you’re a princess,” the boy said crossly as it apparently dawned on him who she was.

“I’m not a princess, I’m a lady,” Clarke retorted, sticking her tongue out. That made the boy laugh then, his curls bouncing and she decided at that moment that boys didn’t smile enough as a whole. He might have the best one though.

“Okay, if you say so,” he replied, but he was still smiling.

The longer he looked at her though the more curious his expression became. 

“I think I’ve seen you before,” he finally said. When she went to correct him because obviously he had seen her, her family was in charge of the village , he continued on to say, “You’re the one who shows up in my dreams.”

She paused at that and took him in some more. 

At the castle it was well-known how active her imagination was. Some people said it was unbecoming, that her parents were too generous with her. Others just seemed amused by it. For the most part though, she was left alone with her thoughts.

And her imaginary friend.

It was mainly written off to be because she was an only child. People already whispered about the fact that her parents had only had one child, stopping at a girl no less, but they chalked up her ramblings to loneliness. But she wasn’t lonely really. She’d always had the boy in her dreams. Sometimes they’d felt like memories but when she’d described them, her parents had laughed and told her that she’d done a really good job of coming up with an imaginary friend. She had been even smaller than she was now; she didn’t have the words to tell them that she wasn’t making them up.

And now that she was looking at him, she knew she recognized him too. 

She’d chased after him across stone buildings, built in a style she didn’t recognize with towering columns and shallow pools. They’d laid out in the sand and let it run between their fingers. 

“You’re in mine too,” she eventually squeaked out when she realized she had been staring at him. She looked like Callie when her dad’s advisor’s came in which was embarrassing . 

“Does that make us…” the boy let his words die out and they continued to just stare at each other.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Clarke replied, trying to maintain a level of composure in the situation. She’d just wanted to explore the village today, she hadn’t expected to run into someone who might be her soulmate. 

Nervously, she stuck her hand out for him to shake. She assumed he wouldn’t kiss it like she had seen adults do at the couple balls she had been to (and she wasn’t sure she would have wanted him to anyway). 

He was still looking at her curiously and she instinctively wanted to curl her hand back in rejection, but before she could, his darted out and grasped hers. 

The reaction was instantaneous. 

Gold and silver shimmers circled their arms, twisting and dancing around their skin. The effect was tingly and Clarke gasped as she watched. She’d never seen soulmates meeting together and it was more magical than she had ever imagined. People had different colors, she knew that, but theirs was that of the moon and the sun. 

And then it slowly faded away. 

She looked up at Bellamy, his eyes equally as wide as hers.

“I guess we’re soulmates,” he said numbly. He almost seemed in shock and she was worried that he was mad it was her. 

“I guess so.”

But then his face broke out into a smile and a wave of relief washed over her. She still felt like she was seeing stars and now the dreams she’d had, her imaginary stories, all had a crystal clearness that surprised her. 

Because they weren’t dreams after all.

They were memories.

“In that case, I’m Bellamy,” he said excitedly. She almost laughed, she’d forgotten that they hadn’t introduced themselves yet.

“I’m Clarke. We both have unique names! No wonder we’re soulmates.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works…”

“It might have something to do with it.” She wondered what memories he had of her. She’d have to ask him later. Her eyes fell back onto the cart that she had run into, suddenly very thankful that she had escaped out of the castle today.

“What are you doing… Bellamy?” She let herself practice saying his name. It was a really nice name actually, it suited him. 

He glanced around them quickly before leaning forward.

“Do you promise to keep a secret?”

“Of course,” she quickly responded. She loved secrets. “We’re soulmates.”

His smile was back and she smiled too and really, people were too weird about soulmates because she really quite liked hers. He wasn’t bad for a boy.

“I’m stealing,” he whispered, waiting for her reaction. When she didn’t have one, he kept going as his voice grew more urgent. “My mother, she’s sick. And my baby sister needs food but we’re too poor. So I steal things and sell them for money.”

Clarke was almost too caught up in the idea of a sister that she nearly missed the rest of what Bellamy said. But then it clicked and she felt herself grow somber. It seemed so unfair. When she was little there had been plenty of food. And last time her mother had gotten sick, the castle’s apothecary had taken care of her. She wanted to invite Bellamy’s family to the castle but she knew, even at that age, that it wouldn’t work. 

A voice of reason told her that stealing was bad, which she’d normally agree with. But it wasn’t just because Bellamy was her soulmate that she didn’t mind it this time. It made sense. Life was unfair to them and his family deserved to have food.

“So what do you think? Wanna go steal some things?” Bellamy asked with a tilt of his head. There was a challenge to his voice and Clarke immediately grinned and nodded.

“Stop,” she said suddenly as another idea struck her, pulling him to a stop as he began to move away with his cart. 

He frowned as he looked at her. She was practically buzzing with the need to do something. It was her birthday but that didn’t mean she couldn’t give her own present. Maybe she could help Bellamy out. There surely wasn’t that much great stuff to steal in the village.

She looked down at her wrists. Her mother had insisted on her wearing new jewelry for her special day. Clarke really didn’t like it. It was heavy on her wrist and clanked around (it had almost given her location away earlier that day). So without much hesitation, Clarke yanked the offending bracelet off and held it out to Bellamy.

To be fair, she thought he would have been much more excited.

Instead, Bellamy was staring at her in complete surprise and his jaw went slack. 

“I can’t take that.”

“You’re not taking it, I’m giving it to you.”

“That’s–that’s not the point,” he sputtered out. 

“It’s not stealing if I’m giving it to you,” Clarke said crossly, shaking it at him. “Take it. You’ll get more money too and you can give it to your sister.” 

Bellamy chewed on his lip nervously, his eyes flicking from the bracelet to her face and back again. Sighing, because maybe boys were as dumb as she had suspected, Clarke marched forward and shoved the bracelet at his chest. He scrambled to catch it before it dropped to the ground, then stared down at it in awe, his hands gingerly touching the engravings on it. 

