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BAZ
I stop outside our door and take in a deep breath. No one is around. They don’t have to see how I steel myself before entering our room. Before facing him.
The impossible Simon Snow. Why do you always have to be so fucking bright and annoying? Maybe if you weren’t then I could handle being near you. I wouldn’t feel like I was going to burn alive at any second.
I open the door and am ready to go straight to my bed but realize that the room was empty. No Snow.
Well I guess my night won’t be so horrible.
I’m certain I saw Snow heading this way after classes.
He was running. He looked red in the face and ready to fight. He is always ready to fight.
Just last week we got into a fight. Another one. He threw the first punch. I did not do a single thing. Except maybe I did spell his jacket with Button Up. Bunce had to spell it off him. If said in a different way he wouldn’t be able to speak but after my last attempt at that I refused to try it again.
He came after me in the dining hall. His fist connected with my jaw before I could do anything.
The whole thing ended up with him bleeding from the nose and me a small gash above my eye. It’s all healed now. It was mostly healed a few hours after the fight.
I take off my school jacket and carefully hang it up in my wardrobe. My eyes dart to my mirror where I can see his empty bed. His pillow askew. It is a little further down on the bed. It always is. It bothers me. He sleeps in a ball so the pillow is never where it should be.
I go over and fix it. He wouldn’t notice. I turn and am about to take a step towards his bed but stop myself. I am not going to stoop so low. He can fix his own bed when he returns from wherever he ran off to.
Maybe he is on a date with Wellbelove. That is what people do on Friday nights. Go on dates. But it is more likely that he is off with Bunce. Those two are insufferable and inseparable.
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. There is no use thinking about it now. I need to feed. If anyone is looking out for me then Snow will still not be here when I’m done.
Snow was not back when I returned last night. And he is not here now. I suppose he could have returned and left already. It is not unlike Snow to rush off to breakfast. He is never late for food.
But the room doesn’t even smell like Snow. Well, it does. But not from any recent visit. There is just the faintest whiff of smoke.
I will not think about this any longer. Snow being gone for the weekend is perfect for me. I can stay in the room and not have to worry about him coming in and ruining everything. Like he does every time he returns.
I get dressed and go downstairs. I’ll get some breakfast and head back to the room where I will eat in peace.
That is if Snow doesn’t come back. He better come back.
As much as I hate thinking about Snow, I really can’t help myself. It’s my curse. And yes, love is a curse. Take it from someone who must live with being cursed every day.
Being a vampire is only a little worse than being in love. I can at least do someone about being a vampire. I can’t do anything about being in love with Snow.
I can kill Snow. I will have to try some day. That would solve this being in love thing.
I shake those thoughts away and focus on my homework. It’s easy. I don’t know why I have to do it. I’m the best in our class for a reason. Second best. But I refuse to think about that now.
Snow is definitely not on a date. He isn’t usually out for so long unless he was off on some stupid mission for The Mage. Him and his friends don’t do anything interesting. They run off and practice spells. Well, Snow does. I’m not saying I’ve followed them. That would be beneath me.
He has been gone since Friday morning. I saw him in all our classes of course but as soon as they were done, he was off running. It is now Sunday.
I had spent two nights without him bothering me. Without him smelling up the room or acting like a pig. Without hearing him breath.
Him and Bunce must be off fighting something. I wonder what it is. Maybe another dragon. Snow the savage. I can’t believe people think he’s the good guy.
Simon Snow has never missed a class unless something was absolutely wrong. He has missed two days now. It’s useless for him to go to classes, he is the worst mage to ever walk the earth, but he still never misses them.
I don’t let the worry show though. Bunce isn’t even in classes. Her mother would be coming down on the entire school if something had happened to her so it can’t be that bad.
Agatha is here and she looks just as worried. Shouldn’t she know where her boyfriend is?
I keep glancing to their usual seats. Not obviously of course. Just enough to wonder even more about them.
Something bad has happened. I refuse to think that he’s…
I get back up to our room and let myself relax a bit. And by relax, I mean stress. Snow being away is causing me more stress than anything else right now.
It has been four days. Four days. I should be rejoicing. But the whole being in love with Snow is getting in the way.
I’m good at hiding things though. I feel everything on the inside and nothing on the outside. I am smooth and cool. I am a Pitch. I don’t lose my cool.
No one knows where Snow is though. A few people were talking about it. I made sure to scoff loudly at their comments. They’re all wondering the same thing as I am.
Where is Snow? What happened to him?
They’re probably all thinking I’ve done something to him.
If I have wouldn’t I look smug? With that I decide to look smug for the rest of the day.
I go back to our room after feeding. My eyes keep glancing to the door despite knowing that Snow is not going to come in. Even without vampire hearing I could hear Snow stomping up the stairs.
I can’t help the thoughts that start coming. The nasty ones.
What if Snow is dead? What does that mean for the world of mages?
If Snow was dead, then everyone would be better off. The old families would be happy. My father would be disappointed because I didn’t kill him but there is nothing, I can do about that.
Those ifs start disappearing.
Simon Snow is dead. There is no reason to believe otherwise at this point.
Would The Mage announce it to everyone?
“Yes, hello, the chosen one I told you all about is dead. He probably wasn’t the chosen one to begin with because he is the shittiest mage we have ever had known. I’m a fraud. Elect another Pitch to the seat of headmaster,” The Mage would say.
All his work would be discredited.
It would be best to keep Snow’s death a secret. Especially from me. I would send word straight back to the old families and they would go straight for The Mage. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing.
