Archive of Our Own

When passing through an endless star,

When the rising morning sun comes,

Everything is about beginnings and being alive to shine,

Every day is a miracle before my eyes

Jaehyun’s mother had always said that his soulmate would be bored out of their mind when the connection happened because he never got mad at anything.

In the world they lived in, everyone had a soulmate, and they had a connection: every angry thought your soulmate had was a thought you would receive in your own mind. It was good to avoid misunderstandings, actually. Like the ones that came from petty fights between a couple and that could have been avoided if they just talked about what made them feel that way, what made them get mad.

He wasn’t a fan of that kind of feelings, nor angry words, but it was the only way he’d have to communicate with his special person for a while, so that was it. Jaehyun was sure he could endure it, until one random day, when he was 17, he heard someone yelling in an unknown language.

It took him by surprise because, well, they were in the library! How could someone be yelling that loud in there? He tried to see who was the rude person but found that he was pretty much alone in that part of the place. But he could have swore he heard it right beside him.

More words that he couldn’t understand were yelled, and little by little he realized what was happening: someone was yelling, yeah, but it wasn’t something anyone but him could hear; it was all in his head, and not in the crazy way, more like in a literal way, a soulmate way.

That was the first time he had any kind of contact with his soulmate, and he didn’t understand a thing.

...

He woke up with a headache. It was six in the morning and his first class started at eight thirty; maybe it was too early, but Jaehyun never had time to spare. He got up, dressed and tried to fix his appearance enough so that way it wasn’t so obvious lack of sleep.  He was always too busy with projects and Jisung being sick to even consider sleeping before four in the morning.

When his parents got divorced,  the house was sold and most of the money was taken by his father on the condition that it was to rent or buy another home where the children could grow up. Living in Seoul is expensive, however, and the most they could do was get an apartment in a relatively good area and give a few months of rent. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen and living room. All the kids in one room, another for his father and the smallest for Jaehyun.

In the kitchen, his father was already busy preparing the children's breakfast and lunch, going from one side to the other with his pastel blue apron. He wasn't exactly the best chef in the world, but Jaehyun appreciated that he tried.

Smiling, he approached him and without saying more than a "good morning" helped packing the kids’ food. His father sighed with relief at the sight of him, being that between one thing and another the scrambled eggs began to burn.

"Good morning, Jae," his father greeted once he managed to save the eggs.

"Aren't you late?" he asked, checking the clock on the wall; it was half past six.

"Yes, but I'm leaving now," he explained, taking off his apron and exposing his dress shirt. "I will bring the kids and leave." In response, Jaehyun nodded, beginning to serve the minors’ dishes.

It didn't take long before he felt a pair of arms wrapping  his legs and a small head resting on his hip. He laughed softly and stroked Jaemin's hair. His father was coming into the kitchen with Jisung in his arms and Xiaojun walking in front of them, sleepy.

From there, his routine was accelerated. The kids gradually began to actually move  and laughter and screams filled the kitchen. Eventually, his father left and Jaehyun had to deal with the three boys alone. Which was complicated, but the children understood more each day and were aware that they should not make their older brother have a hard time.

Their father worked all day every day, so it was Jaehyun’s task to take care of the kids and the house. His mom was supposed to help, but to be honest, no one wanted her there; Jaehyun felt awkward around her, his father hated her and the kids never got along with her. Yeah, she was their mother, but she was rude, she had serious problems with an addiction to alcohol, and it seemed as if the only thing she knew how to do was to hurt other people’s feelings. She was always distant, and the three young boys felt that. So, in short, if they could avoid seeing her, they would. But that left Jaehyun with even more responsibilities; he had to go to work, study and make sure the kids were alright and the house wasn’t on fire or right away a trash can.

He couldn’t complain, though, because at least they were together. He would never forget how his mother fought to keep the kids by her side, and those were the worst moments in Jaehyun’s life.

Jaehyun made sure everything was in place, and once the kids and him were ready, he took Jisung in his arms, and with his two other brothers close to him, they left to start their week.

…

He heard his soulmate all day. Jaehyun barely understood something about not having anything to do and a very long rant about how people didn't appreciate dance anymore. All in thai, of course. It annoyed Jaehyun that he couldn’t completely understand what his soulmate was thinking, but instead of sulking and coursing at the universe for pairing him with someone in a different country, he resumed to shrug it off and keep in mind that he had to study the language more diligently.

Jaehyun really wished learning new languages was his thing, but it wasn’t. He went to thai classes, but it wasn’t just too expensive, he also found out that learning it was harder than he thought. He knew  some basic words and in general, most of the knowledge he had was thanks to dramas he watched on the Internet. Of course, he wanted to study more, but he didn’t have time to even sleep, so that was out of question for now.

Everything would be easier once his dad got a promotion on his job, then Jaehyun could quit at least one of his random jobs and could focus on his studies more. Maybe that way they could even hire a babysitter, so they could avoid moments like this, when he had to ask her mother for a favor.

He went straight home after his shift in the college library, for it was one of those really weird days were the kids' daycare had to close early, so he had to swallow his pride and ask his mother to pick up the kids, which she accepted to do , but of course, she scolded him for his ‘careless’ ways. He took a deep breathe and only thought she’s the one who broke our family and is an alcoholic mess, but I am the one who is careless?

He had to hurry all the way to his mother’s house, and once there, he prepared for a very bad moment; disappointed looks, insults and the usual yelling and fights that came with his mother by default. Jaehyun knocked and two seconds after Jaemin was looking up at him, seeming relieved.

“Jaehyun,” the kid said, stretching his arms to be lifted.

“Hey, where’s mom? And the other two?” he asked, closing the front door behind him and lifting the kid.

“Mom’s in her room, and Jisung and Xiao are playing.”

He found the kids in  the living room eating cookies. He told them to prepare their things to leave  and went to his mother's room, and he didn’t bother to knock, entering right away.

The room was so full of smoke it was hard to see, and it smelt as cigarette. He opened the window, and his mother didn't acknowledge his presence until he stood in front of the TV and she had to look at him with an annoyed expression.

"What? You're finally taking the kids?" she asked, harshly.

"Yes, I am. And for you information, Jaemin opened the door. Instead of me it could have been someone else, you know. Someone who could have hurt him."

She shrugged. "He came to ask me if he could open and I told him yes."

Why did the judge say it was a good idea to let you see the kids? You're a monster, were his thoughts.

"Please, next time tell him no, and go open the door yourself."

Instead of nodding or dismissing him, she looked even more annoyed.

"Next time? Jaehyun, what a bad brother you are, you can't even take care of the children."

"Mom, I was working—"

"Which wouldn't be necessary if your father had an actual and decent fucking job." 

Or if you paid your fucking children support. Which you don't.

Without wanting to discuss any more, he went out of the room and barged into the living room, where the boys were already waiting for him with their backpacks and trying to fit in their coats. Jaehyun smiled and helped them.

He took the children home, where Sicheng was already waiting for them inside, and the three little boys ran to greet him, making Sicheng laugh. Jaehyun didn’t know what he would do without his friend: he studied to be an elementary school teacher, so he said that taking care of Jaehyun's brothers would serve as practice in addition to the trio being adorable and well behaved, so he could study without disturbances. When Jaehyun had work in the afternoon it was Sicheng who took care of the children, and sometimes Johnny, another of his friends, did it, but since the latter studied something much more demanding and was about to graduate, Jaehyun preferred not bother him with the babysitter job.

He felt guilty, however, about  having to ask him to pick up the children and take care of them until Jaehyun or his father returned. Usually,  Sicheng picked up the kids from the daycare at five in the afternoon and was with them until eight or nine. It wasn't really much time, but it was several days a week and without really a big pay, besides the fact that the hours could extend until midnight on a bad day.

"Go make that money, Jaehyun, we're going to have a lot of fun, aren't we, kids?" Sicheng asked, receiving a chorus of enthusiasts ‘yes!’.

"Jaehyun," Jisung called, and Jaehyun crouched at his height, smiling.

"Yes?"

“I love you.” And he kissed his forehead, in the way Jaehyun used to do to his brothers. Jaehyun felt that he could cry, so before it happened he decided to leave, not without a soft “I love you too” in exchange.

Working as a model was good. It wasn’t as tiring as one would expect thanks to that according to the photographers, his wonderful face made everything much easier. It was natural in him, and little by little he became the favorite of the company, getting good contracts that would have him in a better economic position if it wasn't for the fact that all that money was to pay for his studies and the daycare of the children.

He got along with everyone, from models to idols and trainees, the staff,  the CEO, Sorn, and even with her younger brother. Ten was his name and Jaehyun could see him play with Haechan, a young idol, and some children he didn’t recognize, as he went into the building.

Jaehyun and Ten weren't exactly close, but since Sorn introduced them they greeted each other and occasionally joked in the hallways of the building. The majority of employees considered it a huge achievement because Ten seemed to want to interact only with the small children of the workers or one or another idol or trainee, but, in general, Ten was not social at all... However, Jaehyun noticed how social Ten really was, wanting to be friends with everyone; the problem was that being the brother of the boss, and one of the richest young men in the world, no one but children or idols too busy to investigate him dared to speak to him.

Jaehyun smiled at Ten got  into the elevator, which stopped a floor above, and Sorn entered, greeting him. She, like his brother, was from Thailand and apparently was in charge of the Korean branch of the family business, which focused mostly on the entertainment. Jaehyun didn't understand the Leechaiyapornkul business, but he knew they were involved in things that went from oil to the production of agricultural products.

