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..Wang Yibo is nothing Xiao Zhan expected him to be. He is nothing he would expect from anyone his age, really.
Or from anyone in this industry, that is.
Rough around the edges in his bluntness and yet dazzling like a diamond, more real than so many — too many — people around him with their fake polished shine, Wang Yibo takes him by surprise.
He is like fresh air, a warm summer wind, with a touch of sunshine, with impatience and stubbornness and some pure naivety of youth. Xiao Zhan is amazed the boy has managed to stay this way, early fame seemingly not affecting him at all, at least not the core of him. It is surprising to see this strange mix of humble, genuine and yet confident and seemingly selfish. Even before getting to know him, this is already on the surface, for everyone to see. Contradicting itself and confusing, most likely pushing many people away, but making Xiao Zhan want to earn enough trust to be able to look deeper, past the hard shells of indifferent I don’t care what you think of me and almost aggressive Tell me how good I am.
It takes less time and significantly less effort than Xiao Zhan has anticipated for it to take. Guarded with almost everyone, either slow to trust or simply not interested, Wang Yibo opens to him just after short couple of weeks they’ve known each other. He does it with bright smiles and curious eyes, that are following each and every of Xiao Zhan’s moves.
He talks about his hobbies, when they have a spare moment, briefly at first, as if testing the ground, looking almost surprised when Xiao Zhan doesn’t interrupt him, and then beaming when Xiao Zhan asks questions, and looking at him with almost childish rapture in his eyes, so eager to share what he is passionate about, so evidently happy that someone is interested.
It is much later when Wang Yibo rants angrily to Xiao Zhan in the privacy of one of their hotel rooms about the dullness of the interviewers who keep asking him the same stupid questions about his hobbies not even willing to listen to a full answer.
It is a shame, Xiao Zhan thinks, that most people find themselves more than satisfied with the image Wang Yibo presents for them to see. Granted, it is a beautiful image. Just the right combination of unapproachable and endearing to keep the fans interest aflame, to make them guess and wonder.
Perhaps because of the time they’ve spent together on the CQL set, or because of just the way he is with the people he is close with, Wang Yibo is sensitive to all the changes in Xiao Zhan’s mood.
He sees when Xiao Zhan is starting to get tired, and becomes even a more constant presence in his personal space, plainly annoying him with his mocking and teasing and the constant chanting of his name, grinning devilishly when Xiao Zhan snaps at him, and lighting up when Xiao Zhan allows him to coax a smile out of him.
There are days when Xiao Zhan’s exhaustion makes it hard for him to distinguish where he ends and Wei WuXian begins, all the worst traits of the character he is playing are emerging on the surface of his mind, and he is groggy, and angry, and extremely short fused. Wang Yibo is quiet at such times, still following him everywhere if the scripts allow this, watching him during the breaks, but not touching, not bothering. Xiao Zhan even spots him throwing intimidating glares at the others as if telling them to stay away.
Next time Wang Yibo gets all fidgety, when Xiao Zhan is crying after finishing one of the most difficult scenes. He is fussing around Xiao Zhan, coughing nervously, clearly wanting to help, to comfort and not knowing how. He reminds Xiao Zhan a bit of Jianguo, who often having caught a whiff of her owner’s distress would get anxious in her worry, climbing on his lap, purring intensely, trying to soothe her beloved human as much as she can, not understanding what made him so upset.
Wang Yibo is a warm silent presence beside him, and his sympathetic anxiety should probably make it only more difficult for Xiao Zhan to deal with his stress, but it doesn’t.
Wang Yibo is just sitting there with him, blinking with a lost expression when Xiao Zhan looks up at him through the veil of his tears. Wang Yibo’s eyes are reddened like he is about to cry too just from seeing Xiao Zhan like that, and Xiao Zhan doesn’t understand why someone would get that upset over his distress.
He lectures Xiao Zhan about forgetting to eat sometimes or eating too little, when he is too tired to stomach anything, and brings him snacks and sweets every time he returns to the set from Produce 101 .
He reminds Xiao Zhan not to overexert himself, scolds him after a day on the set when Xiao Zhan has to get an IV in between the scenes, then praises him half-mockingly for working so hard, insists on not being tired at all, because he ought to keep up with Xiao-laoshi and then never tells him of having to go to a hospital after getting sick on the set from exhaustion, Xiao Zhan learning about this much later from others.
He steals Xiao Zhan’s tea and teases him between the takes. He screams his name while they wait for the filming to start if they are farther than at an arm’s reach, and hits him if the scene allows them to stand closer.
He doesn’t complain about the soreness in his eyes but smiles, happy, when Xiao Zhan shares his eye drops with him.
He silently listens to Xiao Zhan’s whining about Japanese food and then takes him to the Japanese restaurant when they have a free evening.
He is helping him learning his dance for an upcoming show and never agrees when Xiao Zhan keeps telling him how much better he is at this.
He is teasing Xiao Zhan for how many lines he has to learn compared to Wang Yibo, mocking him about it for hours to no end on set, and then patiently helps him practice after, when they are resting in one of their hotel rooms.
He offers to teach him skateboarding and take him for a ride on his motorcycle ― Only you, Zhan-ge, you should feel special, ― and screams that he loves him right in the open, and Xiao Zhan plays along, sticking out his tongue at him, but by then he knows Wang Yibo well enough already to know there is barely any actual joke in it despite his teasing tone.