“It’s my birthday present to you,” added Clarke brightly once it was clear he was going to actually keep holding on to it.

His brows furrowed. “It’s not my birthday though.”

“No, it’s mine.” 

Bellamy nearly choked on air at that, but his new wave of protests were cut off by the sound of loud talking and marching footsteps near them. Clarke spun around to see a handful of guards talking to a man outside the bakery on the corner. She watched as one of them mimed out height and she groaned. Okay, so maybe she wasn’t as sneaky as she thought she was. 

Looking back at Bellamy, she knew she couldn't stick with him. Her parents were forgiving people but it wouldn’t look good if he was caught with her. Plus, they’d probably figure out he was stealing things and she couldn’t let that happen. 

“I have to go!” She burst out just as his gaze caught sight of the guards as well. He nodded, his expression becoming more determined.

Which meant that much to Clarke’s disappointment, the two of them separated. If she darted through the alleyway there, it would draw them far enough away from Bellamy they wouldn’t think to question him. Darting away, she paused only when she heard her name called out in a hushed yell. Turning, she saw Bellamy getting ready to duck into a store, but his head poking out looking for her. He had a wide, mischievous grin on his face which she found herself mirroring. 

“Thanks for the help, Soulmate,” he said quickly, before disappearing.

She wanted to call out her own goodbye, but she could hear the sound of chainmail drawing nearer. They couldn’t know about him. So with Bellamy’s smile burned into her brain, she took off running, pulling her the fabric of her skirt as much as she could while still being proper. Was there anyone she could even tell about this? Wells, Duke Jaha’s son, was her best friend so he’d probably be the most understanding. He already knew about her imaginary friend (which she now knew was actually Bellamy she reminded herself), so it shouldn’t be weird to tell him that Bellamy was real. 

But maybe he’d be mad that she had a new best friend.

Bellamy hadn’t said he would be, but it was hard to imagine him as anything else. She’d heard the stories of soulmates all her life, or at least the parts that her maids had deemed appropriate for her. She figured there was adult stuff that might happen, but it really just seemed like it was a best friend for life. So Bellamy and Wells didn’t get much of a choice in the matter.

Those were the thoughts in her mind as the guards eventually found her. And when her mom noticed the missing jewelry that night at dinner, she feigned ignorance and simply claimed that they must have fallen off when she was in the village.

When she was forbidden from leaving her room for the near future after her escape to the village, Clarke found she wasn’t as upset as she should be. She’d figure a way out eventually, and now she could come up with a better cover. But in the meantime, she had a new subject for her drawing. Her chambermaids would later on find her curled up in the small window seat with the paper in front of her, charcoal coating her fingers as she meticulously worked on as many little details as she could. Making the freckles just right. The angle of his cocky grin when he’d thanked her for the bracelets. 

She hoped he’d been able to sell them for a good price. Her family was a lot of things but her mom had good taste, that she knew. While she drew, she realized she’d forgotten to ask Bellamy what his sister’s name was. 

Maybe she was a bad royal daughter if she supported the idea of stealing, but as she worked on capturing the messiness of Bellamy’s curls and remembered the way their hands had sparkled as they’d touched for the first time, she made a mental list of things that she could get from the castle to give to him on her next visit to see him.

+ + +

The thud of a bag of coins making contact with the wooden table made Clarke nearly jump out of her skin, spinning around and wielding the cooking knife in front of her. 

And nearly stabbing a laughing Bellamy in the process.

“Easy there Princess, I can’t get taken out by you, I have a reputation,” he said with a chuckle, sweeping her into a hug as he nuzzled his nose to her neck.

“It’s been ten years Bellamy, how many times must I correct you? I’m still just a lady.” Clarke wasn’t annoyed though, letting him drop kisses along her neck and shivering as his breath eventually crossed her ear.

He shrugged as he pulled back from her, keeping his arms around her waist though. Their time together was often more fleeting than not and it was difficult for them to keep their hands to themselves when they had a chance to be together. 

“Well, it’ll be ten years tomorrow when you turn eighteen,” he teased. She playfully shoved him at his pedantic correction. He was right though; tomorrow was her birthday and it would truly be their anniversary of meeting.

And discovering that they were soulmates. 

Much had happened over the last ten years, but some things had stayed the same. Mainly Clarke needing to sneak out to see Bellamy. As time had gone on, she’d perfect the art of slipping away undetected, especially once she was able to help put together her own guard and they helped aid her. It had been easy enough to convince them and so as she grew up, she’d split her time in the castle and in Arkadia. 

She’d watched as Bellamy grew into himself, his frame filling out and his voice dropping. They’d watched each other go through puberty and come out the other end relatively unscathed. Eight-year-old Clarke had been correct that having a soulmate was like having a best friend.

But as she grew older, she also fell in love. 

It was difficult to describe it to Wells, who doubted he even had one. How much she and Bellamy were created to fit with each other. There was a balance to them that made her feel complete. Bellamy had whispered the words, “the head and the heart,” to her one night and it had branded itself to her soul whenever she thought of him.

She would have told her parents about him much earlier if she could have, but a part of loving Bellamy was loving his passion for the people of Arkadia. With the death of Clarke’s father when she was fourteen, the atmosphere had changed. Stepping into the earl’s shoes was his advisor Kane, a strict man who ruled with a tight fist. That had trickled down to the village.

Bellamy had outgrown needing to steal for his sister, having acquired an apprenticeship with the blacksmith.

He hadn’t outgrown stealing though. 

Instead of small petty theft, he aimed higher. Greedy guards who used their position to bully villagers into giving up their own wares. The sheriff, a man named Emerson, who took his own share of the people’s taxes to line his pockets. 

And then Bellamy gave it all back to the poor. 