“Ah, seriously, that kid will kill me,” Sorn commented , and Jaehyun didn’t have to ask to know she was referring to Ten. “He just goes around the building distracting idols and scaring trainees. He has taught them a lot but still. I told him to find a hobby or something but he just said ‘dancing is my hobby, and that’s what I do here’.”

“Maybe a pet would help.” Jaehyun suggested. 

The elevator stopped and the both of them got out, walking side by side to the room where the stylist was already waiting for Jaehyun.

“Yeah, maybe. But I don’t think he would really like it, to be honest. He’s better with kids than with animals… or any other living being, including plants. He can easily take care of any toddler but he would  kill a cactus, can you believe it?”

Jaehyun laughed, nodding. Yeah, Ten looked like that kind of person. 

Jaehyun  greeted the people who would make him look good and went to change his clothes by the ones he would be modelling, and Sorn took a seat on one of the couches.

“So the solution is to make Ten have a child,” he joked, already shirtless. Sorn snorted.

“God, no. But you know, back in China he used to babysit his friends’ kids a lot. He once came all the way to Korea to babysit my daughter for a weekend. He even babysat five kids at the same time and managed to make them sleep at eight, make their homeworks and learn the first 50 numbers on english. He’s just that good with kids. Like a God or something.”

Now, Jaehyun was getting his makeup done, and just the thought of Ten taking care of that many children with that easiness made him sigh dreamily.

“Ugh, I wish he was my brothers’ babysitter, then. It’s not that they’re spoiled or bad behaved, it’s just… they’re three, so not that many people want to take care of them and  it’s expensive.”

Sorn didn’t say anything, which made Jaehyun blink, confused. If it wasn’t by the hands touching his face and preventing him from moving, he would have looked her way.

“So you need a babysitter, right?” she asked. “Like, a cheap babysitter?”

“Uh, I mean, yeah, it’d be good if it wasn’t that expensive,” he said. “Someone who doesn’t faint at the sight of three little kids running around. I have one of my friends taking care of them, but I kinda feel bad since it’s not his job and he does it anyway, when my dad and me are working.”

“What about Ten? Ten could do it, and he doesn’t need the money anyways. I bet he’d do it for free only for being you who needs it, and because he’s bored.”

“What? No,  he has better things to—”

“Jaehyun, I just told you that he does nothing all day. He has like half a class in the morning and then nothing. Not even homework. The little shit took classes like crazy in the summer and now he’s so free it’s affecting my idols. Please, please , make him your babysitter. Keep him occupied during the evenings.”

It wasn’t that  he didn’t trust Ten. Yeah, they didn’t know each other that well, but for some reason, Jaehyun felt he could trust Ten  his most precious people, his brothers. He had seen how good the boy was with kids. And he was sure Ten wouldn’t mind receiving the equivalent of 15 dollars for spending his evening and part of his night taking care of a bunch of cute kids, he would probably see it as a play session. Hell, Ten owned half of the oil company of his family, he definitely didn’t need nor want the 15 dollars. But Jaehyun couldn’t just go to him and ask him to do that, they weren’t even friends. That was exactly what he told Sorn.

“You don’t need to be friends, Jaehyun. It’s a business.”

“No, it’s not,” he sighed, getting up to walk to the set in which they’d take the pictures, Sorn closely following him. It must have looked so weird for other people to see the boss following her employee.

“It is!” she insisted.

“For it  to be a business, he would have to get something from it, which he won’t, since the most I can pay him is 15 dollars. That’s the price of one of his toothpick or something like that.”

“He’d do it for… for the art.”

Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head.

“We’re not friends to ask him for this favor, Sorn,” he shrugged, repeating what he already said.

“So if you two were friends you’d ask him to babysit, is that correct?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

She smiled and walked away with a sweet ‘okay, see you later, Hyunnie.”

He didn’t give it importance and went to the center of the set, ready for the pictures.

…

"I fucking hate this family." 

He didn’t  had time to analyze his soulmate’s thoughts when he was leaving one of the college’s buildings and passing the parking lot, where Ten was leaning against an expensive car, which looked even more expensive thanks to him. It was a striking view because the car was completely stunning and Ten was wearing rather clear colored clothes. He seemed to have just finished a phone call, a scold on his face, but when he looked up and saw Jaehyun walking close, he smiled and called him, making Jaehyun change his path to go to Ten.

“Hello, Jaehyun.” Ten greeted, and Jaehyun nodded.

“Hi.”

“So, you’re going to the company now, right? Sorn told me to wait for you and give you a ride. Something about becoming friends and such.”

Jaehyun internally sighed. Sorn was something else.  He ended up riding Ten’s car with him, going out the parking lot to the streets, listening to Ten’s music.

It wasn’t uncomfortable, even if they weren’t talking, it was calm, but anyone  could tell Ten was mad. Jaehyun was sure it had nothing to do with him , but he still wanted to check up on Ten, maybe even reassure him.

“What will you do  later on the company?” Jaehyun asked, trying to make a small talk.

“Oh, I won’t go to the company today,” he explained. “I have a video call with my siblings in like one hour to talk about business, and that usually takes a while. After that, I just want to lay down and sleep for at least three days,” he chuckled.

“Then why are you taking me to the company? I thought you were doing this because we  were going to the same place,” he asked, confused.

“It’s whatever, Jaehyun. I don’t mind. It’s not like I want to arrive at home so soon, anyway.”

Jaehyun wasn’t sure how did he gain Sorn’s liking, but they became close, and their friendship reached the point where Sorn told him everything about the loneliness that came with the richness and power the Leechaiyapornkul family had. She told him that with the amount of money they had, big responsibilities came as well, and a lot of work that kept them busy too. She had her daughter, but she told him she couldn’t imagine how it was for those who didn’t have a partner or close friends. “ And believe me, it is hard to find real and close friends in the kind of environment we live. ” she laughed, a little sad.

He wondered if Ten felt lonely. Maybe his apartment was way too big for him alone, maybe it felt cold even with the calefaction. The kind of coldness that was product of people’s absence.

“Thanks for giving me a ride,” he said, before going out the car. Ten smiled showing his teeth.

It is a pretty smile , Jaehyun thought.

“See you tomorrow.”

...

Ten wasn’t sure what they were talking about anymore.

When he arrived at his apartment, everything was the way he left it two days ago. The scent of the place was something like strawberries and the sea, the smell the products with which his maid cleaned. He changed into his pajamas and put his takeout food in the table of his office. By the time he entered the video call room, his siblings were already there, all wearing formal suits, including Sorn. Ten snorted and ate, ignoring Chira’s scolding about him being almost late.

“But he isn’t actually late, so it doesn’t matter,” Siam said, annoyed. Ten could tell how his older brother just wanted to finish this thing already.

“Did you take Jaehyun to the company?” Sorn asked with a cute smile, over all the mess their siblings were making.

This reminded Ten a lot of when they were kids living in their parents’ mansion. While everyone was screaming and fighting, being annoying little shits, Ten was in his own corner, avoiding to be dragged into the mess, alone, until Sorn came and played with him, always calm and quiet, an immovable force who kept her siblings together.

But not even her could repair what made Ten walk away from the family.

“Yeah, I did. I think he felt bad because I took him even when I wasn’t going there,” he laughed. “He’s so cute.”

Sorn looked at him with a playful smile, but before she could say something else, Bin talked:

“Huh? Who’s cute, Ten?”

Oh, it was so awkward after that. Chira and Siam stopped arguing to look at Ten through their computers’ screens, expectant. Or at least Siam tried to look interested, but Ten could recognize how uncomfortable it made him to talk about a boy Ten thought was cute. Ten held his fork tighter, looking down at his lap, avoiding Sorn’s guilty and apologetic eyes.

“No one,” he mumbled, removing his food.

“C’mon, Ten. I heard Sorn say something about someone called Jae-something. Is he your boyfriend?” Bin questioned.

Ten knew he was just trying to somehow make Ten feel included, accepted. But asking so many so questions wasn’t helping. Not when it was with their siblings around, gosh. How did they expected him to talk about those things as if nothing had happened? As if they didn’t say all those things about him? Siam looked grossed out still and he was sure Chira and Bin weren’t completely supportive.

“It doesn’t matter if Ten has a boyfriend or not,” Sorn declared, voice stern. “Stop making him feel uncomfortable.”

Siam snorted and Ten made himself smaller on his seat, waiting for the insults or screams, remembering bad things. He took a shaky breath, telling himself to calm down and not let it affect him… But it was always the same when someone of his family except Sorn was involved.

“Let’s just start with this meeting, fine? I’m sure we’re all busy and want to finish it as soon as possible.” With how harsh Sorn sounded, not even Siam, the oldest, complained, and soon they were talking about their grandpa dying and how that would affect the different companies.

Ten resumed to eat his food, not paying attention to the conversation. He owned half of the biggest company that belonged to their family, but that only served to give him a lot of independence from the principal branch, which was a hot topic among the Leechaiyapornkul family, because the owner of it was their grandpa, who was currently ill, and there was only one question: who was going to inherit it? It was obvious that person wasn’t going to be Ten, but it would probably be one of his siblings so they said it was necessary to have these stupid and useless online meetings every once in a while, that way they could plan what they’d do once one of the four inherited their grandpa’s company. They dragged Ten into the plotting because he owned the half of one of the biggest companies, so it would be good to have him on their side. It wasn’t as if Ten was going to ally with their cousins but whatever.

