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Cumali was running, chasing someone wearing a hooded jacket. He couldn't see his face, but he was sure that he was his target, the man who killed his father. He ran after him, fueled by all the hate, all the anger pent up inside him. His tenacity was finally rewarded, having caught up with the hooded man after reaching a dead end. Without sparing a thought, Cumali fired incessantly. The multiple shots left the man's body jagged, and lifeless on the ground. Cumali smiled, approaching the dead body, victory and pride exuding from him. He flipped the dead man, lying on his stomach to his front, so that he could see his face. Once he recognized the face, Cumali's face turned white-ashen from horror. Frozen in his place, he caressed the dead man's face, mumbling incomprehensible words.
"BEBEEEE!" Cumali screamed, jumping from the bed. He was covered in sweat, and out of breath from what he just saw. He looked around confused, and saw that he was in his apartment. He exhaled deeply, relieved that it was just a nightmare, but it left him with an uneasy feeling in his gut. After all, it was only around three days ago when his baby brother was dumped again in front of his door with a fatal wound. But this time, the wound was deeper, and more life-threatening. That fact alone had Cumali breaking in cold sweat, when he remembered the state his brother was in just a few days ago. He blamed himself again, for only being able to roughly patch up the child's wounds, but never properly heal them. Deep down, he could feel it, how broken his brother's soul is, how anguished and tormented it is with all the deaths and betrayals. How could he not notice after Yamac's last breakdown! The kid charged at him, like he was the enemy, just at the mention of the idea of returning to Çukur. Even with his body broken and battered, Yamac still amassed enough strength to pin him on the wall, and almost choke him. It worried how the baby's body was in a constant fight or flight mode, attacking without regard to his own well-being and unable to distinguish between friend or foe. It's as if something else happened, while he wasn't around, but Cumali just couldn't put his finger on it. Well, their father was dead, so there was that. But, their father's death left each and every one of the brothers wounded in a certain way. However, with Yamac, that wound felt different, more warped and twisted.
'We don't have the luxury' Cumali thought to himself. To ponder upon each other's wounds, to take the time to fix each other, they didn't have the luxury. Their main focus should be on getting revenge on their father's killers, the rest could come later; Cumali decided. After all, his name was Cumali Koçovali, vengeance runs in his blood. But he decided to check on his brother anyway. A simple call would not get in the way of his revenge, after all.
"Bebee! Are you alright?" Cumali asked Yamac over the phone.
"I am. If this is about the wound, it's all healed now" Yamaç replied, taken aback by his brother's sudden inquiry about his health.
"No. I am just checking on you. Anyway, you are fine. That's all I needed to hear"
"Abi…" Yamaç was cut off by Cumali hanging up the phone. The whole phone call was weird to Yamaç. Cumali wasn't the type to check in for no reason, but Cumali got from the call what he needed, the affirmation that his baby brother was alive.
On his path to vengeance, Cumali swept the floor clean with all the accomplices of his father's murder, that he lost count of how many lives he took. The blood of his last victim smeared fresh on his face; he was used to it. It didn't faze him: the blood, screams, or torn flesh of his victims. But he still did not have enough, he told himself. He needed to adorn his victim's bodies with the last head of his father's true killer, the one who pulled the trigger, who watched mercilessly as his father's body fell to the floor, lifeless and bloody.
One fateful night, Cumali was certain that he was close to his father’s killer, when a new lead guided him to an apartment in Istanbul. He sneaked in the apartment, looking for his would-be victim. The apartment was dark, and quiet, signs that had Cumali thinking that no one was home. But a light, flashing suddenly beside Cumali, had him jumping out of surprise and promptly fetching the gun from his pocket. He had his gun facing the direction of the light, but could not see who or what was waiting ahead, the radiant light blinding him against the dark surroundings.
