Work Text:
when eight year old bang chan hung over the side of his bed to look for his pokemon cards, he didn't expect a pair of brown eyes to stare back.
it was ten at night, way past his bedtime. before he could fall asleep, the kid remembered that he was supposed to show his best friend, woojin, his pokemon cards the next day so they could trade. he was excited; no one ever asked chan to trade cards with them. they always wanted his help with schoolwork, though. nothing else.
no one ever really realized that chan was there. he always had his nose stuck in a book, whether it be filled with drawings or just filled with words. he liked math and science, but absolutely despised reading and social studies. he was still passing them all; an all a student, one that his teachers constantly bragged to his parents about. yet, he was lonely and wished that the kids in his class would just play cards with him. woojin finally was that kid.
but this boy was not woojin.
chan only stares, no sounds coming from him as he looked at the boy under his bed. the boy had brown hair that fell across his forehead and big bug eyes that looked almost scared. chan could only tilt his head before speaking.
"can you hand me my pokemon cards? i need them," he says, not even asking the stray kid under his bed why he was there. the boy's eyes widened before he nodded frantically, grabbing the stack of twenty cards and handing them to chan. "thanks!"
then chan's head disappeared, and the kid under his bed was all alone.
in his hands, chan shuffled through his cards. a pikachu card, a piplup, and some card he couldn't even attempt to pronounce. he didn't want to mess it up, though, so he just simply set it to the side, deciding he would ask woojin tomorrow.
"can i look?"
chan's eyes flickered up to see the boy standing in front of him now, decked out in dinosaur pajamas and fuzzy socks. he looked alone, afraid to be in chan's room, so chan only grinned and scoot over, allowing the boy to take a seat next to him.
this was the first time chan met the monster under his bed, felix.
it was a joke between the two kids for a few months. that felix was a monster that lived beneath chan's bed, providing him company when the older couldn't sleep. chan learned that felix was six ("you're two years younger than me!") and enjoyed wearing socks and looking at the stars.
of course, chan was quite confused on the whole situation. he didn't know where felix even lived, why he didn't go to his school, why he always wound up under his bed. it always made him want to ask felix, beg for answers, but felix was still a little kid. he probably didn't understand much about it, either.
christmas eve night was the most fun chan ever had. felix came that night, sliding out from under his bed, green fuzzy socks going up his shins and a buttoned down green dinosaur pajama set. he looked comfy, ready to hear santa arrive that night. his little fists rubbed at his eyes when he stood up, and chan immediately found himself grow happy.
felix was the one to suggest they build a fort in chan's room. they planned it out: they were going to tie sheets up on any surface they could, make a whole blanket over chan's bed and over a lamp. chan only smiled at the idea, deciding he liked it when the smaller kid was happy and smiling. all they had to do was sneak out of chan's room and go to the linen closet to get supplies; something chan was very nervous about, considering his parents could still be wide awake.
"we'll be okay!" felix exclaimed a little too loudly, causing chan to erupt in a fit of giggles. he's surprised that his parents don't hear him. "i'll go with you!"
needless to say, chan's door creaks open as they peer down the hallway. the lights from the christmas tree downstairs cast a yellowish glow up the stairs, and felix points it out, as if asking what light was on.
"christmas tree," chan whispers. "christmas is tomorrow! we can play with all my toys tomorrow night."
felix seems content with that reply, grinning wider than chan's ever seen.
as chan slips out the door, he reaches out and grabs felix's smaller hand. he doesn't want felix getting left behind in the dark, and he can tell the younger doesn't like the dark very much. he's reminded this when the small boy grips his hand tightly, fear showing through the hand hold.
when they reach the linen closet, felix lets out a small whimper. chan gently shushes him, gently opening the closet so the door doesn't make much noise. as soon as it's open, he's shoving blankets and sheets into felix's arms, telling him to scramble back to the room so they can get the fort up. felix only nods and runs off, his footsteps sounding like stomps. chan winces.
they don't get caught, though. after twenty minutes of putting the blankets and sheets up, their fort looks safe; it looks cozy. felix is giggling more than ever, taking a seat on a pillow that chan puts on the floor. his eyes are full of childlike wonder, like he was so taken aback at a simple fort. chan laughs.
after christmas, the boys grow closer. chan sleeps less and less with the hope of a visit from felix. the younger grew excited to see him often, always seeming to slide out from the bottom of chan's bed when the older can't sleep. chan is still in wonder on how felix does it and where he comes from, but he's too obsessed with felix to ever remember to ask the simple questions.
when chan's nine, he starts becoming obsessed with school again. he sticks his nose in all his work, and his brain seems to forget about felix. the boy doesn't show up for months, and when he finally does, it's because chan is crying.
it's quite upsetting. woojin tells chan that he can't come to his birthday party because they're not very close and he's only inviting people he's close with. chan feels alone again, like he has zero friends. it's ten again and he's sobbing alone, palms pressed against his eyes as he sobs.