Clarke would even find ways to sneak out small trinkets from the castle. Inconsequential to her family and the other upper class families that would stay there, but not to the people of Arkadia. There was a thrill that came with it, though she was more than careful to make sure no one spotted her. While she didn’t have to disguise herself to get into the village, she didn’t want anyone to know about Bellamy. She would tell her mother about him once she was eighteen and hope that her age granted her the freedom to be with him.

Tonight was no different, and with her mother away visiting Duke Jaha, she’d be able to stay at Bellamy’s the whole night and return in the morning.

“Who is this all for?” She asked, eventually lightly dancing out of Bellamy’s grasp and walking over to the pile of money. 

“I was thinking we could give it to the orphanage, it was a hard summer and they’ll need the help getting supplies to feed all of those mouths in the winter,” Bellamy said, his face now somber. She nodded, grasping his hand with hers. 

As she went to agree with him though, she was cut off by the sound of the small wooden front door cracking open.

There was a moment where time stood still, her and Bellamy’s heads jerking up to see what had caused it. For a brief second, the guards streaming in seemed to be moving through water.

And then the chaos broke out.

With a shout, Bellamy unsheathed his sword and charged. He was never one to back down. Then again, neither was Clarke. She scrambled for the knife she had been holding earlier so that she could help defend him.

A slash of her arm.

A fist contacting with Bellamy’s face.

Gold scattered on the floor as bodies bumped into the table.

But there were only two of them against the soldiers and soon they were separated and weaponless, Bellamy shoved to his knees in front of the guard. They didn’t have to wait long to see what was going to happen next, as a silhouette appeared in the door frame, before stepping into the inside and revealing Sheriff Emerson.  

“Well well well, I finally have you. Bellamy, the man of the people. A common thief who’s been a thorn in my side for far too long,” he sneered. He used his sword’s blade to tilt Bellamy’s face up, who then quickly wrenched it away.

“The only thing I need to know is how you broke into the castle. I know you’ve stolen from it, and I imagine that’s how you kidnapped Lady Clarke here as well,” he continued with a growl. At that, Clarke began to struggle even more so against her captors.

“As you know Bellamy of Arkadia, crimes against the crown and those who represent it are punishable by death.”

“I stole from the castle!” Clarke shouted, trying to drag Emerson’s focus away from Bellamy. Anything to keep him away from the threats. 

“That’s a pity. But unfortunately for him, you wouldn’t have done that with even just his encouragement or support. I’m afraid you’re not particularly helping his case.”

He then leaned forward, bending down at the waste to level his eyes with a glaring Bellamy.

“It will be a pleasure for me to watch you die,” he growled before standing up and beginning to move back towards the entrance.

Clarke immediately wrestled free for a moment as the guards grew slack around her, throwing herself at Bellamy before the guards could pull her back. She touched her forehead to his, feeling his body shake beneath her hands as she cupped his face.

“I will always be with you Bellamy, I promise. I will never forget you,” she sobbed, feeling hands grabbing at her shoulders to pull her away.

She clung desperately to him as he murmured to her, “We’ll be united in our next life, Princess.”

Then she was yanked away and he was jerked to his feet, Emerson grinning like a wolf as the guards nearly dragged him back outside.

“As for you Lady Clarke, I imagine there will be some sort of punishment for you since you’ve been assisting this vagrant commit crimes against the crown. You may not die,” he advanced on her, “but you will watch him be killed and you will never see him again.”

Clarke spat in his face.

“Our love is greater than death. It is greater than you will ever know. I don’t care what you do to me because we have helped these people. In all of my lives I will find joy, and you will simply rot throughout time,” she cursed at him.

Emerson’s lip curled as she spoke, but seemed unable to determine a retort. So instead he gestured to the guards to haul her out of the house. They burst out into the open and she sucked in air as they emerged. 

Up ahead, Emerson seemed to have been waiting for this moment as she spotted the executioner beside Bellamy. 

She kept herself stoic, knowing that Emerson wanted her to be in pain. He wanted her to fall apart. But she wouldn’t let herself.

They had lived before, and they would live again.

1838

Clarke awoke to the feeling of being rocked, the taste of saltwater on her tongue. Her eyes still shut, she felt like she could hear the echo of seagulls and the sound of shouts. But as her drowsiness dissipated and her eyes slowly blinked open, she remembered where she was. The rocking she was experiencing, so similar to the feel of what she imagined a ship to feel like, was the movement of their wagon jostling against the ground.

Her dream was already melting into the recesses of her mind, though she couldn’t shake the vividness of sinking… but also a weightlessness as her body had gone deeper and deeper into the ocean.

Replacing the depths of the water was light streaming through the canvas of her covered wagon. There were no sea birds out here, only the sound of chatter and the occasional cattle. 

This was her first full day on the Oregon Trail heading out West. 

She hadn’t meant to sleep in, but Madi had been throwing up all night and therefore she had lost the battle with her mother this morning and let herself get some extra sleep. She couldn’t remember the last time she had and it was a unique feeling, even if she knew she’d be working harder out here than she ever had back in Polis.  

It was impossible to shake the dream though, even as she laced up her boots to join the others walking alongside the wagons. They’d become more frequent starting in the winter and now it was late April and she was fairly certain she had them each night. Most often it was of the ocean, a place she had only ever read about. So she didn’t know how she was so confident that it was the taste of the open sea that she tasted when she woke up, or why she felt like she could feel cannon shell blasts in her bones in the evening.

Dwelling on it any longer wasn’t an option though, so she swung herself out of the wagon and into the daylight. She’d probably slept for a couple of the first miles for the day, their wagon leader telling them to expect around fifteen on a good day. 