“Who is there?” Cumali yelled, grimacing and turning away from the brightness. No one answered, irritating Cumali, further, whose fingers were itching him to shoot in the first place. Looking more carefully, he discerned the light as a computer screen. He approached the screen carefully, seeing that a video was playing. Squinting, he recognized his father and youngest brother in the video, in some kind of a sooty closed cell, one that resembles the ones used in horror movies. “What the?!” Cumali said, incredulously. There was no sound, but it looked like Idris and Yamac were arguing, while the baby was pacing around with a phone in his hand, looking desperate. Cumali did not know what to make of it, but the video seemed real. It was too detailed, like it was some deranged documentary movie. For what was about to come next was very far from Cumali's wildest dreams. His brother started sobbing uncontrollably, and Cumali screamed when Yamac pointed the gun towards his own head. He took his breath when his hands were lowered, but stopped breathing soon after when Yamac directed the gun ahead and pulled the trigger. He couldn't breathe, he doesn't remember for how long. He just stood in his place, in the dark, for god knows how long until his legs naturally gave out on him. The voices in his head, the loud thumping of his heart was too loud to let him acknowledge any of his surroundings. When he came out of it and added the pictures together in his head, he finally understood the gist of what went down in the video. It all started to make sense to him. The family that was captured and mysteriously released with no explanation, the father that was dead with no one around to vouch for a killer, the baby...oh the baby! Tears went down his face, with an agonized expression, remembering the baby's shaking hands, wandering eyes, his unsteady movements. They were all signs. He should have noticed. He should have noticed, more than anyone else. Cumali, kneeling on the floor, sobbed, for the first time in years.
But he had to get up, he told himself. He needed to find the baby fast. That knot twisted in his baby's mind needed to be dealt with, before it explodes and the baby spirals out of control.
One phone call from Cumali, informing the baby of their rendezvous place, gathered the two in an old factory. It was raining heavily outside, the chilling wind flinging the decaying windows sideways with a thud echoing throughout the deserted open space inside.
Cumali arrived first, water dripping off his clothes. He took off his jacket, and started a fire in one of those rusty, metallic barrels, left on the side. After waiting for a good two hours, he heard some chattering coming from the other side of the factory. Not sure if it was Yamac or not, he stood up, right hand on the gun on his waist.
"Abi, I am so sorry. The traffic outside was terrible because of the rain, and I had no choice, but to park the car far away and walk the rest of the way," Yamac explained, drenched and out of breath.
"Hey, it's fine,'' Cumali approached him sympathetically, putting his hand on Yamac's right cheek. "You are all wet, though. You are going to catch a cold like this. Come and stand next to the fire!" Cumali urged him, guiding him towards the fire.
"So what's going on? You usually don't call to meet, so I thought you might be in some sort of trouble" Yamac asked, concerned, his arms extended over the burning flames.
"No, I am not in trouble, but something is troubling me. That's why I called you...But before everything, are you alright?" Cumali hesitated, not sure where to start, or how to discuss the matter with his brother. It wasn't an everyday topic, afterall, talking about how his brother killed their father.
"Abi, am fine. Why do you keep asking me that? The wound is almost all healed now" Yamac grunted, not understanding the reason behind his brother's excessive concern.
"That wound will heal eventually. I wasn't asking about that. I am talking about your other wounds. The ones I can't see, the ones you are hiding that are slowly eating you up from the inside"
"Abi, what do you know?" Yamac asked, taking a step back, his instinct propelling him to stay away from Cumali as far as possible.
"Hey. It's alright. I know everything, but I understand why you had to do what you did" Cumali blurted, taken aback by Yamac's sudden slow retreat. He wished that he would be able to discuss the matter calmly with Yamac, but Cumali, ever the simpleton, of course, didn't take into account Yamac's volatile psychological state.
"God, I am so sorry. I had to. I didn't have a choice. They were going to kill everyone…" Yamac confessed, terrified, keeping a safe distance between him and Cumali, that whenever Cumali took a step forward, the latter took one backward.
Cumali kept assuring his brother that it was fine, and that he understands, but it wasn't working. He couldn't even get close to Yamac, who kept pulling away every time Cumali made a move towards him. It then dawned on Cumali like the world crashing down on him that his brother was afraid of him. The idea itself shook the great Cumali to the core. After all, how can the baby think that his Abi can harm him in any way?!
"Are you afraid of...me?!" Cumali questioned, apprehensively, voice shaking from trying to hold back his distress. "Me…of all people?!...your own Abi!!!"