When he was about to fall asleep on his table, Siam decided it was moment to finish the meeting, and Ten internally cheered, until they started to talk about their vacations and where they would spend them this year, so he sighed and resigned to another forty minutes of listening to a conversation he wasn’t part of.

“We should go to Korea this time,” Chira suggested. “My kids want to visit Sorn.”

“That’s actually a good idea,” Bin nodded. “I bet mom and dad would love to see Sorn and Mali.”

Ten smiled at the mention of his niece’s name. She was the sweetest girl he had ever met, always greeting him with a high pitched “Uncle Ten!” whenever she saw him, running to hug him.

“It’s been six months since we last saw them.”

Sorn only smiled and nodded, letting them organize themselves. No one mentioned Ten’s name not even once when they were talking about how the hadn’t see Sorn and Mali in so long, and how those two were good enough reason to go to Korea on their annual family trip… to which Ten wasn’t invited since he was fifteen.

Why do they make me be here every time when they aren’t going to even look my way? , he thought, annoyed.

Once they started to talk about their respective children and such, Ten decided it was enough for that month. He sat straight on his chair, moving for the first time in the half an hour he spent with his head resting on his table and his gaze set on plant a few meters to the side. The movement was enough to drift everyone’s attention to him, and they seemed to realize he was actually there. He saw his phone’s screen light up with the notification of a message Sorn sent him, and she had been at it for a while now, probably because she noticed he was just there all bored and annoyed.

“Oh, Ten, w—”

“Have a nice night. See y’all next time and enjoy your vacations.”

He hung up and even turned his laptop off, staring at the black screen for a while and ignoring his phone constantly lighting up with notifications of messages from Sorn. He got up and went to his room, ignoring the containers of his food that he should throw to the trash, and just got into his bed, wishing to fall asleep soon.

…

"My fucking God, if you’re going to park that way I might as well buy a bus and crash the stupid car you left there as if the parking lot was completely yours. Does this dude even have a license to drive? I don’t fucking think so." 

Jaehyun ended his day at the college's library with the angry thought of his soulmate, in rushed thai, as always. His soulmate tended to get mad over parking lots quite regularly, and it was at that hour almost every time. Putting aside the fact that he barely understood anything, Jaehyun didn't mind hearing him so often, so mad, and with rants that were long… Except maybe for the days where Jaehyun had hard times and didn't want anything else but to lay down and sleep for hours, having a headache that grew more with every second his soulmate cursed in thai.

Knowing in which area Ten tended to park his car, Jaehyun walked to there and it didn’t take him long to find him scowling at his phone’s screen in the driver’s seat. Jaehyun smiled to him while entering the car and Ten smiled back, both of them ready to go to Sorn’s building.

As much as he loved his brothers, sometimes Jaehyun needed time for himself, mostly to relax and forget about all of his problems for a second. It was amazing to see the kids grow happily, and he was proud of them, don’t wanting to separate for much time but he couldn’t remember when was the last time he didn’t had his mind clouded by thoughts of managing the family’s money, work or homeworks that were slowly but surely accumulating. It was refreshing, then, when he got into Ten’s car that smelled like tangerines and always had music in different languages playing, and suddenly every worry in Jaehyun’s body stopped to exist for those wonderful 37 minutes they spent on the way to the company.

Maybe it was all thanks to Ten being close his age and a person who was naturally chill; it was as if he and Jaehyun were just two friends on their way to hang out at whatever place they felt like at the moment. Ten just complained about how boring was his only class of the semester and sometimes he interrupted himself to sing along to a random song playing in the background, and Jaehyun talked about the funny and cute things his brothers did, or about a book he wanted to read, singing when he knew the lyrics to a song, but Ten played music Jaehyun had never heard before, so he didn't had a chance to really sing.

“See you tomorrow,” Ten grinned at Jaehyun when they were about to split ways on a corridor, now in the inside of the building.

“See you.”

It was comfortable to share a car with Ten, and it was one of the things that he anticipated more on his day, maybe after going home to play with the kids a little. It became something like Jaehyun’s chill time, so when two weeks after they started to travel together he had skip the short ride in Ten’s car to go pick up the kids and take them home, he felt a bit disappointed.

The daycare had preparations for a Halloween event that was due in three weeks, so the kids had scheduled days in which the parents (or in this case, Jaehyun) had to go for them one hour earlier so the teachers had time to plan and organize everything. It wasn’t a big problem, since Jaehyun knew exactly when the kids would be out earlier than usual and he could manage his times so he didn’t had to ask his mom for a favor, but the bad thing was that not Sicheng nor Johnny could make time and go pick Jaemin, Xiaojun and Jisung up at that hour. So yeah, Jaehyun had to go for them and take them home where Sicheng or Johnny would be waiting for their arrival. 

The actual problem was that Jaehyun didn’t had Ten’s phone number, and therefore he couldn’t tell him he wouldn’t be going to the company right away, and that was why he was walking towards Ten in the parking lot even when he was dangerously close to being late.

“Did you know viruses can cause cancer?” Ten asked, looking up from his phone screen.

“I didn’t, but thanks for the information,” Jaehyun smiled. Ten seemed like he wanted to say something else, but before that could happen, Jaehyun continued. “I actually want to tell you that I can’t go with you to the company right now, since I have to pick my brothers up from their daycare in a few minutes, but I don’t have your phone number so obviously I couldn’t send you a message.”

“Let’s go together then.”

“For the kids? No, It’d be a deviation from your original path and—”

“Just get in the car, Jung Jaehyun.”

They bickered for a while, but then Jaehyun realized he was seriously going to be late and ended up getting in the car with Ten, who was chuckling. He gave Jaehyun his cell phone after entering the address of the daycare on the GPS and told him to enter his contact info.

It took them about ten minutes to reach to the daycare and Ten decide to wait for them in the car while Jaehyun was going for his brothers. They were already waiting for him close to the principal door of the place with one of the ladies who took care of the kids. With a loud “Jaehyun!” the three boys ran to him, talking all at the same time, telling him about the thing they did with their friends and how much fun the had. Jaehyun listened to them, nodding and laughing, not understanding a lot because they talked just so fast with some words not perfectly pronounced, but it was fine.

During the time their parents were in the process of divorcing, the kids were the ones who felt the change the most. Jisung was two years old and the twins, Jaemin and Xiaojun, were three. Their parents would spend long evenings talking with social workers and lawyers, leaving Jaehyun in charge of his little brothers, sometimes with babysitters helping but the kids weren’t fond of strangers around them, so they would always end the day with the four of them squeezed in Jaehyun’s bed, while the boys were napping and Jaehyun was doing homework.

At that time Jaehyun didn’t know much about taking care of kids, since their parents never made him do it for a long time, but he had to learn for his brothers, and inevitably they grow closer. By the end of the divorce process, the moving out of their old house into their new apartment, and adjusting to the change of lifestyle, Jaemin, Xiaojun and Jisung felt safer with Jaehyun, who had been there by their side every second of all of those events they didn’t understand, than with their father, and even more, their mother.

“They were sweethearts as always,” the lady told Jaehyun when the kids calmed down and he could walk to her.

“I’m happy to hear that,” he said. “Well, thank you, Ms. Lee. Say bye, kids.”

After a chorus of “see you tomorrow”, he took Jisung’s hand in one of his and Xiaojun’s with the other, having Jaemin holding his twin’s hand as well, and walked to Ten’s car.

“Today a friend of mine came with me, and we’ll be going home in his car, so let’s be polite and don’t make a mess there, okay?” Jaehyun informed, receiving little nods as response.

Jisung looked up to him for a second. “Johnny?”

“No, it is not Johnny, he’s waiting for us at home. You don’t know this friend, but his name is Ten.”

While seeing Ten’s car at distance, he realized something: it didn’t have kids seats. How were they supposed to be safe in the car if they didn’t have kids seats? The seatbelts could hurt them right? That was why kids seats were invented right? The kids had their seats in their dad’s car, and had replacements in their house, but of course they didn’t have in Ten’s car.

Before he could mentally panic any more, Ten was out of the car smiling to the kids and introducing himself in a charming way that had the kids laughing. Without waiting more he was taking Jaemin’s hand in his, locking his car and looking expectantly to Jaehyun.

“You told me your house is two minutes away from the daycare center, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Ah, yeah, it is.”

“So… Where?”

“I know where!” Jaemin exclaimed. “Come, Ten,” and then he was pulling Ten towards their apartment direction. “But why are walking and not using the car?”

“Because it doesn’t have seats that are special for you, and it is prohibited to have kids in a car without special seats, so now we walk,” Ten explained, always with his kind smile.

Without having to worry about the kids getting hurt in the car or whatever his paranoiac mind pulled out, he could focus in what was happening around him: Ten was having a conversation with the kids, getting to know them with random questions, and the kids seemed intrigued by him, which was quite impressive, because apart of Jaemin, the other two usually tended to not like to meet new people.

“Why do you talk weird?” Xiaojun asked, curious.

“Xiaojun, that’s not something you should ask, it’s rude,” Jaehyun scolded, but Ten dismissed it with a light laugh.

“I don’t mind, I know I have an accent, but listen to your brother, Xiaojun, maybe someone else could think you’re making fun of them.” He ruffled the kid’s hair. “I’m from Thailand, that’s why I sound weird talking korean, because it’s not the language I grow up with.”

