Work Text:
Kara sat silently in her training room, cross-legged in the middle of the room surrounded by the concrete rubble she had taken her emotion out on a mere hour earlier. The moment she had landed at the DEO, tears in her eyes and a barely choked out explanation to her sister she had fought to regain some semblance of control that she had lost to the depths of distraught green eyes. She had seen the anger in Alex's eyes but she had remained silent and simply placed a hand on her shoulder and with a nod of her head walked her to the training room away from prying eyes.
The moment Kara had crossed that threshold into her own little world she had let loose, emotion had ripped from her body and she had begun pounding the concrete slabs that surrounded her. Her fists had crunched against the immovable objects, she an unstoppable force of rage and heartbreak of terrifying magnitude. Her mind hadn't registered the splitting of skin or the cracking of her knuckles, it hadn't registered the fracturing of bone, so lost in her heartbreak had she been. Kryptonite lingered in her veins and it infuriated her, her eyes had watered with fresh tears and she had dropped to her knees in a cloud of dust and blood, her hands and heartbroken.
Alex had admonished her, her arms warm and protective as they held her steadfast. The smell of blood was overwhelming, it had sprayed across her suit, tarnished the House of El with her abject hopelessness in that moment. She couldn't move and Alex begged her to stand, had tried to pull her to her feet but her legs were heavy and so she stayed, crumpled amongst the ruins. Defeated. Heartbroken. Lost.
That had been nearly half an hour ago and she had remained in the middle of the room, sat in silence. Sunlamps had been placed around her broken body and their warmth was a lifeline, it refuelled her weakened cells and warmed her skin after what had felt like an eternity in a frozen Kryptonite prison. Alex had excused herself with great reluctance to spearhead the investigation that had begun the moment Kara had uttered Lena's name with a barely contained sob.
Alex had once questioned her about her feelings for the Luthor heir, had called the woman her own personal Kryptonite when Kara had vehemently denied any feelings outside of friendship. She had been lying. Alex knew though, Kara had heard her angrily berate Lena to the open air after she had exited the training room and angrily stomped away. Her hands hadn't stopped shaking as blood pooled on her thighs, stained her suit but she numbly blocked out every distraction. A white noise had been buzzing in her ears the moment her sister had left the room. Her skin had slowly begun to stitch back together but she had long since tuned out her own pain and had chosen to focus on the pain of another as her body healed.
She needed to know.
It had taken every bit of patience she had to tune her hearing to the single heartbeat she knew better than her own. The small gasp that left her lips escaped before she could swallow it down. The beat she heard was erratic, it came in waves one moment slowing before quickly picking up a frantic pace again. She heard glass shatter. Lena was in her apartment. A barely contained yell hit her ears as she heard the remnants of something hit the ground. She couldn't stop the tears that pricked at her eyes, it was all too much.
Lena was unravelling and she was the only witness to it. She hadn't known she could hurt someone so badly, so unknowingly and without meaning to. Lena was alone with her heartbreak and Kara knew that it was something she was used to, something the other woman had grown accustomed to and it angered her.
Why? Why? Why?
Kara could hear Lena slipping away, repeated angry questions were thrown into her empty apartment with a harsh whisper. The pain crept into her very bones and rooted itself within and she knew what she had to do. Finally standing she ripped her cape from her shoulders in anger, her blood-stained fingers gripping the fabric momentarily before she dropped it to the ground at her feet. She needed to get out of this suit, she needed to leave Supergirl behind and she needed to be Kara. She needed to be with Lena.
*****
Kara had walked out of the DEO to yells of confusion from her sister, she had wasted enough time and without a reply taken to the sky and headed back to National City.
She needed to do this.
Landing with a soft thud on the penthouse balcony she took in the sight before her. The sliding glass door to the balcony had been shattered, glass and debris lay strewn about and just inside the apartment sat the woman whose heart she had unwittingly broken time and again. Lena was sat silently on her couch, head in her hands and anger in her heart.
She didn't move.
Ignoring every warning, every voice telling her to stay away Kara wrung her now clean hands together softly. Angry pink scars marred her skin, she was not done healing and her bones ached as they continued to repair slower without the sunlamps beating down on her. Moonlight had flooded the apartment, a single solitary lamp illuminated Lena and cast dark shadows around the room and a breeze picked up and blew through the now exposed opening.