Around the wagons, various families had chosen to walk alongside. Each of the wagons were so crammed it felt better to be out walking. She could see children laugh and racing, sometimes picking plants alongside the trail before running back to their mothers to check the edibility of them. Many of the wives were out as well, walking in pace with the wagons while the majority of the men rode up front with rifles (though some seemed to still be interspersed with the wagons). 

With a wave, she spotted Madi whispering with a boy up ahead. She certainly seemed better than she had the last night, Clarke thought to herself with a smile. 

The sound of a horse riding up alongside her broke her out of her thoughts, looking up to see a man astride a deep russet brown horse. The sun was bright and as she brought her hand up to shade her eyes, she almost blushed at his attractiveness. From what she could tell under his wide brimmed hat, he had an angular face that was deeply tanned, his own skin tone enhanced no doubt from long days outside. And he was directing his lopsided grin directly at her – that definitely deepened her blush.

“I don’t think we’ve had a chance to meet yet ma’am,” he said as he caught her attention. “I’m Bellamy Blake, one of the guides for this train.” 

His hands were holding onto his horse’s reins loosely and Clarke was thankful. There were elements of propriety that came with touch in the city and while she was sure she would have to give up many of those out here in this wild land, she wasn’t ready to throw it all to the wind.

A person had to do proper wooing before even considering revealing their potential soulmate status. And while she had slipped up twice back in Polis, she wasn’t about to make that mistake again.

“Clarke Griffin, that’s my ward Madi over there. We really appreciate how organized your caravan is. I heard too many horror stories from others but this has really been a great start.” She hoped her voice didn’t betray how he was making her feel.

She understood the concept of being a romantic, but it was foreign to her. She just didn’t have any other explanation for how swept away she was by him, this sense of familiarity and comfort.

“I’m glad you had a good first night, you’ll need them out here.”

She waved off his comment with a smile. “That won’t be a problem for me. It doesn’t seem to matter where I sleep or if it’s a poor sleep, I always have the deepest dreams.”

His smile was electric as she looked up at him as he laughed, explaining to her that he too had really strong dreams. He had to leave then, finishing circling through the wagon train before returning to the front. And Clarke was very glad that she’d made his acquaintance. 

+ + +

As the long days went on, Clarke’s dreams only became stronger. 

For the most part she couldn’t dwell on it. Life on the trail was as hard as she had expected, her time spent focusing on looking after Madi and then subsequently others as hardships began to take their toll. Her history with medicine made her a useful companion to a gruff man named Nyko, a doctor who had also come along on the journey. She watched as cholera would strike, taking its victim within hours. Children, slipping up and finding themselves under the wheels of a wagon. 

But no matter the frantic energy of the wagon camp or the restless nights trying to sleep, the dreams always came. And with them, a person.

There had always been some type of shadowy figure in her dreams, someone on the peripheral. Now, however, they were becoming clearer. 

She dreamed of a large ship crashing through the ocean, storms nearly knocking her awake. She dreamed of a medieval village, the smell of cooking meat in the square mingling with the actual food being cooked in her camp. Her senses in her dreams were sharp and clear. More than ever.

It was also impossible to ignore the other connection with her dreams.

The trail was no true place for casual mingling, but somehow Bellamy found a way every day to see her, even if just for a moment. He helped teach Madi how to shoot and one night she helped bring in some small rabbits for dinner. Their wagons often ended up next to each other as they formed into a circle at the end of the night, boxing themselves in. 

Besides Madi, he was often the last person she saw before bed.

So she told herself that was why she was convinced she was seeing glimpses of him in her dreams.  

It had been a couple months now, the season now completely transitioned into summer. The dirt was hot and the air grew drier the further West they went. Clarke had callouses in places she didn’t know could get them and her skin was far from the pale, nearly porcelain color it had been back in Polis. Everyone was growing the longer they were out there.

Their best reprieve from it all was nightfall. There were still scares and threats to be on the lookout for, but otherwise it was an escape from the hardships of the day. A time to focus on each other and the future they were all dreaming about. Instruments were pulled out by those who had found spare room in their wagons for them, filling the wide open with air with laughter and music. 

Tonight, Clarke hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of Bellamy. She didn’t know why she wanted to tell him so badly about her dreams – that she saw him in them. He had mentioned so long ago, back on their first day, that he had strong ones too. Maybe it was hoping against hope, but she was rarely wrong.

Eventually gathering her courage, she tightened the shawl around her shoulders and made her way over towards him. He’d managed a jar of moonshine from someone (she suspected the young man named Monty), and he was watching people dance and talk with an easy going smile. 

They exchanged their normal pleasantries before falling into a comfortable silence. Clarke knew she couldn’t keep it up for long though.

“I feel like I’ve known you my whole life,” she said quickly. Not quite how she had wanted to phrase it, damn it.

“It’s amazing what being out here can do to you,” he replied, and she could tell he hadn’t understood what she was trying to say. 

She struggled to figure out her words and when he picked up on it, a new realization seemed to strike him. 

“I feel the same way. You remind me… you remind of someone who I dream about. I never knew how to put it into words so I didn’t think to tell you about it. But am I understanding correctly…” he trailed off.

She nodded, almost anxiously. He kept watching her though and she wanted to squirm. Instead though, she grabbed his bottle of moonshine and took a swig of it. He laughed until she held up her hand in front of her body expectantly. His gaze grew contemplative as his eyes flicked from her face to her hand and back.

“Shall we dance?” Her voice was lower than she had realized, somehow masking her nerves. Bellamy didn’t seem to pick up them though. Instead, he pushed himself off of the wagon wheel he’d been leaning against and stood in front of her. She had to arch her neck just barely to look up at him and she did her best to hold her ground.

He then slowly reached out, weaving his fingers between hers and holding onto her hand. In the dark of the night, the intertwined gold and silver sparks around their arms seemed twice as bright. Clarke was mesmerized as it was twisted and turned, flecks sparking out around them. From afar, as if in another world, she could hear a few people reacting around them. She only had eyes and ears for Bellamy though.