The three young boys gasped.

“Thailand!?” Jisung repeated. “The place with elephants?”

“Um, yeah, I guess. Thailand it’s not the only place in the world with elephants, but yes.”

The kids seemed to got a liking to Ten, and they didn’t want to say goodbye to him when they arrived to their apartment complex. Ten told them he would come some other day to play with them and talk more and that calmed the kids a bit, finally accepting to stay with Johnny.

In the walk back to the car, Jaehyun found himself thinking about Sorn telling him how Ten didn’t have anything to do in the evenings and how much he liked to take care of kids. He couldn’t stop thinking in how much the kids liked Ten and how much he seemed to like them back.

…

“Sorn told me you used to babysit back in China,” Jaehyun commented, a few days after the first time Ten met his brothers.

In the days after that, Ten insisted in accompany him when he went for the kids at the daycare center, the five of them making the walk to the apartment and back, and if Jaehyun had to be honest, it was so much fun. The kids fought each other to be the one holding Ten’s hand while they walked, and soon Ten ended up with one kid in each hand, Jaehyun holding only one sulking child. When Jaehyun didn’t have the pressure of arriving to the company in time, they even stopped to buy ice creams.

There was this one time when Sicheng couldn’t watch over the kids until later than usual and Jaehyun had work later as well, when Ten and the kids convinced Jaehyun to make a stop in a park and play for a while, after eating snacks they bought in a convenience store. It was so much fun seeing the kids run, playing. Ten and Jaehyun watched over them but they were mostly occupied by their own conversation; Ten was loud and funny, an extroverted guy who liked to laugh a lot and joked around. Jaehyun was a lot calmer compared to Ten, he prefered to listen but he loved to talk as well. The both of them liked to dance and listened to same type of music, so that provided a good theme for long conversations, even when it was about something that was not a common interest, having a conversation with the other was always a promise of a good time.

That day they spent in the park with the kids was now a special memory to Jaehyun, which he appreciated a lot.

“Yeah, I used to,” Ten answered to his question, humming under his breath to the rhythm of the song they were listening to. “Most of my friends had children, and babysitters or daycares can be quite expensive. We were college students, so they couldn’t afford to pay someone else to look over their kids as much as they needed, but since I was free most of the time, they asked me to babysit. It was fun and I didn’t need the money, so it was fine.”

Seeing how much his brothers seemed to appreciate and like Ten and vice versa, Jaehyun found Sorn’s voice in his mind telling him to ask Ten to be the babysitter of his brothers.

Ten was good and his brothers liked him. He was responsible and had experience in this babysitter thing, so maybe, just maybe, Jaehyun was actually considering to ask him.

“You’re good with kids,” Jaehyun commented, smiling and watching through his closed window in the car.

"I never understood how people say they can't stand kids and basically hate them, you know. It's the same as adults: some can be rude and hyperactive but the kids are innocent and never want to cause bad things, they just don't comprehend. Adults, however…"

It was difficult to find people who didn't mind that his brothers were his priority: friends wanted to hang out frequently and a partner requested full attention. Jaehyun was so lucky to have Johnny and Sicheng, who offered to take care of the kids when he couldn't, and now he had Ten, who loved the kids just as much.

Neither Ten or him said more, letting the music fill the silence in the car while they followed the flow of traffic.

…

"I don't mind taking care of the kids. I'm studying to do that for the rest of my life," Sicheng said, unbothered.

Jaehyun's father had a day off and he decided to spend it with his three younger sons, so Sicheng had the afternoon free to do whatever he wanted, like taking a nap in his apartment or read a book, maybe even go and take a walk. But he decided to follow Jaehyun to the company and sit squeezed between staff members while watching Jaehyun posing for the camera.

Three and a half hours later, Jaehyun had finished and they could finally leave and went to eat hamburgers close to the company, so they were there, talking about life, and it was natural to mention Sicheng’s schedule, which was about to morph into a big monster of exams, projects and orals, and he would even go to Japan for a scholar trip soon. With Johnny not being a possible babysitter for the kids, Jaehyun and his father had to look for someone else to do the job. The thing was, Jaehyun could only think of Ten as the babysitter option.

“Yes, I know you are,” Jaehyun nodded. “But you won’t be able, Sicheng. You have to study more, to focus more, that’s why we’re looking for someone else.”

“And the only option you have until now is this Ten guy?” Sicheng asked, curious.

“Well, not the only option, my dad could have some people in mind, I don’t know yet. But for me, yeah, Ten is the perfect option,” he sighed, putting his plate aside on the table.

“For him to be your first choice of person to let your brothers with, he must be good. You should ask him.”

And ask him was what Jaehyun did.

To no one’s surprise, Ten accepted, delighted. They were going back to Ten’s car after dropping the kids in the Jung’s apartment with Johnny, when Jaehyun just asked Ten to babysit his brothers for some weeks in exchange of 15 dollars and lots of fun with the kids, and Ten grinned widely to end up saying “yeah, I’d love to!”.

It was so easy to ask him to babysit, unlike when Jaehyun had to actually let his brothers at Ten’s care. It started fine, with all of them arriving to the apartment. Ten and Jaehyun had already planned everything a day before: the first day everyone would go to the apartment after parking Ten’s car close to the daycare center. He would have to go back to it walking once Jaehyun arrived after work, but he was fine with that, Jaehyun would have to go to the company in the bus, and he was also fine with that. 

The children were excited since the very first moment their older brother told them that Ten would be their new babysitter until Sicheng had time again, so when Ten entered the apartment, they were all over the place, running and screaming to get his attention and show him their respective drawings or toys, and Ten was so patient, nodding and humming to everything the little demons told him. Jaehyun was content just watching from a quiet corner in the living room how those four interacted and played with each other. It was almost as if Ten was another kid, giggling and holding a blue toy car.

Then it was time for Jaehyun to leave, and it shouldn’t had been this hard, but oh God it was. He trusted Ten, of course, but they were his little brothers and what if something happened? Ten didn’t know the kids as he, or as how (in this babysitter case) Sicheng knew them. As if sensing his inside turmoil, Ten went to him and putting a hand on Jaehyun’s arm, he reassured:

“Hey, it will be fine. I’m a good babysitter, I promise. Besides, I’m sure they’re angels.”

“You’re right. Yeah, okay. I’ll be going now, then.” Jaehyun nodded, saying goodbye to the kids and receiving kisses and hugs in exchange. After that, the four stood close to the door to smile at Jaehyun and wave as he leave, talking in hushed voices about how much they were going to have playing all the evening.

Once in the company, it didn’t take Jaehyun a lot of time to concentrate in the photoshoot, with the little worry about the kids still present in his mind, but in the very back. After all, he knew Ten would take good care of them for those few hours.

…

It was crazy how life can change in the span of like, a week.

One week was the total amount of time Ten had as the official Jung’s babysitter, and he was loving every second of it. The kids were, as he told Jaehyun, angels. They didn’t even fight with each other over petty things like most kids did. Jaemin was so responsible to be his age, Xiaojun was a small fluffy thing full of happiness and Jisung was so calm.

They spent the afternoons playing whatever game they wanted, Ten helped them with their homeworks and put them to sleep. The best part was cooking: the kids were eager to help in little things such as passing the carrots or handing Ten a bowl, eventually they got bored and went to play in the living room, leaving Ten in the kitchen. It was also fun to have some company when eating.

Now, the thing about how life can change in a week. Ten was a guy of takeaway food and street meals, although he could cook, of course. Despite that, he was a 23 years old young man who lived alone in his big department in the heart of Seoul, so his groceries consisted in instant food, soda, maybe some candies, and two or three cans of tuna. If he was in an eating healthy mood, he would buy almond milk. But now there he was, in a local supermarket buying fruits, vegetables and nuggets with Jaehyun’s dad credit card to prepare the kids’ future dinners.

Ten was kind of impressed by how much the Jungs trusted him. It wasn’t that he considered himself someone who didn’t deserve that trust, but more like they left him to take care of  the kids all evening when Jaehyun knew him for only a couple of months, the dad even gave him his card to go and buy things for the house. Yeah, something very common when it was babysitter related, but Ten had seen how protective Jaehyun and his dad could get over the kids, so it amazed Ten how easily they decided to trust him.

Since Ten needed to move the kids sometimes and get them to places, they put their special seats in his car. Jaehyun looked a bit nervous about it, asking him “wouldn’t it be a bother for you? you’d have to have those things in your car most of the time,” but Ten only stared at him and shrugged, “I can just use any other of my cars if I want to go somewhere without the kids and the seats.”

By the time Ten arrived to the Jung’s place, Jaehyun had already prepared the kitchen. That day Ten had a lot of things planned, but then Jaehyun’s shoot was cancelled and he went home early. The kids were already excited about the activities Ten told them about, so they didn’t want him to leave. At the end, they decided to go ahead with Ten’s idea but now with Jaehyun added in the mix.

First, nevertheless, was the time to eat.

“Ah, the traffic was so light today,” Ten sighed, relieved, leaving the groceries bags on the table. Jaehyun peaked curiously at the contents.

“Yeah, it didn’t take you much time to come back here.”

Ten’s cell phone rang, but he ignored it even when it was in the kitchen counter and a big “Sorn” could be seen as the person who was calling him. Jaehyun didn’t comment and continued doing his thing, hearing how Ten complained about how people walked so slowly when they were at the supermarket, “I’m not asking them to run, of course,” he said while peeling an apple, “but dear God, can they fucking walk like decent adults and not like, I don’t know, babies who learned how to walk yesterday?”

