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Dahyun remembers everything.
That’s the thing about being in love—she remembers everything.
As she stands by the end of the aisle and waits for Chaeyoung to show up, she thinks back to the first time she saw her. It was in kindergarten. She remembers every detail vividly. The sight of ten other babbling kids trying to get to that one good toy in the room, the smell of chalk in the air as one girl drew all over the board, the sounds of chairs scraping on the wooden floor, the taste of the strawberry lollipop in Dahyun’s mouth and the feeling of her mom’s hand wrapped around her own as they stepped over the doorway.
Dahyun was looking at the girl drawing on the blackboard. She was standing on her tiptoes, tongue poking out between her teeth, as she drew what looked like a monkey in Dahyun’s eyes. It was hard to miss her. She was the only one standing apart from the group, stuck in her own world.
“Make friends,” Dahyun’s mom told her, pressing a swift kiss on her forehead, “I’ll pick you up later.”
Dahyun waved happily, watching her mother go. She wasn’t nervous. She was used to making friends, especially with new kids. There was something fun about getting to know them for the first time. She put down her bag on the floor and took off her shoes, eyes fixed on the girl still drawing on the board. Even though she looked tiny and adorable with her hair tied in twin tails, she looked like she didn’t mind being alone.
Dahyun decided to make friends.
“Hi!” she said, popping up from behind the girl who squealed.
The girl dropped the chalk in her hand and it broke into two on the floor. “Hi,” she said meekly, bending down to pick it up at the same time Dahyun did. Their heads bumped against each other and the two of them jerked back.
“Sorry, sorry!” Dahyun exclaimed, her words muffled by the lollipop still in her mouth, “I didn’t mean to scare you like that!”
“It’s fine,” the girl said, avoiding her eyes, as she picked up the first half of the chalk. Dahyun grabbed the other one.
“Can I join you?” Dahyun asked.
“Don’t you want to play?” The girl jerked her head over to the small group now running around and playing tag. “I don’t want you to get bored.”
“I don’t bore easily!” Dahyun laughed, hoping to get the other girl to smile. It worked half a second later. “Come on, it’ll be fun. I’m Kim Dahyun, by the way!”
“Son Chaeyoung,” the girl replied. Her smile widened and Dahyun could see the dimple carved on her right cheek. “My parents call me Chaeng.”
Dahyun kind of knew it back then. There was something about the way Chaeyoung’s eyes crinkled into half-crescent moons and the way her nose scrunched up when she smiled that made Dahyun feel like she was right where she belonged. She was so young but she knew love when she felt it. And she felt it the first time she met Son Chaeyoung.
Call it fate, destiny or something equally cheesy and Dahyun would have to agree with you.
It was love at first sight.
Dahyun just didn’t know it was that kind of love yet.
“Are you drawing a monkey?” she asked, glancing at the image on the board.
Chaeyoung gasped, eyebrows dancing in mock offense. “I was drawing me !” she said, looking close to tears and Dahyun let out a surprised shout, waving her hands around like it could magically make her stupid comment go away.
“Ah! Ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” she said, wincing when Chaeyoung crossed her arms and glared at her, “I say stupid things all the time! I didn’t mean it!”
“You need to make up for it!” Chaeyoung told her, frowning, “My parents always give me strawberries every time they say something they don’t actually mean! Do you have strawberries?”
Dahyun remembered the lollipop in her mouth. “I have this,” she said, pulling the candy out with a small pop . She pushed it towards Chaeyoung who eyed it suspiciously.
“Is that strawberry?” she asked.
“Yup!” Dahyun replied, grinning. “If you take it, that means we’re friends now.”
“Why do you want to be my friend?”
Dahyun shrugged. She didn’t know why either. She just knew that she wanted to. “Is that a problem?” she asked, still extending the strawberry-flavored lollipop.
Chaeyoung took it and popped it into her mouth.
They’ve been inseparable ever since.
Now Dahyun continues to wait for Chaeyoung, growing even more anxious as the seconds pass. A wedding is always bound to make people nervous. She scans the crowd of familiar faces, smiling when her friends wave at her from their respective seats. Then the music starts, signalling the bride’s arrival and a hush falls over the entire church.
Dahyun’s heart goes into overdrive when the doors spring open, revealing Chaeyoung—her best friend, the love of her life, her soulmate —standing on the other side.