They spent the rest of the night twirling around the bonfire the camp had built, unable to let each other go.

+ + +

When Clarke tasted saltwater in her mouth this morning, it wasn’t from a dream. 

She stood on the bluffs of Oregon, looking out at the water ahead of her. Maybe to some it might have been a disappointment, with the heavy fog rolling in the distance and the muted earthy tones around them. 

But the air was fresh and clear.

And they were alive.

Tears pricked her eyes as she turned to walk back towards her wagon. Not everyone was alive though. A detail that was unavoidable, a heavy feeling that sat in everyone as they had arrived. Families were small in numbers now, loved ones buried miles away in lands that still didn’t have names. Markers left behind that maybe one day would be passed by others as a warning of the threat of where the journey could end.

The grass was long as she walked back, replaying the names of those they’d lost in her mind. She’d memorized them all. 

Reciting the final name, she finally looked up at the sound of laughter. An uninhibited smile grew on her face as she watched Bellamy chase Madi around their wagon. 

They’d left Oregon City yesterday and said their goodbyes to the remaining travelers. Tight hugs and well wishes had been abound. Few things could create a connection like what they had all gone through to get here. And now that they were, it was time to settle down. So her small family of two had grown to three. She and Bellamy hadn’t even needed to discuss it. He was her soulmate and their destiny was far from done with being intertwined. 

He let Madi evade his last dodge as his gaze caught Clarke walking towards them. The intensity of his eyes still startled her, even after so many months together already. When she reached them, he enveloped her in a tight hug before pulling back and gesturing to the land around them. 

“What do you think? Is this a place you could call home?”

“Yes!” Shrieked Madi at the same time as Clarke nodded. Bellamy grinned.

“Here’s where our front door is going to be,” he said with a wave of his hand. He began to walk around. “This is going to be our kitchen, large enough for a big table that I’ll make us. And here’s where you can keep your books, maybe even a room for you to open a medical practice. More people are going to be coming out and they’ll need someone who can help.” 

As Bellamy called out more rooms, almost dancing as he moved from spot to spot on the open land, Clarke could imagine the house before her. It rose up, sturdy and rugged. A porch to see the setting sun on the water, a yard for crops. 

Madi followed after Bellamy as she tried to show him how large she wanted her room. Clarke had seen people of all ages die on their trek out here. Their faces would haunt her, same as she knew they haunted Bellamy when he believed it was his fault that they had died. In a lawless land like the trail, it was impossible to always know where the blame lay.

But she did know that they had braved the toughest conditions they would ever face. Those people who they had left behind didn’t need to hold them back, jail their minds to a future that wouldn’t exist. This was their future. Together. So she ran to catch up to them, letting the wind untangle her braid as they romped through the tall grasses together. Bellamy leaned in at one point and asked if she’d like a room for a second child. She’d answered by pulling his face down to hers and kissing him deeply. 

She’d watched Soulmates lose each other in the mountains, the plains. She knew that having him by her side wasn’t something to take for granted, so she did everything she could to convey that in her kiss. 

No, she couldn’t let the death that had followed them here hold them back.  

There was still a life to be lived. 

2018

The wind was bitter on that Thursday – the kind that cut through whatever layers you had thrown on before leaving the house and dropped the temperature even lower. 

It was that wind that blew Clarke into a different coffee shop than her normal one. But Grounders was closed for renovations and god damn it she needed caffeine if she was going to make progress on her portfolio. So when she ducked into the shop with the name Aurora’s hanging above the door, her first reaction was to close her eyes and inhale the scent and embrace the warmth as feeling rushed back into her fingers.

Once she opened her eyes, she realized with a tinge of embarrassment at the realization that the barista was watching her. As their eyes caught, he grinned and nodded his head in understanding. The smile didn’t leave his face though as she shuffled towards the counter where he was waiting and she weakly returned it.

“Welcome to Aurora’s, what can I get you today?”     

His deep, baritone voice sent shivers down Clarke’s spine and she had the odd thought that she had never seen a person so perfectly reflect their environment. All dark and warm tones, reflecting the earthy atmosphere of the coffee shop’s interior. 

“Your strongest coffee, for here please,” she answered quickly, trying to stop herself from taking in every detail of him. She argued with herself that she was an artist, it was essentially a character study. His hair, dark messy curls haloed around him, framing his sharp cheekbones and the warmth in his deep tan skin evoked an aura of safety. His movements were comfortable as he filled a white mug up and she imagined him in a gesture drawing class. Or any drawing class really. Her musings were broken by him reaching out to hand her the almost precariously filled mug, seemingly none the wiser to her staring.

And that was when she froze.

His hand reached out toward her, steady. He was fine, but she was nearly shaking as she felt an iciness course through her. Her own hands clutched desperately at her wallet in hand and she felt her breath go shallow.

It took him only a beat before realization dawned on him, and he let out a soft apology as he retracted his hand and placed the mug on the counter. 

“Anything else?” He asked as if she hadn’t just froze up in front of him. 

“A slice of coffee cake, thank you.” Her mouth felt like cotton, the words sticking in her throat as she said them. He nodded and went ahead with ringing up her total, nodding towards where she could insert her credit card. While she was punching in the tip on the machine, he placed the plate beside the cup of coffee and then went on to help the person behind her. 

His smile towards her when she’d looked up veered too much in the sympathetic end and she continued to fill anxious until she was seated in a back corner. 

Clarke hadn’t always been terrified of touch.

But she used to also believe in soulmates and had always hoped for the day when she’d find out if she had one.

Now she could count on one hand the amount of people she had touched since her seventeenth birthday. 