“Jaehyun, Ten!” Jaemin yelled while running into the kitchen, big smile on his face and followed by his two younger brothers, “we have a question.”

“What is it, kid? Big brother Ten will answer all of your questions,” Ten assured, proudly.

“When will we meet our soulmates?”

“Big brother Ten will allow big brother Jaehyun to answer that.”

Jaehyun sighed, amused, before drying his hands with a towel and walking where the three pairs of eyes looked up at him with excitement.

“Well, you’re all too young to hear your respective soulmates, so you won’t know anything about them for some years. Maybe when you’re 15? I’m not sure, but I can tell you that is way too soon for you,” he replied, smiling softly at how Xiaojun huffed, not convinced by his answer.

“But I want to know them now,” Jisung muttered, disappointed. “In the movies people always say having a soulmate is so cool.”

“It depends on the person,” Jaehyun told him. “For some having a soulmate is not that great.”

“Do you like having a soulmate?” Jaemin inquired.

“Yeah, I do. It’s fun to hear him when he’s angry,” he chuckled.

Before saying more, the kids nodded and just how they entered the kitchen, they were going out of it, eager to play in the hall.

“You’re that kind of person, huh?” Ten asked, distractedly. Jaehyun walked to him and took an apple to help with the fruit salad.

“What kind of person?”

“The soulmate-bond-lover kind of person.”

Ten didn’t look at his direction, too busy with the fruits he clearly hated but he loved to feed the kids with, and for a weird and short second, Jaehyun forgot what was he doing, lost in how pretty Ten looked while being focused on something, quiet and with the light coming from the window direct at him.

“I like the idea of having a soulmate, and except for when I have a headache, I actually enjoy hearing him,” Jaehyun shrugged.

“Are you searching for him?”

“No, I think it’s better if I keep  things like they are now; if I find him I would have to ask him to wait a bit until the kids are older and don’t depend completely on me and my dad. I barely have time for me with work and the children and… maybe right now it’s not the best time for a relationship, not even with my soulmate.”

Nodding, Ten was about to comment on the matter, but the sound of the kids arguing and fighting in the living room distracted them. Jaehyun excused himself and went to see what was happening. Ten thought the soulmates theme was over, but then at night, when the kids had to go to bed, Jaehyun asked about that:

“So, if I’m a soulmate-bond-lover, what are you?”

He was talking in a low tone, trying not to wake up the kids, but once the two of them were back in the living room, they talked normally again.

“I think soulmates are bullshit so you tell me,” Ten scoffed.

"Why do you think that?" Jaehyun asked, curious. "Is your soulmate that annoying?"

Ten chuckled, sitting on the couch. The living room was barely lighted by the lamp in a corner. Jaehyun sat down beside Ten.

"No, he isn't. I just— I don't know, it's my perspective of the matter; I haven't seen a single soulmate couple that hasn't ended badly."

Jaehyun had, however, seen couples of soulmates that didn’t end in a bad way. He had seen them just not end, and continue to love each other for many years. Maybe it really was about the perspective; Jaehyun continuously had a good image about soulmates, and Ten didn't. He wanted to tell him about that, he wanted to reassure him, but he couldn’t because the front door was opening and his father entered the house, greeting Ten and Jaehyun in a cheerful manner.

…

Sometimes, Ten was sure life hated him. Oh, he was so sure life took him as its personal clown and joke. But did he blame it? Of course not, he knew better than anyone he was ridiculous. Like, that time he told Jaehyun soulmates are bullshit? Peak ridiculous endeavor, not because he didn’t think that, because he did, but because he really said that to Jaehyun’s face as if it wasn’t a big deal. Back then, it wasn’t a big deal.

It started with short and random words. Jaehyun would approach him and ask “what does this word mean?”, something in thai, most of the time an insult. Ten didn’t think much about it, translating the word and seeing Jaehyun nod and smile, all dimples and beauty. He looked so happy to have gathered that piece of information Ten helped him with.

Then, the words became full sentences, which Ten didn’t have a problem with either. “What the actual fuck, that is fucking disgusting, I fucking hate this place, I want to go back home right now,” he said, monoutusly, making Jaehyun laugh, “he sounds quite mad.” Ten also laughed and went to help Jisung with his homework. While at it, he realized something, choking with his own spit; the phrase Jaehyun had asked him to translate was the same Ten had thought the day before while he was attending a boring company meeting Sorn dragged him to.

Jisung looked at him with big, worried eyes.

“Ten?”

“I’m fine,” he blurted, in a rough voice. “Let’s just keep reading this, okay?"

He wasn’t fine. Ten looked in Jaehyun’s direction, and saw him in a new light. A brighter light.

He got to know Jaehyun better, in a deeper way. He met his family and heard him talk for hours in a hushed voice during the late night. Ten got to see him the happiest when he was with his family, and the saddest when the responsibilities drowned him. Ten heard him sing in the car and giggle when he told him a bad joke.

Ten told Jaehyun soulmates were bullshit, but seeing him there, playing with the kids in that lazy afternoon, after all those weeks working together to take care of the children, Ten realized that maybe, even if soulmates weren’t something he was super fond of, they weren’t as bad as he used to think.

What a joke of life how Ten told his soulmate he didn’t believe in soulmates.

…

The Jung family had gone to the trash the moment Jaehyun told his parents the voice of his soulmate was the one of a man.

When you’re young and used to always having your family by your side, you never think that’s something that could change. He knew his mother wasn’t someone who accepted things “out of the normal” but hey, he was her son, she would definitely make an exception, right?

Thinking it well now, he couldn’t find a single reason of why he thought that was a good moment to basically come out; his parents were having troubles since Jisung’s birth two years before and his mother was back to drink a worrying amount of alcohol.

They were eating dinner, Jaehyun had said “today my soulmate sounded pretty mad. I think he has problems with his siblings, but I’m not sure”, and then things started to get thrown. His mother had yelled things Jaehyun prefered to pretend he didn’t remember and his father had also shouted, defending his son. Soon the kids started to cry and the discussion wasn’t about Jaehyun anymore. A confused and hurt Jaehyun took the children out of the dinning room and next thing he knew, his mother was gone.

It wasn’t his fault. His father told him it wasn’t, as his friends and therapist did, and everyone always told him it wasn’t his fault. He knew it wasn’t but God it felt as if it was; maybe if he hadn’t said that his mother wouldn’t have gone mad and his parents would have talked. Maybe a divorce was inevitable but at least it could have been done in a pacific way, not like a war of who hurts the other the most. Maybe his mother would have had a bit more of control over her impulses and addictions and the judge would have allowed the kids to see her often.

Maybe if he had answered how his mother wanted when she told him “just forget about that soulmate of yours and live a decent life, Jaehyun. I don’t ask you to marry the prettiest girl out there, live alone for all that matters, just don’t spend your life with… with a man,” everything would have been different now, but he had to look at her dead in the eye and said “maybe I won’t meet him. Maybe I will live alone all my life, but I won’t live pretending, ignoring that part of me only for you to be… What? Happy? Content? Maybe I will die without someone I have loved by my side, but I won’t die with a life of fakeness behind me.”

Was it worth it, though?

…

For a while, Ten wondered why he always heard Jaehyun’s thoughts when it was about his mother. What made him feel curious wasn’t the fact that he clearly had a bad relationship with his mother, but rather how Jaehyun managed not to get mad over anything other than that.

Jaehyun never said anything about her, nor good or bad things. His father didn’t talk about her either. Ten only knew a few things the kids told him sometimes, and he knew how she looked like thanks to a picture Xiaojun had of the twins and her. She was the mother of those three wonderful kids, so she couldn’t be that bad even if Jaehyun kinda hated her, right?

He wasn’t expecting anyone at that time of the night. Seung, the Jung’s dad, called and told him he would be coming home pretty late. Jae also told him he would be staying at the company’s building for a long time for more photoshoots, so Ten put the kids to sleep and waited.

It wasn’t that late actually, barely 9 pm, and his siblings were spamming his cell phone with calls and messages about how they would be spending some weeks before Christmas in Seoul and they wanted to see him and such. Ten just ignored them and threatened with blocking their phone numbers. He was reading a book about art when the doorbell sounded. It wasn’t late but it wasn’t a normal time for visits, so he doubted for a moment before going to open the door.

A total beauty was what he found, a beauty who reeked to alcohol. Pretty and delicate features, thin nose and fine cheekbones, long caramel hair and endless legs. She was so beautiful that even the dark circles under her eyes and the sprinkles in her forehead seemed to disappear. The tone of her skin didn’t look healthy, and her gaze was full of judgment, her mouth pursed in a disgusted pout. Her attitude was hostile and the artificial red in her lips only worsened it for some reason, as if the color was accentuating her bad mood. She clicked her tongue, putting her hand on her hip.

Jaehyun’s mother was scary.

“Hello,” he greeted, smiling politely.

“Mm. Are you the new babysitter or what?” she asked, uninterested.

“Yeah, I’m Ten, by the way. Are you here to see the kids? They are already sleepi—”

She didn’t say anything— she didn’t have to, her expression was enough to make Ten stop himself; she looked at him as if he was crazy, as if what he said was almost disgusting. As if she couldn’t believe he would suggest something like a night visit to her children.

“I’m here to see Jaehyun, is he here?”