I get up quickly from my bed. If my heart was beating in a way that I could feel I am sure it would be going off the charts right now. I can’t handle it anymore.
The silence.
The way the room feels empty. Where is he?
Dead. That’s where he is. He’s dead. Simon Snow is dead.
Praise Crowley. I can finally live at peace.
If I can live at peace, then why doesn’t this feel peaceful? I mean, I know why but…
I walk over to Snow’s bed and grab his pillow. He’s dead, he’s not going to care if I move it.
I toss the pillow up against his headboard and sneer. I then turn to his wardrobe.
He’s dead.
I pull open the doors and start yanking out his clothes. It is all uniforms except for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt at the bottom that he arrived in on the first day of school.
He’s dead and I won’t have to care about killing him anymore.
I grab the top of the wardrobe and tug it all down. I don’t care that I’m crying.
Am I crying? He’s dead and I’m crying.
I’m not crying. The old families would be appalled. My father would tell me to pull myself together and get over it. If he knew that I was hopelessly in love with Simon Snow he would send me away, even though he is dead.
I’m tearing up his notebooks now. One page at a time.
He’s dead and I have to get over it.
He’s dead and everything is still burning.
Simon Snow, you impossible boy. You’re dead and I’m stuck with my feelings.
I’m in love with someone who is dead.
When I stop doing what I was doing, I refuse to call it a tantrum, I spell everything back to its place. I watch as the wardrobe, clothes, and even that awful pillow move back into its original spot.
I’m will not worry about this any longer. But it still hurts, and my cheeks are still shining with tears I did not cry.
If I could turn my wand on myself and spell As You Were I would but what would that even do? I was feeling this way before.
Instead I get up and leave.
When I return The Mage is in our room.
He’s dead. It’s my room. There is nothing ours anymore. My room. My door. My bathroom. All mine.
I sneer at The Mage. He’s touching Snow’s things. I want to rip the clothes out of his hands and bite him. Drain him dry. I would if I wasn’t so sure he would taste like sewage.
I think that would be the only time my father would be happy with me being a vampire.
“Look father, the chosen one is dead, and I’ve got The Mage too,” I would tell him. He would probably forgive me for being in love with someone who is dead.
Instead I square up my shoulders and look at The Mage. My eyes are steel. “Why are you here?” I ask.
The Mage turns to me as if he just noticed me. That makes me sneer more. “I am gathering Simon’s things,” he says.
Definitely dead.
“Not that I have to explain anything to you, Mr. Pitch,” he says after a beat. He folds a shirt over his arm. He turns to his work before looking at me again. “I will not be long. Feel free to go about your day.”
My hands ball into fists. I want to hit him. I want to spell him so far away from me right now that I even start reaching for my wand.
How dare he act so casual when Simon Snow is clearly dead. He is gathering the things of his dead heir.
Stop touching Snow’s things. Stop it. Stop it.
“Where is Snow…” I pause, wondering if I should add on sir at the end. I suppose if I want information I do. “Sir.”
I expect him to look panicked. To realize that I’ve caught on to his little scheme. Pretending that Snow is alive will not work for me you tyrant. I live with him. If he stops showing up, then I’ll know you’re lying and expose you.
Instead he gives me an odd look. He doesn’t even flinch.
“He is in the infirmary,” The Mage informs me. It’s as casual as any other conversation with The Mage.
Very well then. I will have to find out myself.
I wait until The Mage leaves. Until it is well pass midnight. Until after I’ve drained fifty rats and am full of blood. After all that I force myself to remain calm.
I know I don’t seem calm; I just threw a fit that would put all other fits to shame. But I am calm. Very calm.
I make my way to the infirmary and stop at the door. I can smell Snow underneath all the hospital smells. Alcohol, sickness, and despair. It is only the school infirmary but still, it is all there.
I let myself in and follow the scent all the way to the back.
Simon Snow is lying flat on his back in one of his beds. He looks beaten to an inch of his life. Absolutely ragged. I turn and see that Bunce is asleep in a chair next to him. She looks horrible too but not as bad as Simon.
He looks wrong sleeping the way he is. I want to fix it. For a moment I let myself breath Snow in and revel in the fact that he’s alive.
I reach forward, my hand is just above his. I pat it gently, unapologetically. I look up when he shifts, and it looks like his eyes are open. But then in the next second they’re closed.
I decide it’s best not to stay long and leave to head back to our room.
SIMON
As soon as the nurse clears me to be free of the awful infirmary I do so. I tell Penny it’s fine. That I’m fine. I really am. I healed faster than anyone else could have with my injuries.
Always been a fast healer.
I can’t shake the odd feeling that Baz came to see me while I was there. I mean, I know he wouldn’t unless it would be to strangle me with a pillow. Maybe that’s why he was there, and Penny being there scared him off.
Or it could have been a dream.
Probably a dream.
I make it back to our room and he is sitting in his bed. I lock eyes with him for a moment and he snarls at me.
“Well good morning to you too,” I say quietly. I want to ask him if he showed up. If he even realized I was gone.
It doesn’t matter.
I take off my shirt, it was given to me by The Mage and it was smell. I had been sleeping in it for ages.
I let it drop onto the floor and take a step towards my wardrobe.
“Pick up your things Snow, this isn’t one of your care homes,” Baz snaps.
I don’t even think it hit the floor before he said it. I turn to him and he is not even looking at me.
I shake my head and pick it up. “If you think you can act like that in care homes then you are way too out of touch,” I say and toss my shirt into my wardrobe.
A dream then.