She remembers the first time she realized she was in love with Chaeyoung.
It was sixth grade. Dahyun was sitting on a swing set in their backyard, kicking at the ground. Lying next to her feet was the love letter she had given to Minatozaki Sana for Valentine’s Day. She was holding back tears. It took all of her courage to give her crush that letter so it hurt a lot when all Sana did was smile, kiss her on the cheek and tell her that she already liked somebody else. That somebody else was Hirai Momo. Everybody knew it. Dahyun just didn’t listen.
Her thoughts were interrupted by footsteps stepping on crunchy leaves. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Chaeyoung standing by the backdoor, apparently having been let in by her mom. “If you’re here to tell me ‘I told you so,’ just save it,” Dahyun grumbled, hands reaching out to wrap around the metal chains of the swing set.
Chaeng rolled her eyes and walked over, taking a seat next to her. “I’m not that mean, bro,” she said, smiling at her, “What you did took guts.”
“I’m going to get laughed at tomorrow.”
“No, you’re not.” Chaeyoung leaned on her right side, looking at her fondly. “Nobody is going to care that you basically told Minatozaki Sana you like her.”
“This is the sixth grade, dude,” Dahyun said, “Of course everybody is going to care.”
“Then they have nothing better to do with their lives.”
Chaeyoung had this way of thinking that Dahyun was envious of. Most of the time, Dahyun felt like a sponge—taking everything by heart and letting it affect her. It was why she cried so easily when somebody she didn’t even know that well got hurt or when some random dog died on TV. Chaeng was used to controlling her emotions—something that Dahyun still had to learn the hard way.
“Come on, bro.” Chaeyoung reached out and punched her shoulder softly. “It’s your first heartbreak! Let it all out! I’m not going to judge.”
“Shut up.” Dahyun sniffled, glancing at the letter by her feet. “It still hurts, okay?”
“I know.” Chaeyoung sighed, swinging her legs back and forth and moving with the bustling wind. Back when they were younger, her feet couldn’t even touch the ground. “That’s love, I guess.”
“Is love supposed to hurt like this?” Dahyun almost laughed when she asked it. If there was anybody who sucked at love, it was her best friend. After all, Chaeyoung had a crush on the new foreign exchange student and adamantly refused to make a move. “Ah wait, don’t answer that,” Dahyun added, grinning cheekily, “you’re as bad as me.”
Chaeyoung only smiled and it eased all of Dahyun’s worries. “Shut up.”
Silence, except for the rusty metal chains swinging back and forth and the soft classical music Dahyun’s mom was playing inside the house. Dahyun glanced at Chaeyoung and realized that her best friend was staring at her intently. It made her insides go warm.
“What?” Dahyun asked, hating the slight hitch in her voice.
“Ever wondered what love is supposed to feel like?” Chaeyoung asked seriously.
“Do I look like I have a girlfriend, bro?”
Chaeyoung frowned and a crease appeared between her eyebrows. “Do you need one just to know what love is?” she said.
Dahyun paused and thought about it. She always imagined love as being something that you couldn’t get enough of—like Chaeyoung’s undying loyalty for strawberries or Dahyun’s favorite choco pie. Then she thought about her parents and how they always seemed to relax every time they were in the same room together. Like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders.
Then she remembered the first time she met Chaeyoung. It was instant —like a key locking into place or the last piece of a puzzle fitting into a whole picture. Dahyun was too young to understand what it meant back then. But she was older now and maybe—
She stopped swinging.
“What do you think love is supposed to feel like?” she asked her best friend, her heart suddenly speeding up.
Chaeyoung shrugged, narrowing her eyes. “I’m not sure yet,” she said.
“Do you think it’s like with Sana and Tzuyu?” The question made it harder to breathe for some reason. She squeezed the metal chains of the swing, praying to God that Chaeyoung didn’t notice the shift in her mood.
“Maybe with Sana,” Chaeng answered, pointing at the letter by Dahyun’s feet, “I think some part of love is supposed to hurt, right?”
“Right.”
“I don’t know about Tzuyu, though,” Chaeyoung continued as she rubbed her chin, “I don’t know her that well enough but my heart kind of goes crazy every time she smiles at me.”
“Whipped.” Dahyun laughed but it sounded hollow even to her own ears. An uneasy feeling started at the back of her throat until it felt like something was trying to claw its way out from her chest. She stared down at the letter she gave to Sana earlier, trying to make sense of what she was feeling.