It wasn’t like everyone treated her weirdly about it. There were still plenty of taboos surrounding the idea of soulmates, creating a choice for people as they got older. For little kids, it was impossible to stop themselves from running around poking at each other (whether to just annoy or tease people who turned out to be soulmates it was unclear). As you got older though, the longer it went, the more cautious some people were. A hesitation before a handshake, a spark of hope at you finally finding out, or a momentary fear if you were about to touch someone who already had a wedding band on.

She was still convinced she took it to the furthest extent.

At least the handsome barista had seemed understanding, even if he wasn’t afraid of it. Maybe he already had one, maybe he just didn’t care about finding out. She supposed it didn’t matter.

She was going to go the rest of her life without touching someone again. 

+++

Becoming a regular at Aurora’s hadn’t been Clarke’s plan. Once the renovations at Grounders was done, she was just going to go back to going there and everything would be the same. But that hadn’t ended up being what happened and she didn’t realize it until the day when she walked in and her order was waiting for her on the counter. 

“Oh! Thank you,” she squeaked out to the barista. She’d learned the other week his name was Bellamy and he wasn’t just a barista, he was the owner of the coffeeshop. He always asked how she was doing, and even though she usually lied and said she was fine, he had a way of making her really believe she was for a minute. 

Bellamy grinned and nodded. “It’s an easy order, it’s the least I can do while you work on your portfolio.”

That made Clarke blush to the roots of her hair, but she was also honored he’d bothered to figure out what she was working on. 

“I really appreciate you putting up with me taking over that back table. It’s just so much easier to come here and work, and oddly there are less distractions than my own place or even the art studio.”

“No complaints from me, it makes me happy to know that people feel that comfortable here.” His tone was so genuine that she’d felt a rush of gratitude at this man who helped create an atmosphere of safety and escape, while really supporting the idea. So she’d given him a wider smile than normal before going to her now-usual corner and beginning her work.

That was the changing point.

Bellamy went from barista to shop owner to… friend .

It was subtle how he did. Which was a good thing, because Wells had always told her that she was bad at making friends. One of his unfortunately spot-on observations that he had made about her, and something that she’d do anything to hear again. But life and death didn’t work that way so now she thought of it in waves, and one of them was with the realization that Bellamy Blake had somehow become one of her best friends.

Taking refuge in his place had been the main option, a secondary place to Grounders. And then it nearly became her studio, but one day she came in after handing in her current process of her projects, and she sat at the bar beside the coffee machines. She’d almost been nervous about leaving her special corner, but she hadn’t been able to help herself coming back. 

It had been so long since she had felt like she could lower her guard, but all it took was Bellamy passing her coffee and a pastry and she felt a spark of life coming back to her.

It was a Thursday evening, absolutely too late for her to be drinking another coffee, but she was doing it anyway. She’d just finished telling Bellamy about why she wasn’t going home for Thanksgiving (not much of a holiday with a mom still away in rehab) and trying to figure out at what point he’d helped get her to that point. 

“I definitely understand, my family wasn’t much for Thanksgiving. Not that my mom didn’t try. But it never felt right,” he added, his tone hinting at forlornness that made her heart ache.

“What about this year?”

He shrugged. “We’ll see if my sister shows up. We’re still figuring out how to be siblings again… well, for the first time really. So we’re not putting much pressure on each other.”

At some point he’d come to lean up against the other side of the counter and she’d leaned in towards him. The fear of touch wasn’t as strong anymore. She knew how to relax around him and somehow it felt like he was already a permanent feature in her life. Their conversation deviated from the topic of holidays and into other ones, going over what she had planned for the next semester and which shows they were both currently streaming.

That night when she got up to leave she noticed him staring oddly at her, but it was gone as quickly as she had noticed it.

+++

Trivia night at Aurora’s was one of the few nights that the coffee shop was completely filled, the noise escalating as music played and people shouted out answers. While Clarke had grown closer to Bellamy’s other friends as well, she still hung in the back during these nights. She’d rather help Bellamy keep up with the wildness than get involved herself, entertained enough by the competitiveness of everything. Especially with Murphy as the MC – he always had a snarky answer to people who got the easy ones wrong.

Her observations were interrupted tonight by the sight of a blonde haired girl popping up in front of her. Bree, she thought her name was. She’d seen her at a couple of the last trivia nights. She seemed alright, though the two girls had never spoken. But she had definitely seen Bree’s lingering eyes on Bellamy before.

She’d not been able to figure out if that was why she didn’t like her.

“Hey! Clarke, right?” Bree asked brightly. Clarke nodded and the girl continued on quickly. “I had a quick question for you, I hope you don’t mind. Do you know if Bellamy is dating anyone?”

Clarke hoped her expression wasn’t too surprised as she blinked in surprise at the question. 

 “I’m – why would I know that?”

“You’re friends, aren’t you?” Bree’s voice was skeptical now as she looked at her. Which was fair, she hadn’t assumed wrong.

“Well, uh, yeah we are,” fumbled Clarke. The idea of Bree and Bellamy dating for some reason made hot white anger course through her and she had to tamper it down. His smile flashed in her mind and she resolutely made up his mind. It was selfish. Unfounded, really.

“No, he’s not looking to date anyone right now,” she said firmly.

Her voice was stronger than she thought and Bree seemed to accept it, sighing and muttering something about the good ones all being gone. As soon as she had walked back to her team, Clarke took the chance to race out of there and back to her apartment. She’d text Bellamy an apology for ditching him later. Right now she just needed to get home.

And that was where, tossing and turning in her bed, something dawned on her. 

The realization made her gasp, choking on her inhalation. 

She loved Bellamy Blake.

The anger she felt had been jealousy. Ugly, gross jealousy. It hadn’t been as a concerned friend, looking out for his best interests. It was because somewhere along the way, she’d decided she wanted Bellamy’s smiles to be something special for her. Something that was all hers.

All of those hours together, working silently side by side, talking over coffee that had grown cold. He had become her best friend and now she was in love with him.