“No.”

“Tell him I want money when he comes back. It’s the least I can get in exchange for taking care of the kids all those weeks ago while he was wasting time,” she sighed. “But, you know, he doesn’t have much money and his father is useless. I wonder how does he manage to pay you.”

It was how she said that last sentence what left Ten speechless; was this woman really insinuating something like that? To a complete stranger? She was shit talking about her own son with someone she didn’t know until like five minutes before, at the door of the person she was talking about. Even if she was drunk, Ten was having a hard time understanding the situation.

“What the hell? What are you insinuating? No—”

“Too dumb for you? Too ugly, that Jaehyun?” she asked, feigning comprehension. “Have a very nice night, Ten.”

Saying no more, she walked away from the department, in direction of the elevator. Ten stood there, trying to process what just happened, and looked in the direction of where the woman walked to, only to find Jaehyun with the gaze low in the middle of the hallway. Almost as if sensing Ten’s eyes, he looked directly to him, trying to gather enough energy to sketch out a smile, but his lips trembled and he ended up sighing.

“I’m tired,” Jaehyun whispered. In the heavy silence of the empty hallway, his voice resounded as a loud thump. “It’s been hard.”

Ten understood that Jaehyun wasn’t referring to his photoshoot or the tiredness a full working day left behind.

…

Ten wasn’t the kind of person who was good with emotions. Or that was what Jaehyun used to think.

Being that Ten was known in the company, people talked about him, good things usually. However, he had heard some trainees saying how Ten was an emotionless person, someone who didn’t react to other’s feelings. Jaehyun thought it could be true, but he also thought it could be a lie; he couldn’t know since he didn’t know Ten deeply.

When they started to talk more, he realized Ten was, in fact, bad with feelings. The surprise was that he was bad with feelings, yeah, but only when they were his.

Jaehyun heard him talk about how worried he was for Donghyuck, the youngest idol in the company, wishing for him not to be affected by the harsh industry. He was sincerely concerned, almost sad, and Jaehyun saw a lot of emotion and empathy in his eyes. After that, maybe three days after, Ten was comforting Jaemin, who had a bad dream during his afternoon nap. The voice he talked to the boy with, the tenderness in his eyes and the delicacy he used to caress his cheeks felt as a punch in the face to Jaehyun, who didn’t take the rumors seriously but had to admit he tended to believe Ten was emotionless.

Some days after the night Ten talked with his mother, Jaehyun was still feeling a bit… Sad? Bitter? Annoyed? He couldn’t understand his own feelings, but it seemed as if Ten did.

They were on their way back home after a sudden trip to the supermarket. His father arrived early and the kids insisted on having hot dogs for dinner, but they didn’t have the ingredients. Jaehyun suggested going to the supermarket a few streets down and now Ten and him walked side by side, the two of them with a bag each. Jaehyun was sure he was acting as he always did, not wanting to worry the kids or his father, he didn’t even think Ten would notice, but he gave him surprises all the time:

“I stopped talking with all my family members except Sorn five years ago when I moved to China,” Ten started, calm and without losing his sight of the street ahead of him. “Actually, I also stopped to talk to her, but the difference was that she searched for me and made me talk with her again,” he laughed. “Whatever, the thing is, I never liked big business and busy industries, which is unacceptable in the family I come from. Just like in those dramas, you know. I was the art kid in an important family full of serious and boring business people. I didn’t want anything and still received one of the richest brands of the family company. Then I told them I was gay and they hated it, they hated me. I never was close to any of them, not even my mom or dad, but it still hurt. I was maybe twelve years old when I told them.”

Jaehyun felt privileged because Ten decided to share that piece of his life with him, but he didn’t know what to say or how to react. However, Ten didn’t seem as if he wanted Jaehyun to say anything yet.

“My mom sent me to the United States to study abroad for a while, and then I was sent to Canada. I’m grateful with her, though. I think that is the nicest thing she could have ever done for me; if I stayed in Thailand, my siblings would have bullied the shit out of me, and my dad… I don’t know what my dad would have done. The same for my uncles and grandparents, even my aunts and cousins hated me, and it had nothing to do with them. My mom didn’t wait and the first thing I did the next day was boarding an airplane.”

A car passed by them and illuminated the street a bit more. Jaehyun looked at Ten for a second, and Ten looked back at him, giving him a little smile before looking to the front once more.

“I moved to China on my own when I was eighteen and started college. One day Sorn was at my dorm’s door saying she wouldn’t go away until we were on good terms again. She never was a problem, she defended me and was a good sister. Anyway, we got closer, things seemed to be better but then one of my aunts died and she left everything to me, I still don’t know why. Maybe just to annoy everyone else in the family, since they didn’t want me close and she loved to be a nuisance so yeah. I already had the richest brand since way before I came out and suddenly I also owned the other biggest brand. I was as rich as my grandpa, and that’s saying something. My siblings and everyone had no other option but to let me take part of the decisions and… What I want to say is, I talked with my other siblings again, after like, eight years of not knowing anything about them. They have kids I haven’t meet and partners I have never seen. I don’t know how is my mom doing and my dad is fine according to Sorn,” he sighed, blinking a few times, action that made Jaehyun realize that even if he was acting like it didn’t matter, it did. It mattered to Ten. “But it is mostly because I don’t want to know, Jaehyun. I tried to talk with them a lot of times, only to be ignored or right away insulted. They didn’t want me, but I had time to think and it took me a while, it costed me tears and it hurt but I understood that if they didn’t want me, then I didn’t want them either.”

If they didn’t want me, then I didn’t want them either. Jaehyun could say it was easier said than done, but that would be rude; he could see how even till the date, years after that, it wasn’t easy for Ten yet. He was letting Jaehyun know a deep and fragile part of him because he thought it could help him. Ten didn’t know about what made his relationship with his mother the way it was, but he could tell it was something alike to what separated him from his family.

Ten was there when Jaehyun’s mother said those rude words, when she talked about him as if he was useless, ugly, worth of nothing. It wasn’t even the words she said, it was the attitude, the voice she used. It was how Jaehyun’s eyes lost their usual happiness, and Ten was desperate to stop that from happening again.

They didn’t say more, the apartment complex right in front of them. They took the elevator and it was when Ten was entering the code for the door when Jaehyun talked again:

“Thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me.”

“It was nothing,” Ten chuckled. “We all have sob stories, and what are we supposed to with them if not sharing?”

…

Jaehyun found out Ten was his soulmate in the middle of an eight am lecture.

He was thinking about how cool Ten was in general and how cute his eyes were when an annoyed “Oh gosh. Oh God, oh no. Here we go again” sounded in his mind. He almost laughed out loud, wondering if it was about the parking lot again, but it was still too early for that. 

Lately, thanks to having Ten’s help for translating, Jaehyun could understand his soulmate’s angry thoughts more. The voice sounded familiar. He had never thought much about his soulmate’s voice because before you know who your soulmate is, the voice sounds a bit like it was underwater, not quite right in the exact voice tone. That, until you discover who your soulmate is, because then the voice becomes clear and you can even choose if you want to listen to all the thoughts and not only to the angry ones.

The more he heard the angry thoughts about stupid noise that early, the more he realized the expressions, the words his soulmate used, were the same as Ten’s.

He felt like he could choke on his own spit when the voice became nitid, so, so clear as if he had his soulmate right in front of him telling Jaehyun how he “would fucking sue the stupid neighbors.”

It was Ten.

Ten who told him soulmates were bullshit. To whom Jaehyun told he didn’t want a relationship at the moment. Ten who didn’t believe in soulmates, the one Jaehyun couldn’t convince otherwise.

When he went to Ten in the parking lot, hours after his discover, Jaehyun stared directly into Ten’s eyes without saying anything. Ten tilted his head a bit to the left, confused with Jae’s behaviour.

“How was your day at school?” Ten asked, shrugging.

Jaehyun smiled brightly, but Ten noticed how his smile was a bit tight on the corners.

“It was the same as always.”

…

Surprisingly, things didn’t change.

When Jaehyun discovered Ten was his soulmate, he was feeling antsy and a bit lost, without knowing how to act. Ten noticed it and asked him if everything was fine around eight pm after Jaehyun jerked away from Ten’s touch for the millionth time.

Ten looked at him trying not to show he was hurt and in a joking way he asked Jaehyun “What? Do I disgust you or why do you keep reacting like that?” Jaehyun, a bit in panic, blurted out something dumb and ridiculous about his skin being sensitive thanks to the sun and proceeded to act in a normal way. After that, he realized nothing had actually changed. Ten didn’t know so he didn’t treat Jaehyun differently and Jaehyun didn’t feel suddenly in love.

It was easier, however, to know when Ten needed people to stop getting on his nerves any more or just a hug. If it was siblings related? A hug, a big and tight hug. If it was about his noisy neighbors or the parking lot? Maybe a beer when the children went to sleep.

“Are you going to see me?” Xiaojun asked Ten, excited.

Xiaojun was selected as the main character of a play his school was organizing during mid january, and now, early december, Ten was helping him to practice.

“Of course I will!” Ten answered. “You won’t even notice more people is there because I will be cheering for you so loud.”

“It’s a theater, Ten, not a soccer game,” Xiaojun giggled. Ten looked at him with fondness.

“Doesn’t matter. I will be there.”

Nothing changed, and maybe it was what surprised Jaehyun the most: that thing he felt every time he looked in Ten’s direction was the same as before.