“But,” Chaeng suddenly added, sounding wistful, “I think you’d know if you feel it, right?”
Dahyun glanced at her. “Eh?”
“Love,” Chaeyoung said simply, “When it happens, it just happens , I guess.”
“Huh.” Dahyun thought about it. For some reason, her mind kept replaying the first time she met Chaeyoung back in kindergarten. It was almost like a broken record. Chaeyoung smiling at her, eyes crinkled, nose scrunched and dimple poking out from her right cheek. The warmth in her inside spreads to other parts of her body, right down to the tips of her fingers and toes. Wait, what was happening?
Chaeyoung suddenly stood up and grabbed the letter by Dahyun’s feet. Then she tucked it into her back pocket and extended her hand. “Come on,” she said, smiling at Dahyun, “I brought my Game Boy Advance. We can play in your room.”
Dahyun realized that it was the same smile—the one with the half-crescent shaped eyes, scrunched nose and deep dimple—and her entire world shifted. She found herself staring, mouth slightly open. It took a few more seconds but her brain finally caught up to what her heart had been trying to tell her all these years.
Oh.
Oh .
Dahyun’s heart went a little crazy as she took Chaeyoung’s hand in her own.
This is what love was.
Present time. There’s a lump in Dahyun’s throat as she watches Chaeyoung walk down the aisle, wearing a gorgeous white wedding dress with a colorful array of flowers in her hand. It feels like a dream—waiting for her near the altar. She feels immensely grateful for everything that has led up to this moment. She even finds herself thanking her mom for choosing that specific kindergarten to enroll her in and Minatozaki Sana for breaking her heart at the tender age of twelve.
This is love.
Son Chaeyoung is love.
Chaeyoung raises her head and meets her gaze. She smiles, eyes crinkling around the corners and dimple peeking out from her right cheek. Dahyun grins, trying to hold back tears. She looks so beautiful it hurts. It’s like looking straight into the sun.
Dahyun remembers the first time she confessed to Chaeyoung.
It was their junior year in high school. Dahyun was trying to solve this rather complicated Algebra question by her table. Meanwhile, Chaeyoung was sitting on her bed, sketching her. It was something Chaeng always did and it always flustered Dahyun. She’d been in love or a long while now, after all, and being her best friend’s muse always did stupid, crazy things to her heart. She kept getting distracted every time Chaeyoung told her not to move.
“How can I not move?” Dahyun asked exasperatedly, tucking a strand of her recently dyed hair behind her ear. The two of them were now sporting bold hair colors—Dahyun’s was purple and Chaeng's was pink. Their moms were horrified. “I’m doing homework.”
“I’m trying to make you look pretty here,” Chaeyoung said in return, tongue stuck between her teeth.
“Are you saying that I’m not pretty?”
“You are,” Chaeyoung said it so casually that it made Dahyun’s heart flutter, “but my drawing isn’t. I want art to imitate life.”
Dahyun didn’t have an answer to that, so she just ducked her head and tried her best not to move. She hoped Chaeyoung wasn’t paying close attention to the red flush on her cheeks. It might’ve been years since she realized that she was in love with Chaeyoung but she wasn’t ready to ruin whatever they had over it. Losing Chaeyoung… that’d be the worst thing in the world.
“So,” Chaeng said, glancing at her, “do you have a date for prom? I know you’ve always wanted to go.”
“Don’t remind me.” Dahyun bit her lower lip, her gaze returning to the Algebra book in front of her. “I’ve been too busy studying for Mr. Kang’s exam to worry about who to bring.”
“Sana’s going with Momo.”
“That was the sixth grade—get over it.” Dahyun’s fingers tightened on her pen. “But I heard Tzuyu’s going with Elkie. How do you feel about that?”
Chaeyoung shrugged. “Get over it,” was all that she said. She might be good at hiding her emotions but Dahyun could see right through her. Her best friend just didn’t want to admit that seeing Tzuyu and Elkie together hurt.
Dahyun sighed and returned to her homework. Having feelings for your best friend was tough, especially when that said best friend had feelings for somebody else. She tried to focus on the formulas written on the page but there was something off. Half a minute later, she realized that she couldn’t hear the sounds of charcoal scratching on paper anymore. She looked up and saw Chaeyoung looking at her strangely.