When Xiao Zhan is too tired of the heat and long day on the set, and Wang Yibo is almost glowing in his white airy clothes, looking fresh, bright and ethereal like the long filming under the hot summer sun is not taking its toll on him, Xiao Zhan thinks that Wang Yibo is like a closed flower bud, beautiful outside but with even more beauty hidden behind closed petals, and getting to know him, learning him is like seeing those petals open one at a time in manifestation of trust.
He tells him that.
“Lao Wang is so beautiful, like a flower,” he says sleepily. And he doesn’t even have to ask Wang Yibo to hit him to help him stay awake this time.
Getting to know him is learning that his I don’t care what you think of me is not arrogance but resolve to keep doing what he set his mind to despite possible negative feedback and unavoidable failures.
Becoming someone he can trust, is finding out that Tell me how good I am is not selfishness but confidence in his abilities, and acknowledgment that there is always room for growth and improvement.
It is also a little boy hiding behind that ‘cool guy’ facade who is thirsty for praise like a man would be for water in a desert, some tentative, tender side of him peeking out with each of his Was I good, Zhan-ge? and then blooming after getting a positive answer.
The photos from his photoshoots and videos with new tricks he has learned to do on a skateboard Wang Yibo sends to Xiao Zhan is not bragging but his desire for his gege to be proud of him.
And Xiao Zhan is. Of Wang Yibo standing up after every fall from his skateboard to go on again, of him not giving up on the racing after his motorcycle fails him, of him finally taking a new note in his singing.
Wang Yibo attaches himself to Xiao Zhan’s hip when they meet again for CQL promotion, like months apart didn’t happen, and watches him, looks at him, smiles at him.
Most of the events they attend together ― is seeing from the corner of his eye Wang Yibo blatantly admire him, and Xiao Zhan should’ve probably gotten used to it by now, but he doesn’t want to take this for granted, so he lets himself be warmed by this open admiration.
It is fluttering but puzzling. That with the way Wang Yibo is. Xiao Zhan thinks it is him who should be looking at Wang Yibo like that, but he can’t hold his gaze for too long, blinded.
Xiao Zhan is no one special, really, just an ordinary guy in the beginning of his acting career. And Wang Yibo is a star. Not in the celebrity sense of the word but the one of those that shine on the dark sky with their raw light.
He catches himself thinking this during another show when they are about to perform Wuji and Wang Yibo is rising slowly from beneath the stage looking at him with shining eyes, and it should take him by surprise, but it just seems inevitable.
Xiao Zhan didn’t plan to fall in love. Not in Wang Yibo, not in anyone. He entered this industry and decided to put such matters aside to focus on his career. He’s had his share of romance when he was younger, collected good and bad memories, reflected on them, grew from that experience and moved on.
He’s made his peace with the idea of not having neither time nor opportunity to invest in any close relationship in the next several years.
So he didn’t plan to fall in love, didn’t really want to, almost hasn’t believed he even could. And when he recognises the warm feeling that is blooming in his chest every time he only just thinks of Wang Yibo, it is too late to do anything about it.
It is a pull he can’t go against, it is a near childish rapture of seeing someone he respects and treasures so much smile to him, it is an almost painful urge to see, hear, touch, take care of.
It is so hard to resist.
He looks Wang Yibo in the eyes, and thinks,
You are so real.
And,
I can’t believe you exist .
And,
I can’t believe you chose me as the center to revolve around.
There is no real shift in their relationship, just a smooth transition to something deeper; Wang Yibo, as if really already connected to Xiao Zhan on some emotional level, seems to feel the change. Or perhaps Xiao Zhan really can’t keep his feelings from showing up in his smile.
It is a transition that adds more to what makes Wang Yibo so special to him.
It is the little things.
Their hands brushing briefly when it is all they can allow themselves do. Their fingers intertwining the moment there is no one around to see them, thumb brushing bony fingers, that are squeezing tight like the thought of letting go physically hurts.
It is the curl of his lips when he smiles against Xiao Zhan’s mouth. The warmth of his breath, the heat of his skin under Xiao Zhan’s fingers..
The fingertips running tenderly along that jawline, getting caught by white teeth bared in a smile. The light tightness in the corners of his eyes. Not the kind that appears in distress but the light, happy one.
I could draw you , Xiao Zhan thinks. And he could, but never does. The thin layer of graphite on the sheet of paper would never do justice. Would never reflect the light he sees and the warmth he feels.
I could draw you , he thinks. And he draws his fingers along the long neck instead, down to the sharp collarbones. Probing them with his skin, taking in the heat of the other’s body. Taking in the heat of the other’s gaze on him.
You burn me. Your love is like fire . Unescapable. Hot. Bright. Consuming.
Your love is like a wave of warm air. It brushes over him, covers him, stealing his breath away. And when he emerges and his lungs expand in inhale, another comes. And then another. Wave after wave until it is everywhere. Until he drowns in it. Breathing it in, letting it fill his lungs to the point when it hurts. To the point when he can’t imagine the times when he could breathe without it.
Your love is overwhelming. Your love fills all the places around me and you.
It is the little things.
His quiet steps behind him, hot soft lips pressed at the back of his neck. Arms circled around his waist. Tight, possessive, almost desperate.
Don’t push me away. Don’t leave. Don’t ever stop letting me do this.
And he never does.