"are you okay?" comes felix's voice, and chan's head snaps up.
felix is growing up, too. he's still wearing fuzzy socks, but now he's wearing a normal shirt and some shorts. his eyes look tired, like he was trying to sleep before chan started crying. it makes chan feel guilty, like he just disturbed someone from getting something they needed.
he shakes his head, mumbling out an, "i'm okay," before looking down. he hates that he's forgotten to stay up to let felix see him. he feels horrible for not asking the boy how he was doing, for not checking up on him. "do you want something to eat? there's some left over halloween candy i still need to finish."
felix tilts his head like chan did the first time they ever met, and chan chuckles. "what's halloween?"
chan's eyes widen as his mouth drops open, tears and woojin all forgotten about. "you don't know what halloween is? how do you not know?"
the room goes quiet as felix shrugs and puts his arms around himself. his cheeks are slightly red from embarrassment, and chan feels himself frown. he had to give felix some candy, now. if felix didn't go trick-or-treating, then chan would treat him to the best bunches of candy he had!
"i'll be right back!" he tells felix, jumping up from his bed. "sit down. i'll go get you some candy and tell you about halloween. maybe we could watch coraline, too! that's my favorite scary movie."
he hurries from his room, running down the stairs to the kitchen. he doesn't hesitate to grab his halloween bag full with candy. chan shoves handfuls into his pockets, not even noticing when a throat clears in the doorway.
"chan, honey, it's almost eleven. you're supposed to be sleeping, not eating candy," chan finally hears his mother say, and with a frown, he lets his hand slowly come from the bag. "now, how about we put some of that up and go to bed? i think you need some good sleep."
chan grumbles, only putting at least one handful from his pocket into the bag. he knows his mother won't even try to check to make sure he puts it all up, and he knows that felix deserves candy. there was no way he was going to tell her about felix, though; she would make felix leave.
so he goes back upstairs, closing the door behind him before his mom can come in. she says a goodnight from behind the door, only making chan's eyes roll. he didn't want to be caught but he was - how horrible.
felix is perched at the side of chan's bed, wonder in his eyes as chan inches nearer and pulls out the handfulls of candy he still brought. "i don't like chocolate very much. kind of like suckers and jolly ranchers way more, you know?" he tells felix, setting all the candy next to the boy. "but i can share those with you, too!"
"thank you," whispers felix as he picks up a kit-kat, examining the wrapper. "i've never had candy. don't really think i want any. my tummy is upset." and with that, he looks at chan with the biggest puppy dog eyes a kid can give, as if begging chan to get out of eating all the sugary treats in front of them. "'m sorry."
"don't worry about it," chan assures, but feeling his mood slightly drop; he was hoping that the candy would make on of felix's pretty smiles come on. but he smiles at the younger, gathering the candy up and putting it in his nightstand drawer. "wanna watch coraline now? it's a good movie about this girl who doesn't really like her parents so she finds a secret door and discovers her other family!"
felix tilts his head in interest. "other family? what does that mean?"
chan thinks for a minute before heading to the small tv in the corner of his room. he picks up the coraline cd case before turning back to felix. "let's find out together!"
needless to say that felix loved the movie.
when chan turned ten, he learns from his classmates what a 'crush' is. all his friends are liking girls in their classes, and chan can't help but grow bored. he didn't want to date a girl, it seemed boring and dumb. his mom says that when she was sixteen, she fell in love with his dad; so maybe he should wait until he's sixteen, too!
felix shows up most nights, and chan notices that the boy grows up more, too. his freckles shine on his cheeks, and his smile only seems to grow brighter. he gets sleepy really easily with chan, though, not that he really minds - felix almost feels like his best friend, someone he can trust with everything.
his family still knows nothing about the boy, not that chan wanted to tell. felix could have a tough family life and not need to be caught, or maybe he was just an orphan! chan hated thinking that felix could have no family or something, considering the boy seemed well taken cared of, but chan was only ten. his mind liked to wander.
eleven. felix is nine and getting older. chan starts relying on felix for everything, including sleep help.
twelve. felix is ten. a whisper of, "i'm scared," one night when they're trying to sleep. chan gives him his favorite stuffed animal and tells him that they'll be okay.
when thirteen rolls around, felix is gone.
chan can't even remember the boy anymore, and it's like he's wiped from his memory. he becomes best friends with lee minho, a boy in his grade, and soon enough, he's staying over most nights. with minho is when he finally remembers felix, and that's also when he finally tells someone.