…

They went to a park a bit away from the Jungs’ apartment and it was all fun and laughter until it started to rain.

It was one of those days where the kids were bored inside, so when Jaehyun arrived home around five pm, they went out in Ten’s car and ended up in a park that had a lot of things for the kids to do, but that wasn’t exactly close to their apartment.

Ten and Jaehyun played with them and eventually let them to go and make some friends or play by themselves, sitting on a bench.

“My mom called me,” Jaehyun commented, gaining Ten’s attention. “I think she was drunk because she was harsher than usual.”

One of those days Jaehyun told Ten the story about how his family ended up like that and since then it was natural and normal for both of them to talk with the other about their respective families and problems. Sometimes Jaehyun wanted advice, sometimes he just wanted someone to hold his hand and let him talk. Ten always seemed to know what was what Jaehyun needed, because then he just held Jae’s hand in his and said nothing.

Even when he was in silence and listening to his ranting, Jaehyun could tell what he was thinking because he told him the same so many times he already memorized it: “please don’t feel sad for someone who doesn’t deserve you. If she doesn’t want you, there’s no reason for you to cry for her,” overall, Jaehyun appreciated how Ten understood it would take him time. He wouldn’t stop feeling like this quickly only because it was a dumb reason, and Ten didn’t judge him or expected him to do it.

In silence, they held hands, watching the kids play. Four second later, a thunder sounded and then it was raining. By the time they reached the car, the five of them were soaked.

“My apartment is closer than yours,” Ten told Jaehyun. “Let’s go there to get dry and have dinner, then we can head to your place. Maybe the rain will stop by then.”

Ten’s apartment was, of course, everything you would expect from a single young college boy about to graduate and who had at least fifteen zeros in his bank account. The kids were distracted by Ten’s robot that cleaned and Jaehyun was in love with how big his kitchen was.

They made the kids have a shower and get warm, Jaehyun and Ten also took a shower. Jaehyun, with the hair still a bit damp, watched amused the kids while they ran around in those shirts that belonged to Ten but that they had to wear since their clothes were still wet and Ten didn’t have any tiny clothes that fitted their size.

The doorbell sounded and Ten, who was in his closet room, asked Jaehyun to go and open, that he would be going soon. Jae did as told and went to the door, only to find two men and a woman, all of them staring back with something akin to surprise.

“Hello,” he greeted, after realizing the strangers were too busy looking at him to talk.

“Oh. Oh, yeah, hello,” the woman bowed slightly. “Does Ten live here? Last time we checked he did.”

“We’re his siblings,” one of the men said. “Chira,” he signaled to the woman. “Bin,” the other man. “and me, Siam.”

“I’m Jaehyun,” he also presented himself, awkward. He didn’t know what to do. Call Ten? Tell them to wait?

Bin nodded solemnly, “the boyfriend,” he said.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Ten appeared, asking angrily once he was next to Jaehyun, who was still processing the “boyfriend” comment.

“We tried to call you but you didn’t answer,” Bin explained. “So we came to tell you we want to talk with you.”

Ten scoffed, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

“And I want you to leave me the fuck alone.”

Even if he was harsh with his words, his siblings didn’t seem discouraged, at most they looked… sad.

Jaehyun knew about the story of Ten and his family, the story he had with his siblings, and maybe it was because he didn’t have his personal feelings and interests attached to the issue but he could see how honest the emotions of Ten’s siblings were at that moment. They were utterly devastated, listening to their youngest brother talk to them like that, seeing him this mad.

“Ten—”

“No.”

“We’re sorry, Ten—”

“I said no.”

And they were alone once again, with Ten leaving hurriedly.

The siblings sighed, frustrated but overall dejected. Jaehyun heard Ten think “they even came to my house, what is wrong with them? I don’t want to see them”, and to be honest, he didn’t know what should he do next.

“Tell him we said we’re sorry, please,” Chira asked Jaehyun, with a soft voice. “We’re staying at grandma’s mansion here in Seoul, so if he ever wants to talk he can drop by at any moment.”

“We’ll be here for one more week,” Siam added.

“Keep taking good care of him,” Bin requested, and then they left.

Jaehyun closed the door and took a deep breath, walking back to Ten’s bedroom and found him lying in bed with the kids seating by his feet while watching a Disney movie. He nodded when Jisung pointed at the TV the moment he entered the room and signaled for him to go back to paying attention. Jaehyun went to Ten and hugged him delicately from the side, feeling more than hearing how he took a shaking breath and put his hand in Jae’s arm that circled his waist.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Ten whispered.

“I’m sorry it got to the point you react like that,” he whispered back. “But I think those three are sorry the most.”

“Jae, please don’t.”

Ten rolled to his side and then he was facing Jaehyun, who had the softest stare directed at him. Ten felt his heart do a weird thing and he decided it was enough staring deeply into each other’s eyes so he snuggled in Jae’s chest and relaxed, feeling how the other hugged him tighter.

That was a bad moment because he wasn’t expecting them to go to his home, and even more when he had the kids and Jaehyun in there. Of course, his siblings didn’t know it at the moment, but they appearing unannounced made him feel antsy, out of place, scared. More than eight years since he last saw them in person and when it happened bad things followed, so he was sure he had the right to be surprised, not to want to hear apologies he didn’t know if were sincere.

“I won’t tell you what to do,” Jaehyun told him, still with a soft, almost inaudible voice. He had his chin in Ten’s hair, his arms around the other and his gaze fixed in on a specific point of the wall. “But I will tell you something you need to be reminded of: sometimes, to heal you need to forget, and sometimes, you need to forgive. Sometimes you need to let go, Ten. That’s something I recently learnt, and that I’m trying to do.”

“How do I do that?” he asked, his voice a bit unclear with his face in Jae’s chest. “How do I forgive and let go and forget?”

“You can start listening to what they have to say,” he chuckled when he heard Ten groan. “They will be at your grandma’s mansion for one more week.”

It wasn’t his intention to listen to Ten’s thoughts. He couldn’t control the angry thoughts and sometimes he lost control over the other thoughts as well and his mind was suddenly filled with the sound of Ten’s voice speaking whatever he was thinking. This time, it was an “I’m so lucky to have you” that made Jaehyun have goosebumps. Also, it was in korean, proving that Ten had thoughts in all the languages he could talk.

Jaehyun kissed Ten’s forehead, and he asked himself if what he was feeling was what people called love.

…

"Oh, my dad sent me a message," Jaehyun exclaimed. "He said he got out of work early and he's taking the kids out to buy them clothes."

They were already on their way to pick the kids up from their daycare center, with some random activities planned for the day. Jaehyun didn't have a photoshoot that evening and Ten, well, Ten always had the same plan everyday: watching over the kids.

Jaehyun's dad was getting out of work early because in his office there was a contest to win a promotion, the one with the best project would win, but Jung Seung had his project done and ready to be presented, so in the time his boss gave him to go home early and supposedly work on the project, he just played with the kids and spent his time with his family and Ten.

Ten was a part of the family, actually. It had been two months and a half since he first started to babysit the kids almost everyday, so it was kind of normal to consider him an essential part of the Jung household.

Ten was something constant and calm in their lives. He was always there, in a pacific and soothing way, making food, playing games, kissing bruises, whispering sweet nothings, cleaning, supporting, loving and accepting and he became a part of them, a part of the family.

"Do you want to go to my house and get drunk?" Ten offered, making Jaehyun laugh at how random that comment was.

"It's Thursday, Ten."

"So what? You don't even have classes tomorrow."

"But you told me you have an early meeting with your siblings tomorrow."

"I can skip it."

"Yes you can but I won't let you. C'mon, it’s not even an in real life meeting, it’s a video call.”

Ten accepted to video call his siblings even if he was hungover out of his mind, so Jaehyun accepted to go and drink in his apartment. He sent a message to his dad and let him know he wouldn’t go back home that night. They made a quick stop in a convenience store to get something to eat and soon they were in Ten’s kitchen trying to imitate a receipt of spicy chicken Jaehyun saw on instagram.

Soft indie music was playing while they ate and eventually they went to see a movie while drinking beer and a worrisome amount of wine that shouldn’t go fine with the cheap beer, but the chips they were eating made everything better.

Jaehyun was being delusional, he was sure, because it wasn’t, in any form or kind, a domestic moment. But God it felt like it was. Ten was giggling and his cheeks were red, Snow White was being dumb and accepting an apple from a stranger in the TV and Jaehyun wanted to kiss Ten. The lips of the other man were a bit wet with wine, the light was dim, the distance between them was almost nonexistent,  the ambient was warm and Ten, beautiful.

He took a shaking breath and inclined, connecting his lips with Ten’s. They didn’t move, the movie kept playing and the time running, and it was the greatest moment in Jaehyun’s life, he was also sure of that.

“You kissed me,” Ten gaped.

“I kissed you.”

“Do it again.”

…

I want you more 

Even if this reality is heavy and rough 

I love you. I love you with all my heart 

Share your wounds with me 

I’m running to you now 

Because I want you every moment of my life

“I’m in love with Ten.”

Sicheng and Johnny looked at him. Jaehyun was conscious they probably knew it even before him. Hell, those knew Jaehyun better than Jaehyun himself, he wouldn’t be surprised if they already knew they were soulmates.

“What made you realize it?” Johnny asked, with a little happy smile.