Kara was nervous. She smoothed her hands over her blouse, a button-up Lena had complimented her on every time she wore it. Her slacks were beige and her hair was up in a loose bun with her glasses rested on the bridge of her nose. This was the Kara Danvers that she knew Lena Luthor loved. This was the best friend. The unassuming journalist. This was who she was when she laid her blue eyes on the magnificent green. This Kara was the cause of the heartbreak beating rhythmically in the chest of the woman before her. This was the Kara Danvers who had been too afraid to tell the woman before her she loved her.
Lena didn't move. She didn't acknowledge her. Kara wasn't sure if the woman knew she was there and she considered silently taking her leave as she stood watching the methodical rise and fall of a tense back. After what felt like minutes she heard Lena's heartbeat pick up, her breathing increase ever so slightly. Lena knew she was there.
“Leave Supergirl.” Lena's fingers threaded through her hair as she spoke, she didn't turn her head to the balcony. She sounded tired, utterly broken and she shook her head lightly as she reached a hand out to the coffee table in front of her. Kara held her breath as the woman hovered her hand momentarily over a gun. Kara hadn't sensed any Kryptonite in the apartment, Lena wasn't protecting herself from Supergirl, she was prepared for someone else. It took a moment before she watched Lena opt to pick up the glass of scotch beside the weapon and take a methodical drink.
“I said leave!” Lena was up on her feet in that instant, the now empty glass thrown towards Kara where it exploded against the wall. Lena finally raised her eyes to her and she watched as darkened green eyes lightened momentarily at the sight of her.
Kara knows she isn't playing fair, dressed like this, dressed like Kara and not Supergirl. She just wanted Lena to say her name, call her Kara and not spit Supergirl at her like it's an insult. She wants her to call her Kara and understand that she is still the same person. She can't help the indignation that rises in her chest, she inhales sharply and steps over the broken glass of the sliding door and across the threshold into the apartment.
“Say my name.” Her voice is calm, it doesn't betray the hammering of her heart or the fear that courses through her. She takes another step as green eyes take her in and she expects an outburst but it never comes and a small smattering of hope blooms in her chest. Lena doesn't move, her fists clench tightly by her sides, but she doesn't react as her knuckles whiten. Kara wishes she could reach out and take her hands into her own scarred ones, soothe the skin beneath them with a gentle touch instead she repeats herself. “Say my name.”
She can feel heart constrict at the way Lena looks at her. Emotion begging to burst, unable to be hidden from ocean blue eyes that know her so well. Kara takes another step and she can see the warring dissonance in those opposing green eyes she loves so much and the subtle cheek bite that Lena seems to unconsciously do whenever deep in thought. Kara had always noticed the subtleties of Lena Luthor in her quiet moments, the bite of a lip, the crinkle of her brow, these were things she cherished and kept secreted away for herself to enjoy.
“Who am I Lena?” She asks as she takes a final step into the personal space of the dark woman, she knows she shouldn't be here. She knows everything that has transpired between the two of them only hours ago is raw and festering but she can't allow this to continue. She can't allow the woman she loves to lose herself down this path and so with a calming breath she takes the final step and wraps her arms around tight shoulders and asks the question again, “Who am I Lena?” She can't let Lena be alone.
To her surprise Lena doesn't resist, she doesn't move, she just stands there in the embrace of warm arms silently for a minute as her body remains tense and rigid. Kara can hear her heart hammering in her chest, it's relentless and she worries for the woman in her arms but it's only momentarily as something cracks and Lena brings her hands to her chest, fingers digging into the fabric of her blouse, she twists the fabric before violently shoving her in the chest, anger and hurt in her eyes as she claws at the material and shoves again and again until she chokes out a sob.
“Why Kara?”
The voice she hears is soft and broken, barely a whisper but to her Kryptonian ears it's like an anguished yell and she immediately pulls Lena tightly against her. She knows at that moment that this is exactly where she needs to be and she buries her face in dishevelled hair, she feels the fists still holding the front of her blouse clench and push weakly against her chest.
“Why Kara?”
She has no answer to the repeated whispers, she has no idea how to fix this, how to fix Lena but she knows this is a start. She is no longer Supergirl, she has broken the dissociation that the other woman had been harbouring and she knows as Kara Danvers she can begin to mend this fragile relationship. She knows she can mend this fragile too often injured heart because she loves Lena Luthor and she will fight with all her being for her very soul.