"I didn't mean to...I didn't have a choice...no choice…had to" Yamac repeated over and over again, his eyes seemingly lost in the terror of Cumali's realisation. Yamac's body was violently shivering, half way from the cold and drenched clothes and half way from his disturbed mind.
Cumali understood, finally, that his brother couldn't see him. He was just repeating the words, running through his head, while his all other sensory organs were shut down, leaving Yamac on autopilot.
"Bebee!" Cumali interrupted, hoping to get through to the baby's head. However, it was useless because soon after, Yamac's mantra began to slow down, the little energy he had left fading away till his eyes closed shut and legs gave out, Cumali running to him and barely able to catch him before he fell to the ground.
"Ahhh, god!! Wake up!!" Cumali screamed, shaking his lifeless form against him. After several minutes of yelling and shaking, Cumali dragged the boy's body home, and remained by his bedside, lost in thought of how they were going to get through this. Among the many trials and tribulations the Kocovalis faced, this was indeed the most traumatizing, threatening to nullify the very fabric of the Kocovali family and their existence. However, Cumali's main concern was the baby, the innocent baby who had been juggling from one disaster to another; his sanity slowly eroding with tragedies only known in greek legends. ‘Ahh, my misfortunate brother!’ Cumali mourned, head ducked down on the chair next to the bed. Helpless and distraught, he looked at their youngest, trying to figure out a way to get through to him, to make it right again.
Just then, Yamac’s eyelids fluttered. “Bebeeee!!! Can you hear me?” Cumali said, concerned, rising to sit next to Yamac's side of the bed. The younger man just looked at him confused and disoriented. He skipped a glance around, inquiring with his eyes about his whereabouts.
“We are in one of our old apartments,” Cumali assured him, stroking his arm.
“Ahh god, I have a terrible headache,” Yamac grunted, trying to sit up.
“Hey, easy, easy,” Cumali coaxed, placing a hand behind his back to raise him up. “I fed you two of the pills that were in your jacket pocket while you were asleep” Cumali told him, both of their eyes meeting in the same second. Yamac, however, turned his gaze away immediately as if he was hiding something. "Where did you get those pills?" Cumali asked again while Yamac remained silent, not making eye contact with Cumali. "I have read the bottles prescriptions, they are antidepressants, and sedatives. My question is why the hell are you on those and since when?!!" Cumali raised his voice this time, sounding more firm without scaring the boy again, or at least he tried.
"I...I…" Yamac hesitated, not knowing how to answer Cumali or from where to start, the whole idea of Cumali knowing about his crime sending waves of pain across his chest that he was thinking that he might be close to getting a heart attack. He was now gasping, and before he could realize, Cumali's left hand was on his shoulder, making him arch back in dread from what Cumali was going to do to him.
"Hey, hey, calm down" Cumali said, softly. " I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just worried". He regretted immediately using that harsh tone with Yamac, he just wanted answers out of worry, nothing else, but somehow his brother kept interpreting his signals in a wrong way. Comprehending the complexity and fragility of the situation, Cumali decided to count each step carefully, which is uncharacteristically not like him, but there was a first time for everything, and if he didn't learn how to be gentle now when the baby needed him the most, then when will it ever matter?
He shushed him softly, squeezing his brother's forearm to maintain contact. "Yamac, there is something that you need to know before everything. You could murder the entire world, and I wouldn't care because you are my baby brother, and nothing can change that"
"Even If...I...killed...your father...our father" Yamac stammered, raising his hands to cover his ears. His eyes and cheeks flushed red and his veins popping out of his neck and temple, that Cumali thought his brother might implode from all the mental pressure and agony.
Cumali, sensing the need to intervene quickly, held his brother, enclosing him in his arms protectively. He shushed him, and pressed him tightly against his chest, in an attempt to rid him of his racked mind and tortured thoughts. In his big brother embrace, Yamac unexpectedly was able to calm down, his craziness contained and subdued by his brother. For the first time in months, Yamac felt a stronger force repressing his sadistic mind, that was rewinding the scene of his father's murder over and over till the breaking point. However, within the confines of his older brother's strong arms and ripped torso, Yamac felt safe, and at ease, the earlier shadows that were threatening to take over him, retreating, as if frightened by Cumali's overwhelming aura.