He could have said something about his eyes, that were cute. Something about the smile, that was as radiant as the sun. Something about the personality, that made Jaehyun’s days better. All those things and more made him fall in love, and also realize his feelings, but the thing that had most impact was that one day when his mother called and he just hung up the call, he found himself asking the same question of always, but now with a different answer: Was it worth it, though?

My fucking God, Jaehyun thought, it was totally worth it.

“Stopping to blame myself and realizing Ten helped me with it was, at the same time, the thing that made me realize I love him.”

…

The fear of what's to come

Has been crippling me

So to your silhouette

I turn once more

Ten gulped. His pants were wrinkle-free and his shirt as white as the snow. He brushed his teeth at least two times and his hair was out of his face. To be meeting people he supposedly hated, he surely was looking as if the biggest job interview was about to happen.

He entered the coffee shop they accorded in the exact minute they said. His brothers and sisters were already there, looking nervous. Sorn smiled to him, as if comforting him, telling him everything would be fine now that he was there.

What remained of his broken relationship with his family would end there or would bloom. He didn’t allow himself to hope, but deep in his heart, he wished everything went as fine as Sorn’s gentle look suggested.

Ten walked to them and took a seat.

“Hey, how are y’all doing?”

In another part of Seoul, Jaehyun was also confronting his biggest fear.

He wasn’t reuniting with his mom in a cozy coffee shop and he wasn’t calling her either. Jaehyun was writing a letter, a letter he would never send, but that would help him heal and that started like this: Hey, mom, I want to thank you and forgive you, but first let me start from the beginning…

…

The time when you and I had a daily

Extreme happiness

All the time we are the same

I am with you

The day Jaehyun decided to confess his love was the same day Ten announced he would be leaving to go to Thailand for an indefinite amount of time.

“My grandpa is really sick and he will die soon,” was what Ten explained. “Everyone has to be there to read his will as soon as it happens. It’s something important since a big part of Thailand’s economy depends on what my family does. Even though we know his death will be soon, we don’t know how soon, and after that things might get ugly in the family so I don’t know how much time I will be there. I don’t even know if I will be able to pick up the phone”

Jaehyun nodded. They were taking a walk in the park. It was the weekend so Jaehyun’s dad was with the kids, and like they had been doing for the last couple of weeks, Ten and Jaehyun spent every second of their free time together.

“Good luck,” Jaehyun chuckled. “I hope everything goes well.”

“Me too.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Two days. They told me just yesterday, sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, you fool. It’s okay, you’re rich and important, I understand.”

Ten laughed, and it sounded a little pained.

“You had something to tell me?”

“Oh, yeah. My dad got the promotion he wanted at his job.”

“Oh my God, that’s amazing!” Ten exclaimed, sincerely happy. “I have to congratulate him. No, no, I will cook him dinner.”

“You don’t have to, you know it.”

“Shut up, Jaehyun! We have to celebrate, he did a good job and got what he wanted, so yes I will cook him a big dinner.”

“I hope you’re back soon,” Jaehyun thought, once he was in front of his apartment complex and seeing Ten walk to his car. “I will miss you like crazy.”

Ten stopped for only one second before continuing to walk to his car, but before he entered it, he looked in Jaehyun’s direction and winked.

“I will miss you too, Jaehyun.”

…

“Thank you so much, Ten, it was delicious,” Seung said, grateful for the feast Ten cooked.

“It was nothing,” Ten giggled, delighted to receive all those good comments about the things he presented for dinner.

The next day he would be leaving early in the morning, so he spent his last day in Korea with the kids and Jaehyun. They went to as many parks as they could, they had ice cream for breakfast and a buffet of pizza for lunch. When they went back to the apartment, while Jaehyun put Jisung to sleep, Ten helped Xiaojun to practice one last time, under the sleepy stare of Jaemin.

“You’re the best, thank you for practicing with me,” Xiaojun hugged Ten, whose gaze got even softer and with an endless tenderness.

“I had a lot of fun, you little actor. Go and show them who the best Prince Charming is.”

“When will you be back, Ten?” Jaemin asked.

“Oh. I’m not sure, kids. It might take a while.”

“One week?” Xiaojun tried.

“Two weeks?” tried now Jaemin.

Ten smiled tightly, caressing Xiaojun’s hair.

“Maybe, maybe not. Don’t think about it, okay? I’ll be back when I’m back, it’s that simple. Now, go wash your hands.”

They played with the twins for some more minutes until Jaemin started to complain to get a nap and Xiaojun accompanied his brother to bed, leaving Ten and Jaehyun alone in Jaehyun’s room.

“Hey, I’m sorry I told you so suddenly, you didn’t have time to look for another babysitter,” Ten said.

“It’s whatever, we’re almost on winter break anyway,” Jaehyun shrugged. “You’re not just the babysitter, you became a part of the family, and— your hand is distracting me. Stop.”

Ten smirked and didn’t take his hand away from Jaehyun's tigh.

“Last time we were drunk,” he said, batting his eyelashes.

“My brothers are in the next room,” Jaehyun deadpanned.

“Let’s be quiet, then,” and he was kissing Jaehyun with eagerness.

…

Let's separate like yesterday

Like we will see each other tomorrow

“What the hell were we doing?” Jaehyun asked himself one night, looking at the ceiling of his room.

It was almost New Year and Ten had been gone for about two weeks. Remembering how the last days they passed the time making out and then having sex made Jaehyun wonder what were they thinking, or why did they do that. Were they fuckbudies? But it lasted three days, did it count?

Why did he even accept when he knew that kind of physical closeness would only make things worse once Ten left?

“We were fucking and having a great time,” Ten’s voice said, in his mind.

“Oh, so you don’t even send a message for two weeks and suddenly decide to have a conversation in the middle of the night through our bond?” Jaehyun half joked.

“Yeah, but hey, guess who’s the richest man alive? Me.That’s right, my grandpa left everything to me,” Ten celebrated, but he didn’t sound very pleased.

“To be that rich you sound quite bitter.”

“Being this rich means I have to stay in Thailand for more or less, the rest of my life. Here is where everything important to the family business is located. Maybe I will go to USA but that’s it. Besides, things are crazy in the family right now.”

Jaehyun took his time to process, nodding once even though Ten couldn’t see him.

“I love you.”

He could imagine Ten’s soft expression.

“I know, babe.”

“And you love me.”

“I do.”

“But you will probably never come back to Korea.”

“Not for more than two weeks, no.”

“And I have my entire life here, I have the kids and my dad and friends and—”

“I would never ask you to leave that for me,” Ten hurried. “I’m your soulmate, not your life. Not something you should change your plans for.”

“I know,” Jaehyun thought, quietly. It wasn’t time to question how the fuck could they manage to hear the tone the other was thinking with.

"Maybe not now. Maybe when the kids get older."

"And when the things with your family are calm."

"Then, I will love to have you in my life again."

Jaehyun blinked, feeling suddenly emotional. It wasn’t a goodbye, they still had the connection and it wasn’t as if Ten would never use his phone ever again. It was fine, really.

So why was he crying silently?

EPILOGUE

I’m running to you now

Because I want you every moment of my life

Xiaojun was born to be on the stage.

It was mid june and since his first play on january, he didn’t do anything but improve, and now every now and then, the Jungs would find themselves sitting in a theater or auditorium to see the youngest twin act, sing or dance.

That particular time it was a play organized by the school. Jaemin and Jisung had been eager to see his brother, and even though they weren’t plays of more than forty minutes, the kids barely contained themselves before wanting to move around, bored. During one quick break, their father took them to the bathroom, but Jaehyun decided to stay.

With time, his father got more promotions and now he was the second just after the general boss in his office. With the money he got they hired a babysitter, but she wasn’t needed that much since now that his father had a better job, Jaehyun didn’t need to work in the college’s library or at random convenience stores, and could take his modeling career less seriously. He had much more free time, the kids depending still on him but more on their dad, who was also less occupied than before, with a schedule that could change according to what he wanted.

Jaehyun loved the children, but he also loved not having to work or worry every second of the day.

He felt someone sitting beside him, where no one was. Xiaojun always told them to stay close to the corners because he could see them better there.

“I’m still mad with myself for not coming to his first play, even though I promised I would attend, but hey, you really can’t imagine how’s the traffic in the United States. I thought here was awful, but I think is worse in that side of the world,” the person next to him said.

Jaehyun felt how his breath got stuck on his throat. He reminded himself to inhale and exhale, and when he thought he was as calm as he could be, he looked to his side.

His hair was a bit longer, but it suited him better. His skin was a tone darker and his teeth seemed to be whiter. His smile was the same as six months before and the happiness his eyes showed seemed to be more genuine than ever.

Ten was looking gorgeous, but when didn’t he?

“I heard you. You really get mad often, but parking lots and traffic is a sensitive topic, right?” Jaehyun asked, trying to sound as if nothing. Ten’s light laugh was making his task harder.

“I wish people stopped to get on my nerves.”

“Gosh, me too.”

They looked at each other for a while. Not that long, because the break wasn’t over and his family wasn’t back from the bathroom.

The time was still running and the world kept rolling. The people around them stood up and sat down, they talked and messaged. Everything was the same, but Jaehyun and Ten knew things were different for them now.

“Is now a good moment?” Ten asked, without bothering to hide the fear he had for a negative answer.

“I think… I think now is the perfect moment.”

Jaehyun smiled, seeing Ten’s expression brighten up, and they couldn’t contain their laughter.

It was, without a doubt, worth it.