Her heart did a stupid, crazy somersault. “What?” she asked, setting down her pen.
“Do you want to go to prom with me?” Chaeyoung asked, her face serious.
Dahyun stared and stared. Then she burst out laughing, shaking her head. “You don’t have to do that, you know,” she said, a little bit tense. Chaeyoung asking her to prom—was this some sort of fever dream?
“I want to,” Chaeyoung told her, cracking a smile, “Who knows? It might be fun.”
“You hate prom.”
“I hate many things,” her best friend said nonchalantly, putting down her sketchpad, “but seeing you sad and mopey about not having a date to prom is one of them.”
Sometimes, Dahyun wondered if her best friend knew. Chaeyoung always did things that made her heart flutter, like wipe off some food stuck on Dahyun’s chin with her thumb and put it in her mouth or run her fingers through Dahyun’s hair while they’re watching a movie or even just stare at Dahyun a bit too intensely during moments when silence was too much.
She wondered if Chaeyoung felt the same way.
“I love you,” she blurted out loud and nearly slapped herself on the face. This was not how she planned to say those three little words. Mortified, she could only stare as surprise crossed Chaeyoung’s features for the briefest of seconds before it melted into a soft smile. Eyes crinkled, nose scrunched and dimple peeking out.
That damn smile—the same one that never left Dahyun’s mind the first time they met.
“I love you too, bro,” Chaeyoung said, saluting her, “so I take that as a yes to my offer?”
Dahyun couldn’t understand if she was disappointed or relieved.
And now—Chaeyoung is standing in front of Dahyun, smiling that same smile that stole her heart all those years ago. It feels like time has slowed down, like the universe is telling her to cherish these next few moments. All that matters is Son Chaeyoung, looking like the most beautiful bride in the entire world. Her best friend. The love of her life. Her soulmate.
I love you so much , Dahyun thinks, tears falling from her eyes as the reality of the situation finally hits her. She watches as Chaeyoung turns away, continuing her walk down the aisle.
Where Im Nayeon is waiting by the altar.
I want you to be the happiest girl in the world , Dahyun thinks as her heart breaks not for the first time and definitely not for the last, even if it’s not with me .
She remembers the first time Chaeyoung met Nayeon.
They were sophomores in college. They both had the same class that day—an English elective they took just to fill up the empty space in their schedule. Chaeyoung was running in front of her, clearly desperate to make it on time even though they were already five minutes late. Dahyun wasn’t far behind but her lungs were starting to burst. She hated 9 AM classes.
“Chaeng, slow down!” she called out, “You’re going to freaking hit somebody!”
“I won’t!”
The hallways were sparse so they could easily maneuver their way through crowds of students walking around. Dahyun bumped a few shoulders with a couple of them and she had to apologize profusely before hurrying to catch up with her best friend. Freaking Son Chaeyoung—despite having shorter legs, she could run like a cheetah.
Dahyun was quickly losing sight of her.
“Chaeyoung!” she called out, cursing herself as she picked up speed. She heard her best friend call out her name to her and hurried to the sound of her voice.
And then it happened.
Dahyun rounded a corner and saw Chaeyoung crash straight into a girl holding several books in her arms. It was something like a movie. Thankfully, Chaeng had slowed down enough so that the impact wasn’t as painful. Still, books and papers went flying into the air and Dahyun watched as Chaeyoung quickly reached out and grabbed the girl by the waist, preventing her from falling to the ground.
It was like a movie.
Dahyun watched as Chaeyoung gently pulled the other girl to a standing position, apologies spilling out of her mouth. The girl looked understandably shocked by the turn of events but not upset. She even managed to laugh when she commented that Chaeng was still holding her by the waist.
Chaeyoung let go, blushing furiously. She smiled. It was the same smile that made Dahyun fall for her in the first place—the one with the eye-smile, scrunched nose and dimple on the right cheek. She knew it was the same one because the look on the girl’s face was achingly familiar. It took Dahyun a few seconds to realize that it was the same look she always wore whenever Chaeng smiled at her too.
The girl was Im Nayeon.
It was like a movie and Dahyun was watching the two protagonists fall in love.
That was the beginning of the end.
And now here she is—standing in the front row to Son Chaeyoung’s wedding, watching as her best friend—the love of her life, her soulmate, her everything —marries someone else.
Dahyun remembers everything.
Dahyun wishes she could forget.