Cumali could feel him still in his arms, the shaking and sobbing coming to a halt. Checking from over his shoulder, he saw his brother's placid complexion.
"Yamaç, hey, are you alright?" He inquired, breaking away from their embrace. Yamac instantly grabbed his brother's forearm out of fear that the shadows would return with the loss of contact. Cumali noticed, and maintained skin contact with his hands over his brother's shoulder. "A...am fine now. Am sorry for earlier, Abi"
"Shhh, it's fine as long as you are fine," Cumali looked into his little brother's eyes, making sure to relay the message clearly to his brother that nothing matters to him more than his own safety, that he knows him more than anyone else, that he was the kid he raised with his own hands, and he knows that he wouldn't do something as atrocious unless he was forced to and he can guess who is to blame for this entire mess.
"Hey, look at me!! I need you to keep it together" Cumali directed, holding Yamac's face in his hands. "Because it's time we settled our debts"
"What do you mean?!" Yamac asked, trying to escape from his brother's hold, afraid to meet his eyes, lest he says something about their father's vengeance.
"Look at me, Yamac Kocovali" he ordered with his big brother tone. "The real culprits are out there. The one who ended our father" he added, closing his eyes at the mention of his father's demise; it was too hard for him to accept it that he couldn't imagine how awful it felt to Yamac. Yamac absorbed his brother's words cautiously, waiting for the punchline, anxiously digging his nails into Cumali's forearm. Cumali knew that this was going to be a hard line to cross, but they had to have had this conversation sooner or later, and get all the doubt and blame out of the way.
"I don't blame you for a second. If I were you, I would have done the same thing. So it's time that you stopped blaming yourself as well and focused with me now on what's really important!!" Cumali emphasized, clasping his brother’s hands. “Is it vengeance we are going to seek?” Yamac challenged, the idea of vengeance not as fascinating as it used to be. He drove Yucel crazy, killed Azer’s family, but neither proved worthwhile. His wife and father were still gone, and the chronic pounding in his head persevered. He had finally come to realize that vengeance does not stop the cycle of pain and misery, only adds more branches and entanglements to the existing devastation.
“Vengeance! No,no. We are way past that,” Cumali snarked, lifting his head swelling with pride. The pride that has been tarnished and scarred by incompetent fools and castaways. The problem with Cumali is that deep down no one understood that his pursuit of vengeance was a way for him to remedy his wounded pride. It was instilled in his brain from a very young age that the Kocovalis were the authority in town with no one daring to speak their names out loud. However, after recent events, they brought his family’s name to shame, while he stood by and watched. But his enemies did not stop there. It wasn't enough for them to kill his family and expel them out of Cukur, they just had to top it with forever scaring his brother by making him kill his own father. Now, shaming the Kocovalis was one thing, and messing with the baby was a whole different thing. Vengeance was no longer enough, for what he was about to do to his enemies was far worse in scale and magnitude.
"Son, this is WAR!!!" Cumali yelled, startling Yamac who flinched out of surprise. But it didn't faze Cumali who was burning with the desire to destroy. He brought Yamac's forehead to his forcefully, Yamac still having not eased up to his older brother, expecting to get hit every time Cumali makes a move. Cumali frustrated, let out a huge sigh while still holding onto the back of Yamac's head. He thought to himself, then, that he needed to take it slowly with the baby, and be patient with him until he recovers. It was his duty afterall to fix his baby brother. He could even hear his own father from the grave entrusting him with the task of saving the baby.
"Yamac Kocovali, are you with me or not?!" Cumali inquired, eyes fierce and determined, while Yamac's eyes wandered around the room, dazed and unfocused. But with his forehead against his brother's, there was nowhere to escape, not even within himself, knowing fully well that his brother won't allow him, always the persistent one. He frowned, and looked this time inside Cumali's brown irises, seeing his own reflection in their hazel glaze, "I am with you. Let's put an end to it all"