"i had a best friend growing up," chan tells minho one night as they're sitting on minho's bed, dinner plates empty in front of them. "he didn't go to our school - he kind of just showed up sometimes out of nowhere. he was really sweet and helped me fall asleep, but he would always disappear by the time i woke up. i didn't get to actually get to know him, yet he got to know everything about me." he frowns. "i miss him a lot."
minho nods, sticking a piece of gum into his mouth. "i had a situation like that. except he was really talkative and liked making a mess of my room. whenever i woke up, it was oddly clean. it was a weird few years of my life," he says, leaning back into his pillows. "his name was jisung and he was the coolest dude i've ever met."
the older of the two reached over and slapped minho, causing the boy to laugh. minho throws his hands up in defense, yelling a "you're the second!" before chan picked up a pillow and threw it directly at his face.
chan thinks nothing of the fact that minho knows what he's talking about - he just ignores the information like it's normal to have a random boy appear in your room whenever you can't sleep. soon chan's fourteen, then fifteen, then sixteen - felix seems like a lost dream somewhere.
sixteen. what a year. minho and him try the dating thing everyone seems to rave about; it doesn't work right. minho grows anxious and uncomfortable with being romantic with his best friend, so they end on mutual terms, happily becoming each other's best friend again. chan doesn't really know how to feel about it at first, his crush on minho weighing him down as he agrees that they should end their relationship.
he hasn't cried this hard since he was nine when woojin told chan he couldn't come to his birthday party. except this time, chan can feel his heart hit the bottom of his stomach and beg to come up through his throat, choking on his tears as he sobs over the first love he's ever felt towards a boy. one that didn't work, one that wouldn't work, one that would continue to hurt him for a while.
"why does this feel so familiar?"
and when chan looks up, he can't believe his eyes.
fourteen year old felix stands in front of him, planets circling around his eyes as he awkwardly plays with his fingers. his hair is the prettiest color of purple, like a lilac, and it makes chan think of stardust. the boy seems to be glitter, standing here in front of him, and chan can't help but happily laugh through his sobs, reaching his arms out and begging for a hug from where he sits on his bed.
the fourteen year old walks forward and wraps his arms around chan's shoulders, unsure how to even hug while he's sitting and felix is standing. they hug like this for a little over thirty seconds before the older pulls away, wiping away his tears with the sleeve of his sweater. felix looks beautiful, and chan hates that he's even thinking that as he's here crying over lee minho.
"what happened?" asks felix, finally taking a seat on the ground and leaning back so he can see chan. the freckles on his cheeks remind chan of constellations, and he can't believe how much felix just reminds him of space. "i haven't seen you cry for years."
chan nods, coughing. "and i haven't seen you for a few years. i missed my best friend, you know."
a laugh echoes around the room, and chan is surprised when he realizes how beautiful even felix's laugh sounds. he can't believe he's calling felix beautiful, either - how strange it was to be distracted by a person in front of him.
"you haven't needed me," is his reply, and he's running a hand through his hair. "believe it or not, i've been trying to make sure you've been safe. it's the least i can do." before chan can say anything, felix yelps loudly. "i don't mean i've been stalking you! i mean, i guess it could almost mean that, but i swear that wasn't the intention at all! i was just making sure you were doing good and you didn't do anything rash or hurtful towards yourself."
for fourteen, he seemed oddly mature. chan doubts he was this mature at felix's age, and he's shocked. felix seems like he's growing up so fast, learning more about the world than chan even has.
so chan tells him. "i dated my best friend. he wasn't happy so we broke up. but i have a huge crush on him. does that make sense? i just still have feelings for him and shit." he curses for the first time in a while, not even noticing that felix raises an eyebrow. "i don't want to tell him, either. he wasn't happy. it's not fair. it feels like that would be guilting him and making him feel like just because i like him means that he has to date me again. i want him to find joy in someone that makes his day shine. you know?"
"i get that. i do," felix replies, standing up. "chan, it's midnight and you should be getting some sleep, though. i don't want you to be tired all day at school."
the conversation felt too short, and chan is frowning. was felix trying to get rid of him so fast? why didn't he want to spend time with him, catch up on everything they missed out on when felix disappeared for years?
"i was hoping i could catch up with you," chan says quietly, but he moves over to the wall so that felix can lay beside him. felix smiles widely, sitting in the area that chan has left him. "can i at least… i don't know. cuddle? just to make sure you don't disappear in the middle of the night?"
a giggle tumbles from felix's lips as he nods and lays down facing chan. the older, too scared to actually cuddle, reaches out and grabs one of felix's hands, watching felix's eyelids flutter shut. chan's eyes drift over felix's face, taking in his freckles.
"i never even got my first kiss with him," he whispers into the night, hoping it reaches felix's ears. the boy opens an eye.
"i've never been kissed before. but maybe that's a good thing."
chan frowns. "good? do you not want to be kissed by someone?"
felix sighs softly. "get some sleep, chan," he whispers, shutting his eyes again.
he spends the night counting felix's freckles. he gets to eleven before he passes out against his pillow, mouth slightly ajar as soft snores fall.
when chan wakes up, felix is gone.