She fell asleep terrified of what this all meant now.

Clarke never had dreams, just murky shadows and emptiness. She had always told people she preferred it. For the most part that was true. Other times she hated it, trying to not be jealous of the people that had such vivid ones – especially people with soulmates.

But that night she had her first dream.

The air was cold for being a sunny day and her surroundings went in and out of focus. It felt like a set for Game of Thrones , or something of the like. She’d stumbled forward as her dreamself moved through the area. For some reason she could feel herself on the verge of a panic attack, her own body thrashing against her covers. She was seeking something.

It clicked in her dream as she came upon a sight that burned into her eyes.

She woke up with a yell just as the axe swung down on Bellamy.

+++

The second dream was in the countryside somewhere. 

Bombs dropped down and explosions wracked her body, waking up in a sweat as the other nurses with her scrambled to save the dying soldiers around them.

She and Bellamy had only briefly touched hands for the first time as he’d been brought in by a stretcher. The glimmering between their hands had been the last thing she saw she awoke. 

+++

By the fifth dream, she’d dined in Ancient Rome, danced in the streets of Paris, committed art fraud, and died in the streets of New York in a shootout.

The only reason she let herself fall asleep was knowing she’d see Bellamy’s face.

+++

The Christmas season had been a good enough excuse to avoid Bellamy for a while. It was more difficult than she would have liked. She cursed herself on the plane ride back home for letting it get to this point. He had been a perfect friend, and then she had ruined it by falling in love with him. 

She kept a notebook of her dreams though, a map of the world taped into it where she traced them back as well as she could. Years were harder, but the locations always felt instinctive. 

Even more difficult was admitting to herself what she realized.

It wasn’t just being in love with Bellamy, not just a hopeless crush on him. But putting the word to it, naming it, scared her even more.

So she spent Christmas with her mother’s boyfriend, Marcus Kane, going to the rehab center to visit her mom. The tiny tree with ornaments was a far cry from the over-the-top celebrations they’d thrown when she was younger, but part of this was better. She focused all of her energy on that, but wasn’t able to hide her feelings from her mom.

It was her last day there when her mom finally confronted her. 

“Sweetheart,” her voice rasped, “I know you too well. What’s the matter?”

“How did you know Dad was your soulmate?” Clarke had never asked her before and she watched as her mom blanched for a moment. “Besides the whole you know, sparkle shit. Were there dreams about him?”

Her mom nodded slowly. “In this lifetime I knew it almost instantly, I spent most of my life looking for him. Even as a girl, I was excited to tell anyone I could about him. So when I found him, it was like finding the last piece of the puzzle.”

Clarke mulled over her mother’s comments, chewing on her lip.

“Do you betray him in every life?”

The older Griffin woman stiffened, her eyes no longer meeting Clarke’s – who was now trying to keep a simmering anger at bay. She was only succeeding in being terrified. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Clarke.”

“Please, you have to tell me if it’s always the–”

“I said no , Clarke. We are changing the subject,” Abby snapped. 

And so they did. But it was enough to rattle Clarke through the rest of the hour she was there, all of the way through her ride to the airport. In every dream she had, she or Bellamy died. If soulmates were doomed to repeat themselves in each life, she wasn’t going to be able to handle it. And now that she had thought about it, she was consumed by it.

Consumed by the idea of Bellamy being her soulmate and the damage they had the power to do to each other. 

Surely he must have known, and maybe that was why he hadn’t said anything. But after so many supposed lifetimes together, she couldn’t help but pray that they’d found happiness somewhere along the way.  

She raced to his place as soon as she landed back home, a light snowfall just beginning to stick to the ground. Her hair was still a mess from the plane ride and she certainly looked like she’d just flown all afternoon. There wasn’t going to be a better time though. It was threatening to explode out of her and she couldn’t wait any longer.

Bellamy’s apartment was in the opposite direction than her place in comparison to the airport, and even though she’d only been there once, she was able to drive there without a second thought. She barely thought about directions, her heart guiding her through the streets until she had arrived. And then she’d waited for him outside his door, her breathing labored as if she had run here instead of driving.

“Clarke, what are you–”

“We’re soulmates.” The words rushed out of her, not even giving Bellamy a full chance to open his door or fully process that she was at his place.

At her statement, his eyes widened and he held open the door for her to come in. She stepped in but then immediately rounded on him, unable to do this in any other pretences. She couldn’t sit as his kitchen table and have a normal conversation about this. There was no holding back anymore.

“You knew! You knew and you didn’t say anything to me! You didn’t do anything!” Clarke burst out angrily. 

“Clarke, I’m your friend. I’ve seen how you react to even the slightest hint of touch! Do you honestly think I would have just grabbed you? Tried to charm you into believing me?” Bellamy’s voice was rough with desperation and she wished he was actually mad at her.

“I knew from almost the moment we met that something was different. And then in almost no time the dreams came to me, but when you didn’t react, I realized you didn’t know,” Bellamy said quietly, his voice shrinking. “I don’t know how you never got your memories back, so I just went with it. I kept it in and just waited.”

“And you didn’t want to just take the chance and tell me anyway? Dreams or not?”

There was a heavy pause between them while Bellamy struggled to find his answer.

“I couldn’t lose you in this timeline, not when I had finally found you.”

“We haven’t even touched though,” Clarke said, but without conviction. Touch would only seal what they both now already knew – he had seen her in his dreams. 

He didn’t react and Clarke felt like shaking her hands out lack of knowing what to do with them. So instead they anxiously pulled at loose thread in her shirt. Her heart was threatening to break through her ribs and she was doing everything she could to keep herself together.

Because she had seen him too, now that she had opened herself to it.

Tears burned at the corner of her eyes, but Clarke refused to wipe them away. They tracked hotly down her cheeks and she let out a shuddering breath. Bellamy looked scared, anxious. And like he wanted nothing more to wrap her up in his arms and comfort her, but he held himself back, for which she was thankful for.

“Do we always die?”

The question came out quieter than she meant it to. Helpless.

She couldn’t help the quiver in her voice because of course they had died already, they were here weren’t they? Time moved on, so must they. But all she had felt so far was pain. So much pain . And she hadn’t been able to handle the pain of this life, how was she supposed to take on centuries of it? 

At that, Bellamy gently shook his head and slowly stepped towards her. She was proud of herself for not backing away.

“Sometimes we’re young when we die, that’s true. Sometimes we’re old, living out our lives to the fullest. But we’re always happy. I’ve seen you win battles, fierce and powerful. I’ve seen you hold your first granddaughter, your hands gentle and soft. I’ve seen every side of you Clarke Griffin.”

Clarke let out a choked sob.

“You’ve died in my arms,” Bellamy continued, stepping closer to her again. “And I in yours. But it’s always worth it.” His movements are cautious, like he’s afraid she’ll run, but his words are soft even as he spoke of their death.

“Having you here was everything to me. I would have gone my whole life just as your friend if that was what it took for you to stay with me.”

He finished talking just as he finished walking towards her, his long legs eliminating the space between them in no time even with his slow movements. He remained just in front of her though. She could feel the heat of his body radiating off of him and the scar above his lips was tantalizing close to her. Still, he did not touch her.

“It’s worth it?”

He nodded slowly, waiting for her to be the one to make the next move.

Clarke took a shuddering breath before taking a step closer. They were nearly chest to chest now and she felt dizzy with his proximity. She could feel his breath on her face and she wanted to trace her finger along his cheekbones until she reached his mouth. But she had something more important to do first.

“I love you, Bellamy Blake,” she whispered.

And she reached down to hold his hand. It was warm and she couldn’t tell which of theirs was more sweaty with nerves. There was no way to find out though, not when she couldn’t see or think about anything else beyond the swirling silver and gold around them. Memories came rushing back to her and she would have fallen back if it hadn’t been for fate literally holding them together. Flashing of children, of hardships. Hands tracing bodies as life after life brought them back together.

When the sparks had settled down, their hands once again their own, Clarke looked up at Bellamy. The tears in her eyes this time were happy ones and she felt overwhelmed with the rush of emotions going through her. As if all of these years of locking them away had been undone in a single moment as they took over her body.

“Say it again,” he pleaded, touching his forehead gently to hers.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” she whispered. “In this lifetime and for always.”

His grip moved from her hand to encase her waist, pulling her flush to his body.

“I want to spend eons with you, Clarke Griffin,” he breathed out, before capturing her lips with his own.  

2059

There was a hiss and a metallic click as the door behind her opened.

Clarke didn’t bother to look up, too focused on the computer in front of her. She was still in the process of setting everything up, configuring all of the accounts to be easily accessible and available under her name. She’d have to memorize everyone’s name on the crew as well, maybe tonight after dinner. It never took her long and this crew looked smaller than her usual.  

“Doctor Griffin?”

Clarke laughed to herself. She cut herself off before making a bad joke about Doctor Griffin being her mother. That had been a lifetime ago though, no reason to drag her past into this already.

“Just Clarke is fine,” she said, finally swiveling around in her chair. 

A young woman was standing behind her, her posture impeccable and her long brown hair partially pulled back in severe, but beautiful braids. She wasn’t in uniform, instead in some type of official workout clothing from the looks of it with white cargo-style sweatpants and skin-tight black short-sleeved shirt. Even in the athletic attire, the woman exuded confidence that Clarke found impressive.

“I’m Lieutenant Octavia Blake, I’m your unofficial tour guide,” she said briskly, stepping forward to shake Clarke’s hand. Even her grip was strong, but with the formalities out of the way she seemed to relax and a lips quirked up into a smirk. 

“Admiral Kane has spoken highly of you,” she continued with an arch of her eyebrow, the two of them making it out of the medbay and onto the ship. 

Clarke wasn’t new to space travel, and had been on the Moon for over a year now, but it always took some getting used to a new ship on your first day aboard. She was thankful that Octavia moved at a slower pace, no doubt matching her in speed. She took the compliment with a small shrug, though she allowed herself the swell of pride she felt at the recognition. 

“So where to first, Lieutenant?” Clarke did her best to steer the conversation away from her as they continued on. Octavia’s pace was too confident for them to just be wandering around aimlessly; she had a destination in mind.  

“Octavia is fine,” she said with a mischievous smile, echoing Clarke earlier. “And I’m actually taking you to first meet with the captain. He’s eager to meet you.” 

“Is he a good captain?”

Octavia was silent for a moment and Clarke tried to not get nervous. She’d only heard good things about working on the starship Eligius, but she had also taken the job blindly. Eventually Octavia turned to her with a genuine smile, stripping years away from her face. 

“He’s the best in the galaxy. If you’re loyal to him, he’s loyal to you no matter what. He has high expectations but he’s the type of person that makes you want to meet those expectations, no matter what. It’s inspiring to be a part of his crew.”

The praise was staggeringly high and Clarke was impressed.

“And he’s your brother so you have to say those things,” a voice suddenly said from behind them. Nearly jumping out of her skin, Clarke turned around to see a man not much older than her standing behind them. His beard was neatly trimmed and he was breathtakingly handsome, something that she couldn’t help but notice. And what she also picked up on was the immediate ease at which she felt around him. As if her body knew that he was someone she could relax around, despite his rank.

“Clarke, this is –”

“Captain Bellamy Blake,” he interrupted smoothly, introducing himself. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Doctor Griffin.” He held his hand out for her to shake and it felt like the air was electric around them.

“It’s just Clarke, actually,” she corrected, unable to help her wide smile. 

Her eyes never left his as she reached out to shake his hand.